Exasperated, perplexed, but not in despair

I’ve wanted to write about this for awhile, but every time I sat down my heart didn’t seem right. Honestly, it doesn’t seem right very often these days. All I mean is, I feel like I can always detect some trace of pride, or anger, or self-righteousness, or hurt. But recently I read a book, and the author’s honesty was so refreshing to me. There were parts of his heart that were “right” and there were parts that weren’t. Rather than wait until his heart was perfect in order to communicate, he just readily acknowledged it all and still pressed through to communicate, what he believed, was God’s heart.

Last night I told my parents I think many people feel like exasperated children. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul writes, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.” Now, I know next to nothing about politics, but I know a little bit about parenting. I haven’t read a lot on public policy but I’ve read A LOT on parenting. I haven’t shaped the culture of a nation, but I have most certainly shaped the hearts of my children. And this verse has always been near to my heart. I believe in firm discipline, clear and swift consequences, and first-time obedience.

And I also believe that parents can crush their children’s spirits when they exasperate them.

• They exasperate them when they don’t clearly communicate what’s expected.
• They exasperate them when they change the rules without notice.
• They exasperate them when they’re inconsistently disciplined, so the child never knows when a certain offense will be punished and when it won’t.
• They exasperate them when they have standards that are completely unattainable.
• They exasperate them when they don’t reward or praise their good behavior.
• They exasperate them when they let other siblings get away with wrong behavior, without punishment, especially when they don’t protect an innocent child from the sinful behavior of a sibling.
• They exasperate them when they require a certain standard for their children that they don’t live up to themselves.
• They exasperate them when they never allow reasonable appeals to their rules or authority, when they don’t give their children a voice.

This list actually makes me tear up. I love children. Fiercely. I feel sorry for those who are frequently exasperated by poor parenting.

And I feel these things. I have felt exasperated, living in Oregon, as the leader of a church, trying to navigate the twists and turns of the last six months. The standards seem to change constantly. Requirements for gaining freedoms seem unattainable. Things that used to be the standards, now aren’t the standards. The bar is always moving, sometimes without notice. Evildoers aren’t punished, while it feels like those of us who going out of our way to try to obey every mandate aren’t rewarded or encouraged. No appeals are allowed and we never get a say, because the State of Emergency eliminates all our usual processes.

Please hear my heart—I do not mean to speak against those in places of authority. I am SO grateful for leaders. I have gone out of my way, during the last six months, to THANK those in places of leadership, even if I didn’t agree with them, because I recognize how incredibly difficult it is to navigate the season we are in.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair…”

2 Cor. 4:7-8

On the other hand, as I look closer to home, I am perplexed. I am perplexed that we, as followers of Jesus, are so divided. My kids and I just finished reading The Hiding Place, and SO MANY things stood out to me. One surprising thing that I didn’t remember from before, was how differently Corrie and her sister Nollie responded to the German invasion, and their own personal responses to the occupation, their part in the Resistance, hiding the Jews, etc.

As you may know, Corrie ran an underground system of hiding Jews so that they wouldn’t be send to extermination camps. She had to lie, in order to obtain ration cards so these Jews could be fed. She had to lie to the German soldiers in order to save the lives of those in her care. Her conviction was that this was obedience to God, in order to preserve life and protect the innocent.

Her sister, Nollie, had the conviction that one should never lie. Ever. Even when asked point-blank about hidden Jews, she would answer honestly. This was beyond infuriating to Corrie, who saw it as actually putting people in danger because of her rigid devotion to the letter of the law.

The amazing thing is … God used both. In Nollie’s rigid honesty, God provided amazing ways of escape and protected those in her care, as well as her own life. In Corrie’s shrewdness, God saved hundreds of lives and worked through the ways she concealed certain information.

I know it is on a WAY tamer level, but I believe we’re in the middle of a similar situation. I have dear friends, Jesus-loving, praying-and-fasting faithful friends, who are on exact opposite ends of the spectrum right now in terms of convictions. In our church, we have Jesus-loving people in opposite ends of the spectrum. On our property (!) we have people on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Honestly? In the practical experience this is exhausting. I often long to retreat to some corner where we can just all have the same convictions and I won’t have to deal with the discomfort of it all (this might surface as me telling Jeff, “I want to run away!”). But as I read Corrie’s account, it encouraged my heart so profoundly to see her struggle through the same thing and YET, SHE AND NOLLIE REMAINED UNIFIED.

Even in their convictions that seemed exact opposite, they were sisters, and they remained committed to one another and to Christ. The key? I believe it was that neither of them insisted that the other do it her way. Corrie never insisted that Nollie conceal or lie. Nollie never judged Corrie for her secretive work.

Their father? When asked what he thought he simply responded, “I think you both are operating out of love.”

And they were.

What’s troubling to me right now is this weapon-phrase we’re tossing around, “If you really loved people you would [fill in the blank with whatever that person’s particular standpoint is on a current issue.]”

I would cautious all of us against using that phrase, unless the blank is filled with something straight from Scripture. Even then, we way we engage in good works may look different from another genuine believer.

If Nollie and Corrie had turned on one another, because of their disagreement in how they sought to save the Jews, the entire work of saving hundreds of lives (and thousands of souls, eventually, through Corrie’s lifelong work) would have been destroyed.

So, brothers and sisters: In our exasperation, can we remain hopeful, prayerful, humble, knowing God is working patience in us? As we are perplexed, can we refuse to be driven to despair, can we trust His Word to guide and lead us, as we continually turn our hearts to Him? Despair will destroy our hearts. Division will destroy our mission.

Satan wants to devour us, at all cost.

Will you pray? Will you pray that leaders will not exasperate those under their authority? Will you pray that the church will be unified, not in our exact convictions, but in our commitment to Christ and our love for one another? Will you pray that this difficult season we are in will bring a harvest of souls who are willing to lay down their lives for the sake of following Jesus?

With you, in the ups and downs. Perplexed, but not driven to despair. Jesus is with us! Thanks for reading.