I wanted Thomas Nelson so badly.
I know: I’m sure I’m breaking all the rules of professionalism to actually write about the process of seeking publication. Oh well. I have never excelled at professionalism, but perhaps a bit of my journey can connect with a bit of yours.
Like I said: I wanted them. Why? Well … honest answer?
Because I’m small and they are big.
Yup. They’re big. Real big. The biggest. And I’m small. Real small. The smallest. So what better way to feel big than to climb up into the biggest that there is?
One small problem: my smallness.
In so many words that’s what they said: That they love my idea and project, but my “following” is not what they’d like it to be yet.
In other words: I’m small.
(I could have told them that!)
So naturally I was bummed, not so much because of them, but just realizing that this book may end up with some no-name publisher with really terrible cover art drawn by hand and all of 13 people will buy it, all of whom are family members, and I will have spent all this time and energy on … What?
*Sigh*
Just. So. Small.
See, please hear my heart. I don’t want to be famous. Probably none of us reading this blog want to be, I just want to do something worthwhile, I want to invest in something that’s worth the time, the effort. You do too, right?
And so sometimes it’s just discouraging how small we really are. When you try to make a difference, when you join a cause or pursue a dream, sometimes your own smallness can just be … overwhelming.
But minutes after I heard back from Thomas Nelson, a good friend emailed these words:
“Saul kept on trying to put his armor on me but it did not work. Like David I cast it off and am just fine with the small in me too. and….mmmmm…Look who slew the giant…..”
Absolutely.
Of course, why hadn’t I seen it? Ironically, I was studying 1 Samuel 17 at that exact moment for an upcoming conference. Hadn’t even thought about how small David was.
Now please, I’m not trying to make myself out to be some heroic giant-slayer, but aren’t we all called to slay giants in this life? Aren’t we all called to something that looms so large in our vision? And so we try to put on Big Girl clothes, we buy a pair of giant shoes because we think that’s what we need to fill.
But we don’t have to fill any shoes other than our own. Even if they’re small.
See we might think we need something “big” to make up for our smallness.
And we’re right. We do.
We just haven’t thought big enough. We need something WAY bigger.
Saul’s armor was too big for David so he cast it off and went after the giant with nothing but himself…. and God.
That’s big. Sometimes, perhaps, He loves to use small people so He gets lots of glory?
John Piper said this,
“There are saving works that God will only do through small churches and ordinary people, not through large churches and more sophisticated people.
The Lord said to Gideon, “The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.’” (Judges 7:2)
Beware of missing your appointed fruit by envying bigger trees.”
Today I’m going to settle down into my smallness and savor His bigness. I don’t know what will happen, but we have no choice but to take ourselves and our God and keep moving forward to face whatever giant He’s put in our path.
Even if my fruit is a blueberry–and not a watermelon–I’ll choose to bear it well … and rest in being small.
{Thank you for letting me grow alongside you…and thanks for reading.}
36 thoughts on “Small.”
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oh kari. so wise. you put words to something i was thinking this weekend. i spent a fantastic weekend at the hillsong women’s conference in london and it was amazing. there were amazing speakers (sheila walsh and patricia shirer and christine caine) and there was, of course, fantastic worship, and hundreds of women committed themselves to christ and it was a mighty weekend.
but most of all, it gave me a huge appreciation for our little church, that’s right in the middle of our neighbourhood, that we can walk to. with it’s imperfect timing of lyrics on the screens and notices that don’t always match up and a pastor who is unbelievably gifted as a teacher, but is rather unknown…i’d spent the last five years in a BIG church with big programmes, and there are times and places for being big. but there are also times for being small and wondering at what God is able to do through our weakness, our smallness.
