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Hello, friends! I’m sorry I haven’t been writing much around here lately. We’re in a busy season, but I do have a story of God’s faithfulness to share with you soon. Hoping to write about it tonight. For today, I wanted to pass along this praise, of how good God has been to us as we journey through the homeschool process. Even if you don’t homeschool, there are so many ways that it’s JUST SO HARD to trust the process, to be patient, to wait, to stay the course. I hope this can be encouraging to you. More soon… Thanks for reading. Read the rest over at Simple Homeschool…

Even now, though I don’t know his name, my eyes fill with tears thinking of him. He doesn’t know that he gained himself a prayer warrior last night.

Sixty-seven youth, aged 8-18 filed into the building for auditions for the Christian Youth Theater’s upcoming performance of Mary Poppins. Widely varying abilities, all shapes and sizes, each one would take his or her turn on stage, all alone, standing on the X in front of the six artistic judges. Each one would sing, some would say a few lines.

All would show tremendous courage.

This was my first experience watching youth auditions, and my eyes welled up with tears more than once. I was so incredibly inspired by the courage each kid demonstrated and truly stunned by the level of talent displayed. These kids can SING! One girl sang I Have Confidence from The Sound of Music and it sounded straight-up Julie Andrews–amazing!

But the very best auditioner of the whole night, the one who brought me to full-tears, the one who showed the most valiant display of courage that maybe I have ever witnessed, the biggest win of the night…

…was a little boy who never even made it to the song.

As he stood up I could barely even see his head, he was very small. Within seconds, as he made his way toward the front, we could all see his state. His dark head bowed low, eyes straight down at his feet, shoulders hunched over. His dark-skinned arms folded tightly in on his chest, his hands wringing back in forth in obvious agitation.

We held our breath. I leaned forward in my seat. Everything in me came alive in attention. Come on, champ. You can do this.

He shuffled his way to the front, he tried to look up at the judges. He tried to remember what to say.

The coordinator smiled kindly and offered, “What’s your name?” He mumbled something no one could hear. She smiled. “Great. What song are you singing?” He mumbled something else no one could hear.

I leaned forward and smiled, fighting back tears, desperately trying to impart some trace of courage into his precious soul.

It was silent.

His fear was palpable.

And then the music began.

Wild panic filled his eyes. I swallowed hard. Please, Jesus. Please.

He stood, stricken, for a few agonizing moments.

And then he fled, in a dead run, off the stage.

We all exhaled.

Oh God. I wanted to leap from my seat and run and find him and swoop him up and hide him in my arms. I wanted to somehow impart to his soul that he is precious. That he was the most brave person of the whole night. That the God of the Universe was so incredibly proud of him and that he had value and worth and he was a PRIZE. That he was a STAR.

The audience applauded, just as we did for every performer. Oh Jesus let him know the applause of heaven. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him in the back, tucked into the arms of his light-skinned Mama. I thanked God for her, I wanted to hold HER, as I knew she probably needed to curl up onto someone’s arms just as much as he did.

She showed as much courage as anyone. A little later I saw her slip quietly out the back door, holding her sweet boy’s hand. Oh Jesus please bless her.

The rest of the night went smoothly. As the girls and I got into our car, we talked about that little boy, how he was the most brave of all. On the drive home, we prayed over him.

I prayed that he would grow to be a mighty man of God, that God would do astounding things in his life and that someday he would look back at this day, the day that felt like a fail, and he would know that it was a WIN. That just going up on that stage was a death-blow to the enemy of fear, and just because he didn’t make it to the song, IT WAS STILL A WIN.

Oh friend–Do you know this? Do you know that just the fact that you are doing [fill in the blank], that is a WIN? EVERY step of obedience, EVERY courageous act, EVERY time you say yes to Jesus and you do that thing that scares you half to death, that is a win! Even if you run off stage at the last minute. Even if you end up in a puddle of tears. May you hear the applause of heaven!

And, may we have compassion enough to recognize that what may be easy for us may take tremendous courage for those around us. May we set aside our preoccupation with strength, beauty, success, achievement, and celebrate the quiet courage that it sometime takes to just show up.

Cheering for you. Thanks for reading.

