Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

I just finished reading a trilogy, by Liz Curtis Higgs, recommended by my sister-in-(love).  She let me borrow her copies, warning me they were not a light read.  These historical novels, set in Scotland in the 1790s, depict a creative rendering of the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel, from the biblical account.  A mere several chapters in Genesis, elaborated into almost 1500 pages of tragedy, love, faith, injustice, forgiveness, grace, reconciliation, death, and life. The first one Thorn in my Heart was amazing. Wonderful. Heart-wrenching, but redemptive.  The second one, Fair is the Rose, sent me into a fit of despair. It was so wretchedly emotional I wasn’t even sure I could finish it.  But I did. The third and final one, Whence Came a Prince, accomplished what I was certain it couldn’t.  It was faithful to the character of God, true to the biblical account, and wholly and deeply satisfying to read. 

What I’m left with in these stories is the profound faith of Leah, named Leanna in the books.  She is the one virtually immovable character, the one of selfless love, tireless patience, and endless faith.  All through the book her thoughts read in italics, her thoughts that are nothing other than scripture, the Word of God, used as a means of taking every thought captive, a means of renewing her mind, a means of reminding herself of the character, mercy, and love of God in the midst of unthinkably unjust circumstances and cruelty. 

So I’m left profoundly affected by Leana, and am chagrined today to find myself so closely parroting Rachel (named Rose in the book).  Rose, though a wonderful character in the end, is largely consumed with herself.  She is young, vain, impetuous.  She has wonderful virtue as well, but is largely consumed with herself, even if it is in a sweet and seemingly innocent way. But I long to be Leanna. But am I willing to endure what Leanna endured in order to become the pearl, the beautiful gem worn by years of adversity?  Rose was the beautiful one, but Leanna shown with a unearthly beauty, the radiance of her radical faith in God.  Could it be that adversity beautifies us?  Certainly not outwardly, but we know it does have its work in us that we can made complete, lacking nothing.  So how is this possible? How can I, how can we, like Leanna, bravely face the world, with all its pain, and count it all joy?

Insert John Piper.  After finishing the trilogy, my spirit craved a little bit of non-fiction.  I like to go back and forth between fun, can’t-put-the-book-down fiction and non-fiction that requires a slower go, taking my time chewing on the morsels of truth contained.  So after finishing, I checked on Dutch who was still sound alseep, exhausted from his day a the zoo. So I pulled Desiring God off the shelf (I know, how can I call myself a Piper fan if I’ve never read his classic?).  I’ve read the abbreviated version The Dangerous Duty of Delight, and many of his other works, but haven’t buckled down and traipsed through the weighty (and lengthy) discourse on Christan Hedonism.  But it was perfect for today. That is how.  That is how I can bravely face whatever, can fill myself with God’s truth, can shine with the radiance of faith despite how the turmoil raging inside.  By delighting in God.  His assertion stems from two great thinkers:

Blaise Pascal:  All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they employ, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attending with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even of those who hang themselves.

CS Lewis:  …Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

I’ve read both of those things before, but tonight it struck me afresh.  My distress is not because I am evil for wanting a home and a paycheck and meaninful work.  My distress is simply because God has infinite pleasures at His right hand, and I am busy seeking lesser pleasures, which will never satisfy my soul.  Simple. I know. I am an immature Christian at best, still learning elementary things.  But better to learn the elementary things again than move on too fast and miss the foundational truths.  God help me. Help me to, like Leanna, fill my mind with Your truth, put my hope in Your Word, set my sights on Your promise.  Help me to desire true joy, true security, true intimacy with You.  Help me to delight myself in You.  You are all that is delightful.

Today was very much a day where selfish Kari reigned.  Determined to enjoy this time of “rest” and not sit around and think about how discouraged we feel that we don’t have a job and our house won’t sell and we’ve nothing to do but wait…we planned a family day with Dutch.  It’s $2 Tuesday so we figured for $4, we could spend the day at the zoo and then we’d been generously given a gift card to PF Chang’s restaurant, so we figured we’d use that and enjoy a big delicious mid-day meal and make it home in time for Jeff to leave for tutoring at 2:30.  And though the food was amazingly wonderful and Dutch did love petting the little baby goats, the rain poured on us (when will the sun come?!), and apparently every school district in Oregon had taken advantage of $2 Tuesday as well, so after peering over a sea of heads to get a peek at the reluctant wildlife, we were so cold and wet that when lunch time came we decided to forego the Northwest exhibits and head for cover and food.  As I said, lunch was delicious, but I understand now why people take their toddlers to McDonalds instead.  Our waitress was wonderful, but by the time we left there was more food on the floor, in Dutch’s hair, and on our clothes than in our bellies. 