i pray he uses your smallness for mighty things. as only he could do. so that only he can get the glory. and regardless of who publishes it, you can count on at least one non-family member buying your book 😉
Two. You can count on at least two non family members buying your book. 🙂
🙂
Ha, so true, Brie, so true! I am so glad you and Jamie have found a blessed small church right there near your home. What a gift! Thanks for your kind words, I love having a friend across the Big Blue! Love you…
I woke VERY early. A bit overwhelmed by the day and days ahead in work related circumstances. Determined to get a bit more shut eye I stayed in bed attempting to slumber BUT the giants loomed in my mind. OK, get up and see what He has for me to do. I saw your post in my email and read. Just what I needed. Whose am I? Who do I trust? Am I able? No, not alone. Glad I am a blueberry and NOT a watermelon. oh that made me laugh! Watermelons ARE bigger but those blueberries? Packed with SO much more goodness. Blueberry to blueberry…thank you for your well timed words of hope, integrity and character. Thank you for sharing your journey:)
Ahh, friend, well thank YOU for writing the email that is featured in this post! Your words, so timely, so divine. I keep thinking of them all week long. We are pretty small little critters, aren’t we? 🙂 I love you! Praying for you as you face those giants today…
When we dream big I believe our journey is hard. Hard work, hard to preserve, hard to believe for our dream to come to fruition. Our God is so big and as we rest in him we can have peace. We know He sees all things and if it is His desire to have your book published it will come to pass as He would allow.
Thank you.
You can count of me buying your book!! 🙂
I feel this way often. Maybe in our smallness, humility, is where we’re most moldable.
Thanks, Kari! You keep on writing for the Lord! He has used you to speak into my life!
Amen, Jennifer. Blueberry to blueberry, it’s a joy to grow together with you!
This was something I needed to hear and be reminded of. Thank you, Kari, for so eloquently speaking the truth. I get my gaze stuck on being ‘big for the Lord’, and truly wanting to be used by Him in big ways. In the big ways I imagine. In the big ways that my desires {which He put there} bubble up in me and want to be expressed and used. And, just as you quoted, “Beware of missing your appointed fruit by envying bigger trees”…. Awww. That was refreshing to hear. My whole body felt anxious today- full of self- from the moment I woke up. Reading your words, and God’s truth, I find there is peace in the entirety of my being. Thank you for that cool drink of water. Glory to God, for now I feel I will be able to lovingly, peacefully, and humbly tackle the day; verses it tackling me. 🙂
Wow, amen Alicia! It’s so funny, I look at what you and Tyler are doing and I think, “WOW! That’s BIG!” And yet, it’s true, from our own perspective we feel so very small. And our smallness is so good. Thanks so much for sharing this, and encouraging me. We two tinies can, like you said, go humbly tackle the day! Thanks…
🙂
Kari, those great big watermelons are mostly water. Blueberries like you are the super fruit, packed with nourishment, that is SO good for the soul!
Oh girl, you’re a delight! Here’s to blueberries! 🙂
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. PS 37:4
It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. the words I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. The Spirit has gone ahead of you and has a plan.
I want to order a copy for Frances.
Bob, you are Frances are GEMS! You have fruit popping out all over your life. Thank you for those words of life.
Kari,
Loved all of this! And I was blessed by reading all the sweet comments. What an encouragement you are to others. I am grateful for your blog and the way you choose to be transparent and humble. Loved how you talked about Him being big so he gets all the Glory! Sometimes (well maybe a lot of times) I try to be a glory-stealer. So thankful for such a big, gracious, and patient God 🙂
Oh and I will buy your book as well 🙂
Chris
Thank you, dear Chris! I can’t wait to meet you someday, my kindred God-seeker church-planter friend! (Ah yes, glory-stealing…*sigh*…same here. Another topic for another day.) Bless you!
Kari, oh, my writer heart resonates with yours! I’ve queried and proposed and conferenced. Nothing but nos and silence. I just want to write! To love God and people through words on the page and words shared to just one person or a whole crowd. It’s so hard to wait!
Dear LeeBird, thank you for your post on (in)courage … it totally ministered to my heart; SUCH God timing! I love how He does that. Hang in there beautiful girl and keep writing those real, true, powerful words!
I love blueberries, everything about them…they pack a lot of punch for being small;-) I know that there are great things for you in store, Kari. God has chosen you to touch so many people, myself included. That publisher may be big, even huge, but He is bigger. Time will tell, friend, time will tell! I am so excited for you already with what He has in store for you. I can’t wait to see what it is!
