Your 5%

It was the same uncomfortable question I’d asked myself many times before, the question that inevitably makes me squirm, but must be asked:

What part of this problem is my own contribution?

A friend of mine once modeled this for me so beautifully. When wrestling through an agonizing relational issue, she bravely and honestly addressed each and every way that she knew she had personally contributed to the problem. Even though it was maybe only 5% of the whole ball of relational wax, she dealt with her planks before reaching for specks.

The Father has brought me back to that simple question time and time again. Several times, when hurts have surfaced or injustices felt, He’s gently reminded me to ask this question first:

What part of this problem is my contribution?

Maybe it’s only 5% of the issue, but that first 5% is the most important step — it leads us on the path of humility and grace, instead of the easy route of vindication and self-justification.

So I quietly voiced that question, into the air. Gently made a suggestion. It was met with such humility, receptivity, maturity. Oh, how one’s response to criticism speaks volumes about their character! What a joy it is to see people respond with a desire to grow. How often I cringe under it, but my heart’s cry is for the Father to help me humbly receive, respond, grow. If only we understand how simply accepting our 5% responsibility might work wonders in our relationships.

Here’s what I mean: Usually in a conflict, if we were to list out “our fault” and “their fault,” chances are the “their fault” list would be about 95% of the issue. That is, *ahem*, from our perspective. We contributed about 5% of the problem.  But here’s the deal: When we are honest about our 5%, and we truly repent (turn), confess (acknowledge), and humbly ask the other person for forgiveness, even just for our 5% contribution, things change.

When one person takes responsibility for 5%, and the other person takes responsibility for 5%, the next thing you know there is 100% reconciliation. It’s amazing. That first 5% is the magic. It opens the faucet for forgiveness to flow. It changes the atmosphere and quiets the strife. The battle’s over when one party quits fighting.

But oh that 5% is hard! It’s so hard to take that first step. How? How do we move that way when our emotions are screaming, “Get even! You’re right! Don’t give in! It’s their fault!”

Look, again, to Jesus, who quietly reminds us: Blessed are the peacemakers. And we remember Paul’s clear exhortation: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” In other words, Take responsibility for your 5%. And of course, we remember that infamous duo, dear Euodia and Syntyche, who couldn’t get along, and how Paul names them, asking all those around to help them agree in the Lord.

In other words, it’s all our business to ask ourselves and each other the uncomfortable question:

What part of the problem is my contribution?

If we’d just take responsibility for our own 5% contribution, amazing things might happen.

{Here’s to peace. Thanks for reading.}