That's well and good, but what about the stuff that really cannot wait? (8 questions)

First off, let me say: I’m so grateful that the last post was an encouragement to so many of you. God is so gracious to give us each other, isn’t He? To cheer for each other and remind each other of this great and holy calling that is motherhood.

But if you’re like me, sometimes I read something like that and shake my critical head and say, “Um, yeah. That’s very sweet and all, Kari. But what about all the stuff that really cannot wait??”

Like, doing the dishes?

Like, taking care of my own well-being?

Like, obeying Jesus’ clear commands to proclaim the gospel, to love and serve the poor, the widow, the fatherless?

If we don’t wrestle through these issues, we’ll find ourselves more frustrated than before. Thankfully, God skips the detailed list of dos and don’ts and instead just paints us a beautiful, inspirational picture to help us navigate these issues. And no, she’s not SuperWoman, Tiger Mom, or Martha Stewart.

She’s that Proverbs 31 girl.

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Oh yes. Her.” You love her. You hate her. Perhaps the Proverbs 31 woman discourages and overwhelms you. Perhaps you feel you could never measure up to her (join the club!). But the goal isn’t do be her. (That’s where Rachel Held Evans got all mixed up with her biblical womanhood book. But don’t even get me started.) I don’t have to hold a spindle (what exactly is a spindle?), or plant a vineyard in my backyard (pretty sure that’s not the best use of my time), but this picture shows us one beautiful example of what it looks like to care for our families, to honor our husbands, to be industrious and hard-working, to be a self-starter, and to carry ourselves with confidence, wisdom, grace, and generosity.

Just a few things that stand out to me from this passage:

1. Everything she does and says benefits her husband.
2. She’s insanely hard-working, never idle.
3. She makes wise financial choices and investments that benefit her family.
4. She’s strong and dignified.
5. She serves the poor and the needy.
6. She speaks and teaches with wisdom and kindness.
7. She puts the needs of her household first.
8. She fears the LORD.

Clearly, a “good mom” does not just sit around and play LEGOs all day. A “good mom” does not ignore the needs of the poor because she spent all her money on sports camps. Children do not gain confidence by having parents hover around them all day. Children gain confidence by having parents who listen, love, engage, discipline, and bring them along as they serve Jesus.

They gain confidence when they know: Yes, I am loved unconditionally and No, the world does not revolve around me. 

What I love about the Proverbs 31 portrait is that how we follow in her footsteps will be different for each one of us. Those 8 items I listed are general–there are millions of ways we can live those out in our ordinary daily life. For example, Jeff and I believe that I am called to write and speak (teaching of wisdom and kindness). But we are seeking more and more ways to travel as a family, to include Heidi in my meetings, to embrace all our ministry activities as a family, teaching our kids along the way. So, our goal is to have our children with us as much as possible.

This doesn’t restrict ministry, it enhances it. (Which begs the question, what is our definition of “ministry”? But that’s a post for another day.)

So here are some questions to ask ourselves that can hopefully help us navigate these gray areas and find a place of balance, confidence, and peace as we raise our littles and engage with the world.

1. Does everything I do benefit and honor my husband? Does he have final say in what activities I engage in? Do I ask him his opinion often and value his input? How would he answer this question? (Ask him!)

2. Am I hard-working? How is my time-management? Do I treat home-life with the same effort that I would a paying job? If I had a “boss” watching me all day, what would he say?

3. How do I handle God’s money? Is my husband pleased by my financial decisions? Are there any areas I can grow in managing the money God has given us?

4. How do I carry myself? With strength and dignity? Do my children see me stand tall, take care of my physical body, dress myself in a way that shows self-respect?

5. Do I regularly serve the poor? Are there ways I can include my children in regular service to those in need? This doesn’t even necessarily have to take us outside our homes, but it could! (One idea here.)

6. What words come out of my mouth? On facebook, on the phone, and in person with my husband and children. Do negativity, sarcasm, complaining, or criticism mark my words? Or do wisdom and kindness characterize my speech?

7. Is my household first in priority? What would my husband and children say? (Ask them!) Do they feel well-taken care of?

8. Is the fear of the LORD first and foremost in my heart? Is loving, serving, and seeking God the most important thing in my life? (This doesn’t necessarily mean attending every Bible Study. It means seeking God each day and submitting to His Word as the authority in our lives.)

I realize as I read through this list, some may shake their heads and feel like a failure. You are not! (Or rather, we all are!) The goal is not perfection, the goal is to keep on keeping on. To continue growing. To continue seeking Him and striving to be the wife, mom, disciple, and daughter of the King who reflects His beauty in this world. The truth is, we all fail. Often. Daily. But Jesus is our righteousness, and the power of His Holy Spirit is what enables us to live a life pleasing to God.

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corin. 10:31

{May you find hope and inspiration this week as you seek to glorify God in all that you do. Bless you, precious Mama! Thanks for reading.}