“Some people are more sure of everything than I am of anything.”
Robert Rubin, former US Secretary of the Treasury
Quandary #1: They crawl in early.
Really early. I don’t know how their internal clocks know it, but sometime between when I wake up and when they should wake up, they shuffle, sleepy-eyed, into my bed and curl up under the heavy warmth of our comforter. They sleep, doze, or just watch me read my Bible, pray, and write.
And I, wanting to do do the right thing, ask myself every morning: Should I be letting them do this?
I do, of course, believe children should have boundaries. We have plenty of structure in our days. But so many advise that children should stay in their rooms until a certain time in the morning, and while I think this is a fabulous idea, I just can’t make myself implement it.
The truth is, these early morning snuggles are sacred to me. Sure, it interrupts my writing a little. But I always remind myself that this post was written with Heidi on my lap, and this post after sacrificing my alone time in order to snuggle away her fears.
My point: Parenting principles sometimes don’t apply.
Because children are people. And we are in relationship. And while there some hard and fast rules from our Heavenly Father, aside from that He deals with each of us differently. He gives different convictions, different freedoms. He, the perfect parent relates to us not on the basis of rules but the basis of relationship.
And that’s why parenting is so messy. Why right now my bed is messy because two monkeys are in it as I type these words. And that’s ok with me. Today I’m saying yes to messy.
And speaking of messy…
Quandary #2: He hates spelling.
His handwriting is so messy. Despite the fact that he can read adult encyclopedias and chapter books and is excelling in so many subjects, he detests spelling and handwriting and everyday the stress rises when we get to that blasted red workbook and he struggles and I struggle and all too often we end with him discouraged and me fit to be tied.
Do I keep pushing him? Do I try something else? Do I say to heck with it, he’s only in 1st grade?
One phenomenal book says one thing, another phenomenal book says something different altogether. I agonize over it, like every mom has at one point or another. And so I choose, again, to fall back on relationship. To my relationship with God. To prayer and fasting and seeking my Father to ask Him what He’d want for my son. And we pray to God together so he can see: When we don’t know what to do, we throw ourselves into the lap of God, and trust in His loving care and guidance.
And I scrap spelling for now.
Quandary #3: Do I take a day away each week for writing and speaking prep, believing that is best, or give all my time entirely to my children and trust God that the early morning margins will suffice for study?
There is no right answer etched in stone. And although I don’t sense a clear answer in prayer, I lean one way in my heart, and it takes a scary leap of faith to erase that slot from my schedule and trust that these dark early mornings will multiply miraculously and give me just the time I need …
I leap. And guess what?
He provides abundantly.
What’s the point of sharing my personal quandaries here? Surely you don’t care about the minutiae of my life. I share because we ALL have quandaries. Areas of indecision. And often I look around, and think along with Rubin, “Some people are more sure of everything than I am of anything!”
And so I look at these little quandaries and they teach me this, when faced with indecision:
1. Let relationship be our guide.
2. Seek God’s wisdom through prayer and His Word (and sometimes fasting).
3. Leap out in faith.
And over all of this, let us not be afraid to admit our indecision. Our quandaries. Nowhere in Scripture are we called to have all the answers. God alone is wise. Let’s live small, ok with our indecision, and trust His loving leadership to guide our steps.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.” Prov. 3:5-6
{Thanks for reading.}
*Thank you, sweet Lacey Meyers, for capturing these photos. You are such a gift to me!
7 thoughts on “My Quandaries {What to do when you don't know what to do}”
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I struggle with what to do with my three year old son Kingston. He has become scared of his room and wants only to sleep with us. He truly is scared and putting him in his bed he is miserable. Our two year old daughter sleeps in her own bed but asked me the other day if she can sleep with me like Kingston. I was divastaed that she even knew. Thank you for being open and honest.
Praying for you right now, Tanyis, for God’s heavenly wisdom to guide you and your husband. Thank you for sharing.
I feel your choices in child rearing work well, both for your family and the other parents in our community who deal with their children in relationship, as opposed to a limited perspective of absolute authority. It’s one of the things that makes Sundays so enjoyable. Those children interact with each other and their elders from a sense of wonder and excitement about life and the mystery of our Creator, when they could easily be dictated into quiet submission. If we are to live abundantly (in faith, spirit, knowledge and community) our children should as well. In safety, of course.
Wow, thank you so much Marvin. That means a lot coming from someone who interacts with the exuberance of our children on a regular basis! 🙂 We love you and Michelle, thanks for journeying with us at Renew!!!
“Let us not be afraid to admit our indecision” ~that line really struck me! I have so many in my life that seem to get instant responses from God. Something will be placed in-front of them and BAM they’ve made their decision. My husband & I have struggled with the idea of possibly finding a new church. It’s been over a year now & I feel like all those “instant” people in our lives are getting tired of our indecisiveness (as am I)! We’ve been at the same church for 4 years, and it’s a wonderful church. We aren’t connecting with the message there any longer & as our children are getting older (7,4,2) we’re seeing that there really isn’t anything available for them besides Sunday School. It’s a small, country church and there are only a few other children that attend. But the fellowship is there and it’s our “church family” for sure. We tried attending a larger church off and on this past year, maybe once a month. The message there is amazing! They don’t offer a SS but have children’s church during the sermon, so instead of going to the nursery to play, they go to their own little classes. Which I love! There are over a 100 kids there. My problem is that no one talks, everyone is in their own little group. There were many, many Sunday’s where we would go & leave without a single person speaking to us. It sometimes feels like those scenes in the high school movies at lunch time, we’re not sitting at the cool kids table kind of feeling. I’m getting to this point of anger with our indecision, make a decision and move on. Hearing about someone with so much faith struggling with things, it’s just helped me to realize that we’re not alone in all of this! Thank you for this post. 🙂
My sister and I, who often differ on minor details of how to parent, agree on one thing, that if you care enough to have the conversation (even in your own mind) then it shows that you care. So you dear Kari agonize because you care 🙂
Consider though if as God’s children we were told to ‘stay in our rooms’ until he was ready to hear our prayers. You are doing a wonderful thing to let your kids know that just as our Lord is always accessible so are you. Keep listening to your heart and forget the experts in books. The voice in your heart is after all the voice of God. All the best to you and yours.
As new mommy I want to thank you fir your quandary #1. With so much advice out there about how to do it right I’ve lost track if the relationship of being a mom. To carry thst hand of God with me when I hold my don. To let his love drive my love. Such a good reminder that as I walk with him so will he walk with me.
I’m excited to hear you speak at the Calvary Women’s Retreat in a few weeks.
Blessings.