The One I Love

There is one constant through all my blog entries.  As I re-read through some of the things I’ve written, I see deep valleys and high mountain peaks.  For so long, I felt my life was really smooth sailing, only hitting a little bump here and there but nothing jarring at all.  Right now, the road has turned to gravel, with huge potholes.  My headlights are dim so I can’t see in front very far ahead, and I’m bouncing along, squinting to see the next hairpin curve, praying desperately that God will use this bumpy road to accomplish His purposes in my life.  But there is one constant – my Jeffrey. 

My husband is the one who is behind every single blog entry, every single story—the unsung hero who serves silently, loving me, encouraging me, supporting me, through it all.

For example, yesterday.  You all read about yesterday is my last post.  The night that I cried myself to sleep, Jeff held me in his arms, praying for me, silently wiping the tears from my cheeks, squeezing me tightly in his safe and comforting embrace.  The next morning, when I was distraught and crying (again!), he immediately left his computer and the loads of schoolwork and teaching prep that he had to do, helping me change Dutch’s diaper and get him dressed and ready for the day. He loaded the car before we went into town.  He drove.  And, he didn’t even respond or get defensive when I was rude and told him how to drive.  He remained cheerful, loving, patient, humble, through my grumpiness, tears, and sharp remarks.  He dropped me off at the front door of the grocery store so I could get our food, then waited in the car with Dutch, picking me back up at the door so I didn’t have to walk in the rain.  When we got to Clackamas Town Center (where I was meeting my friends) – I was sure that I’d miss them because we were 20 minutes late.  I had to pee so bad I was whining about that too.  He drove me to the door and told me to go inside and pee and he would park, get Dutch all bundled up in his stroller, and bring him to me inside so that I could meet with the girls as soon as possible.  When he came inside, he insisted that he wanted to walk me in and stay with me, just in case I couldn’t find them and felt discouraged.  And he did.  He walked around the food court with me until I finally found the girls.  He talked with them, played with the other baby, and was the most loving, cheerful, selfless husband I could ever imagine.  Then, while I met with my friends, he sat in the car and worked on grading papers.  When I was done, he pulled the car around to the front of the mall, so that I once again didn’t have to walk in the rain.  He loaded the stroller and drove me home, insisting that I tell him all about my time with the girls, listening intently as I shared with him.

That is love.  I was utterly and completely unlovable this week.  I was grumpy beyond words and tired, impatient, complaining, and sad.  I moped around.  I was behind on the laundry.  Jeff had to sift through laundry baskets of clean clothes to find socks and underwear. 

And he never, never, complained.  Instead he brought me cough drops in bed, filled my water glass in the middle of the night, made me hot tea, and took care of our son so that I could rest.  He told me I was beautiful when all I could see was my zit.  He insisted that I look flawless when I was whining about gaining five pounds.  He even, at the end of the week, took me in his arms and danced with me, telling me that he’d never been more in love with me in his entire life.

Even as I write this, tears fill my eyes.  Who loves like that?  How on earth did I deserve getting a husband who daily demonstrates Christ’s selfless, agape love toward me?  When I least deserve it, he lavishes love on me most.  When I’m the ugliest, he praises my beauty.  When I’m harsh toward him, he responds with tenderness and grace.  He daily shows me what love truly is.  And yet, he so often goes un-praised.  While I find it hard to honestly rejoice in other’s success sometimes, I have to say that I have never ever met another person who so honestly and genuinely rejoices at other’s successes.  Ever.  It really is an amazing quality about Jeff.  Even though he has dreamed, for so many years, of serving God full-time in vocational ministry, as a pastor, and even though he’s watched so many of his friends see their dreams from true in that area, he has always, always, genuinely rejoiced over them.  He roots for my brother more than any other guy I know.  He loves seeing Kris succeed. He loves seeing his friends succeed.  And that amazes me.  He is truly a man who is not afraid of other’s success.  He is not threatened by anything.  He is a man who demonstrates true humility.  Not false humility where he pretends like he’s worthless, but true humility, where he recognizes his worth as a child of God and is secure in his status as God’s beloved son. 

And, I am blessed above all women to have him choose to love me.  So today, I wanted to finally post something that praises the man behind my life.  The one who shows me Christ daily.  The one I love.  Thank you, Jeffrey.