In our marriage, and probably in every marriage, it seems that we cruise a while, then need a course-correction, cruise a while, then course-correction. The course-correction (aka conflict), usually occurs when we’re tired, in transition, stressed, etc. But usually it has a great outcome–it brings issues to a head and causes us to talk through, pray, brainstorm, and be more intentional in our relationship.
Jeff and I have recently had a course correction, and so we’ve related it to our New Year’s Resolutions. Actually, my resolutions aren’t things he’s asked me to do, just this sort of idea that’s been brewing in my brain for a while now.
New Year’s Resolution: I think this is the year I am finally going to acknowledge that I am a wife and stay-at-home mom. Wow, aren’t you impressed by my ambition? Last year my new year’s resolution was to write a book. This year? Acknowledge I’m a wife and stay-at-home mom. So what do I mean by this?
Not to beat a dead horse, but again–our life has been transition up until this point. Truthfully (and this is probably because of pride), I always identified with the seminary/ministry stuff of our life a lot more than the wife/mother stuff of our life. Because of that–often my husband, children, and even house…can get leftovers. I think in fact I probably was even prideful about the fact that I was too busy in seminary & ministry things to spend much time in domestic matters. I’m sure I’ve looked down my nose at moms who busy themselves with reading parenting magazines, clipping coupons (I’ve eaten my words there!), obsessing over cloth or disposable diapers. The result: We rarely sit down as a family and eat dinner together, my son often goes to bed without brushing his teeth, the house is usually a mess when Jeff gets home from work, I haven’t read the parenting books I’ve always said I would, and I haven’t been intentional about teaching Dutch the scriptures or a whole host of other things. Oh, and I hardly ever make the bed. Now, I’m not talking about mommy-guilt or trying to be the perfect wife, blah blah blah. I’m just talking about finally embracing that this season is primarily about being a wife and a mom. And, I’ve been finding the last few days of embracing this that I am WAY happier when things at home are first taken care of. Ya’ll are laughing right now because you’ve known this truth for years.
So what does this have to do with a 1950s housewife? Well I remember this hilarious article Jeff found a few years ago, that was actually published in 1955, called The Good Wife’s Guide. Of course some of it was horrific, including advice to never question if your husband returns home late or stays out all night (!). Some obvious issues there. However, I think maybe there’s something in there, under the ridiculousness of offering to take off his shoes, that’s just right for me. Right now. If I want my husband to be a prince, maybe I ought to treat him like one. If I want him to be the spiritual leader maybe I ought to let him be. If I want our home to be a beautiful haven, maybe I ought to take care of it like it is. If I want my children to grow up to be strong trees, maybe I ought to water them. Just an idea. So this last week “50s housewife” has been my secret motto, just as a reminder that little things like keeping up the house, praying together in the morning, and sitting down to dinner actually do make me a WAY happier lady.
So some of the recent changes (& Resolutions):
1. Taking my kids grocery shopping with me. Now I won’t do this all the time, but I realized I was doing them a disservice by not training them to behave in the grocery store. I can’t just not take them into public and then get all bent out of shape when I finally do and they misbehave. They need some practice. What better place than a grocery store–everyone expects kids to misbehave there. So, today we did it–in fact I was Domestic Diva, because we did Coupon Extravaganza at Safeway ($127 of food for $51), which had some near-disasters but we survived, then a trip to Rite-Aid where I had to leave the store temporarily to discipline Dutch and the security man followed me out to my car and accused me of shoplifting! Ha! Yeah, that was a highlight, I’ve never been accused of that before (I had tucked my coupon into my pocket and so he was suspicious–that’s fair. He was nice about it.) Anyway, we did it!
2. Eating dinner together. Jeff can be squirrely when it comes to his arrival time, so sometimes this is tricky. But he’s making an effort too! Two nights in a row so far and I’m loving it. Dutch even set the table tonight on his own and Heidi contributed by throwing Cheerios all over the floor.
3. Making the bed. Ok how pathetic is it that this is a New Year’s Resolution? Laugh if you want.
4. Have the house straightened up and looking nice when Jeff gets home. Greet him at the door with a hug and kiss (instead of a grunt and a glance at the clock) :).
5. Praying together every morning. This is what we always used to do and I miss it so much. We’re finally back at it, after giving Jeff strict instructions that even if I whimpered and begged to sleep five more minutes, to pull back the covers, slide his arms under me, and carry me down the stairs if that’s what it took (and it did). I’m floored at the difference.
