Thoughts on Discipleship (6): 15 Best Insights cont.

The final five insights are presented as Pitfalls to Avoid.  We know what to do, let’s consider briefly what not to do.

11. Avoid Making “Mini-Me’s”. Yes, we want our disciples to imitate us, but only as a means of imitating Christ.  My goal is to make Christians not Karians.  If in any way you sense that you are leading your disciples after yourself instead of after Christ, stop, reevaluate, and redirect your ministry.  As Professor Clemen prayed for me once after speaking at a retreat: “I pray that Kari would fade away and Your Truth would remain.”  Fade away.

12. Avoid Wanting Them to Do Well, But Not Too Well. Sadly, it is possible for us to feel threatened when a disciple of ours flourishes spiritually or has talent in such a way that they exceed us.  I’ve had to accept this often!  Caila quickly proved to be an incredibly gifted writer, speaker, actor, and Bible teacher. Even now, I read her blog, and think, “Man, she’s so much cooler than me!”  🙂  But this is the goal! Our goal is that our disciples would be humbler, stronger, and more effective followers of CHrist than we are.  We decrease.  They increase.  Jesus said we would do even greater things that He did.  We must desire that our disciples do even greater things than we do.  This can be hard when your disciples become super spiritual leaders and forget about you! I remember once feeling hurt because someone I spent years pouring into seemed to become so lofty and forget that I’d been anything to her. But I soon realized that was nothing but my pride rearing its ugly head.  We give not so we can be appreciated or celebrated.  We give so others may gain.

Again, my mentor professor is an excellent example of this.  She’s given me incredible opportunities because she explains that she is not in the position she’s in (as a female seminary professor, a rare privilege), to revel in her own glory. She is there to open doors for students like me. That is why I’m even getting to teach this class!  Because she’s not afraid to kick open the door and let those below her dream and flourish.

13. Avoid Loving the Love. The truth is that your disciple(s) will probably fall in love with you.  And chances are they will probably tell you how great you are.  Thank them, praise God, and then forget about it.  Constantly guard your heart against living for the praise of people. As Paul said to his disciples, “Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others” (1 Thess 2:6).  Know your identity in Christ, your worth as a daughter of God, and receive your praise from Him.  It’s certainly not wrong to receive and thank girls for encouraging you, in fact I’m SO THANKFUL for people who encourage!  But the minute you start being fueled by praise is the minute you’re on the wrong track.

14. Avoid Making People into Projects.  Jeff once had an older man tell him, (after he criticized Jeff openly in front of the rest of the team) “We [the ministry team he was on] are just here to help build your character and grow you up.”  Awesome. I feel the love.  No one likes to be a project.  If you are trying to “fix” people, don’t disciple.  If you love people, you’re on the right track. Of course we’re hoping for our disciples to grow and change, but talking to them like they are a project won’t open their hearts to you one bit.

On a similar note, if you ever find thinking about your disciples as if they are projects, stop and pray and ask God to change your heart. They are people.  Think about the way you’d like to be treated.  Love is the greatest motivator. Love them into change.

15. Avoid Only Discipling People Just Like You. I learned this lesson in Loving Rebecca (under Featured–I’d encourage you to read it!).  Rebecca opened my eyes to seeing that I tended to only disciple girls who were just like me.  She enabled me to see things about myself and stretched me in ways I’d never experienced.  While we naturally tend to be drawn to those who are similar to ourselves, don’t hesitate to disciple someone who you know will stretch your limits a little.

Thank you for reading.  As parting words I give you the Apostle Paul, whose life embodied these principles, who was possibly the most effective non-Deity discipler of all time. 🙂

4 But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts. 5 For neither at any time did we use flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak for covetousness—God is witness. 6 Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, when we might have made demands as apostles of Christ. 7 But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. 8 So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. 9 For you remember, brethren, our labor and toil; for laboring night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, we preached to you the gospel of God.
10 You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; 11 as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged^[b] every one of you, as a father does his own children, 12 that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.  1 Thess. 2:4-12