Why was I crying over taco salad?
Jeff lovingly probed as I stirred beans. Asked searching questions. Tried to figure out what email I had received or who had said something unkind or what had gone on with the kids that led to the funk that enveloped his bride. I even went along with his questioning, trying to figure it out myself. It’d been about two weeks of just feeling blah. No energy, discouraged, pounding out the miles and the words and the days and Why, exactly does all this matter?
This, all while writing the book about why everything matters. Such a sense of humor, that God of ours has.
Company came, the evening passed, all was fine. It was as we stood, quiet, doing the dishes together when Jeff said it: “I think you’re birthing a book.”
Kathleen Norris’ words come to mind again:
And it seems that just when daily life seems most unbearable, stretching out before me like a prison sentence, when I seem most dead inside, reduced to mindlessness, bitter tears or both, that what is inmost breaks forth, and I realize that what had seemed “dead time” was actually a period of gestation.
It is a quotidian mystery that dailiness can lead to such despair and yet be at the core of our salvation.
It is the dailiness of life–yes?–that can be unbearable. It is the repetition, the same correction of the same child, picking up the same items, wiping the same counters, the same issue coming round again, the same struggles, the same, the same. The overdue expectant mother can relate–when every day she wakes up pregnant, wakes up the same.
But then something breaks. Something bursts and everything changes. Life bears forth and all of a sudden it’s clear that all the monotonous same-ness was the growth of a hidden life. Something was changing on the inside.
May I be that candid here? I know something’s changing on the inside, I just can’t see it yet. Right now it’s merely the pounding out of words, miles, meals, hugs and kisses. It’s the sacred mundane … I must learn to live it. Will I believe it even when the Sacred is silent and the mundane is maddeningly monotonous?
I must.
We must. Through the dailiness of life we enter salvation. The only place to believe Christ is here, the only time is now. The only place I can worship Him is right now in this place. Sanctification is what happens at 3:30 on a Tuesday afternoon, not just at 10am in a Sunday morning seat.
There’s a lot of hidden-inside growth that happens before the birth takes place. So we believe God in the daily … and we wait.
{Thanks for letting me grow in this place; and thanks always for reading.}
15 thoughts on “The dailiness that can lead to despair”
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You remind me in your candid words of a conversation we had about a dear woman planting bulbs last fall on a walk. It was cold, grey and rainy. She said to me that she planted them now, despite her 80+ years of age so that in spring they would flower. All winter they were hidden. Hidden from eyes that see. Yet in them life rumbled. Quietly. Now they rumble with life and in fact green shoots are pushing out from the hidden. Indeed something is changing. And the wonder the mystery the comfort in that change is we are not on the journey alone. Thank you, thank you dear Kari. In your honesty we can ALL be encouraged that in this body of flesh we will suffer and despair and wonder. If as Spurgeon describes “the jewels of a Christian are afflictions” your jewels already are sparkling, thrown as crowns at His throne. I love you so very, very much.
Yes! Oh I remember that dear woman. I can picture her even though I never met her. THANK YOU Debra for your encouragement, prayers, your text this morning. I do believe I’m seeing a tiny glimpse of life! So grateful for that today!! Love you so much.
That was perfect for me today at the perfect time! You are a blessing Kari:-) The hidden growth may not be apparent yet, so I will wait too. Love you friend and I hope to see you soon.
Oh praise God that the timing was right, I love how God does that. Yes, I will see you in one week–so excited!
This is so amazing Kari! I didn’t know you were writing a book! It is going to be so heartfelt, loving and helpful for so many people who are mothers and also those of us, like myself, who need reminding about the sacredness of the mundane of work and preparing for the future. Thank you for this one today, I know a special friend who is in the same situation who could really use this message.
Alia
Praise God, Alia. Yes, the book isn’t just for mothers, but everyone entrenched in life … I suppose that’s everyone! 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement, so glad this can be a blessing to you and your friend today. xoxo
Kari, as usual, your words are encouraging and inspiring. Thanks for sharing so openly; this is what the sacred mundane is all about! Love you.
Oh thank you, Caila! So excited to come check out your challenge…
I love you friend. It is a blessing to get to watch your story unfold. God is going to get and is getting so much glory in His perfect plan for you and your many gifts.
I don’t know if this exactly applies. I was having a little pitty party the other day and God slapped me in the face with this verse:
“If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you,Then how can you contend with horses? And if in the land of peace, In which you trusted, they wearied you, Then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan?” Jeremiah 12:5
All this mundane stuff that seems to have no end or purpose is preparing us for a battle only the Lord knows the end of the story to.
Wow, that is so applicable, Candi. Thank you! I love you…not many people would quote Jeremiah 12 to somebody for encouragement. 🙂 I think that means we’re really friends. 🙂 Thanks, friend. See you in the midst of the mundane tomorrow. 🙂
Again very well-said, Kari.
Thank you, Mike.
looking forward to your ‘book’ and I loved this simple message, that sometimes doing the same thing over and over can be hard even harder than doing something new.
Beautiful photo!
I’m in the middle of a blog series on sloth vs. diligence as found in Proverbs…guess what I’ve been struggling with?
I like the birthing analogy much better than what I came up with: after giving my toddler a bath the other afternoon with tears streaming down my face and gasping cries to God, I told my husband I felt like a popped pimple…but in a good way.
Here’s to the Lord using blemishes and births of all kinds; cheers, Kari.