F is for Friends {The real life kind}

I just have been in awe this week of how great is the gift of a friend, and how rich I am to name a few special people the real-life (not Facebook!) word, friend. I had a few challenges this week, and just felt overwhelmed by the love and support of friends, often unknown by them but just expressed in their simple smile, hug, look in the eyes, squeeze of a hand. We often have no idea how much is at stake in how we treat people!

A little kindness goes a long way.

Then, last night, I met a dear girl new to our church and began to chat. She so vulnerably admitted that she’s new to the state and so longing for friends. I loved her immediately for her honesty!  I’m praying God will tuck her into our fold and she will find fast-friends very soon. But it got me thinking, if friends are such a blessing, and if we all want them, how do we make them?

Clicking “friend request” on FB is easy, but actually “inviting” a friend into your life can be hard. Scary. A close friend of mine laughingly said that she was asking me out. Meaning, she was expressing her intentions in being more purposeful about spending more time together, knowing it benefits us both. I loved, again, her honesty, and vulnerability. Hm…maybe there’s a theme. Now please, I am not pretending to be an expert on friendship, I’m really just reflecting a bit and processing what are perhaps some pieces of wisdom for making (and keeping!) true friends.  A few thoughts…

• Be filled up by God. We all know it’s true. Needy people make others run for cover. No one wants to be sucked dry, and when we aren’t filled up by God we automatically turn our straws to someone else and get our fill. People full of God’s presence and joy are attractive to others.
• Be honest. (In love!) Maybe this is a given, but no one wants a fake friend. Perhaps I’m a bit sick in this respect, but I’ll admit there are times I’ve literally wanted to stop someone and say, “Ok, please just tell me you have some area of weakness or struggle because otherwise I’ll never want to hang out with you again.” Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s true. On the flip-side, we also don’t want loose-cannon friends who blab every dark thought that comes through their mind, yes? Dear me, discretion is godly!  Enough before I say something I regret.
• Be vulnerable. This is certainly related. Now, I do not mean we all have to hang out our dirty laundry the first time we meet someone. But vulnerability is very attractive. At the root of this is humility and confidence. When we’re humble we can be confident and when we’re confident and secure we have the courage to be vulnerable.
• Listen more than you talk. (Nothing more needs to be said on this.)
• Be reliable, dependable, loyal, faithful. Good Christians make good friends (and good spouses!).
• Always endeavor to edify your friend and leave your time together more like Jesus than you were before.  This is the best way to decide who to be friends with. Who makes you love Jesus more? Who makes you want to be like Jesus more? Who leaves you feeling full, inspired, courageous? Or, conversely, who sucks you dry and leaves you feeling negative?