Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

I’ve heard a lot of people say, “I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions.” Well, that’s fine. But I do. Not that I’m a believer in trying to make ourselves perfect or better somehow in our own strength, but I think that Christian walk is a series of new beginnings, and what better time for a new beginning than at the beginning of a new year? So, I usually do make New Year’s goals, things that I pray through and ask God to work in me as I partner with Him by obedience and submission to Him. Today I read through my 2007 New Year’s Resolutions and was tremendously encouraged to see that God HAD done awesome work in those areas. My 2007 New Year’s Resolutions were:

1. Maintain weekly date night with Jeff
2. Maintain weekly Me-time
3. Play with Dutch everyday & teach him something everyday
4. Read 25 books, half of which nourish my spirit, all of which stimulate my mind
5. Exercise at least 3 days/week
6. Read Word, pray, and journal daily
7. Make Dutch’s scrapbook
8. Send pics of Dutch to grandparents every other week

Yes, sometimes Jeff and my date nights are no more than a scrabble game and a cup of tea once Dutch is in bed, but hey, we’re still in love and communicating and spending time together, so to me that’s success. I can’t say I journal daily, but I’ve been writing in this blog a lot and that counts for something. Dutch’s scrapbook isn’t finished, but it’s almost 1/2 way done and that’s a miracle to me, so all in all, I’m thrilled and thankful to God for this wonderful past year. This year’s goals have more to do with my character and my heart than before. My goal this year is to love more. So 2008 New Year Resolutions are:

1. Be less critical/sarcastic/judgmental (Luke 6:37)
2. Be more gracious toward Jeff/Mom/Dad (Col 3:13)
3. Do not worry about money (Matt 6:33)
4. Pray more (at least 15 minutes of my morning quiet times)

And, I have two New Year’s Hopes. These things aren’t entirely in my control, but I hope to see them happen.

1. Move into a home of our own
2. Finish writing Eva, my first attempt at a novel.

That’s it. Yes, I want to continue to exercise and read books and eat healthy and finish Dutch’s scrapbook, but those things are likely going to happen naturally. My heart is what needs the work, and so this year I’m praying that God will make me quicker to listen and slower to speak, quicker to accept, slower to judge, quicker to pray, slower to act. To love more: That is my prayer for 2008.

Wow. Sometimes you hear one of those messages at church that just kicks your teeth in (in the best sort of way!). Today was one of those days. It was the final message in Pastor Dale’s series on Restoring Christmas, and this one was entitled, Love More. Wow. Love cannot be talked about enough I think, and he presented three ways that we can promote the growth of love in our lives. First, our love grows when we forgive. This part was encouraging because God has done some awesome work in my heart in this area. But what stuck out to me was that even when we forgive we can still experience a lot of pain from the circumstance. I’ve really only had one situation in my life where I struggled with a major hurt and extending forgiveness. And even now, I can honestly say that I’ve forgiven–completely and totally forgiven, but sometimes my mind will wander, when I’m in the shower or cooking dinner or going for a walk, and if I don’t harness my thoughts, they will naturally go into the whole situation again and I could let myself feel all those emotions and relive the whole thing. There is absolutely nothing beneficial about this–so I choose, each and every time, to refuse to think about it, to refuse to let my mind go there. What’s done is done and the punishment has been poured out on my precious Savior on the cross. There is no need for me to relive past painful things. CHrist died to set us free. My final thought on this topic was that the true litmus test for evaluating whether I am truly freed from the hurt is determining whether I can truly and honestly rejoice in that person’s blessing, joy, and prosperity. If I honestly can, praise God–that is authentic evidence that my heart is free. If I cannot, then that is evidence that there’s still work to be done. I pray that I, and that we all, let God do that work in our hearts so we can honestly rejoice in the good of those who have injured us.

Secondly, our love grows when we accept others. This point had two nuggets that really stuck out to me. First, he talked about the fact that love does not need to be right. Yes, we are to stand up for truth, but we are first and foremost to seek to understand each other. Love always seeks FIRST to understand before it seeks to be understood. Pow. That hit me. I always want to be understood–and so as long as that remains my primary motive, I will miss out on loving and understanding and accepting others. We need to accept people instead of being right. This doesn’t mean we are theologically wishy washy (Jesus wasn’t!) but it means we accept others and love them even if we don’t agree. Also, we accept that others are flawed. It’s ok! Colossians 3:13 says “Make allowances for other’s faults.” I am so guilty of expecting Jeff to do everything perfect and anticipate needs and read my mind. I do the same with my parents. I’ll write more on my New Year’s Resolutions later, but one big area I’m asking God to help me grow is in being more gracious toward others making more room for lack, the same way I hope others will do for me!

