What to give your mother-in-law for Mother's Day

Kari Patterson > Devotional Thoughts > What to give your mother-in-law for Mother's Day
Devotional Thoughts, My name is Mommy18 Comments0

Mother’s Day is this weekend. Looking for the perfect gift? A few years ago my mom modeled for me a beautiful gift for her MIL:

My grandma is an interesting lady.  She’s my dad’s mom which explains a lot.  She is a million years old (or 95-or-something), and stubborn as a mule.  She was orphaned as a young child, and sent on a train to cross the country when she was 5-years-old, with nothing but a sign tied around her neck indicating where she was supposed to end up, asking fellow passengers to help her along her way.  She’s had a hard life.

She raised two boys, my dad obviously being one of them (which is part of the hard life I referred to above), and was a no-nonsense, hard-headed woman. She helped my dad do crazy things like paint cars using a shop-vac and build additions onto their house. She married her high school basketball coach, devoted her life to caring for him and her two boys. Then, a year before my brother was born, my grandpa died and she was widowed.

My grandpa was her life, and shortly after his death, she was so overcome with grief she told my dad she wanted to crawl into the grave next to him.  She couldn’t imagine how she could possibly live without him.  And yet, that’s exactly what she’s been doing for more than 37 years.

She’s traveled the world, accumulated significant wealth, and could probably fill the Rose Garden with all the crocheted dolls she’s made for underprivileged children. The crocheted curtains, wall-hangings and Christmas ornaments we have all came from her arthritic hands. She’s done a lot.

But her heart is so hard.  I don’t know what all has happened to her, but somehow her heart has become hard.

We’ve never heard her say, “I love you.”

Never. She’s never said it.  Not to her grandkids. Not to her kids. Not to her great-grandkids.  We say it to her every time we see her, and now she’ll nod and say, “Uh huh.”  But that’s as close as we get.  She doesn’t say thank you, and she doesn’t smile much or give many compliments.

I’ve never seen her cry.

My dad has often talked to her about Christ. I’ve talked to her. We’ve given her sermons to listen to. Books to read. We’ve loved her, prayed for her. And honestly, I don’t know where she stands.  She seems like an impenetrable wall: hard and impossible to read.

But leave it to my mom to break through, with a simple gift of thanks.

This year, my mom couldn’t think of anything else to give her. She has a 10′x10′ room. That’s it. Her dresser is already covered with framed pictures and she already has  a robe and slippers. What else is there?

So she gave her the gift of thanks. My mom went through their house and wrote down every single thing that they had, that my grandma had crocheted or made. Then she sat down and wrote my grandma a letter, thanking her for the way that she’d filled their house, naming the items, thanking her for the years and years she’d spent curving her painfully arthritic fingers around those crochet hooks, to bless my parents with beautiful things for their home. Not knowing how grandma would respond, she dropped the letter in the mail.

Today we arrived and my grandma immediately pulled herself onto her walker, without a word, and shuffled to her room, where she retrieved an envelope with “Karen” scribbled in my grandma’s shaky handwriting. Inside was a hand-written letter.  It began like this:

Dear Karen,  thank you for your note.  You made me cry.

Please allow me to write my own list: …

Her writing has deteriorated and it was hard to read, but she went on to write out, in detail, things my mom had done for her in years passed. Giving up her bed and closet when grandma had cancer and had to stay with them. Administering medicine… the list went on. Things from years past. Things my mom had never even realized had touched her so. Her hand obviously tired and the note ended abruptly, of course without any flowery words or tender closing. But she made sure it found its way in mom’s hands.

I believe my mom was profoundly used by God in her simple gift of thanks. My grandma is such a hard woman I’m embarrassed to admit I sometimes forget she has a heart. But my mom’s gift of thanks trickled right through the unseen cracks in my grandma’s brittle front and touched the place I think we often miss.

I’m so thankful for my mom, who teaches me immeasurably through her quiet, humble, ways.  I have so much to learn from her, and her gentle gifts of thanks.

{I am so grateful to have a wonderful relationship with my mother-in-law, but no matter what yours is like, a gift of thanks might be perfect for the occasion this weekend. Be specific and lavish. And have a Happy Mother’s Day … thanks for reading.}

18 thoughts on “What to give your mother-in-law for Mother's Day”

  2. That was beautiful, Kari. Your Mother is an inspiration to me in her sweet and humble ways. She is so wise and sincere, she is definitely someone I strive to become. She has such a wonderful spirit.

  4. This was beautiful! I loved every piece of this. Thank you so much for sharing 🙂
    Have a wonderfully blessed Mother’s Day Kari!

    1. I am praying for you this Mother’s Day, Sarah. How are you doing? I’ll send you an email, and please feel free to call me if you need to talk anytime! Love you girl…

  5. My first mother-in-law never loved me…I took her son away. My marriage never had a chance of making it. After we moved out of state and made our visits, she and my husband would sit up in the wee hours late, discussing even how much sex that he wasn’t getting.

    My second mother-in-law loved me so much, immediately. She was so thankful that her son would once again have someone to share life with. And now she has gone to heaven, knowing that her son is not alone. Isn’t that love? Isn’t that love for one’s child, making sure one’s child is safe and loved even after you have gone on?

    1. Wow, what a powerful contrast! Oh, I pray I can be like your 2nd Mother-in-law when the time comes for Dutch to marry! What an impact her love has had. Thank you for sharing this, Thila. Happy Mother’s Day!

  6. How beautiful. This touched my heart, as well. 🙂

    Do you have any advice on what to give a mother in law how speaks a different language? My husband’s from Russia. His family moved to America when he was seven. His mother speaks very VERY few english words, and I always feel uncomfortable to try speaking Russian (I was obsessed with Spanish growing up and always thought I would marry a Mexican). His family also isn’t the most outgoing, and so whenever we visit, I usually sit quietly and randomly ask my husband to translate for me. It’s quite upsetting, because I wish that I was able to get to know her – but with both of us speaking a different language, AND both being shy and not very open, it’s extremely difficult. With mother’s day coming up, I wanted to do something nice, but all I can think of is flowers – which seems mightily cliche – especially since we brought flowers over for Easter. Sigh. Sorry for laying all this out after such an inspiring post – but, I was just curious if anyone had any ideas. 🙂

    1. Oh wow, what a unique challenge you have! Does your husband speak Russian? Could you write her a special thank you letter and ask him to translate it for you? Or look up online and figure out how to translate a few sentences so she can read your thanks in her own language? Even a few sentences might mean the world to her, that you took the time to write it out AND have it translated? Would that work? Thanks for sharing here, Anna! I pray God gives you just the right idea for Mother’s Day!

  7. I am so blessed by you as my precious daughter-in-law. It is humbling AND encouraging to come from such strong family stock. Your Grandma Zyp has been blessed by you and vice versa for your life long. Isn’t that a fabulous part of God’s grand design? We can all celebrate that!

    1. Oh I love you my sweet Momma! How GRATEFUL I am that YOU came along with my dear Jeffrey. 🙂 What a great package deal! Can’t wait to see you tomorrow…

  8. Sniff, sniff…Just a minute while I get a tissue! Your mom is a continual blessing to me, too. God gave you an incredible blessing in your parents, and it shows! God bless you all, and Happy Mother’s Day to you, too, Kari.!

    1. 🙂 Well, Sandy YOU are an incredible blessing to my parents. I was just talking to them about that this weekend. They love you guys so much. Thank you for how you support them, bless them, and even print off their airline tickets and take them to the airport! You are such servants and wonderful friends. Thanks.

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