“Get your house ready.”

That was one of the four clear directives God gave me when the Renew ladies began the year with a fast. I wasn’t sure exactly what it meant, honestly, so I sort of ignored it. It didn’t seem nearly as important as praying, reading the Word, and ditching schadenfreude.

But just a few months later, the same idea surfaced again. Not one, not two, but four friends had different dreams, all in one week’s time, that had to do with being prepared. For what, it wasn’t clear, but for me personally it brought back to mind the orders that I had ignored from a months before. I took some specific steps to put things in place, but wasn’t sure what else it meant.

Fast forward to our 16th anniversary. Anniversaries are always a great time to evaluate and talk honestly about where you are and how you need to grow as individuals and as a family. One thing that surfaced, rather dramatically, was how overwhelmed I felt with hosting and keeping up our home, on top of all the other things I was juggling. I was praying about whether to rearrange our budget so I could hire a housecleaner, but having someone come in twice a month and scrub my toilet still didn’t seem like it would solve the bigger issue of overwhelm I was feeling.

Thankfully, my husband is a godly, humble, wise man. He listened to me and cared for me. He heard my genuine cry for help. And though he wasn’t sure what to do, he was willing to do whatever it would take to help me.

I’m chuckling to myself because all this sounds very dramatic and then I’m going to tell you that the FlyLady changed our lives and that shining your sink and swishing your toilet is the path to freedom. Haha—it sounds ridiculous! Bear with me.

Chances are, most of you have already discovered this secret—a few simple habits, done every single day, can change the course of your life.

Something inside reminded me about FlyLady, an online gal who helps you overcome CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) and gain simple habits that will help you bless your family and your home. I downloaded her app and resolved to do exactly what she told me, no questions asked.

Jeff, bless his soul, also downloaded her app and resolved to do his part as well. It takes a REAL MAN to be willing to put the FlyLady app on his phone!

Day by day, I did what she said, and I. Was. Shocked.

No more overwhelm. No more chaos. No more spending my entire Monday getting ready for Prayer Meeting/Dinner and then my entire Tuesday cleaning up afterwards. The next Monday I found myself with two free hours before anyone arrived. Food was made, my house was clean, the kids were occupied. I SAT DOWN AND READ A BOOK FOR TWO HOURS, PEOPLE.

I found myself so excited to have people over because I wasn’t dreading all the housework that needed to be done.

Now, you might be thinking, “No one cares if your house is clean, just have people over and don’t worry about it.”

I get that. I really do. I have never stressed about having the perfect house. I have NEVER not had someone over just because my house wasn’t clean. I’m so over that. But can I just be honest? It IS stressful when my bathroom is disgusting and the kids rooms are a disaster and my kitchen drawers are full of filth and I’m having twenty people over for dinner, and quite frankly true freedom, at least for me, isn’t “just don’t worry about it.”

Personally, I find joy and peace when things are ordered, reasonably clean (home-clean, not museum-clean), and I can focus on loving people.

The other huge difference I noticed was that during the first eight days of following FlyLady, we were able to have Family Night time with our big kids after Justice was in bed, for eight days in a row! (After that we had family in town which was fun too!)

We were able to have 1-2 hours of quality time with our big kids every single night. Why? Because everything was already in order. There was no martyr-mommy scurrying around the house trying to get some sort of order in place before the next day. There weren’t piles everywhere. We had finished our tasks, things were in place, and we were FREE to be with each other. Yes, please!

So what does all this have to do with one’s heart? Well, I was trying to put my finger on why this method was so much more successful for me than others. And I realized this:

Before, I cleaned by sight. Now, I cleaned by habit.

Here’s what I mean: before, I would clean things when they looked dirty. (Note: when they looked dirty to me.) In my opinion, it was silly to clean something that didn’t need cleaning. But there’s a subtle arrogance in that philosophy. It assumes that MY perspective is authoritative, and it maintains that only the things that BOTHER ME are worth dealing with.

If dirt doesn’t bother me, then who cares?

What if my guests care?

What if God cares?

Part of embracing a lifestyle of hospitality is recognizing our homes are not our own. They don’t exist only for us. They are meant to be missional outposts, given to us a refuge from the storm, for our families and those around us.

