It was just a few weeks ago I finally felt clarity (and freedom!) concerning the Mystic/Dominic thing. I shared it in an email to my fellow fasting friends, so I figured I’d just cut and paste it here. It’s personal, so it feels kinda scary to share, but I figure what’s most personal to me might just be most personally encouraging to you. So here goes:
I feel like something has broken free in my heart. Maybe … taking a risk here… maybe freed from Mystic? The past few weeks I’ve been going through this Confession exercise from Charles Finney (quoted in The Daniel Prayer). It’s nothing magical, just basically the idea that the prophet Daniel interceded for his people by confessing and repenting, both for himself and for his people, and Finney believed that Revival came on a large scale when revival came on a small scale, through personal renewal, repentance, humility and contrition, through simply returning to God with all our hearts. That resonated with me, I needed and wanted that!
I started on our road trip, and God brought so many things to mind. Subtle unforgiveness, control, manipulation, pride. It was hard, but so good! Then I read Spiritual Warfare by Karl Payne and felt like a HUGE weight of relief lifted off my shoulders because I realized that this work doesn’t depend on some subjective emotional feeling or experience, it didn’t depend on the right mood music 😉 or the perfect circumstances or “conjuring up” a certain spiritual environment, it wasn’t about me being perfectly prepared or being some spiritual superstar… the work is LEGAL, accomplished in the spiritual realm no matter how I feel or don’t feel, and the work is ALL JESUS’ WORK. He’s already done it! It’s a THING. It’s REAL. I don’t have to conjure it up or try to cultivate some goosebump experience 😉 … I mean, those things happen and I LOVE that stuff, but that’s not what I place my focus or confidence in. Jesus is ENOUGH! He’s already done the work! I just calmly and confidently stand on the already-done work of Jesus and apply it to every situation. The end. 😉
Anyway, I have felt this WEIGHT LIFTED! Like, I don’t need to manipulate or control other people’s spiritual experiences. I don’t need to be discouraged if our congregation doesn’t seem demonstrative enough, or if no one’s crying or people aren’t flocking forward to fall on their faces. I would LOVE to see a dramatic revival such as that, but that’s God’s deal to bring and my responsibility is to PRAY, repent, obey, seek Him with all my heart and let renewal and revival be present in my own heart, then LOVE PEOPLE no matter where they are at, celebrating ALL the work God’s doing (and He’s doing SO MUCH), without instead focusing on not seeing enough signs and wonders, etc.
It’s subtle, but I see now that this was at the root of my struggle with anxiety and fear during May/June. I feared that Jeff and I weren’t spiritual enough and that it somehow depended on us being super Bethel-ish. 😉 Not knocking Bethel AT ALL (please hear my heart!), just saying that God made us US and put us HERE with these people, in this exact place, at this exact time, and all we need is JESUS. He is enough!
Guys, I just cannot tell you how FREE I FEEL! It’s not about us being good enough leaders, or “led by the Spirit” enough, or being perfect at hearing God’s voice. We are just his servants, His children, and if we uphold God’s glory and honor and His WORD, and we constantly align our hearts and prayers with the TRUTH of God’s Word, then HE IS FAITHFUL and He will bring revival and salvation and healing and deliverance, He will set the captives free!
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In response, my friend (who had the dream) responded with this. She had experienced the “Aha!” moment about Mystic at the exact same time that I did. (!) She wrote:
Yes yes yes!!! This is so crazy, I’ve been praying, processing, and chewing on so much stuff the last few days, and one of the things that I felt “break” inside of me last night was Mystic! Hahaha, so awesome how God does things corporately! I felt like God was saying that He was freeing me from relying on “personal experience” or feelings as a measure of His power, that true power lies in the truth of His Word and gospel, not what we feel or don’t feel, not what we see or don’t see. When we “continue in His word, then we are truly His disciples. Then we will know the truth and the truth will set us free” (John 8:32). Persevering, reading, and speaking Truth in faith sets each of us free, it really is that simple.
So often I’ve measured God’s moving and His power by “experiences” or “feelings” as proof, but I felt like He wanted me to be freed from that thinking. I felt like He said that Mystic represents “mystical experiences”, and while God definitely does and will move this way, I am not to measure freedom/growth/power by these experiences. As if we need these experiences as proof that we’re gaining ground! No! His TRUTH is what gives us victory, freedom, power, heart transformation, mind renewal, etc. I know it seems so obvious, but it seriously was a mind-shift for me. To rely solely on the truth of His word, not on mine or other’s experiences. The gospel does not need mystical experiences as proof that it is working, the Gospel stands on its own. And again, sometimes the gospel is most definitely “followed” by mystical experiences, but we should never follow mystical experiences to get to the truth of the Gospel. Or another way to say it is, we don’t need to rely on seeing or feeling something as proof that the Gospel is moving in power, it can’t help but to move in power!
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We have ALL been enjoying the fruit of this breakthrough, the joy and peace and confidence and rest of a true work of God being birthed in our midst. The next Sunday, after having this “Aha!” moment, a new family visited our church. I bent down to the little boy, offered my hand, and asked him his name.
He smiled and replied, “Dominic.”
{Thanks for reading.}
2 thoughts on “Freedom {Fasting series}”
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Kari, I know you felt it was too personal but wow did I need to hear this. For the past year I’ve heard God’s voice like a baseball bat hitting me over the head, dreamt too many dreams that were important and read His words that were strictly to dos for me. But in the past month I felt him, and heard him quietly but not like I have this past year. Your writing was enough to let me know to be still in His Word and let that be enough right now. I thank you.
I found your blog by googling “scriptures about the lie ‘not enough'”. I have been having anxiety and panic attacks since April and I believe I’ve come to a place of realizing this lie is at the root. What you wrote here and on the blog several years ago about not being enough is what God has been speaking to my heart and what my friend ministered to me this morning, that I am not supposed to be enough because He is ENOUGH! Thank you for your vulnerability. I know God brought me here to read this because He’s leading me into freedom.