What a difference a weekend can make. Yesterday, I had one of the sweetest afternoons, even though I was still feeling sick and weak and physically miserable. My brother came over in the afternoon and was taking care of a friend’s son who is six months older than Dutch, so we had the sheer delight of watching the two boys play with toys together (and steal toys from each other!). Then Kris and I took the two boys in our backpack carriers and hiked up the Molalla River Corridor. I was exhausted, carrying my 24 pound son after being sick in bed all week, but the opportunity to have sweet (and candid since he’d read my recent posts!) conversation as we trekked the trails was priceless. It reminded me of similarly sweet times we’d had in college and it left me praising God for genuine, honest, sincere fellowship.
That night, some dear recently married friends came over and cooked us all dinner, sharing their wedding photos and some generous gifts with us (it doesn’t get better than having someone bring fresh salmon to your own house and cook it for you while you relax!).
I also read the my latest chapter in my John Piper book. I am always amazed because whenever I pick up that book the chapter addresses exactly what I’m dealing with. I opened it up and saw “Battling Despondency” and shook my head, smiling that once again God was speaking personally to me. Piper simply demonstrated, through the life of Jesus, that it is not sin to feel despondent, it is sin not to battle it. I went to bed that night determined that I needed to fight.
Sunday morning I awoke with a raging migraine. It was so infuriating—my spirit wanted to praise God and rejoice and press through and my head hurt so bad I could hardly see straight. Jeff massaged my head and neck until the last minute before church, and we somehow managed to be dressed and fed and out the door in record time. As Pastor Dale began his message, I once again had to shake my head at God’s personal love for me—it was all about enduring with courage through discouraging and disheartening times. Wow! Every word was for me. It was literally as if two people had come along side me and lifted my arms, pulling me back up and giving me the strength to battle discouragement. This afternoon my headache still raged, and no medicine would touch it, but Jeff and I had a radical time of prayer this afternoon, just seeking God for our future and asking Him for grace.
I knew that tonight was the all-community praise and worship service. Jeff and I had never been to one and I had a feeling it’d be neat to gather together all the area churches and praise God as one voice. As the time neared to go, my headache was still raging and I wasn’t even sure I’d make it. Then, Kris and Nikki stopped by for an hour before the service, and as we talked, my headache began, every so slowly, to fade. By the time we reached the church I felt as though a thousand pound weight had somehow been lifted from my shoulders. My headache faded even more, I saw dozens of people I love, hugged, laughed, and rejoiced.
And then we began to sing. It is a gross understatement to say that I was completely undone by the goodness of God during worship. His greatness, His faithfulness, His mercy, His love, His grace, His patience, His longsuffering, His provision . . .Him! He is the famous One, He is the Worthy One, He is the Awesome One. As I stood and praised God, with outstretched arms, the most vividly clear though filled my mind: I am unspeakably rich. To my left stood my parents; my faithful, godly, selfless, amazing parents who I love beyond measure. Next to them stood my brother and sister in law, who have loved me faithfully, stood as a godly example to me, and supported me. They held my precious 3-month-old niece. To my right was my amazing, godly, faithful, humble, absolutely incredible husband, praising God at the top of his lungs. In his arms sat my son, my beautiful, precious son who fills my life with joy. Surrounding us were hundreds of God’s people, all praising Him together with one voice. And the object of our praise was my Beautiful Savior, the most gloriously intriguing and awesomely powerful God, who loves me enough to send personal messages to encourage my soul. As I stood there I was overwhelmed: I am unspeakably rich.
As we drove home in the dark, I watched my son play with his hands as he babbled to us and pointed at headlights reflecting on the windows. My migraine was completely gone. I felt like a heavy, cold weight had been lifted, a dark spell of some sort had been broken. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.
Thank You, God for who You are. I have everything because I have You. I am unspeakably rich.