Lastly, our love grows as we choose to love others. Love, of course, is a choice. So, the banner of my New Year’s Resolutions this year is “Love More.” I will flesh out that into more concrete goals and resolutions, but my prayer is that in 2008 I would be a woman who is characterized by love and grace. God has given us a spirit of love (2 Timothy 1:7) and I pray He would help me grow in it.

We are truly blessed indeed.  At the close of each year, we all become a little more reflective.  I am in awe of the richness that God has given us in our relationships.  As we drove home from Bend, Mom and Dad went their own way and headed to the beach for 3 days to celebrate their 37th wedding anniversary (way to go, Mom and Dad! Thank you for still being married and loving each other so much!).  So, Jeff and I and Dutch blared our favorite worship music (Robbie Seay band) and sang at the top of our lungs as we drove home through the slushy valley snowfall.  When we got home, we decided that Dutch had been SUCH a trooper, stuck in the car for 4+ hours without a complaint, that we skipped unloading the car and decided we’d do nothing but play with Dutch from then until his next nap time.  We pulled on our sweats, turned on the pellet stove and got the house toasty warm while I warmed up some lentil soup for lunch and turned on music.   Dutch was giddy to get to move around and play and he quickly found his birthday balloons and began yanking them up and down, fascinted with how they boinked off his forhead with every jerk.  It was one of those amazingly sweet afternoons where we just savored life.  We savored our precious son who wants to get into everything and empty every drawer and climb into every cupboard.  I even let him crawl around in the kitchen cupboard and play with the waffle iron (of course not plugged in!  He likes anything that has a cord!) 

The next day we had a HUGE treat.  Aaron and Candi, yes THE Aaron and Candi from the Santa Clara story, had flown in from Boston with their newborn daughter, Hannah.  So, we had arranged to spend the whole day together, and we did, savoring every moment, catching up on joys and sorrows and challenges and hilarious stories and dreams for the future.  We cuddled each other’s children, laughed at house playing games now is significantly more challenging with a one-year-old and a nursing newborn.  It was one of those sweet and rare times where we just are in awe of the amazing friendship God has given us. 

Then Friday night we had a RDG Christmas party.  The Red Door Girls are a group of us friends who all lived together at the Red Door house in college.  We now get together every few months for either a baby shower or bridal shower or Christmas party.  This year Jeff and I hosted and it was a BLAST.  THe last of us is engaged (finally, Brita!) and most of us now have kids in tow.  The night included a lot of breastfeeding infants, diaper changes, laughter, and stories.  I am always in awe of how time with those girls is so fabulous.  We always just jump on where we left off.  Our relationships are truly God-ordained.

And today we had a rare and special occasion to be with friends, one of whom has been my best guy friend since I was three years old.  Dawson Hunter (inlcluded in my When God Broke My Heart story) and his girlfriend Anna, and Scott and AJ Schindelar who are long-time friends from college and who worked side-by-side with us at Real Life in Corvallis, all drove out and spent the day here with us.  What a blast!  We also were able to jump on where left off, reminiscing about hilarious old times and discussing future dreams and plans … (maybe wedding bells???).  It was fabulous.

And so now I’m tucked into bed.  Dutch was exhausted and went to bed at 6pm … so I sit here and realize I could not be any richer.  My life is so blessed with amazing relationships.  Many of them don’t get the time and attention that I wish they did, but they are still there and for that I’m so grateful.  Tonight I am also, to be honest, longing for a home of our own.  All this fun and hosting has made me realize all over again that I was born to host, I have hospitality pulsing through my veins, and I’d love to have a home where we can invite people over, bless them, feed them, love them, serve them.  Perhaps it’s selfish, but I think it’s in my DNA.  But as with anything, God knows best.  He will provide that in His timing, and for now I’m thankful that this home, though not my own, has been bursting at the seams with friendly faces and familiar friends.  We are so rich.  I pray that God would help me to learn to invest more and more in the things that matter–these precious people in my life. 

