How to honor our elders

I mentioned yesterday that I love old people. On our car ride home, after the benefit luncheon, Jeff and I talked about this and he asked me,

“How can we better honor the older people in our lives?”

Since I’m not one I won’t claim to have the secret, but here’s what I said in response.

:: Listen.

Hands down this communicates love and respect more than anything else. To tell you the truth, although Jeff was the speaker at this event, we spent most of our time there listening. One dear gentleman had two hearing aids and I’d venture to guess he couldn’t hear anything we said. But, he had some remarkable stories of their decades of mission work in Guatemala, and I was so blessed by his testimonies.

Often we communicate more by listening than we do by speaking.

The same was true in Santa Clara. We spent lots of time listening. And when we gave the gift of listening, the SonShiners gave the gift of stories, wisdom, nuggets of truth gleaned from a life well-lived. An exchange took place and both were blessed.

Listening is under-taught in our world. There are books aplenty on becoming a good communicator, but when was the last time we read a book on how to be a better listening?  No one receives a prize for being a great listener, but God’s Word tells us we do well when our ears are quicker than our tongues (James 1:19). I think we honor all people, but especially our elders, when we’re willing to simply listen.

:: Slow down.

It was interesting after our talks on not being in a hurry with our kids, that this luncheon reminded me that apparently children and older folks value the same thing–not being rushed. We seriously must have spent an hour going from the salad course to the main course of lunch.  Lots of tiny sips of water. I ate really really slow and I think I still finished my plate first. We only sang three hymns together but I seriously thought that by the second verse of the second one that we had been singing for an hour.  When Jeff and I left we had been there three hours and I think we were the first to head out the door.

I guess that’s the perspective of those who are no longer as “productive”. And I say that in quotes because we know they really are productive, taking their time to talk and fellowship and enjoy each other. The same with kids. Kids have no to-do list, so they have the freedom of unrushed delight. And while we are called to be productive and to-do lists are wonderful, it was another great reminder that only amateurs hurry.

These guys were the experts of living a looooong life of faithfulness and I’ll tell you there wasn’t a rushed one in the bunch.  Perhaps we honor them by walking their pace and refusing the urge to glance at the clock. Perhaps there’s something to the saying that slow and steady wins the race.

:: Ask advice.

Yes, this goes along with listening (it would be rather dishonoring to ask advice and then not listen!), but purposely asking our elders for advice is one of the best ways to honor them. We might not always agree, but asking and really weighing their thoughts can be one of the best ways she show them respect.

I adore google.  I seriously look up so many things on google every day. I always have questions about health and recipes and kids and how to pronounce weird words.  Google’s my go-to. But back in the day people used to ask people. People used to ask old people. I was recently talking to an older lady who said she felt like young people didn’t need older people anymore because we can just look everything up on the computer. No one asked her advice anymore!

What a shame, right? No computer generated answer will ever compare to the wisdom found in the white hairs of our beloved elders. Advice with skin. Wisdom with love. A kick in the pants and a hug all at once. That’s what older people offer, and I for one am challenged to seek out their advice more often than I have.

If by chance you are reading this and am *ahem* in the winter season of your life, I’d love to hear how you feel best honored.

And to all, today who could we call or write or visit, who could we listen to, ask for advice, or walk in-step with, even if it means slowing down just a tad?

Thanks for reading.

By grace, with joy,

Kari