For all the grief and glory Mother's Day may bring … (And Plenty is FREE today)

As long as I keep looking at this picture, I’m fine.

I will save it forever. Us. Just like this.

That weekend wore her out like nobody’s business, but she hung on for dear life. Dad drove the RV to the camp, along the Oregon Coast, where I was speaking. She shuffled to my sessions, all except the last.

“I just can’t do it, sweetie. I’m sorry.”

But she’s already done it. That’s all I want her to know.

She’s already done 33 years of giving me life. Over and over and over. And she’s still giving me life. And I see how she suffers now, how brave she is in the face of disease, how she carries burdens few of us will ever know. And all over again I hate sin and death and that damn curse and I double over in bed and I look at this world and it’s just a bleeding mess.

Sin, the curse, the fall, has hacked us up and we’re hurting, bleeding, dying. This is the first Mother’s Day that Kaleb & Kushaiah will be without Mama Shawna. This is the 4th Mother’s Day that Quinn & Kate will be without Mama Rachel. This is the 22nd Mother’s Day my sweet Mama will be without her own. And Melea and Brita and Pam–they all flood my mind as I dig down deeper under the covers and the tears burn and I want to scream it at Him — Why do You connect us through that umbilical cord when the cutting of it is so unimaginably painful? 

Why?! 

Then I chide myself for moping–my mom is here! Praise God! She’s alive! I have yet another year to hold her in the flesh and, like yesterday, do her 9 laps at Riversong, up and down the driveway, slow enough to watch the flowers grow.

We stay later than normal, wanting to soak it all up. So when it’s finally time to go I slip back inside to say goodbye. I knock gently on her door. Wait. I look down and there it is–the photo. An 8×10 photo from more than 30 years ago. I’m probably 2 or 3. Dad has his classic grin and Kris looks just like Dutch. And then there’s Mom.

Glowing doesn’t even begin to describe her smile. Her eyes are bright, her cheeks round and smooth, her chin up, her smile wide with parted lips, as if on the verge of laughter.

I just stand in the hall and stare at her–the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.

She cracks open the bedroom door and shuffles out to say goodbye. I lean in and kiss the top of her head. I can’t breathe.

“Goodbye, Mama. I’ll see you Sunday, for Mother’s Day.”

On the drive home, Heidi falls asleep. Her curls fall loose around her face. Once home, I carefully unclick her seatbelt and slide her into my arms. She’s sweet with sweat.  I lean in close to smell her breath, in-out-in-out, from her slightly parted lips. In her room, I slide her under her covers and crawl in, pulling her body close to mine. My gaze drifts up, along the wall covered with her artwork and Hello Kitty stickers. My eyes fall on the pink wooden plaque printed with a poem–the same one that hung in my own room as a child. The title:

My Daughter Grows Up

And the words are kind of cliche but they capture something too, about days slipped by like water and how we always wish we hung on just a little longer.

I bet Mary felt that too.

When Jesus hung on the cross she was there. When all the disciples abandoned Jesus, His Mama was still there. She watched. And His final earthly act was looking down at her, His Mama, and ensuring she’d be cared for after He was gone.

Jesus understands how much we love our moms.

So whether our mamas are right next door or already ahead of us in glory, we do rejoice this weekend. We see the bleeding, hurting. We feel the cutting. We grieve. But we rejoice that He has given us a human connection unlike any other. A Mother. And we thank God for mothers, and for all those blessed women who nurtured, trained, loved, and embraced us somewhere along the way. This is glory. I thank God for Grandma Zyp and Grandma Zoet, for Aunt Lois and Aunty Linda. I thank God for Momma Janie, for Betsy. And of course …

for Karen Zyp, my mom.

She still glows.  

{For all the grief and glory Mother’s Day may bring, for all the joy and sorrow surrounding the closest human connection on this earth. I pray special grace, hope, and joy over and into your heart this weekend. Thank you for reading.}

*Friendship: A gift to give, will release FREE this Sunday for Mother’s Day. Also, today and tomorrow Plenty: 31 sips of joy for moms everywhere is FREE on Amazon. Snag a few copies for the mamas in your life!