Right now I am sitting in bed, in complete darkness save the glow of my laptop screen.  All I can hear is the clicking of my fingers on the keyboard and the soft breath of my little son, asleep in a portable crib beside our bed.  Jeff is gone — performing his usual Christmas Eve ritual of making something special for me to wake up to Christmas morning.  So, I am here in the silence of this holy night. 

Tonight we went to Christmas Eve service with Jeff’s mom.  The theme for the evening was the silence of this night, on the hushed holiness of the Eve of Christ’s birth, “as if the whole galaxy were holding its breath.”  It is true.  As we drove home tonight it was silent in the car.  Few cars were on the road.  Businesses were closed.  There were no jam packed parking lots or lines extending outside storefronts as there had been just hours before.  It had slowly falled into a silent night.  I remember innumerable Christmas Eves growing up, driving home from my Uncle Tom and Aunt Jan’s house in Hillsboro.  The long car ride was always silent except for soft Christmas music.  We sang along and savored the quietness, the anticipation of the holy day ahead. 

My favorite part of the Christmas Eve service is always the candle-lighting. We all hold these little plastic candle holders with half-burnt white candles that look very tacky in the daylight.  But … at that special moment the sanctuary lights are faded to nothing and the candles begin to be lit, one by one as we turn to our neighbor and within moments the entire sanctuary is aglow with a hundred flickering flames.  I can’t help but get goosebumps every time.  There is nothing magical about all lighting candles, but it does create a stillness, a quiet hush that draws us to recognize the holiness of this special occasion.  Christmas is not ruined for me by commercialism and Santa-ism.  Chrismas is still the most precious, holy, blessed holiday–where we celebrate God’s greatest gift.

Tonight as I crept into the room, I tiptoed over to where Dutch is asleep and watched him, watched the flicker of his eyelids, listened to the sound of his breath.  I tucked the blankets around him and checked to make sure his socks were still on.  It was all I could do to restrain from leaning down to smell his breath–my favorite scent in the world.  Having a son has truly made me appreciate the wonder of Christmas all that much more, and as he sleeps, his precious silent stillness is sacred to me.  His perfectly formed little body, still and at rest.  I stop typing for a moment as he stirs ever so slightly, his legs rustling in the blankets, his mouth making tiny little sucking sounds.  And then it is silent again.  I hear Jeff quietly open the front door as he sneaks in from his creative labors.  The sweetness of this silent night is delicious.   Sleep tight. 

*FYI: Thanks to my husband, you can now subscribe to this blog if you wish!  Just click down to the right under “Subscribe by Email” and you’ll get notifications whenever new content is posted.  I promise you won’t get any spam or junk from me (unless you consider my blogs junk).  Thanks for reading!

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I’m not a particularly romantic person.  I’m not a fan of flowers or jewelry, so I’ve asked Jeff to skip giving me either one.  The only piece of jewelry I wear (other than my wedding ring) is a solid silver band on my right hand that I never remove.   To me, romance is Jeff taking out the trash without being asked or spending time with Dutch so I can have some free time.  For birthdays and Christmas, my idea of the dream gift is a day spent lounging and reading or spending a fistful of cash shopping alone for house decor or new jeans.  By nature I am practical to a fault.  It’s really kind of a sickness — how I think balancing my checkbook and making grocery lists is fun, somehow.

All of this to say that I’m not a fan of snow.  Almost everyone I know (except my dad who is most likely the giver of my practical gene) loves snow.  Especially in the valley, a few little wispy white flakes and everyone goes bonkers.  To me, it’s kind of the same as rain.  I’m pretty much happy whatever the weather, so it’s all the same to me.  But today we are in Bend, celebrating Christmas with Jeff’s mom and step-dad, his brother and wife and their daughter, and his grandma.  My parents are here as well.  Jeff and I and my parents and Dutch are staying in the guest house, a brand new darling 1,100 s.f. cottage that makes upscale resorts look like shacks.  So this morning, as we lifted Dutch from his portable crib and let him scurry into bed with us, we looked out the window behind our bed.

