Clarifying or Modifying?

It was in the toy aisle at the Dollar Store where she first said it. 

We were picking out party favors, puzzles and games, when she pointed out some bigger puzzles that had caught her eye. In her bird-chirp voice: “Can I have that?”

“No, sweetiegirl, those puzzles have too many pieces for us. But you can pick out one of these kids’ puzzles for the party.”

She looked up at me with her wide eyes and sweet smile:

“When I’m bigger I can have that?”

My heart melted. Precious little thing. I reached down and picked her up, kissing her on the cheek. “Yes, babygirl, when you’re bigger you can have that.”  We finished our shopping and left.

A few days later she asked for something unrelated. Probably a graham cracker or a drink of juice. For whatever reason, I said no, not right now, perhaps later. Her same sweet smile and singsong voice,

“When I’m bigger I can have that?”  I grin. “Yes, babygirl, when you’re bigger.”

It was cute. She kept attaching little smiley questions when I’d answer no. One time I left her at naptime (instead of snuggling until she fell asleep) and explained that I was going to get the laundry. A few weeks later, when I left the room at naptime she said, “You going to get the laundry,” and smiled to herself, falling asleep. Cute.

But as time went on and she kept saying it, it was less of a question and more of self-talk. When I’d say no to something she’d say to herself, “When I’m bigger I can have that.” Again, not disrespectfully or unpleasantly, necessarily, but it started to get my attention. And then, whenever I’d leave her room she’d say I was going to get the laundry.

Finally one afternoon I clarified, “Mommy’s not going to get the laundry. I’m going to go write and you need to go to sleep.” She cried. What? “Mommy I want you to get the laundry!” What had I created here?

Finally, too, I intervened with the self-talk. Heidi asked for something and I said no, she started sobbing, and through her tears told herself she could have it when she got older.

I bent down, “Heidi-boo, Mommy didn’t say you can have it when you’re older. I just said you couldn’t have it. I need you to simply say Yes, Mama and not tell me or yourself that you can have it when you’re bigger. Just accept Mommy’s words.”

Do I just accept His Words?

In our last session of Bible study we talked about how sometimes we have learned beliefs from our families, from growing up, things we’ve always believed, that aren’t necessarily God’s Word. We tell ourselves these things, often even subconciously modifying God’s commands. The first time Heidi had asked the question she had genuinely been clarifying my word. But as it progressed it developed into her modifying my word. Instead of simply accepting my commands, she modified them in her mind to make herself feel better.

Taking a straight-up No. is too hard. So she added a qualifier to soften the blow.

How do we modify God’s Word to soften the blow? 

When God says, “no” or gives a clear command and we add some sort of modification, even if it’s a tiny thing like “when I’m bigger”, it’s still a big deal.

Why? Because as long as we add the modifier we’re insisting on the final word. 

We’re not really bowing.

We’re still making ourselves the god of our life, by adding modifiers, however innocent or subtle they may be.

Honest, clarifying questions are always welcomed by God. Subtle statements modifying His will are not. When we clarify, He is on the throne. When we modify, we’re trying to usurp.

Let’s keep Him on the throne … even when we’re bigger. 

{Praying this for us today! Thanks for reading…}