Forget the Ideal, Embrace the Real

First off, thanks to those of you who are hanging with me during this season of oh-so-sporadic posts. I do intend to get back in the swing of things soon, not because I have to but because I love the outlet of writing.  We’ve just finished our women’s Bible study, and are taking a two-month break for the holidays, so hopefully more time to invest in thinking…

During this Love & Relationship series, oddly enough probably the biggest takeaway lesson for me was a minor sidepoint in the book, and wasn’t even mentioned in any of our Bible studies.  The author discussed Forget the Ideal, Embrace the Real.  Here is the trap I fall into:

Friday is Jeff’s day off. YAY! I get so excited for it. I envision little Familia Americana all sleeping in late, waking up happy, romping around in a jammies and eating pancakes while laughing and enjoying each other. The children will be perfectly behaved, Jeff will be happy and funny, completely unplugged and removed from work worries, and we’ll curl up by the fire and read stories, and the kids will be so engaged in his story-telling that I can sneak off and have alone time. Then we’ll go for a long walk so Jeff and I can get talk time and exercise, and the kids will laugh and Dutch will say precious cute things the whole time.  Then the kids will nap and Jeff will joyfully and enthusiastically ask me, “What jobs around the house can I do for you, honey?” and then he’ll effortlessly hang all our window treatments, organize the garage into color-coded plastic totes all with matching labels, park both cars (which he will have cleaned out) side by side, and clean his office to perfection.  All, mind you, while singing along to worship music while I sew or decorate or sip tea.

Insert real Friday:  Heidi wakes up super early for some reason, and after I get her I realize Jeff’s not in bed. Why? Because he’s downstairs working on his laptop, finishing all the things he didn’t have time to do during the week, trying to be done by the time I get up so I don’t let out that signature *big sigh* to express my disapproval. 🙂  Since Heidi’s up, I’m up, so I try to have my quiet time with God but she wants to eat the Bible and pull my hair, and then Dutch can smell that we are all up so he starts banging on the door. “I’m awake! I’m awake, mommy!”  I don’t have to go through the whole day but you can imagine–people call, unexpected things happen at church, kids are cranky, it rains, house projects never go smoothly, and Dutch hits Heidi on the head with a hammer while he’s pretending to be Bob the Builder.

That’s the real.  And for a long time I have struggled with this every Friday.  So often Fridays would feel like a let-down because of this false expectation about the Ideal.   But this Embracing the Real has helped me so much.

So last night, my Friday night plans were unexpectedly cancelled, and Jeff’s also fell through,  so we all of a sudden had a family night at home that we hadn’t planned.  Dutch was crazy and running around, the house was a mess, and we needed something to do or we both knew we’d go crazy.  We looked at each other and said, “This is the real. Let’s embrace it.”  So, I knew Safeway was having a crazy sale on apples, so I went and bought 50 lbs. of apples, lugged them home, got out the corer/slicer (the cool kind with the crank that clamps to the table), and Dutch and I (yes, together) cored and sliced 50 lbs. of apples for applesauce.  He turned the crank, he handed me the apples, he dumped the cores into a bucket–by the time we were done we were dripping with sticky apple juice running down our arms, the floor was a sticky mess, our fingernails were (are) brown, and we had a blast.

Then Jeff and Dutch watched a cartoon and I had the supremely satisfying pleasure of cleaning the kitchen from top to bottom (it’s a sickness, I know. I love things clean), while singing aloud to my favorite worship mix.

I guess the only reason I’m sharing this is that so often my stupid expectation of the ideal just messes everything up.  I’m not ideal, so why should I expect my circumstances or my children or my husband to be?    ANd then, when I finally do manage to let go of that ideal and embrace the real, the real becomes beautiful. Not perfect, but so awesome I love it and wouldn’t change anything.  My kids are my kids, and they’re awesome. My husband is my husband, and he’s awesome.  So often we take something wonderful and compare the joy right out of it.  Our Fridays aren’t perfect, because we’re not, but I love every ounce of my little imperfect family.

And speaking of our family–we leave on vacation tomorrow!  Yay!  We’ll be gone for a week. We’re getting a beautiful 4 bedroom lodge all to ourselves, with a huge master suite, big soak tub, fireplace, and library.  We get to lounge, read, sip tea, take fun day trips to see the breathtaking views, and we even have a private babysitter one of the nights so we can have a date out on the town.  Doesn’t that sound amazing?  I know; I can’t wait.  Do you have any idea where we’re going? 🙂