More insights on Discipleship…
6. God’s Word Changes Lives. While girls don’t “just” need a Bible Study, they need life and love and an example to follow, your passion and committment to God’s Word will be contagious if it is real. One thing we always committed to do was open up God’s Word, no matter how briefly, and allow it to shine its supernatural light on our hearts. Isaiah 55:11 tells us that the Word of the Lord (spoken in the OT, written down for us now), “shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” Do you really believe that God’s Word supernaturally changes lives and accomplishes far more than we could ever do? If you really believe that, not just in an intellectual assent but in a passionate conviction, then we can trust that consistantly teaching the God’s Word will change their lives. If what we teach is not firmly based in the Word of God, then don’t teach it! And, even if you feel like the Bible study portion of your discipleship is dry or boring, teach it anyway. Preach the Word! Even if you never stand in a pulpit on a Sunday morning, you are called to Preach the Word (2 Tim. 4:2), and you do so in word and deed. We’ve already discussed the deed part, make sure you do the word part as well.
This opens up an entire topic, but for the sake of space, suffice it to say that the more you get them to dig into the Scriptures with you, the less they will depend on you and more they will depend on God. Make them bring their Bibles, read with them, ask them questions, have them look up verses. Even the most shy and beginning follower of Christ can read verses. Get them to open up the Word themselves and find out the gems. The same way that lessons are more powerful to them when you’ve learned them yourself, lessons are even more powerful when they learn them themselves. Teach them to learn and teach them to love God’s Word!
7. Pray, pray, and pray some more. The same way that we model the study of God’s Word, we model prayer. Praying to open, praying to close, and praying throughout builds a habit that the girls will not likely forget. I love how my mentor professor always closes in prayer: She takes my hands and says, “You want to pray first, last, or not at all?” You’d think in seminary we have a more “spiritual” way of being led in prayer, right? Wrong. I love how she takes all weirdness away in one quick question. By using this method with girls, if they are not in the mood to pray or don’t feel comfortable praying, they can say “not at all” with no questions asked. By saying “first” or “last”, you can eliminate the awkwardness of sitting there wondering whether you should go or not. This is especially helpful when you’re first getting to know girls and want to make them feel at ease in prayer.
And of course, pray for them. Pray pray pray. The trick that always helps me, when someone says, “Can you pray for this?” Is to say, “Sure! Let’s pray right now.” and then pray with them right there. That way, even if I totally space and forget later, it’s been covered at least that one time. When I was leading small groups, I always wrote the girls names on index cards, praying for different ones on different days of the week. That way I knew that during the week these precious little lambs were getting some prayer coverage!
Related to this was a great point that Caila brought up: “Don’t let them dwell excessively on themselves or others. Women have a tendency to feel sorry for themselves, or gossip about others. When this happens, never give in to the train of conversation. Always guide them back to Christ and surrender.” Use prayer to do this. When listening, you can discern when the talk is no longer necessary or edifying. Never never never entertain gossip. Absolutely refuse to hear it. If you sense a conversation is headed downhill, turn to pray. It’s hard for girls to gossip to God.
8. Don’t Forget that Fellowship is Spiritual Too. One of the things I used to struggle with was feeling like having a party night or fellowship night was “less important” than our nights of Bible study and prayer. While we don’t want to abandon or neglect the study of God’s Word and of prayer, don’t forget that fellowship is spiritual. Caila pointed out that “fellowship is extremely important in women’s discipleship. Men are more task-oriented; they enjoy it when church leaders give them something to DO. Women learn more from relationships.” This means that purposeful fun events, doing edifying and wholesome things, can teach just as much as Bible studies can. Again, this goes back to the idea that discipleship is living life together. Have a game night. Make homemade pizzas together. Take young moms to the zoo with their kids. Watch a movie like Joan of Arc, Les Miserables, Babette’s Feast, or Bella. Give the ladies an opportunity to just relax and enjoy each other. Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding–I think they probably had a great time with all that wine. 🙂 (in moderation, yes 🙂
9. Leave the Results to God. For those of you who followed the retreat notes or my studies on Expectancy without Expectation–insert that here. The moment you try to control the ladies you disciple, the moment growth stops. You cannot control them. Part of discipling is learning the process of surrender, again and again and again. We must surrender our disciples, entrusting them to God’s care, even when they make bad decisions or seem off track. I remember my dear sweet Elisa sitting on the couch listening to me talk about a boy. Deep down I knew this boy was not the one, but I was having so much fun and enjoying myself and really liked having him around. She listened, smiled, was patient, and prayed for me. And I believed she prayed him right out of my life! She never tried to control me or tell me what to do, even when she saw red flags, but she prayed and asked probing questions, questions that made me see for myself and perhaps I was not in the very center of God’s will.
In this way discipleship again is very akin to parenting. My mom was the ultimate example of the uncontrolling mom. Despite innumerable stupid decisions, she faithfully loved me and prayed for me, choosing rather to pray and only give advice when asked. Because of her open-handed surrender, I believe God was able to faithfully steer me away from my own stupidity and back into His will.
This also means that we accept both successes and failures. Not every discipleship relationship will be a success. Not all mine were! Sometimes I think back to certain girls and think, “What did I do wrong?” ANd perhaps there was something I did wrong and need to learn, but I also have to accept that God is God and is in control. Jesus was the most successful discipler in history, and even one of His went bad. Trust the will of God.
10. Know When to Let Go. No discipleship relationship lasts forever. Just as you parent a child in the hopes that they will one day grow to be a self-sufficient adult who can drive, work, and have a family of his or her own, so we disciple women so they can grow up in Christ and disciple others. We recognize they are not ours, but God’s. He blesses us with lending them to us for a season, but it is only a season. It wasn’t long before I knew Caila was all grown up on her own. The same thing happened with Elisa and I when I got married. She discerned and knew that I was all grown up in a sense. Of course we remain friends, but the disciple-discipler relationship has changed, just as a parent-child relationship becomes one of being peers.
One of the greatest joys is seeing someone you have invested in, poured into, loved, prayed for, discipled, spread her wings and fly. Seeing Caila flourish in so many ways, Krista become the chaplain for House of Charis, Kristen lead Bible studies of her own, Jane teach women’s small groups, and Tana excel in the school of ministry and as a teacher. Everytime I think of them I beam in my heart. I’ve let them all go, but they bless me with their lives every day.
Last five to come…