So we came back with an exhausted, cold, wet toddler and all I could think about was how much I wanted to go home.  Home home.  A real home.  Jeff left for tutoring and I laid in bed and cried, exhausted, listening to Dutch cry in the room next to us, trying to settle his little overtired self down.  Why, God? We’re “living by faith”, we’re trusting You. Why can’t you just provide something, anything, for us?  Why?

And as I prayed, I thought of China.  I opened my laptop and searched China Earthquake, and began to read, and began to see. I searched until I found photos, dozens and dozens of them. Photos with warnings on them: Caution: Graphic Content.  The real stuff.  Small, children’s fingers poking out of a heap of rubble.  Rows and rows of bodies covered in sheets.  Wailing and weeping.  Collapsed schools–elementary schools.  Brave rescuers.  Pain.  Unmasked, hideous pain.  Why, God?  My little world enlarged beyond my own bedroom.  Why, God? 

Home.  That’s why.  This world is not our home.  The freedom we enjoy is the freedom that causes the pain that gnaws at us at night and steals our perfect joy.  We’ve chosen evil.  This world that’s full of the fallen, the sinful, the imperfect.  This world that’s under the sway of the evil one.  But someday, Behold, I make all things new.  Ahhh. Those words. Someday we will hear those words. Someday the One who created us will create again, a new heaven, a new earth.  He will wipe every tear from our eye, He will quiet us with His love and sing over us as we revel in His presence.  We ache because we were created for something greater.  I still don’t understand it all.  I still pray and plead with God to comfort those families in China right now who are suffering beyond my comprehension.  I pray that God would reveal Himself to them, that they would know Him and His Son Jesus Christ, the one who makes all things new.  I pray they, and I, and you, would know that what we long for is home. Our true home.  Our home with Him, for all eternity.  Home.

Ahhhh….TGIM.  This morning I slowly awakened to consciousness vaguely aware of a sweet sense that it was finally Monday.  Does that seem odd?  Well after a very busy week and an even crazier busy weekend filled with wonderful things–wedding/reunion with Corvallis friends, seminary family picnic day, a fabulous trip to the park with the Smiths and our boys, law school graduation (go Megan!), church, and a Mother’s Day celebration in Hillsboro–Jeff and I collapsed into bed last night exhausted, physically and emotionally.  For the last week I’ve had migraines off and on, but pretty much a steady I’m-being-kicked-in-the-head-by-a-horse headache persisted throughout the weekend.  And after tracking the patterns of these headaches over the past couple years I know the cause: stress. Yes, stress.  So, no surprise that while we’re dangling in the air, wondering what direction our life will take, my body shifted into survival mode and decided my head would suffer. And it did.

But after a long soothing talk with my friend Candi last night, my headache slowly drained away, and after curling up on the sofa with my grandma and eating two huge slices of apple pie while my dear cousin Cathleen chased around my son the tension slipped away as well.  That is until I got home and tried to order photos off Snapfish to utilize the free shipping deal that expired last night, then they messed up my order and overcharged me and the coupon wouldn’t work and of course there is no customer service online at 10pm Pacific time…stuff like that makes me crazy.

Anyway, all that to say that this morning I slowly awakened to a realization that today was Monday…the first Monday of no school, and the first of several days where Jeff and I are purposing to rest.  As I opened my eyes and rolled over and buried my face in my pillow, I saw a little piece of paper sitting next to me on the bed. I pulled it up and read, squinting from the light streaming through our window. It read:

Sauce–

Happy Sauce Day, A day when you will:

• Not do any dishes
• Not change any diapers
• Go for a walk with your boys
• Not have to drive or go anywhere
• Not go thirsty b/c your husband will keep water @ your side
• Be blessed and doted on

——

Oh how well he knows me! That’s my dream day. Sweats all day. No makeup.  Reading, sipping tea, writing, playing with Dutch.  The perfect remedy for migraines. The spirit of Sauce Day is to rest.  So for you, today, even though it’s Monday and you are at work or chasing your children or busy studying, take a moment, sip something yummy, read an inspiring sentence or quote, take a deep breath, and thank God for moments–even if only short moments–of rest.

