Sorry! My site has been down for 4-5 days … but we got the problems all fixed and I’m back in action. This was written last week but never got to post it so here goes. More to come later …
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No, don’t worry. I am NOT writing about Billy Ray Cyrus OR his millionaire 14-year-old daughter. But I do want to write about hearts, and how they do ache. Do you know the feeling where you long for something so much it aches inside you? I don’t just mean you want a new car or you want a better job or something, I mean a longing that just feels like it’s boring a hole in your soul? Yeah, I thought you did.
I think the thing I battle with is feeling like I’m never quite sure what to do with that ache. In the past, usually when I’ve had that sort of intense longing, it’s been for something that God does indeed want to do. We are told in Proverbs that when we delight ourselves in God He will give us the desires of our heart. However, I think that that speaks more of implanting His desires into our heart (gives us) rather than just giving us the things we want. So, my prayer is constantly that God would implant His desires into my heart, so that my thoughts and motives and desires are in line with His. Sometimes it’s easy to know whether things are from Him or not. An aching to see a loved one saved is obviously a desire from God, we know that God desires that everyone would come to faith in Him. On the other hand, sinful desires are obviously not from God and we can be safe in refuting those thoughts and desires and setting our minds on things above. But what about the rest—the world of gray area in the middle? That’s where we acknowledge that ache, and turn it to God.
That’s how I feel right now. Jeff and I had a crazy week. Basically I’ve had a dream in my heart, one of those that aches so bad. And this week we unexpectedly experienced a glimmer of hope that this might come to pass. But now is the scary part. Do I hope in this possibility? Do I tell myself it’ll never happen so that I guard my heart and don’t get disappointed? Do I “have faith” and believe that God will do this thing, but then at the same time risk having my heart break in half (or so it feels) if He doesn’t. What do I do with my emotions? It keeps me from sleeping. The possibility of things gets me so excited I can see how God could possibly work some miraculous thing. But I am so afraid of getting kicked in the gut, that it makes me fearful, especially because of our experience in San Jose (See The Road to Santa Clara under Featured Posts). So much of what happened there has made me so scared and leery.
Ok, so there are my honest heart questions. The answer? I know it in my head. Surrender my desires to God and say not my will but yours be done, Lord. Surrender my emotions and thoughts to God, acknowledging them as valid but not letting them carry me away. Surrender our future to God—He is God and He is good. Have faith in GOD, not in the hope of some certain event happening or event coming true. Wait on GOD, not on a person or something specific happening. And then pray, being honest with God about my desires and longings and achings, while recognizing that He alone is the best and greatest desire of my life. It looks so easy on paper, huh?
Oh our hearts are such remarkable things! So complicated and easily swayed, so powerful and yet so tender. What I take from this whole discussion is that I long for my heart to ache for God. I pray that His aches would be our aches. I pray that we would ache for His glory, for His gospel to be spread, for reconciliation and peace in families, for nations to be saved. God, help us know how to handle the aches in our hearts, and let us ache for the things of You. Amen.