When you're desperate for grace …

“So, you have someone who will watch Heidi while you speak?” I thought about this for a moment. Yes, now that you say it that would be the logical thing to do. But no, I don’t have someone. I suppose she’ll just be with me while I speak…

Hmmm…

It’s true that sometimes I agree to things before I’ve thought through exactly how it’ll all work out. Call it faith or call it stupidity, but the way I see it either God will come through mightily or I’ll learn a humbling and valuable lesson. Either way is fine.

So I took Heidi with me this past weekend as I spoke to a group of college women from Western Oregon University. To be fair, I did figure that in a group of 25 college women someone would be willing to help me, right?

We left on Friday afternoon. Heidi took her responsibility as “mommy’s helper” very seriously. She had her Dora backpack, her pink pillow, her purple sunglasses (I think she thought the “beach” would be sunny?) and a brand-new Tinkerbell flashlight we’d given her for the occasion (Thank you, Meg Forest!). Then, just before we got in the car for our 3+ hour car-ride we pulled out the grand prize. A pink “laptop” (“just like Mommy’s” –Thank you, Nissa!) that we’d saved for a special occasion. She clutched it tight in her arms, held her head up high, and marched out to the car ready for the long Fri-Mon weekend in Yachats.

By Eddyville she was fast asleep.

Of course the reality of having a 2-year-old with me was far different than the dream. There were two of us women and two small children sleeping in one bed (!), very little sleep, and a handful of other challenges that are just bound to happen (Oops forgot a towel, oops forgot soap, oops the bathtub doesn’t plug so Heidi can’t take a bath, oops brought the wrong cellphone charger so my phone is dead, oops there’s no CD player to play the songs I brought, oops I guess it’s that time of the month (!), oops had no sleep…).

I will confess I got up Saturday morning and typed out a txt to Jeff: “Help! I can’t do this…on the verge of tears, we need to think of something.”

But my cellphone died before I could send it. 🙂

God won’t let me quit even when I try. 

Did I forget that when I’m weak then I am strong? (2 Cor. 12:10)

Did I forget that His power works best in my weakness? (2 Cor. 12:9)

Never before have I more experienced the truth of this that I did this past weekend. Heidi sat with me during all five sessions. She was at my side every waking moment. My normal times of stealing away to be alone and prepare just didn’t happen. I couldn’t rely on my own ability to stay calm, cool, collected, rested. Perhaps for the first time (?) in retreat-speaking I was truly and completely throwing myself at the mercy of God and resting in grace.  Providence again….

Our topic was GRACE.

The gospel of grace is what changes us from the inside out.

I’m not sure if anyone learned it more than me. And truly, again by His grace, it was probably one of if not the most powerful retreat times I’ve ever had. It. Was. HIM.

Again, the gentle and kind reminder: Why do we so often stick to the known, the comfortable, that which is in our control when there is grace and mercy for the desperate. There’s filling for the hungry. Satisfaction for the needy. Strength for the weak.

Do I let myself get weak? Get hungry? Get weak?

Sisters, where are you weak? Where are you desperate? Where are you hungry? Where are you needy?

That is exactly where God desires to pour out His power and grace. 

For me, that Saturday morning God prevented my text message from going through. Kept me from throwing in the towel. Made me wait just a little bit longer.

Where do you need to wait just a little bit longer for His grace to be revealed?

Joy comes in the morning. Hold on just a little bit longer. Grace is on the way…

{The other JOY of being needy was the precious college women who DID step up and help me in such lovely ways. Jill, Heidi is in love with you!  Thank you, WOU ladies for YOUR grace toward me. And thanks, all, for reading.}!