Life in the blender…

When we pray for God to pour us out we never intend that He might blenderize us first.

I told the girls in my mentor group: “I feel like I’ve been in a blender.”

A God-ordained blender that’s chopping me, pureeing me, perhaps preparing me to be poured out? Or, just making me less chunky, easier to swallow. Whatever it is He’s doing, I can feel it.

Have you been through blenderized seasons before? For a few months things felt pretty still. We still had the whirlwind of ministry, Dutch’s birthday, and holidays, but my walk with the Lord felt pretty stable.

Then, as I’ve mentioned before, we began this study Discerning the Voice of God.  Perhaps all His messages had been built up over the past few months of not listening carefully because they all seemed to come tumbling down at once. I shared with you already about Him saying to finish the book. Even though I reminded Him that there is no publisher yet. He keeps reminding me, I don’t need to know the end, just obey Him along the way.

Then this 4am thing. Really, Lord? Really. Ok. We keep getting up, day after day, week after week. It’s been 3 weeks now. The first few days were awesome, a sort of high. Then on day 3 I get up, do the study, and would you believe what He says?

Don’t drink coffee.

What?! What on earth? Where did that come from? I feel like it’s God (that thought would certainly not come from me!), write it down, but I put a question mark after. I want some straight-up confirmation before I swallow this word.  The next day it’s the same thing, then again, then again. Our study that week?

How God repeats Himself in our lives until we’ll listen.

Ok, fine! I put the coffee pot in the back of the pantry, hide the coffee behind a can of beans, and brace myself for the 4am alarm.

Then the kids get sick. SO sick. Almost two full weeks they are sick and not sleeping at night so we’re not sleeping and I keep asking if I can quit this writing/early morning/no coffee gig and God keeps saying No. Gently, lovingly He says No.

Keep going.

Really, God? I feel like a child. Asking just one more time if I can have something. I find myself taken aback at His firmness. Really?  I’m reminded of my children when they’re trying to process a firm No. Really, Mommy? Really we can’t get out of bed a single time? Really you mean I have to finish every single bite of peas if I want a treat?

Something else comes up. Something I don’t want to do. Something I have the perfect excuse for not doing. In fact, outwardly it makes sense for me not to do it. But you know what? He visits me in prayer — tells me to do it. Tells me He knows my heart and even though I have the perfect excuse He knows my heart. I can’t use an outward excuse to cover what’s really in my heart.

Ouch. Can You turn off the blender please?

No answer.

But then the week goes by and I go for my weekend run. I don’t want to. So tired. Not enough sleep. I go, and somehow feeling weakest I run the farthest.  Could when I am weak then I am strong be more of a reality than I think?

And it’s on the hill when He says it. Or when I feel it:

That most of the time we don’t know what we’re training for. 

God has the perfect preparation–training plan–for whatever it is that He’s called  you to. Only He knows. Your training plan is probably not 4am and no coffee. Yours might be an ongoing commitment to a relationship you’d rather avoid. It might be living with your parents and living on pennies while you put your husband through school. It might be staying at a job you hate and working with a person you struggle to love (and struggle to not strangle). It might be a sick child or parent you’re called to care for despite the emotional and physical exhaustion.

You’re training for something. And it’s as if He’s placed dumbells by our bed. And each morning we’re supposed to pick them up, lift, do reps, train and strengthen ourselves. For what?

Only He knows.

But He does know. Nothing’s wasted. The struggle is making you stronger and there will be a day–like my 5+ mile run today–when you’re surprised by how strong you have become.

Because He’s been training you … in the blender. 

{Are there ways your life feels like a blender today? Are you unsure of what He’s training you for? I pray for the grace to trust Him along the way. He’s so good, amen? We can trust Him. Thanks for reading.}