I’m an online banker. Well, I’m an online everything-er. Yesterday I was unplugged and it actually didn’t really phase me. I love being a hermit, so a whole day with no telephone, no email, no music, (and obviously not TV because I don’t watch it anyway) was really a dream. The thing I missed though was being able to hop on my laptop for info. I always check out the weather, pull up a quick recipe, look up word pronunciations (I know, I’m a nerd), or just get random info whenever my random minds wants. For example, I was going to hop on and see if I could diagnose myself for having a sore throat for over a month…then remembered–no internet. Oh–what will the weather be like on Saturday for the Multnomah picnic?–no internet. Oh–I wonder if Dr. Wecks emailed me back about my grade?–no internet. So I did definitely have to stop and remind myself often, but all in all it was a very pleasent day (and I got so much done!).

We did do our hike, although it is now confirmed that Dutch does NOT like hiking. That is, he loves hiking, as long as he’s the one hiking. He doesn’t like being stuffed into a backpack. So, our hike was significantly truncated because about 1/2 through we had to let him hike on his own. That meant going as fast as his little 16-month-old legs could carry him. It went something like this: step step step (stop to pick up a stick and wave it around) step step step (stop to pick up a bug, mom grabs it before it goes in the mouth) step step step-TRIP, BOOM, WAHHHHHHH!!!!! (tears, hugs, scraped hands…sniffs, whining to be put down) step step step (veers over toward cliff, daddy scoops him up and plops him in middle of trail). Anyway, you get the picture. But it was fun nonetheless. We just need to plan to hike one mile in three hours. 🙂

So, all in all the day was great, but now I’m back online and therefore checked our account because we got our big whopping $152 check for tutoring (this is what we’re living on!). Right above the $152 deposit, I noticed a $900 US Federal Tax Refund deposit–there it was, the Economic Stimulus check promised. After getting over my frustration (we were supposed to receive $1500 because our income was low enough to qualify for the max amount–I’m still frustrated over that one), I thanked God for the well-timed help.

So I’ve been researching and reading about how people plan to spend their extra dough. The Oregon kicker that we all received in December was a good indicator. I read that the two areas where they saw a sharp incline in spending were *surprise*: Lottery and Casinos. (insert me shaking my head here) Yes, here we are, stewards of God’s resources, and we spend a little extra money gambling. I also read a little online and found that on average, Americans have $9,300 in credit card debt. AGH!!!! Is that terrifying to anyone but me?

So, it’s a free country and you’re free to whatever you like with your economic stimulus check. But I’d suggest, as a LiveDifferent Challenge, that if we have undesirable debt, we use our checks to pay back what we owe, so that we own no man anything. Jeff and I have mortgages, which we feel like is smart debt, but we also have just recently taken out school loans, and already I feel like they whisper my name and haunt me. For us right now, seeing that our income for the next three weeks is that $152 tutoring check … we may need to use some of our stimulus check for luxuries like, um, gas. But let’s live in a way that’s different from the world, where we pay back what we owe, where we deny ourselves something unless we can pay for it. It’s a small thing, but it’s part of stewardship. It’s payback time. Deal?

Talk about an encouraging day!  Wow.  Nothing life-changing (although isn’t encouragement life-changing?!), but two small profound things.  The first was a meeting with a pastor, who encouraged Jeff and me more than words could ever convey.  Nothing changed in our circumstances, but we left the meeting encouraged beyond measure.  Such a small thing–a meeting over lunch.  But it was an invaluable lifting of our souls.

Secondly, I received a phone call tonight, out of the blue, from a girl whom I have not seen in six years.  She confessed she’d been “blog stalking” us for several years.  We had served together at Real Life in Corvallis and in Brasil doing short-term missions.  Her life then took a sharp, difficult turn and we never heard from her again…for six years.  Until tonight.  “Hello?”  “Hi, is this Kari?”  Her voice was soft and tentative.  I was overwhelmed with joy to hear her name again, and sat for more than a 1/2 hour catching up on the past six years.  Her story is full of sorrow, but has turned to be full of joy because of the faithfulness of God’s redeeming power.  I am humbled and amazed at her faith, perseverence, and determination in trusting Christ. 

Those two encounters, totally unexpected, inspired my heart to see with eyes of faith. 

So tomorrow, as promised, I will be unplugged.  We’ve planned a hiking trip all morning up the River Corridor, packing a picnic lunch and tackling a five mile loop up the ridge that overlooks the river.  After a sedentary seminary semester we’ll see how we do. 🙂  My goal is to enjoy our son, talk to Jeff, pray, savor God’s Word, breathe deep the fresh air, and use my two-hour “free slot” of time during Dutch’s nap to work on the brainstorming for The Sacredness of the Mundane.  If any of you have a story of how God has met you in the mundane details of life, or how you personally “practice the presence of God” I would love to hear from you.  Click “Contact Kari” and shoot me an email…I’d love your inspiration.

