The Resurrection Response to Hurt

I felt that familiar flip-flop feeling, that quick catch in my breath. Oh good grief, Kari. Really?! Yes, really. It would seem so innocuous, this thing, but it tripped up some insecurity switch and as I slipped into bed, in the safety of the darkness the tears slid down my face, onto the pillow. Why, Lord?! Why still? Why do old wounds still produce this ridiculous response? Why am I so emotionally unstable?!

Sorry for TMI, but of course our lovely friends Hormones had something to do with it. Their other friend, Fasting, seems to has the same effect. When Hormones and Fasting are both visiting my house? Whoa Nelly. Things can spiral down rather suddenly.

But. I embrace both because they weaken our defenses, our self-protective thick-skin, and make us painfully vulnerable. They bring things to the surface, and that’s the whole point. When we fast, or experience any circumstance where we’re weakened, the things that surface were already in there, we just didn’t know it.

When tears surface, there’s always something under the surface.

Years ago a wise friend recommended a simple 3-day approach toward responding to painful remarks. I’ll call it the “Resurrection Response” to criticism or hurts. When we receive the painful word or remark or situation, we respond in step with Jesus’ death and resurrection.

1. Die.

Don’t respond. Don’t defend yourself. Allow the pain of the remark to actually sink in and hurt. Don’t brush it off, ignore it, or pretend it didn’t matter. If necessary, grieve. Even if you feel petty or silly, honestly acknowledge the hurt before God (NOT another person at this point).  Even if you are wrongly accused or misjudged, reflect on how Jesus stayed quiet and bore the shame and pain of the cross.

2. Rest.

The next day, do nothing. Just rest. Wait. Again, don’t respond. Don’t take action. Allow a full day to just give the Lord space to work in your heart, show you your own areas of brokenness of weakness. Or just rest in His presence and let Him minister His love to you.

3. Rise.

Take action. This might mean responding (if God leads), or it might mean just rising from the “grave” of pain and hurt and walking forward in the newness and life and power and freedom that God worked through the painful process. His Holy Spirit will show us what it means to Rise, but we take action to move forward in overcoming sin, selfishness, insecurity, pettiness. We forgive. Always. We refuse revenge or pride, and we rise out of the hurt and move forward in love and generosity.

Friends, this simple 3-day method has OFTEN kept me from saying or doing really stupid things. It’s protected me from lashing back, reacting, or making rash decisions out of hurt. I pray this simple practice can be helpful for you too. Thank You, Jesus, for showing us the way to die, to rest, to rise. We pray your resurrection power will give us the strength to love others lavishly. Thank You for your grace.

Thanks for reading.