6. Have a plan every day. Not that every day has to be an amazing field trip, but I want to have a plan for something fun or educational or just an experience, each and every day. Monday was the library, then watching excavators. Tuesday was a visiting to my grandma. Today was groceries. Tomorrow, a long walk and “fishing”. My goal is just have one thing on the docket–even if it’s just coloring a picture or baking cookies or learning a new song. One thing for us to “do” each day.
What a funny contrast to my previous year’s resolutions. Of course I’ll keep reading through the Word each year, keep up with Bible study and teaching, do women’s ministry, keep writing, read books that make me think. But, this year, 2010 is the year of the 50s housewife. I like it. Maybe I’ll even wear an apron over my skinny jeans. I could get into this.
8 thoughts on “New Year's Resolution: The 1950s Housewife”
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Wow. Your husband is the most blessed man alive! Oh, wait, that’s me! 🙂 Even better!
Love, thank you for sounding as if I am a prince, when I am certainly not, and treating me as one. Your new resolutions are to me more like bringing a consistency to the patterns you’ve already worn — not one of these actions will be surprising. Yet all will be welcome, because love is meant to be reciprocal, even if expecting nothing in return. Though you will get it all back and then more.
Can’t wait to carry you downstairs in the morning to pray together…
(And if anyone wants to see what that 1950s Good Wife’s Guide looked like, try here. Yes, it is ridiculous, and no, I don’t expect much. But I am thankful for such an incredible woman. Marry up, friends!)
Kari, this is one of the best posts you’ve written! And I like everything you write, so that’s saying something. 🙂 I’m right there with you sister. This last year has been a year of learning what it means to be a full time wife and mother. Up until last January I was always working and always over busy, so this year was an adjustment. I’ve learned a lot! And we are SO MUCH HAPPIER when I am settled into my mommy/wife groove. I don’t feel like I’ve given up a single thing–in fact, I’ve gained a ton! I’m happy you’re looking forward to a year as the 1950s housewife. And I’m right there with you. 🙂
Kari, your link caught my eye while I sit here and waste my time catching up on facebook. Your words are not only truthful but inspiring. I think a lot of us think the same thoughts. Those of us who work, want to stay at home with the kids. And the stay at home Moms, want to work or to do activities outside the house. Avoiding the difficult situations are always easier than working with others (kids) to learn how to adjust. Husbands can be difficult, but we love them anyways 🙂 But then in reality sometimes it is our expectations that cause the conflicts. Making the bed (not laughing) it seems like such a waste, but when it gets done, you feel like you accomplish one task for the day. And prayer always makes everything better. I have noticed that when Dennis and I have our course correction times, we may have been praying alone, but not together for one reason or another. Enjoy every minute with those adorable kids. Soon enough they will be off to school and you will miss spending the day with them.
You are an amazing person. I will keep you in my prayers to find peace and guidance in your newly accepted “role.”
Oh my dear friend! I totally needed to hear this. Thank you!
Hi Kari! Wow, i love your blog! I am not just saying that either to be nice, I really do like your insight into daily things.Usually I don’t like blogs because I feel like it is essentially “spying” on someones life, and they know your doing it because it is a public thing,but strange when you then see someone and you know what is going on in their lives, but they don’t because reading someone’s blog is a lonely thing. Ok … random thought their I know =)
Anyhoo… I totally agree about the realization of a housewife. Even though I don’t have children, or a husband, I can somewhat relate to your dilema. Some days when I am nannying I take my own agenda into what I want that day..ie, checking my email, occasionally playing with the kids, and catering to my needs in the situation. I have come to realize though, that in those moments when I think I am doing something good for me, I am actually making the days worse, because the kids are bored, and they definitly let you know later, when I don’t go to nap ( like kid punishment)
My point is this: Although we know what we are suppose to do to make our lives happier ( ie. remembering to brush my teeth in the mornings, or eating healthy & not having coco everyday, or actually showering in the mornings) we often justify that it is ok when we don’t do them. for example, sometimes I hate showering in the mornings, but if I don’t do my hair, shower, makeup, and drink my coffee my whole day is shot!!! )
well enough rambeling from me.. I like your post !!! The end… heheheh
P.S… I understand the realization that what life and god has handed you “career” wise might not always be what we wanted, but he show’s us we can handle it.
Thank you for your website! 🙂 It is so wonderful to hear another modern woman who shares my values and expresses the simple joys of motherhood. Thank you for your example and the affirmation that the way I WANT to think is valid and strong. It’s refreshing.
-Kara