Talking to this long-lost friend made me want to drop a note of thanks to those of you who read this.  You bless me more than you know by simply taking the time to care about my thoughts and musings.  Thank you for the ways that your comments and emails inspire, encourage, and strengthen my faith.  Have a happy Thursday…I’m encouraged and unplugged.

…at least this leg of it.  Tonight as Jeff and I walked out of Travis-Lovitt Hall, hand in hand, with a wave of relief washing over us, I commented, “We just finished the hardest year of our lives.”  And it’s true.  It may not be a big deal to most people, but I really think that this last semester was the biggest accomplishment of my life.  Juggling our insane life with no income and a toddler and a full-load of seminary classes…and by the grace of God we finshed our last final tonight and I am overcome with gratitude for God’s grace.  It is a little anti-climactic, because we have no idea what we’re doing now.  Our life was planned out until May 5th, and now the sun is setting and the darkness brings myriad unknowns…where we’ll work, where we’ll live, how we’ll pay for it all, if our house will sell.  We don’t know the answers but we do know our God, and He has always been faithful to us.  So tonight after cuddling with Dutch, chasing him around for awhile, and giving him a bath and putting him to bed, we’re settling in for…a movie.  We’ve decided that for the next month or however long until we know what our next step is we can fret and fear and stress ourselves out, or we can choose to enjoy it and embrace it as a God-ordained rest period.  We’ve chosen the latter. 

We don’t know what our next leg of the race is…but we’ve finished the last one God called us to, and there’s joy and peace in that.  And He’s given us a quick break, to grab a drink of water, take a deep breath, and snuggle down on the sofa for some much-needed shut-eye.  My ears are perked, my eyes are peeled, my heart is on tiptoe, awaiting a word from the Master.  Tonight He simply says to rest, and that I will.

Sorry I’m late … yesterday got away from me and I realized this morning I never posted the LiveDifferent Challenge (6). This idea has been creeping around my mind, but I was never sure how to nail it down until this morning. It originated from my sister-in-(love) Nikki, who committed to a Mental Detox fast for one week, where she shut off her laptop, cell phone, and TV (they don’t have one, but that was part of deal), and lived “unplugged” for one week. I thought it was really cool, but couldn’t do the same seeing that I use my laptop for all of my schoolwork (and finals are this week so that would have meant flunking out of seminary 🙂 But I was really challenged by this and she recently posted her “after thoughts” on their blog (CLICK TO READ HERE).

The thing that personally challenged me the most was the realization this week that email is truly the lowest form of communication. And you have no idea how tragic this is to me! As a writer, I LOVE email. I can email/write my thoughts WAY easier than I can articulate them on the phone or in person. I have “penpals” who I keep in contact with regularly through email. But I’ve also experienced firsthand how miscommunications can happen so easily. We know that more than 90% of communication is through non-verbal cues…so when those aren’t there, how easy it is to “imagine” our own non-verbals and messages can be misconstrued. Just yesterday I was communicating with a person about some business and I got back the response and thought, “Oh my goodness! That is the rudest thing!” I responded kindly and never heard back, but it made me feel all yucky inside. Perhaps if we had communicated on the phone some of that yuckiness could have been avoided. This is a challenge to me …

But what I’m considering this week is how great things can truly be acccomplished when we lay aside the “stuff.” Jeff told me how Mark Driscoll (a pastor we both admire) “unplugs” one day a week in order to work on his book (laptop stays on but wireless is turned off). Just as Nikki wrote in her reflection–play times with kids, rocking to sleep, picnics outside, baking cookies, reading good literature, reading the paper, talking with one’s spouse, dreaming for the future, reading the Word. So much good can be done if we streamlined our lives a little, if we “unplugged” just long enough to remember we live in a beautiful reality that is greater than any cyberworld created by man.

What is it you want to do? I want to write a book (2 actually). So my challenge to you and to myself is to take one day this week (and every week if you’re up for it) and unplug. Turn off your cell, disable your wireless (or close your laptop entirely) and work on something worthwhile–whether a relationship with another person or with God, whether reading something valuable, taking time to enjoy the beauty around you, or just spending time with God in prayer. Embrace this world, the beautiful world or nature and creatures that God put around us. Cyberspace cannot hold a candle to the sensory paradise around us. And decide, what do I really want to do? What do I want to do that I’d have time for if I streamlined my life a little…? Take the plunge, and unplug…just for a day.