As I obeyed the FlyLady, I learned that I needed to do have certain habits in order to KEEP things clean.

Instead of reacting to dirt, I was preventing it.

Instead of looking for dirt, I was looking to the one who knows better than me about how to keep my house clean. I was humbling myself by recognizing that she knows better than me and if I really want her help I need to do what she says, regardless of what my eyes see.

Do you see where I’m going?

It was painfully clear, through this whole month, that this was just a picture of so much more going on in our hearts.

How often do I really do the work to get my heart clean before God? Do I do it when things get dirty? When my sin gets grubby enough that it starts to bother me? When it’s so visible that it’s embarrassing? When it starts getting in the way of my interactions with others?

Or do I deal with the issues in my heart before I even notice them?

Do I want to live life reacting to my sin, or rather do what God says daily in order to prevent it?

Do I want to spend my life looking for sin, or do I want to spend my life looking to God by cultivating the daily habits of Scripture, prayer, repentance, confession.

Here’s what surprised me most: Staying on top of things, via daily habits, actually requires LESS TIME overall. It’s actually easier, in the long run, to stay on top of things.

The same is true with sin.

The world tells me, “Don’t worry about cleaning your house! Just be authentic! Let people see your dirt! Don’t be ashamed of dirt!”

I know it’s just an over-reaction to the hyper-image-conscious plague of Pinterest, but let’s avoid both ditches.

The world also tells us, “Embrace yourself, just the way you are! Don’t let anyone judge you! Be authentic. Whatever you choose is right! You don’t need to clean yourself up at all!”

And yes, this is an over-reaction to performance-based moralistic religion that’s all about keeping up appearances.

But let’s avoid both ditches.

The truth is, I want a clean heart. Whether you see it, know it, or care about it; I long for a clean heart. Why? Because it’s what I was made for. God made me for freedom. He made me for LIFE. He knows that if I live my life bogged down by invisible sin-dirt I’ll never experience the joy of being free, being CLEAN.

He made a way on the cross, and He makes a way for me daily to come to Him in humble repentance and let Him clean up my heart.

Thank you, FlyLady for helping me learn to clean. Thank you, Jesus for saving my soul.

Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Psalm 51:10

Dutch is neck deep in Frank Peretti. He discovered a stack of his books in our church library, and has barely come for air in the last 8 days. It’s made for some great conversations about prayer and the spiritual realm. It got me thinking about a few things this weekend.

It also came on the heels of a recent study we did on prayer, for our women’s Bibles study. It was fascinating and inspiring, and we spend quite a bit of time on 1 Timothy 2. You are probably familiar with this bit:

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.

v. 1-2

Yes! So good. Especially for our day and age, this is an excellent passage to meditate on and keep front and center.

But there’s a bit more that’s also applicable.

A few verses later Paul writes:

I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling.

v. 8

When talking about prayer, why would Paul toss in a bit about anger and quarreling?

Let’s just say, hypothetically, that one Christian leader called people to pray for something, according to Scripture. And then another Christian leader also prayed over this, according to Scripture. And then a whole bunch of other people decided that they didn’t like how one of them prayed, or how the other one prayed, and so they take sides about which side they should really pray like. Next thing we know we aren’t actually praying at all, we’re quarreling about whose side we’re on and whose prayer is better.

In the meantime, God was actually doing something beautiful in response to both men’s prayers, and millions of others who are actually on their knees lifting up holy hands in imperfect prayer, fumbling their way through, uncertain if they’re doing it right but wanting to seek God even if they aren’t doing it perfectly.

Father, thank you for the privilege we have of relating with You in prayer, and even of impacting the course of history through prayer. It is an enormous privilege that we certainly don’t deserve, but we thank you for it. Please help us to simply pray without getting distracted, defensive, or discouraged. We love you so much. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

You know you’re going to an unusual movie when you’re sitting in a fairly full theater and not a single person has food. No munching on popcorn, no slurping sodas. My own cupholder held kleenex. I’d been forewarned that I’d need them.

Last night, my friends and I went to see Unplanned. I wanted to briefly share my experience with you.

