Why we’re not there yet…

I opened my eyes and looked: her hands were the same. I sighed, ever so slightly:

Not there yet.

I had held hers in my own as we’d prayed. Hers were curled in tight on themselves, virtually unusable. Just another of disease’s cruelties. She once was a painter, an artist, a calligrapher. As I child I remember watching her write. Her pen swept across the page in light, looping cursive. Her nimble fingers danced.

Now they cannot hold a fork.

I had prayed that day, like I always do. Over and over. With scripture, in faith, completely convinced our God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He never once in scripture turned away a sick person, never said “no,” never wasn’t willing.

He was always willing.

That is why I am not discouraged. Because we’re not there yet. Yes, I look forward to the day when my mom will hold a fork, write, walk again. Simple, blessed luxuries. But more than anything I look forward to the story she will tell, of God’s miraculous power and provision.

But we’re not there yet. Why? I’m not sure exactly. I have hunches, here and there. I see spectacular things happening along the way. We’re learning to trust, persevere, keep praying. We’re learning resolve, learning joy in the midst of pain. My parents shine. Their faith is growing.

I’m beginning to believe that healing always happens from the inside out.

And I’m beginning to see that the reason we’re not there yet is …

we’re not there yet.

Not to be simplistic, but how often I have agonized over a long journey. I’ve had a book in my mind and heart for nearly 15 years. I’d been writing it for almost 4. I’ve re-written my book proposal at least a dozen times. There have been countless high hopes and disappointments. I used to believe that somehow when I “figured it out” or got godly enough that–TADA!–the fulfillment would finally come.

Now I think that the reason we’re not there yet is…

we’re not there yet.

I think how often my kids are anxious on a long road trip. Of how they wonder why whatever is taking so long. The answer isn’t that they’ve done something wrong or they’re not quite perfect yet or if they just focused their minds a bit more then we’d magically arrive at the destination.

The reason we’re not there yet is…

we’re not there yet.

There are more miles to travel. More to learn. More to see. There’s more glory to behold along this road and although it may seem long and rocky at times — this is the way there. 

This is the way there.

And I will not let the length of the road convince me there is no destination. I will not let the length of the road convince me to quit.

The only thing that will ruin the journey is if I decide I’m just not willing to take it.

I want to.

I want this journey. All of it.

The church-planting, the parenting, the prayers for healing, the marriage, the book-writing, the believing.

All of it, it’s just a journey of faith.

That is why I’m not discouraged. Because if something is not God’s good and perfect will, then I don’t want it.

And if it is, I’m willing to go a long way to get it. 

Abraham waited 25 years for the promise of God to be fulfilled. And you know what happened during those 25 years?

He grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God.

“No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave gory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.” Rom. 4:20-21

He didn’t wait until the end to give glory to God. He did it all along the way.

And it was long way.

Maybe that’s the reason we’re not there yet. It’s a long way. But it’s a good road. I want to take it.

It’s worth it.

{Happy weekend dear friends! Thank you so much for reading.}