It had snowed.  Everything was covered with a blanket of brilliant white.  Flurries of beautiful snow continued to fall all morning.  Dutch 2wa`1`w2qq21 (that was Dutch typing–he’s helping me write this).  Dutch was fascinated, my mom was ecstatic, and Jeff was pulling on his sweats  and shoes to go gather a snowball to show Dutch.  Later that morning, Dad and I took a long walk in the snow, the icy wind biting our cheeks, but the warmth of the Central Oregon sun warming our backs as we walked and talked.  Later as I was carrying Dutch from the guest house to the main house, I listened to the snow crunching underfoot as Dutch chatted happily and pointed at the doggies, the trees, the snow.  I realized then that there is something truly magical about snow.  Yes, it makes driving more difficult and it’s messy to clean up.  But here, tucked into our warm cabin on Christmas Eve, a fresh blanket of snow is the icing on our perfect holiday cake.  Now, the sun is bright and the sky is blue, so the fields surrounding the house are glimmering blinding white.  The fire inside is crackling, and I’m thinking about another cup of hot tea and maybe even one more sugar cookie.   Christmas in Bend has already been so wondrously … well, romantic.  I haven’t glanced in my checkbook or even thought about what I’ll be cooking for dinner when we get home.  I’m going to savor every moment of snuggling with Jeff, laughing at Dutch tear through tissue paper, lounging with my feet up, and walking in the icy crunch of snow.  I’m thankful for this Christmas in Bend, and I’m thankful for the snow.

Wow.  Tonight Jeff and I crept into Dutch’s room and watched him sleep.  As we tiptoed out of the room, we gently closed the door and Jeff pulled me into his arms.  “We did it, Sauce.  We did it.”  I smiled up at him.  Yes, we did it.  We made it through one year of parenthood, and a first birthday party. 🙂  And it all was more wonderfully amazingly deliciously fabulous than we could ever have imagined.

Dutch was so wonderful today.  We sang him happy birthday this morning as we got him up from his crib, then I made Dutch Babies for breakfast, a sort of baked pancake that puffs up in the oven, that you eat with powdered sugar on top.  He played contentedly, had a bath, went with us for a walk, and watched me give Daddy a hair cut.  He was too wired for an afternoon nap, so I was afraid that he might melt down when we had 18 guests for his birthday party.  But, once again I underestimated the Dutcher.  He was wonderful.  But most of all I was wowed and amazed at the friends and family who made this day so special.  Oma and Papa worked, getting things ready for the party.  Papa vacuumed and Oma went into town for special balloons for Dutch’s big day.  Daddy put out the Happy Birthday sign and helped me get the food ready.  Grandpa and Grandma Patterson and Great-Grandma Ricketts came from California just for the party!  Papa and Nana Richter made the trek over from Bend for the day just for the party.  Uncle John, Aunt Brenda, and cousin Brooke came from Phoenix, and Aaron and Candi and baby Hannah came from Boston!  Jeremy, Melea, Megan, and Vicki made special appearances for his special day, and Great-Grandma Ruthe came down from Lake Oswego.  They absolutely showered Dutch with gifts–new clothes (that will fit him!), an amazing classic Radio Flyer beginner bike, his first big tub of baby Leggos, a complete Nerf sports ball set, books that sing, a savings bond (!), a gold Kruggerong (!), a sizable check (!), bath toys, meal-time toys … the list goes on and on!  He is one blessed little boy!

What I’m left with is this:  Raising our son is definitely not a solo act.  Of course it’s God who gives us the strength, wisdom, preserverence, and patience every day. But it is our friends and precious family who stand with us, love our son, bless him and invest in him and take joy in him and care for him, it is these amazing people who live life with us who truly make Dutch the amazing boy that he is.  I want to do whatever I can to invest in these amazing relationships, so that Dutch can learn from them and so that his life can be colored and shaped by theirs.

THank you to all of you who blessed Dutch today with your presence, phone calls, cards, and gifts.  Wow.  Jeff and I collapse into bed tonight sweetly exhausted.  What an amazing day.  I am truly blessed.

We did it.  We made it through the first year.  Because of you all.  We made it because of you.