I struggled with the decision on whether or not to go. I am pro-life. Some of my earliest memories are of sitting in the lobby of our local Pregnancy Resource Center (then called Crisis Pregnancy Center) putting stickers on notebook pages, looking at the brochures with pictures of tiny, perfectly formed babies on the front. My mom’s coat lapel always had her tiny-feet pin attached. At all times the reminder of this oft-forgotten segment of life. I have wonderful memories of my mom’s involvement–her gentle, kind, caring ways as she interacted with women in crisis.

So why was I hesitant to see the movie? Only because I wasn’t sure the spirit in which it’d be presented. I’ve become convinced that God’s kingdom isn’t accomplished through anger. The Kingdom doesn’t come through arguments on Facebook, and I want to avoid anything that incites anger in me toward others. I know where I stand on this issue, so I didn’t necessarily need a movie to convince me of something I already knew.

But. I also know that my own heart drifts into indifference with alarming frequency. I need to consistently put in front of my face the reality of this world and ask God to please, again, break my heart for the things that break His. I could honestly see both sides–so I wasn’t sure.

I prayed over it for a couple days, then when I really needed to make a decision I went for a prayer walk and asked God. I’m not saying, “Thus saith the Lord,” but what came to mind was Harriet Beecher Stowe and Uncle Tom’s Cabin.

As you probably know, Stowe was a faithful follower of Jesus. Her heart was broken over the reality of slavery and the horrific mistreatment of African-Americans in America in the mid 1800s. She was a writer, a novelist, so she figured the way she could help was by writing a story–a novel that told the truth about the situation at hand.

Little did she know that her little book would change the course of history. In just the first three months after publication it sold 300,000 copies (that’d be like 3 million today!). They couldn’t print copies fast enough.

Abraham Lincoln famously said to her, speaking of the Civil War,

“So you’re the little lady who made this big war.”

I read Uncle Tom’s Cabin several years ago and it completely wrecked me. There were times I felt so convicted I had to put the book down and wait a few days to continue. It made me squirm, weep, repent, and pray. It inspired me and gave me a glimpse into the reality of the slavery-era like nothing I’d read before.

Uncle Tom’s Cabin was so effective because it re-humanized a population that had been dehumanized. That can’t be done by facts and figures, or by arguments over Bible verses. It took art, it took the telling of a story, to radically re-paint African-Americans as what they actually are–precious people made in the image of God. And, it promoted HOPE, forgiveness, the gospel of Jesus Christ, of sacrificial love.

Stowe also shows masterful brilliance in portraying the complexities at work. The lines between good and bad are squiggly and often blurry. She refused to paint all slave-holders as evil and all abolitionists as saints. She lets her readers sit with a great deal of ambiguity and discomfort and conviction. I cannot recommend this novel highly enough.

So this came to mind when I considered seeing Unplanned.

Plus, I read scores of reviews that convinced me the move was done in a spirit of love and humility, with a spirit of redemption and HOPE. Hope is the key word. I could get behind that.

I’m SO GLAD WE WENT. I cannot recommend it highly enough. I will say, I wouldn’t take my kids. Not because of anything inappropriate, but simply because it’s true and the level of intensity is beyond anything I’ve experienced in a movie theater.

I’d simply say: Please go. See for yourself. Yes, it is hard to watch, but it re–humanizes a segment of our population that’s been dehumanized. It helps us understand the real struggle, it fills us with COMPASSION for those women who are faced with this heart-wrenching decision. It condemns the violence and hatred that have surrounded some pro-life movements. It exalts redemption, hope, forgiveness, love. It will re-inspire you to PRAY.

Hopefully I’ll have a chance to share more reflections on the movie, but for now, I invite you to go. It’s only showing now through Thursday night. Thanks so much for considering.

It was the conversation I never dreamed we’d have:

“I don’t think we’re doing enough. School has gotten really easy.”

“Yeah, you said we’d be doing more this year, but we aren’t. Can’t we learn some more things?”

It was the kind of complaining that’s music to a mama’s ears. Both kids lamenting that they’re not learning enough? Both kids actually asking to do more school? 