After speaking the first time at the women’s retreat, there was an extended time of worship and prayer from 9:30pm-11pm for anyone who wanted to stay and linger in the presence of the Lord.  Not wanting to be in the center of things, I got up from the front row and moved my bag and myself near the back and sat down in an empty seat.  A moment later a woman came back from somewhere and started to sit next to me.  “Oh, did I take your seat?” I asked.  “No, but this is the perfect because I have a word from God for you, and I wasn’t sure how to tell you.”  I nodded slowly, a little skeptical, “test all things” quietly running through my mind.  She shared a vision she’d had, and immediately I knew it was God.  My eyes filled with tears as she finished by saying, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”  I knew that verse.  Proverbs 13:12.   I hugged her, sincerely grateful that she’d been obedient to the Lord.  At the time I wasn’t sure exactly what it meant, but now I do.

I do feel a little sick in my heart.  I feel like Jeff and I have been waiting for almost 4 years for God to let us “back in the ballgame” of full time ministry, to walk in the calling that we know He has for us.  Yes, these years have been great. Yes, I am grateful.  Yes, I am content to serve in whatever capacity, even if it’s not in “ministry.”  But at the same time, I would be lying if I said that we’re satisfied with where we are.  And today, there is no other way to describe it other than that “hope deferred makes a heart sick.”  I’m tempted to wallow, I’m tempted to whine (and I may, but not here!), but all I can do in good conscience is be honest before God, myself, and you, and say that I’m weary of waiting.  I’m weary of wondering where we’re going to live and how on earth we’re going to pay the bills.  We finish classes in less than a week and after that it’s sort of a black hole of unknowns.  So today, my heart’s a little sick. 

It’s not the end of the world–just a little heart-sickness. This too shall pass.  And I can say in confidence, that when our longing is fulfilled, it will be a tree of life.  Anything precious in my life has been worth the wait.  So by faith I’m asking God to help my sick heart, when hope is deferred, and to help me to trust Him for good things in store, whatever they may be. 

Jeff sent me this exerpt from John Piper’s blog entitled “When God will not use Bigness”.  It struck me …

“There are saving works that God will only do through small churches and ordinary people, not through large churches and more sophisticated people.

The Lord said to Gideon, “The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.’” (Judges 7:2)

Beware of missing your appointed fruit by envying bigger trees.”

(Copied from www.desiringgod.org)  

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I’ve been thinking about this.  This last weekend, as you know, I had the honor to speak at a women’s retreat.  I could write a whole book on all that God did there, but suffice it to say that I was floored, absolutely floored at God’s faithfulness.  He truly met His women.  And I can unashamedly proclaim that God moved mightily at this retreat, and I can say that because I am so incredibly confident that not only is it not about me, nor is the work attributed to me, but God chose me, a small and ordinary person to fill in the tiny piece. I was just one little piece, but I was a piece, and for His glory I got to share and speak and teach and be a little mouthpiece.  At the end of the retreat, different women came and shared how God ministered to them.  One woman came, and I actually knew her from years back in Corvallis.  She cried as she shared, explaining that at the last women’s retreat she went to the speaker was like a celebrity, totally untouchable, and that she left the retreat just feeling totally worthless, like the speaker was in a whole different category and it made this girl feel horrible.  So she was amazed to see that this retreat speaker was just a girl, just a woman her age, who she knew, who had a real past, a real life, real faults (she was gracious enough not to say that part, but that’s the truth).  Basically, God needed to use a small and ordinary person to reach some of these women. And I’m so grateful I could be that small and ordinary person.  THank you, Lord.

Secondly, Jeff and I have been praying about where we belong, in terms of ministry.  We were praying about two opportunities (neither of which were guaranteed to us, but were possibilities). One was a huge, metropolitan church that has awesome ministry opportunities, and to be truthful, hefty salaries.  (just being honest here).  The other was our home church, in our little small town, with a bunch of pretty ordinary people, with a 1/2 time salary.  I can honestly say that it wasn’t the “glamour” of the big church that drew us, we were really and truly just trying to discern God’s will and be faithful.  And, we were really wondering if perhaps God wanted us in a “bigger” church so that we’d have increased opportunities.  We basically just want all that God has for us, whatever that might be.  So this week, as we prayed, this blog by John Piper came through Jeff’s GoogleReader.  He almost fell off his chair. He didn’t share it with me until the end of the weekend, because he didn’t want to sway my thinking.  But after the weekend, after thinking about small and ordinary people, he shared this blog and my jaw dropped. Yes.  That was it.  How like God to reverse our expectations, as with Gideon and show how some great things can only be done through un-great people.  Lord, we pray that You would accomplish great things through your un-great people, through small and ordinary people like Jeff and me, through small and ordinary churches, through small and ordinary means so that You might receive all the glory.  Let it be. In Jesus’ name, Amen.