LiveDifferent Challenge (25): Just Ask

I recently wrote a post for goingtoseminary.com about discovering the um-mined treasure that is the seminary faculty, and it got me thinking about how much we probably all miss out on simply because we do not ask.

I remember when Jeff and I were engaged, we’d made a point of spending time with couples whose marriages we admired. Young and old alike, we’d ask questions:  How do you do it?  What are three things you wish you knew when you got married?  What is something that surprised you about marriage? Just asking questions of these folks, those who had gone before us, unearthed a wealth of wisdom we tucked away for our early marriage days.  I am so glad we did.

When I was pregnant, my mind swam with the questions.  Of course I read books (Whoever wrote What to Expect When You’re Expecting is a gazillionaire), but the best advice was from people.  People I knew, young and old, moms who’d walked the path before, who could give real life answers and advice for the days to come.  And again, I’m so glad I did.

I”m not sure why, perhaps because we are so stubbornly individualistic these days, but there is definitely a air about our society that insists “I can do it myself.”  But how much we miss out on!  And how many opportunities to honor those ahead of us that we’ve missed because we just don’t take the time to ask.  I can say from experience that not many things are more honoring than being asked for advice. Maybe it’s just me, but it makes me feel so special!  I remember when my dear friend Candi first had her baby, and she’d often just call and say, “Uh…green poop. What’s the deal?”  or “Incessant spit-up.  Any ideas?”  It blessed and honored me that she would even think to call me, and it was a treat to be able to offer whatever I could (which probably wasn’t much).  Jeff and I often ask my parents for their advice on everything–and they in turn respect us by only offering when we ask. 🙂

I recently took an extensive personality/temperament evaluation and somehow the test thing determined that I was above-average in “image management”, meaning that I am concerned with what other people think of me. Gulp. Guilty as charged.  I realized that perhaps that’s why I tend not to ask questions in class or offer answers unless I’m really sure they are right or well thought out or intelligent.  I don’t like asking sometimes because I’m afraid I’ll look like an idiot.  But the truth is–we’re all a bundle of questions about everything, and how much we’d grow if we humbled ourselves and asked.  And what I’m learning?  It doesn’t take a crisis or a huge life-change like babies or marriage to necessitate the asking of questions.  Just this week my sister-in-law showed me this amazing park that is walking distance from our (her) house.  I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I know about this before?!”  and then I realized…because I never asked her. A simple question–hey can you tell me where the good parks are?  would have meant discovering the park gold mine a month earlier.

So try it out.  Ask a question.  Sit down with a grandparent and ask what are the biggest lessons they’ve learned in life.  Sit down with a teacher.  Ask your parents about marriage.  Ask a friend to go further into explaining what really makes her tick.  Ask the waitress what his or her favorite meal is.  Ask your kids what makes them happy and what makes them sad.  Ask your spouse to share three things that make him or her feel loved.  Ask in order to gain wisdom, and ask in order to grow in your love and understanding of people.  Ask to draw people out.  Ask to grow.  There’s so much more I think we can learn…if we just ask.

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Ok, silly little application of this post, but today we had our ultrasound and discovered that it is Heidi Elizabeth Patterson who will be joining our family in February! Yay! 🙂  Afterwards, we decided to celebrate by going to Burgerville because Heidi likes fries. 🙂  Since Dutch also likes fries we each ordered a large to share with him. WHen our order arrived the fries were teeny, looked like smalls to me.  I am not one to ask about order problems at restaurants, so I tried to get Jeff to do it for me, but he was keeping Dutch from climbing over the top of the booth.  Forget it, I thought–it’s no big deal. But then, another thought: Just ask. Hm. Ok, took it up and in my timid little sweet voice, said “Um, are these larges?”  and the lady was the manager and she said “No!  In fact, you take those and I’ll get you two new orders!”  Anyway, to make a long story short, she blessed us with tons of fries (which I was happy to eat since Dutch and I had walked the three miles to my ultrasound appointment), and then even came back and visited, celebrated our baby with us, talked about her own kids, and then went and got Dutch a special blue balloon.  As I left, with my happy full tummy, I thought how simple that was–just to ask (and ask nicely!).  She was happy to oblige, we were happy to receive, and I think she was even blessed by joining in our special celebration.  Ask and you shall receive. 🙂