After I picked myself up off the floor, I asked some clarifying questions, to understand what exactly they were wanting. At twelve and ten-years-old, they are mostly independent in their studies, and over the past couple years I’ve slowly decluttered our curriculum, simmering it down to the basic essentials.

I saw so much good coming from having more space, I was hesitant to add anything back in.

But now they were begging me for more. Wasn’t this exactly what I’d hoped for? Wasn’t this the whole point? Don’t they say that cultivating (or recovering) a love of learning was the whole point of these middle-years?

This was it. My confirmation that a love of learning was growing, and that now, now that they were asking for it, I could effectively add more work into their days.

I sat down with paper and asked them each in turn:

Ok, you’re already doing the basics, so what subjects would you like to add? What do you want to learn?

Read the rest over at Simple Homeschool. Thanks!

“Accept people.”

That was the last of 4 specific “marching orders” that God seemed to be giving me for the month of January. As I mentioned before, a couple dozen ladies from my church family rallied together to do a group fast, each of us abstaining from or focusing on certain things. I didn’t fast food, but instead felt called to focus my attention on issues of the heart the Father was addressing.

To be honest, I was a bit flummoxed by this “accept people” directive. The others were obvious things—get up early and pray, that sort of thing. What do you mean Accept people? Don’t I already accept people? Who don’t I accept? What does that even mean? Well, I figured even if I didn’t understand it I better say Yes, Sir! and start marching and He’d show me more in time.

And He did. Shortly after the fast began, I was reading through the Sermon on the Mount and was struck afresh by,

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Matthew 7:1-2

It goes on to talk about specks, logs, we are mostly familiar with that part. But then right after, in the same breath, Jesus says,

Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

v. 6

And then:

Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits…

v.15-16

Ok, wow. That sounds a whole lot like judging. I mean, How do I discern who is a dog unless I make a judgment? How do I figure out who false prophets are unless I do some evaluation of fruit? All that discerning evaluating sure sounds a lot like judging. 

Right? But here’s the thing:

Discerning Heart vs. Critical Spirit

As I prayed through this what surfaced was that the bottom line is attitude. A critical spirit is an attitude that is eager to find fault. It is not so interested helping other people flourish but in being right. It kind of feels good to find fault. There’s a little tinge of pleasure when someone “shows their true colors” and messes up.

This can be so subtle. When someone makes a poor choice, for instance, and I know deep down it’s a poor choice, then when that choice bears bad fruit there can be a subtle (inward, secret, silent!) “See, I told you so!” in my heart, which is that critical spirit. No one has to see it in order for it to be sin.

“Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth.”

1 Corinthians 13:6

We should never feel a tinge of self-satisfying smug “rejoicing” when someone does wrong, or when something surfaces. Even if we “saw it coming,” if there is any part of us that “rejoices at wrongdoing” then we are have not love, we have a critical spirit (and, most likely, a huge log hanging out of our eye!).

So I sat with God and my journal and asked God to show me some ways that this crops up in my life. He showed me some. I repented. It was so good.

Right after that I walked into the kitchen and Heidi had left her coat on the floor. Even though I wasn’t angry or upset, I said, “Heidi I don’t know why you always leave your jacket on the floor.” And immediately the Holy Spirit said, “THAT.” Those words were spoken from a critical spirit. Yes, Heidi needs to learn not to throw her jacket on the ground, but my words were cutting and critical, instead of life-giving and instructive. It just took that one word from God to show me the difference.

While God showed me plenty of ways I do this in my own life, of course it’s way easier for me to see it in others (ha!). As I watched certain people in the audience at the State Of The Union address, it was obvious, They don’t want our the current administration to succeed. Everything about their body language oozed arrogance and disgust. If our president fell into terrible misfortune, I have a feeling they’d be rejoicing.

That is so incredibly sad. And it’s sad that that sort of filth is in MY OWN heart too. Who in this world drives me crazy? Would I be secretly happy if Rachel Hollis fell flat on her face? No use lying, Jesus sees the heart! Friends, this isn’t for “those people” out there: WE need this truth. 

And here’s the thing:

As long as we harbor a critical spirit we can’t house a discerning heart.