Tonight I was frosting a birthday cake.  After swirling the vanilla frosting, I stuck on the little decorative baseballs diamonds, then poked the huge number one into the middle and laid the collegiate block lettering across the top: “Go Dutch!”  I had to shake my head and marvel.  I was decorating my son’s birthday cake.  My son is having a birthday.  Tonight as I put him to bed, I almost didn’t want to lie him down.  I snuggled him in my arms and told him how proud I was to be his mommy, how proud I was of how big he is and how brave and strong and fun.  I laid him down and he giggled, the way he does, like it’s a game, then he pumps his legs up and down, sliding his heels down the sheet and kicking off his blankets.  He reached up and held my hand as I covered him back up and began to pray.  I prayed, as I do every night, that he would come to know God at a young age, and that He would walk with God all the days of his life, and that He would change this world for Christ.  I prayed that every birthday he would know and love God more than the year before.  I prayed that God would give him many more birthdays and that He’d be gracious enough to let me see many more of his birthdays.  I can’t believe that one year ago I was in the hospital.  I had just received my epidural (God, bless whoever invented those things!), and was just hours away from delivering our little blond-haired blue-eyed boy.  In some ways this year is a blur.  It’s like a ball starts slowly rolling down a hill and you can’t stop it and it goes faster and faster.  One minute ago I swear Dutch was just starting to bat at the toys on his play mat and coo at us in the mornings.  Now he cruises through the house behind his walker at top speed, crashing through chairs and into walls, laughing and clapping for himself.  I’m sure it’ll be a blink and he’ll be cruising behind the wheel of a car … but I can’t even let myself go there yet. 

Just now I went and peeked at Dutch while he slept.  On his belly, with his arms to the side and his face burrowed into the bumper at the side of the crib, his perfect little lips puckered slightly and the sweet sound of his breathing.  What a perfect, precious sight.  My precious little Dutch is a baby no longer, he is a little boy, full of joy and vitality and energy and creativity.  God, give us the grace to raise Him to be the man of God You want Him to be.  Happy Birthday, Dutch.  Being your mommy is the greatest joy I could imagine. 

The second sermon on our Restoring Christmas series was entitled Spend Less.  This sermon was awesome, although Pastor Dale said that there were a lot of really unhappy people after the sermon!  People don’t like being told how to spend “their” money.  The message is basically this:  We have so materialized Christmas.  Americans spend an average of almost $1,000 dollars on Christmas gifts!  Can you believe that amount?  That is a total of about 457 BILLION dollars spent on Christmas gifts alone. Goodness gracious.  Can you imagine is even HALF that amount was given instead to foreign missions or to feed hungry children or provide medical care or disaster relief?  Just half?  Most Americans will pay off Christmas credit card debt through JUNE of the following year.  That is ridiculous.

The sad thing is that we’ve equated Christmas with spending money.  Most of the gifts we buy are obligatory.  We feel we should by so-and-so a gift and it has to be worth a certain amount or else it seems rude.  But the wrong thinking is this:  Where did the idea come from that in order to show someone we really love them we have to spend lots of money on them?  The most meaningful things Jeff has done for me have nothing to do with money.  But I have often felt this way.  I’ve often felt bad because my gift didn’t seem big enough or expensive enough or they weren’t wrapped that great and didn’t wow the recipient.  But that is a selfish motive.  If we buy someone a nice gift in order to impress them, we’re really giving ourselves something: pride!  It is truly sad how twisted our thinking has gotten in terms of gifts.

 However, keep in mind I’m not saying that gifts are bad.  I bought lots of gifts this year.  But, we always make a CHristmas budget before hand and we always stick to that budget.  More and more, we are giving relationally and spiritually valuable  gifts more than monetarily valuable gifts.  For example, now that we have a son, we give photogifts!  Photobooks, calendars, mugs, sweatshirts, and t-shirts are such a great way to bless grandparents.  I was recently given the gift of a Family Question set: a glass cube filled with cards with questions as conversation starters.  What a great gift!  I love it because it is something I’d never buy for myself but it promotes family and relationships and significant conversation.  This year my brother requested that for Christmas we buy farm animals for Gospel for Asia families.  It was so easy, you just go to their website (click there for link) and we were able to purchase a pair of rabbits and pair of chickens for an Asian familyh in need in my brother’s name.  What a great idea!  So for his gift we got him a little rubber chicken and a stuffed bunny from the dollar store to signify the animals that were given at his request.  I have to admit, I’m not as selfless as my brother yet–I asked for gift cards to clothing stores for Christmas. 🙂  (Hey, give me a break–that’s how I do all my shopping during the year!)