And, I am so going to buy your book…I will even be pre-ordering it, just so I know I will get a copy! Love you:-)
Haha, you’re the best Meliss! I hadn’t thought about the nutrient value of blueberries. You’re right! Let’s be small and pack a good punch! Love you…
Hey Kari, add me to the list of non-family members who will read your book. You are a born writer! I’ll never forget the night God spoke through my pastor on this same idea, and the teaching was from Zechariah 4:10–don’t despise the day of small things! Earlier in that chapter is the more well-known phrase: “Not by might, nor by power, but my My Spirit, says the Lord.” I’ve often been baffled at why our relatively small church has stayed the same small size for so many years. It’s such a life-full place! But then it hit me–maybe, just maybe, God’s actually KEPT it small?? Because sometimes, like that quote you brought out from Piper (and Brie echoed above), God chooses to do things in small places instead of big places. And who knows–when things are written down as your thoughts are, they can have a powerful impact in generations to come. Some of the most amazing creative works have only come to popular light long after the author/creator has passed from this life (not that I’m implying that will be the case with you!!). I think you’ve got the right idea; face the giants, glory in your smallness and HIS bigness!!
Thank you so much, Elisabeth. Amen and amen. What a great word, right on and so timely. Thank you so much for your encouragement! Bless you, sister!
Sweet thoughts in the midst of disappointment, Kari. We know that feeling well around here, being in the publishing business. Just had it from Thomas Nelson a few weeks back, in fact. I can’t wait to hear where God places you. I think you’ve got a great voice and message. Put that blueberry in a slingshot…and watch out world. 😉
Blueberry in a slingshot! Love that visual…I’m saving that line! Thanks so much, Darcy. Wow, your site is captivating. I’m intrigued by your life! Thank you so much for stopping in here…stay in touch? I’m off to read your journals…
I subscribed. 🙂 Looking forward to your words in my box….
Oh, Kari, I feel like we’re soul sisters! Just stopped by today from InCourage (LOVE that post, by the way) and can echo an “AMEN” to your woes with being “too small.” I’ve been swallowed hard the same response from countless publishers.. great idea, but we can’t sell books by women with “small notoriety”… the process of trying again and again is such a faith walk. But keep walking. I’ve learned over the last decade that each publisher’s “no” is really just God’s “not yet.” Your book sounds amazing. I promise to buy it! And I’m praying you through this SMALL little roadblock.. because God’s plans for you are BIG! Blessings from a writer who understands your heart just a bit.
Yay! Love meeting a soul sister! You are a JOY and I love your site and all your sweet handful of kids. Wow, it’s really a joy to meet you. Please stay in touch? I’m at MOPS now reading your article there. 🙂
Kari,
To the world you may be just one person but to one person you may be the world. Your message today reminds me of The Starfish Story. I’m sure you know of it but it never gets old so just in case you don’t know the story here it goes……A young girl was walking on the beach where thousands of starfish had been washed on shore during a terrible storm the night before. As she came to each one she would pick it up and throw it back in the ocean. After she had been doing this for some time a man approached her and said “little girl don’t waste your time, look at this beach its covered with starfish, its not going to make a difference” the girl kept on walking, picked up another starfish and threw it back in. She looked at the man and replied “well it made a difference to that one” the old man smiled and feeling inspired joined the girl in throwing the starfish back in the ocean. Don’t ever feel like your to small to change someone’s life and make a difference. I love your blog, I look forward to reading it everyday, it gives me hope, inspires me and reminds me I’m not alone, I’m not the only mom who goes through these things, I’m not the only young woman struggling to do what’s right, love my husband, my kids and the lord and still have a little bit left over for myself, I could go on and on but just know my dear Kari you have already made a difference in my life and I’m sure the life of so many others.
Oh Christy–BLESS YOU! Bless you for coming here, for taking the time to reach out of the invisible and let me “see you” here. I do love the starfish story, and thank you for telling it again so I can remember it afresh. You’re so right. I pray pray pray that you are blessed here and that God gives you fresh strength this day to love that man and raise those kids and wipe that yucky spot at the base of the toilet (!) all for the glory of God! Grateful for you! -Kari