Every blank document mocks me.
This is it. The beginning of the end. What if nothing comes?
Then the begging begins: Please, God! Don’t leave me now! Without You I am utterly lost!
Every blog post, every retreat, every Bible study–it all follows the same pattern. Every blank document is an opportunity to trust once again, because without God’s provision, I have absolutely nothing. No power, no words, no insights … nothing.
It’s a desperate feeling, let me just tell you. It’s good and glorious and faith-building, but every single time that tinge of panic creeps up.
Especially because it means living on His timetable, not mine. I love to jot down to-do items with deadlines and goals for finishing things, but the reality is I spend most of my time waiting on God to provide.
Last weekend gave me the perfect picture of this process, and helped me better understand this way of dependent-living, and even appreciate it more. I mentioned on Wednesday, we had this hideously ugly space of yard, bare and bleak. I wanted to make it beautiful, but I had nothing. We live simply, and there is no line item for loads of landscape supplies. Plants are expensive, so I just kept weeding that bare space, hoping some inspiration might strike.
Then, that Saturday came, and while I was out on a walk I ran into the neighbors. He works for a large nursery and asked if I’d please come by his house and take some plants, as they had way too many and they needed to get in the ground before the weather got any hotter.
I jumped at the chance, and 20 minutes later we had more than a dozen new beautiful lush plants perched in the shade waiting for soil. Hydrangeas, lilacs, a dogwood tree, low bushes and ground covering, all of it absolutely free and ready to plant immediately. I spent that same day planning and positioning, digging and planting, patting down soil and watering, and by dinner time that blank space was completely transformed.
And as I washed my hands I heard it in my heart: “It’s Me, and it’s you.”
It’s His work, and mine.
I’ll admit: There are days I wish I lived a level where we could just go get whatever we need want without a second thought. Self so strongly craves independence. [bctt tweet=”Self so strongly craves independence.”]But then I remember how wonderful it is to live in relationship with a Heavenly Dad who knows all things and, in His perfect timing, provides all we need. Even, often, all we want.
Without plants, it wouldn’t matter how hard I worked, that bare, ugly space would still be bare and ugly. I hadn’t often wanted to finish the space, but then, all of a sudden, on a Saturday I just “happened” to be free, the boatload (literally) of provision was there and all I had to do was work with the materials God had freely provided for me. Yes, it took work. A whole day of backbreaking, exhausting work, but it was a joyously exhausting because my heavenly Father had provided the materials. And with every slice of the shovel deep into soil, I was reminded of our life work, to stay continuously dependent on the Holy Spirit, to abide in the vine, because without Him we can do nothing.[bctt tweet=”Without Him we can do nothing.”]
It’s ok that that momentary panic sets in with every blank document. The truth is we live blanks every day. Every blank that presents itself to us is an opportunity to trust, depend, abide, and wait … and when God provides abundantly (which He always does) our job is to jump in with both feet and do the good work before us as unto the Lord.
What blank are you facing this week? Devote it to Him, wait on Him, and when He provides … jump at it:
It’s His work, and yours.
{Happy Monday. Thanks for reading.}