Little tweaks, long time, big change.

“My greatest fear is not that I will fail, but that I will succeed in things that don’t matter.”

~

It’s funny how things change. How we change. Yesterday we were sorting through old photos, scrapbooking my daughter’s baby book (She’s almost 5. Dont judge.) and at times I just stopped and stared at old photos, incredulous.

Is that really me? Not that I look that different, but I remember the thoughts, values, emotions, goals, aspirations of the girl in the photo, just a few years back, and it strikes me–she’s nothing like me now. 

Not that I’ve somehow “arrived.” Just this week I battled a cloud of overwhelming discouragement. I struggled with feeling angry at my children this week. I wondered what happened to the fun-loving easy-going wife Jeff married. Believe me, I still have my hang-ups. But truly, a quick trip down memory lane left me with one clear realization:

I have changed. 

By the grace of God, Jeff and I are different people than we were 4 years ago. We thought back, trying to figure out what began the snowball and we both agreed:

Little tweaks, long time, big change.

In 2010 we put our “dream house” up for sale. God slowly began crumbling my Christianized American Dream and slowly building His Kingdom Dream. Little tiny choices about our money. Our lifestyle. Our relationships. Our habits. How we spent our time. What “love” looked like. What we were “into.”

None of it was particularly exhilarating. The house showed 90 times in the year it was on the market, and was an incredibly stressful period. We doubted our decision often. But every day afforded a new opportunity to turn the ship every so slightly by minute degrees. Little choices. Slowly, slowly, slowly the ship began to move.

If I’m completely honest I have to say that pre-2010 my dreams, goals, and values were strikingly similar to the worlds’. But maybe dressed up in Christian clothes. Again, not saying I’ve arrived, but sometimes I look back and think, Who was that girl?

God has changed me. I won’t bore you with my own life details, but there are some significantly different things about Kari circa 2010 and Kari circa 2014.

Two things must be said about this:

1) Little tweaks make HUGE differences over the long haul. We are so prone to attempt drastic things. Revamp. Overhaul. And sometimes that’s necessary (Jesus told the rich young ruler to go sell everything. That’s drastic!), but often it’s little choices. To the disciples Jesus just said, “Follow me.” Uh…ok. What’s next?  One step at a time.

A change in direction by one degree takes us to an entirely different destination down the road. 

Which is why #2 is so important.

2) Proceed with CAUTION around resolutions. My greatest fear is not that I will fail, but that I will succeed in things that don’t matter. Oh, friends. This one truth is a golden truth in my life. We can be gung ho so many things. We can be all about nutrition. All about fitness. All about homeschooling. All about health. All about churchy stuff. All about whatever. I have seen this. (In the mirror!)  Resolutions may be made with the best intentions, but still be may be misguided. Off course.

We must be constantly in the Word of God, in prayer, in confession and repentance and thanksgiving and worship. Be constantly calling to mind the truth of the Gospel, the upside down kingdom, where the last are first and the lowliest are the loftiest. We must be constantly letting LOVE be our guiding principle. Constantly letting justice motivate and righteousness guide. Constantly allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us more than the TV, pop culture, or even our favorite podcast preachers.

All these words to say this: Be careful what you resolve. Do resolve. Then rest in the confidence that those little tweaks, over a long time, bring big change.

{For the glory of God, may you be changed this year. Thanks for reading.}