Who’s on your shoulder?

“I can think of nothing great that is also easy.”

Tim Keller said this in his book on prayer, but it applies to, well, everything. Parenting, church-planting, prayer, faith, there is no great work (and mundane work is great) that is easy, and so we must always be at work slaying foes of doubt and discouragement.

Sometimes the foes are in our mind and sometimes they’re presented to us through people. So often it only takes one negative person, or one critical comment, or one outsider questioning your motives or methods and we’re tempted to throw in the towel and declare the whole thing a failure.

*Sigh*

In these moments I often recall this sweet lesson from several years ago, when we were so very fresh into the church-planting adventure, and every tiny bump in the road sent my faith on a tearful face-plant.  But I remember so clearly how God ministered to me through the story of Absalom:

King David had been driven out by his treasonous son, Absalom. Absalom had won over the hearts of Israel in order to take away the Kingdom from his father. Absalom was not a quality individual. So David’s driven out of Judah, and a battle ensues, and Joab–David’s commander–kills Absalom, they are victorious, and they deliver the good news back to David.

Except instead of rejoicing that the Kingdom was restored, David is  devastated about his son.  

Understandable.

But, Joab rebukes David, because Absalom was the enemy, the whole point was to remove him so that the rightful kingdom could be established. David had hundreds, thousands, of faithful followers who had been fighting for him and standing up for him, and now instead of rejoicing that all those people were saved, he’s sorrowful because this one person was gone. And Joab says this,

You love those who hate you and hate those who love you.

Joab says, “You have today covered with shame the faces of all your servants, who have this day saved your life … because you love those who hate you and hate those who love you. For you have made it clear today that commanders and servants are nothing to you, for today I know that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased.” (2 Samual 19:5-6)

You love those who hate you and hate those who love you.

In other words, “You only care about what the critics think, instead of caring what your faithful family and followers think.”  Or:

You put all your emotional energy into trying to please people who cannot be pleased.

We’ve all encountered someone in our lives who just couldn’t be pleased. Who did or does not accept us or approve of us. And it’s as if that person, whoever it is (and however long ago we encountered them), sits on our shoulder, every day of our lives, and watches everything we do. And we live as if we have to please or win the approval or acceptance of that person. And instead of simply rejoicing in all the people who DO love us, approve of us, accept us, and are pleased (first and foremost God our Father!), we focus all our energy on that one problem person.

Guess what? That’s exhausting.

Even though it’s enormously difficult, we have to flick that person off our shoulder, and focus on the blessed, supportive, loving people in our lives. Sure, we love our enemies, but we don’t let them live in our shoulder and dictate all we do. When we do that, we’re simply discounting (“covering with shame”) those faithful friends and family we have who support and rally around us.

So whoever that person is who sits on your shoulder, pray God’s richest blessings on their life, then carefully flick them off your shoulder and live for the audience of One. Value and celebrate and appreciate the family and friends you would otherwise take for granted. Don’t give the gripers more real estate than necessary. Today, take a moment to thank and appreciate those faithful supporters who give you life and strength.

And ask the Holy Spirit to fill up your heart, mind, and shoulders with His life-giving truth so there’s no room for anyone else.

{Happy Monday! Thanks for reading.}