When we strike the rock: leading and parenting from anger

Every time I read about Moses I learn more about leadership. In my most discouraging moments, at times when I’ve wanted to quit or I’ve felt hopelessly unqualified for the task at hand, God has used Moses to correct, encourage, inform, and equip me for whatever was ahead.

Moses was awesome, but also failed. The people he led wavered between loving him and hating him. There were high highs and low lows. There were many crises. He wanted to quit on multiple occasions.

Sounds like leadership. Also sounds like parenting.

Anybody? Parenting is really just an intense 24-7 form of leadership. I have told Jeff multiple times, when bemoaning some seemingly terrible leadership decision from someone in power, “If only we had more MOMS in charge! Anyone who has trained a toddler knows that [this plan] is not going to work!”

This time around studying Moses, a new truth surfaced from the never-changing-but-always-fresh words of Scripture.

The tragic striking of the rock.

As some of you know, early on in the wilderness journey, God tells Moses to strike the rock (Ex. 17:6) in order to provide water for the people to drink. Moses was already desperate at that point as the people were ready to kill him they were so thirsty. The people were quarreling, complaining, grumbling — this is NOT a happy scene. But Moses obeys God, strikes the rock, and they had water to drink.

Much later on, in Numbers 20, Moses is getting worn down. He’s endured the Golden Calf incident, he’s endured the endless complaining of the people to such an extent that he cries out to God,

“I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once.”

Numbers 11:14

In the margin of my Bible my handwriting reads, from years before, “Leadership: I’d rather die than do this. So hard.” That’s what Moses felt like! After this, even his own brother and sister, the very closest people to him, even THEY oppose him. And then the spies that check out the promised land are cowardly and they fill the people with fear, then the people rebel again, Israel is defeated in battle, Korah’s rebellion ensues and 250 chiefs of the people rise up against Moses and the ground opens up and swallows them and their families whole.

This is unbelievable opposition, difficulty, resistance, push-back.

This sounds like training a strong-willed toddler!

Anybody? Anytime I think that leadership or parenting is difficult, I can just lay it all out next to Moses situation here and it gives me perspective.

So this sets the stage, sadly, for Moses’ failure. He’s endured incredible opposition, complaining, animosity, even rebellion and betrayal. I’m guessing that at this point he’s HAD IT UP TO HERE with these people.

And so, in one incredibly sad, tragic moment, he allows all the pent-up frustration to get to him, and he makes his fatal mistake:

He lets himself lead out of anger.

The people are thirsty. AGAIN. The people complain. AGAIN. The people assemble themselves against Moses. AGAIN.

So God tells Moses to “tell the rock before their eyes to yield its water.” Got that? He doesn’t tell him to strike the rock this time, but only tell the rock. But what does Moses do?

Again, he’s sick to death of all this complaining. So he says,

“‘Hear now, you rebels; shall we bring water for you out of this rock?” And Moses lifted up his hand and struck the rock with his staff twice.’

(Num 11:10)

Then what happened. Water came out of the rock. The people drank. Perhaps on the outside it seemed fine.

But it wasn’t fine. Moses had disobeyed. He had let the people’s complaining drive him to the point that he responded out of anger and misrepresented God.

Apparently, that is a MONUMENTAL no-no. Because of it, Moses didn’t get to enter the promised land.

I’ve often reflected on the fact that God’s punishment of Moses seems harsh. He did so many things right. And yet, this one mis-step cost him dearly. He would never get to set foot into the promised land and see that fulfillment of all God promised to do.

As parents, we’ve probably all had those moments where we let our children’s misbehavior drive us to the point where we respond out of anger. Hands down, this is my biggest regret of my early parenting years.

(Please note, it wasn’t necessarily that striking the rock was bad. I have heard people say that they refuse to do this or that form of discipline because they associate that form with anger. To be sure, we absolutely SHOULD NOT discipline out of anger, but we have to be careful that we do not assume that one form of discipline is necessarily out of anger and others are not. It’s our hearts. One time, God told Moses to strike the rock. The next time, He told him to do something different. Therefore, it wasn’t necessarily the method that mattered, it was his heart, his obedience to God, and it was that Moses was to represent God accurately.)

But what struck me this time (pun totally intended), was that it was Moses’ responsibility not to let the people’s complaining drive him to a place that He disobeyed God and responded out of anger. Sure, the people complained, but God held MOSES responsible for his own actions. The people died for their own sin. God took care of them. But Moses had no excuse.

Parents, leaders: WE are responsible for our own souls. We are responsible for whether or not we let the push-back or complaining or whatever challenges lead us to a place of anger and disobedience to God.

For me personally, this was a sobering word from God. God is going to do what He will with or without me. He is going to be faithful. He is going to be gracious. He is going to carry out His good will in this world.

Do I want to be part of it or not? Do I want to see the fulfillment or not?

No one else is responsible for my responses. No one else is responsible for making sure that Kari doesn’t lose her temper (or or her mind!). I cannot expect other people to not “push my buttons.”

I don’t get to blame anybody else for my lack of grace.

I know we can’t know things like this, but it does make me wonder, “What if Moses had done a better job shepherding his own soul? What it Moses had taken more time to be alone with God and allow God to heal and encourage and strengthen him?” Of course we can’t know that. But I CAN learn from his life and recognize that I need to build in pressure-valves into my life so that I can get with God and allow Him to take that pressure away, so that I don’t blow up and misrepresent God to my children or to those I lead.

For me, this is a serious word that requires careful consideration of what practical steps need to be taken. If you have ever found yourself responding to your children, or family, or co-workers, or those you lead, out of anger — perhaps this word is for you as well?

God will do His thing with or without us. I don’t want to miss it. I want to see the Promised Land.