Disappointment: When no one understands
“What on earth do you have to be sad about?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“What’s your deal?”
Yesterday we looked at disappointments that simply last a long time. Today Hannah will show us another type of difficult disappointment. I hope and pray you’ve never experienced it, but chances are you have.
2. Those that don’t appear to be disappointments, or at least that others do not understand (1 Sam. 1:8).
Check out 1 Samuel 1:8: Interestingly, God used this verse in my life When God Broke My Heart in a completely opposite way than He showed me this time. Isn’t it crazy how that happens? This time I saw Elkanah’s words in a whole new way:
A human way.
Consider what we talked about yesterday, Hannah cannot have children, and has endured years of torment because of Elkanah’s other wife Peninah. She is not just devastated because of being barren but tormented because of this other horrible women who provokes her year after year. Only a woman can understand how horrible this must have been–no one knows how to hurt women like other women, amen? I know when I’m in the midst of disappointment, I turn to my dear husband for comfort and encouragement. So in the midst of Hannah’s disappointment, how does her husband respond?
“And Elkanah, her husband, said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” (1 Sam. 1:8)
And right now I want to throw my shoe at him.
I have absolutely never seen this verse before in this light and now I want to strangle Elkanah with my shoestring. Am I not more to you than ten sons?? Well, Elkanah, not sure how to put this nicely … NO you’re not. Because in this society bearing children was everything, and bearing sons was everything, and here this polygymous man must have seen the torment that was going on in his home, and yet he doesn’t understand Hannah’s sorrow. He doesn’t get it. Why are you sad?
Translated to our day:
What on earth do you have to be sad about?
What’s wrong with you?
What’s your deal?
How comforting is that? How encouraging? How cherished does that make you feel? Yeah, same here. Not at all.
Sometimes the most difficult disappointments are the ones that others simply do not understand.
This was why my particularly difficult period of disappointment came while we lived with my parents. God was stripping me away of everything–in my heart. I felt like I was dying. But on the outside it didn’t make any sense. Everyone just always thought how lucky we were to have such nice parents that let us live with them (and we DO–I adore them, the whole world knows that). But the disappointment I was feeling was so internal and nobody seemed to understand. Though certainly no one meant to, I felt a constant What’s the big deal?
Have you ever been there? Ever struggled through a disappointment that didn’t translate to those around? Or, sadly, has the one closest to you, perhaps even your spouse, looked at you and said, “Come on! What’s the big deal? What do you have to be sad about?”
Thankfully, I have never, ever, ever, had my husband treat me like that. But sweet friends, I know so many of you have. And I pray that this simple message can help you know–the stuff you feel is hard … it IS hard. Sometimes the greatest gift can simply be another person listening and saying, “Wow. Yeah, that would be hard for me too.”
And the greatest gift is that that other person is Christ Himself:
“This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses…” Heb. 4:15
He understands when no one else does. I pray this translates to your heart today. Thanks for reading.
Disappointment: When the road is long
Last week a friend called. “I’m weary,” were her words.
And with good reason. She is in a long trial. Not a life-threatening one like Shawna, but a long one nonetheless. A situation filled with disappointment, ambiguity, uncertainty, and most of all–length of time.
I’d like to take a few weeks and talk about disappointment. Not because I love the topic, but because God is reminding me afresh that how we engage with the inevitable disappointments in our lives with determine whether we live a life experiencing the fullness and abundance of fulfillment, or whether we live a life characterized by defeat, pessimism, and cynicism.
I’m specifying disappointment as opposed to suffering because while suffering is real, on a daily basis we are more likely to deal with disappointment than true suffering.
We’re going to face disappointment, and face it often, so we better figure out what to do with it. Amen?
As we begin our discussion, I’d like to point out three specific types of disappointment that can be especially difficult, as seen in the life of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. The first?
1. Those which simply last a long time.
I’ve shared before that for a season of 50 months, God had Jeff and I in a season of disappointment. It was like He just had a hundred creative ways to show us what disappointment felt like. We had a lot of chance to study it because were starting straight at it all the time! Thankfully, we never faced a life-threatening disease or any of those kind of devastations, but it was a steady stream of disappointment. Again and again and again.
Have you ever been there?
Hannah was there. Hannah was married to Elkanah, who also had a second wife Peninah. Peninah had children, and Hannah had none. Sadly, in that patriarchal society, women were only valued for their ability to produce offspring–namely, sons. Even today in the middle east, a woman’s value can be simply reduced down to the number of sons that she has. You know what that makes Hannah? A zero. Without sons, Hannah is a zero. But that’s not all of her disappointment. So not only does Hannah have to suffer through having her husband married to another woman who bears sons while Hannah is barren, but this other woman torments her and provokes her because of her inability to bear children. Consider how this would have been a disappointment every single month. Some of you have gone through the struggle of infertility and know exactly how the cycle of disappointment feels. Every single month, hoping for conception, then getting disappointed again. Every single month. For how long?
“So it went on year by year.” (1 Sam 1:7)
Years.
A long bout with disappointment isn’t just about one bum deal. It’s that the days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years and the string of disappointments wear down our souls. John Piper says that
perhaps the most trying circumstances are simply those that last a long time. A quick and painful blow can often be endured, while the gnawing ache of disappointment wears us down to the core.
Have you ever been there? Even a small disappointment, when dealt over and over and over, can wear down your soul until it’s raw. A spouse always responding sarcastically, a relative always pushing a certain button, a vicious cycle of getting your hopes up and having them dashes yet again. Even the teeny hope/disappointment cycle of trying to sell our house has had me feeling raw at times.
No matter how small the disappointment, it can add up when you give it long enough.
If you find yourself relating to this, I have great news. God can transform our disappointment. His greater purpose for us is not disappointment, but fulfillment. Will you stick with me the next few weeks as we journey along this road, I believe God has some wonderful nuggets in store. In the meantime, His words:
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. Is. 40:28-31
Need prayer? Shoot me a line. Thanks, as always, for reading.