I had the sweetest day this week because my parents wanted to provide food for the charity food boxes that our church gives away over Christmas.  So my dad gave me $100 cash and I went to Winco and loaded up on all the things from the church’s list of needed items.  It was SO MUCH FUN to pick out healthy non-perishable items and think about blessing people with them.  After that I was able to give some to a homeless man I saw on the on-ramp on I-205.  But then you know what?  I splurged on a pair of jeans (“for Christmas”) and that was the least fun part of my day.  The one part of the day where I got myself something ended up being the most draining. In fact, I wasn’t happy with them later and took them back.  But what that showed me was that the joy of doing something for other people was a million times better than doing things for myself.  I’m not cured, that’s for sure, but I think I’m maybe starting to learn.

So, perhaps it’s a little late this year (although it’s not too late to return things!  Today I returned that pair of jeans I bought), but I challenge you to spend less this Christmas.  Take at least 1/4 of what you usually spend and give it to a charity organization.  We have so much.  And if you can’t buy everyong on your list an amazing, pricey present–who cares?  SHOW them you love them.  Make them a card, write them a letter, paint them a picture, change the oil in their car, give them a tank of gas, bake them cookies, enlarge their favorite picture.  Let us not love in word (and dollar!) only but in deed and in truth. 

Our pastor’s is currently teaching on Restoring Christmas and last week’s message was the first point of the series: Worship More.  I have to say that Christmas is by far my favorite holiday.  Many people say that it’s ruined because of materialism and Santa Clauss (I don’t even know how to spell Claus(s)!), but I don’t agree.  Yes, it’s deteriorated beyond imagination, but every year, there is one thing that restores the entire season for me–Christmas Worship Music.  I’ve written before about Mercy Me’s Christmas CD.  Well yesterday as I drove to tutoring, I saw that Jeff had slipped a copy of that CD for me to listen to in the car.  I slid it into the CD player and turned up the volume. Within minutes I was in tears, raising my hands worshipping my Lord with all my heart.  Those age-old Christmas carols are powerful.  How often do we reflect on what they’re truly saying?  Every year I am astounded at the power of their words, at the greatness of our God. I feel like going up to every silly CHristmas shopper and saying, “Do you have any idea what you’re missing?!  There is so much more for you!”  So, today I’m just going to leave you with some of my favorite Christmas lyrics.  Reflect on these, sing these.  DOwnload some Christmas music, perhaps updated by your favorite band, and sing, really sing.  Listen, really listen.  Worship. Really worship.

From O Holy Night:

Chains shall he break for the slave is our brother,
and in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we;
Let all within us praise his holy name.
Christ is the lord, that ever, ever praise we.

From Hark the Herald Angels Sing:

veiled in flesh, the Godhead see
hail the incarnate Deity
pleased, as man with men to dwell
Jesus, our Immanuel!

Other ways to worship more:  Choose to slow down, plan less, shop less, spend less — and spend time being relational.  Posessions lose value over time.  Memories gain value over time. 

Let’s make our goal to worship God this Christmas–it is His birthday that we celebrate!
 

…Not sure what to write tonight, but just need to say that saying goodbye is hard. Tonight we packed up my brother–he is moving to Salt Lake City, UT with his wife and newborn baby daughter. His wife and baby left earlier this week, so my parents, Jeff, Dutch and I spent the evening over at his home, cleaning and loading the U-Haul and eating deli Chinese food off paper plates. We turned up the Christmas worship music and I strapped Dutch onto my back in his carrier (he is SO heavy now!) and we sang Christmas songs and mopped and swept while Mom vacuumed and the boys loaded the truck. It was sweet. Family is sweet. Then Mom and Dad left and Kris and I made a quick trip to Fred Meyer together to get a padlock. Then said goodbye. As I turned to go, there were a million things I could have said, and there are a million things I can write right now. I’ve said them all before. He’s my hero. I love his wisdom, his humility, his quiet confidence. I love fun memories I have of college days eating Melorine 99cent non-dairy frozen dessert from Cub Foods (known to youngsters as Winco). I love fun memories of pre-marriage days, staying over at his house, eating his home-cooked dinner of meat, meat, and more meat. No veggies, no sides, no salad, no bread. Just meat. Those days were fun, but these days are better. I’m a million times happier and he’s a trillion times happier now that he’s got a beautiful wife to take care of him. But I’m still going to miss him because he’s my big brother and I love him. I’m going to miss him so much it makes my stomach get all knotted up and ache all the way up into my chest. And now I’m going to stop writing because I’m done crying and I don’t want to wake up with a migraine and eyes swollen shut, so I’m signing off. Saying goodbye is hard and I love my brother. That’s all. Goodnight.