When you'd really like to bring her down a notch…

There seems to be one thing (and pretty much only one thing) that all of us women agree upon: Female relationships are tricky.

The whole mess begins in the beginning. In Genesis 30.

The story of Rachel and Leah, both Jacob’s wives, is to me one of the saddest in all of scripture, because it reveals so much about the brokenness and woundedness in women’s hearts.  It reveals that since the first demonic whisper in the garden of Eden, we women have struggled with the lie, “You are unloved and unlovely.”

We all have a raw, gnawing desire to gain the love and approval of others. And all too often we see each other as a threat, so we compete with each other in subtle (and not so subtle) ways.  

In different cultures and at different times this approval and value is found in different ways so the competition will look different.  Rachel and Leah were in a race to bear children because that was what earned them status and value and (they thought) the favor of their husband.

The bottom line is that they each wanted to be the beloved. In our culture, obviously it’s different. I can honestly say I’ve never been tempted to try to bear more children than someone else.

But I may compete for approval. For status. For the regard or praise of others.

And the desire is still the same. When I do that, I’m operating under the exact same assumptions that Rachel and Leah did–it looks different, but the motive is the same:

If I can outdo those around me, then I will be the beloved.

We have to be on guard, girls. The enemy does not want us to love each other.  Nothing makes Satan more pleased than when we view each other as opponents rather than sisters.  The  moment we begin wanting to bring someone else down a notch is the moment we know we’ve been sucked into the demonic game of competition.  And you know what that reveals?

We just so desperately want to be the beloved. We want, somehow, to shine.  And our motives are mixed. We long for love and favor (good), but it’s as if we think there is a limited amount in the world so we must steal it from others in order for us to be full.

There is no limited amount.

God has plenty of love and favor for us all. See, the problem for Rachel and Leah was that there was limited favor. They had one husband for two women, which is not God’s design.  They, in many ways, were doomed from the start.  But we have no such disadvantage. God’s love for us is boundless and there is plenty of His affection and favor for us all.

There is room for all of us in this world.

You can flourish, I can flourish.

We don’t have to compete for God’s love.

My prayer for us is that we, as women, would experience the love of God in such a full and overflowing manner, that there is room in our hearts to wholeheartedly cheer for others. To wish for their best. To be 100% freed from envy and jealousy. To rejoice when others are preferred above us or when others succeed where we struggle.

We have to.

The story of Rachel and Leah is a tragic one. I’m sure their household was miserable.  It reeked of envy and jealousy, it teemed with distrust and dishonesty.  There was no love.  For two women who were probably wonderful friends at one time, the poison of competition likely destroyed whatever love they had shared.

Thank goodness we don’t all share a husband, amen?

And the Heavenly Husband we do share has plenty of love for us all.

In what way have you caught yourself competing with another woman?  Wanting to bring her down a notch? What does it reveal about your need to feel love and approval? What steps can you take to STOP and choose to love instead? Thanks for reading.