As we begin wading into Second Mile waters, we’ll inevitably have some objections, or at least valid questions that surface. What about abuse? Does God call me to be a doormat? Aren’t we enabling people? This looks a lot like codependence!
True, at first glance, the Second Mile can look frighteningly similar to codependence. Someone slaps you and you purposefully turn your cheek, isn’t that enabling that person to slap you again?
Codependence says: I need you to love me, so I’ll do whatever it takes to get, or keep, your love.
Christlikeness says: I don’t need you to love me, I love you because Christ loves me, so I’ll do whatever He says because I already have His love and approval.
Codependence says: I need you to approve of me in order to be okay, so I won’t resist any of your sinful behaviors because I fear losing your approval.
Christlikeness says: I don’t need your approval, I’m already okay because Christ has approved of me. I can therefore do whatever it takes to help you be free from sinful behaviors (even if that includes contacting authorities), because I’m not afraid of losing your approval.
Codependence says: I’m desperate, and I’m nothing on my own, so I’ll revolve my entire life around doing whatever it takes to keep you near.
Christlikeness says: Because I am in Christ, I’m not desperate. I’ll serve you to whatever extreme Christ determines, because I only serve one Master and that is Him.
Codependence says: I live to please you, person.
Christlikeness says: I live to please You, God.
Questions to consider:
Does this person’s Facebook “like” on your post means more than anyone else’s?
Does his or her not liking your post negatively affect your mood?
Does this person have the power to make you cry easily? After an interaction do you find yourself moody, anxious, or depressed?
Does he or she have greater say in your decision-making than God and His Word?
Do you find yourself grumpy or short with your family if you have a negative interaction with this person?
If plans with this person are cancelled, are you relieved?
Are you willing to sacrifice significant time/comfort/money in order to please this person? Would you make the same sacrifice for your spouse or close friend?
Are you afraid to vocalize an opinion that you know they’d disagree with?
Do you feel guilty for making a decision you know they’d disagree with?
When you need to talk to this person about something important, do you get a stomach ache or feel overly stressed?
Do others (i.e. your family) get neglected because you overly prioritize this person’s needs/wants/preferences?
Looking to Jesus:
Jesus never shied away from speaking truth for fear of offending someone.
Jesus never begged anyone to follow him, like him, or approve of him.
Jesus consistently identified with socially unacceptable or unclean people.
Jesus was never afraid of rejection.
Jesus never let others’ criticism or ridicule negatively affect his interactions with others.
Jesus continued to show love and kindness toward those who mistreated him.
Jesus never showed favoritism to the rich, influential, popular, etc.
Jesus never retaliated or sought revenge.
Jesus never chased after someone who walked away from Him.
Jesus was never overwhelmed by all the needs around Him.
Jesus was never guilted into doing something that wasn’t the will of God.
Jesus never hurried.
Join me for Episode 20 as we discover the difference between codependence and true Christianity, as well as consider some wisdom if we find ourselves in dangerous or harmful situations…
About the Kari Patterson Podcast: We need wisdom, y’all. Like, yesterday. Right?! We need God’s perspective. We need His heart. We need joy, resilience, clarity, and conviction. Feeling this need, author Kari Patterson opens Scripture and shares candidly how God’s Word informs her daily life. Appropriate for all ages, relatable and refreshing, join Kari for conversations on responding to unkindness, emotional freedom, parenting dilemmas, self-pity, forgiveness, and more. (Available most of the places you enjoy podcasts, including those with links above.)
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