There’s only room for one. And during these dark days we desperately need a discerning heart. We need be able to spot RAVENOUS WOLVES. We need to eye those pigs so we don’t waste our pearls.

In ever-increasing measure, we must be discerning people. But discerning people don’t rejoicing over wrong-doing. If I have a vineyard and I go out to inspect the fruit, I don’t inwardly gloat and rejoice and get smug when I find a bad vine. I don’t go, “Aha! I KNEW IT!” When I see some rotten grapes.

There’s a name for this: Schadenfreude. It’s a German word meaning, Malicious rejoicing. It’s being secretly happen when misfortune happens to another. And ultimately, that’s what a critical spirit is. It’s taking just the tiniest amount of joy in finding fault in another.

Who knew that all this was wrapped up in the little words, “Accept people.” But there you have it. Let’s be people who are discerning, wise, careful, skillful in eyeing ravenous wolves and dogs and enemies of the truth. But let us never stoop so low as to rejoice in evil. Let us grieve over other’s sin, not get self-righteous.

Amen? Amen.

Thanks for reading. 

Are you free from the Tyrant? At least a little bit? Now that you’re freed FROM something you’re freed FOR something. Ready? Now that you’re freed from slavery to your emotions, you’re free to enter fully into others’.

Say what?! I thought I was just freed from my emotions so I could be happier. So I could hold my head up high and soar on the wings of awesomeness. Isn’t that the point of spiritual victory?

No. The point is freedom FOR the sake of others.

Please understand, I believe we are called to be freed from having to obey our emotions, not so that we can be aloof, unfeeling, untouched by the sorrows of the world. The point isn’t complete detachment, it’s freedom. It’s freedom to set my feelings aside so that I can enter in more fully to the needs of others.

Here’s the thing: My last post? If inwardly I’m thinking, “Oh you know who REALLY needs to read this??” Then I’ve missed the point. Sure, we may mentally identify those who are in bondage to emotions, but if we’re super eager for them to “just get over it” we aren’t actually following Jesus at all.

Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

We just studied this passage in Bible study. We considered it. The shortest verse in the Bible contains a wealth of wisdom for us. Why would Jesus weep? Didn’t He know that He didn’t have to be ruled by His emotions? Was He a slave to the Tyrant? Had He forgotten how wonderful heaven is? Didn’t He know that we should REJOICE when Christians die? Furthermore, didn’t He know that He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead?

Of course He wasn’t a slave to the Tyrant. Of course He knows how great heaven is. Of course He knew He’d resurrect Lazarus in a moment. Of course.

Jesus wept because Jesus cared.

Jesus, the most emotionally-healthy person who ever walked the planet, wept.

He didn’t weep because He was a slave to His emotions, He wept because He wasn’t.

When we are freed slavery to ours, we can freely enter into theirs.

Here’s what I mean: If I pursue emotional freedom in order to avoid pain, I have missed the point. Escaping pain was never Jesus’ plan. Jesus actually chose pain. He chose to enter into the messes of this world. He BORE the brokenness and sorrow and agony of this busted up world. His emotional freedom gave him the capacity to weep with others.

He was free to truly love.

If we exasperated with others’ emotional challenges, we don’t need to tell them off, we need more love. We need patience. We need long-suffering. Yes, we might need to speak some hard truths, that most definitely does happen. But that truth must be born from love, not exasperation.

Jesus didn’t rail at Mary and Martha, “Come on, you emotional women! Get a grip! Move on. Don’t you know how great heaven is? It’s all good when people die, it’s just a promotion, right?” Jesus didn’t say any of the idiotic things that people insensitively say in the face of others’ grief.

He wept.

And then He brought resurrection.

He was able to help because He first felt.

Before He was a Savior, He was a Friend.

Personally, that’s a word for me. Recently I swooped into a situation as a savior, before being a friend. I’m learning.

Will you learn with me? Will you choose to be free FROM slavery to emotions, and FOR the purpose of loving, caring, and serving those around you? We’ll probably make a few messes along the way, but let’s not give up. Let’s look to Jesus, again and again and again, and pursue emotional health so that we can reach out to the world with His compassionate love.

{Thanks for reading.}