My thoughts on Covid + 5 ways to cultivate the health of my heart

“I will just be happy to talk about something other than Covid!”

Ha. That was my friend’s text responding about our upcoming book-discussion group. Oh man, seriously. Hands down, this has been the hardest ministry season of our lives. A couple days ago in my morning Bible reading I read an interesting Proverb:

“A man’s spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?”

(Prov. 18:14)

That pretty much sums it up. In the last six months, I haven’t had a single person in my life who has been crushed due to physical illness. I actually don’t know anyone who’s been sick beyond a mild cough or cold. And yet, an overwhelming number of people have and are battling crushed spirits.

Please understand this isn’t a political statement. I’m not saying that wearing a mask is crushing someone’s spirit. I’m happy to wear a mask. In fact, yesterday I forgot my mask at Papa Murphy’s so I wore a diaper on my face. We need some humor, people! We’re dying from a lack of laughter!

“A joyful heart is good medicine but a crushed spirit dries up the bones!”

(Prov. 17:22)

I’m also not saying the physical symptoms of Covid aren’t a real concern. I know they are. I am saying that the atmosphere right now seems toxic to our souls and that’s what concerns me most. That’s what has made me cry myself to sleep and sometimes want to move out to the woods (Wait, we live in the woods–well, farther out into the woods) and avoid all contact with people for the foreseeable future.

I was telling a friend the other night, everything feels happy-sad right now:

• I’m happy because I see God reforming and changing and challenging His church in GOOD WAYS. I see us being forced to reevaluate how we “do church” and cut away so much of what probably doesn’t matter. I see us being refined, I see our worship made more pure. As we gather in House Churches I see people stepping up to serve in ways they wouldn’t have otherwise.
• I’m sad because I desperately miss the camaraderie and fellowship of our weekly Sunday gathering. I miss the family reunion every week. I miss the feeling of togetherness we had when we all came together. I miss seeing my best friends and all serving together.
• I’m happy because I see this as an opportunity for the church to go the Second Mile and joyfully respond with grace and kindness, even when it feels like some mandates are motivated by money or oddly lopsided.
• I’m sad because it seems like no matter what way we respond, someone is upset. If someone errs on the side of caution and doesn’t gather, clearly they don’t really love God. If someone feels a conviction to continue gathering, clearly they don’t care whether people die from Covid. *sigh*
• I’m happy because God has blessed us with a baby, due on Election Day, and so far this child is alive I’m overjoyed at God’s blessing.
• I’m sad because during 6 months of Covid in Oregon there have been 400 deaths from Covid (most of which are elderly with underlying conditions) and every one of those lives matter, but more than three thousand babies have been intentionally aborted with no reporting or coverage or headlines or funerals or graves and every one of those lives matter too. I’m not trying to make a political statement, I’m just saying this makes me sad.
• I’m happy because Jesus is coming soon.
• I’m sad because so many don’t want Him. I’m sad because so many have been deceived into believing that His ways aren’t good, that His commands are oppressive. I’m sad that we’ve “liberated” people into feeling no guilt for sin and we’re “freeing” them to continue in lifestyles that lead to death. I’m sad for innocent children who don’t know any better than to believe what’s being taught and who will reap the tragic consequences of early choices their whole lives.
• I’m happy that I see God growing us, growing me, through the challenges.
• I’m sad because I’m still so selfish, easily-angered, touchy, and prideful.

So what’s to be done? I guess my takeaway is that if a crushed spirit is the real danger, if that’s what we cannot bear, I better be on guard against that, above all. So I resolve:

1. I will guard against isolation. In whatever ways allowable, I will continue to cultivate community, camaraderie, and life-giving fellowship among the family of God. I will routinely be with people who make me LAUGH (I love you, Dad!).
2. I will guard against judgement. Jesus clearly taught us to be on guard against this! It is toxic! I’m not the judge of others! (More on that in the next podcast!)
3. I will limit exposure to media. It is possible to be reasonably-informed without crushing my soul with the weight of the world. God, help me to be informed enough to act and pray, without taking on what is only Yours to know and do.
4. I will pray for those in leadership. Whatever position, platform, or party–God calls me to pray for our leaders, and not just imprecatory prayers. 😉
5. I will praise God and give thanks daily. The truth is, none of this is new. History is full of much darker days than these, it’s just that these are probably the darkest days we’ve lived through. Praising God and giving thanks puts things back in perspective. God’s not freaking out.

Well, there. I probably won’t write about Covid again, I just thought I’d chime in and share my heart, in case someone else feels like this too.

And if everything feels heavy, just go into the store with a diaper on your face. It’ll brighten everyone’s day.

{Thanks for reading.}