Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

I know not all of you are obsessive writers like me. You all are probably able to function somewhat normally, going through the day responding to circumstances without sudden flashes of supposed inspiration which sends you rushing up the stairs two-by-two to grab your laptop. You can probably watch movies without jumping up and frantically groping in the dark for a pen so you can scratch “fight for milk” on a napkin. You might even be able to look away from the computer screen when your spouse slides into bed next to you. It must be nice.

As for me, I love to write. So for my birthday my mother-in-law (a brilliant writer) got me a book called Writing on Both Sides of the Brain by Henriette Anne Klauser. The gist of the book is brilliant–she explains that basically all of our dread of writing stems from the fact that we are taught to write and edit simultaneously, rather than letting ourselves loose with words without worry for conventions, then going back later to edit and rework. (My problem is actually that I never, ever, go back to edit. My writing is plenty free, but could use some editing!)

But what is true of writing is also true of life. How many of us are terrified to actually risk doing something because we are afraid we won’t do it just right? She tells a fabulous story about a little boy who wants to write a story about a mouse and a motorcyle but he doesn’t know how to spell motorcycle, so he writes a story about a mouse and bike, but somehow when he’s done it wasn’t quite the same story he had in his heart. Sad! But so true. He was afraid of seeing his teacher’s red marks slashed across his paper, and was too insecure to ask how to spell the word. So he produced a less work, and in essence wasn’t true to what was in his heart.

I live like this! Ugh. How often do we feel that stirring in our hearts to do something, but we procrastinate or hesitate because we’re afraid how it will all come out. Klauser tells a story of a woman who decided that whenever a new opportunity came up, whether to learn how to change the oil in her car or to learn to dance the salsa, she would pretend that she was 8-years-old. Rather than fearing looking dumb, she insisted that kids were allowed to learn new things without fear or failure, so she would too. With the adventurous courage of an 8-year-old she would tackle the latest feat.

Finally, Klauser explained that brilliant Russian pianist Franzk Liszt produced not only Tarantella, Don Juan Fantasy, and Liebestraum (I am so ignorant I’ve never heard of these), but also more than 700 works, most of which were “uneven in quality, superficially composed or down-right dull.” The point? Even the greatest writers and composers spend the majority of their time writing…well…trash. Can you allow yourself to writer trash? Can you allow yourself to try something and do it poorly? Can you allow yourself to write for the world to see knowing that misplaced modifiers and dangling participles may be there as well? Yes, there’s a time for editing, but I dare say we live our lives doing a little too much editing and not enough time creating…or living. Be willing to write some trash. Leave the editing for later.

I will never cease to be amazed at how God orchestrates our lives so profoundly so that every little thing corresponds to what He’s teaching us. After contemplating competition all week, and after writing the LiveDifferent Challenge (read first), Jeff had an assignment he had to do prior to his Communications class, he had to watch a movie off a list of certain movies and do an exercise following. Well we will be busy Saturday and Sunday nights and his class starts on Monday…so even though I was falling asleep at 7pm and begging to just fall asleep when Dutch went to bed, it is now 11pm and guess what I’m doing? I’m writing because I have to…because I watched Cinderella Man. Wow. Could any movie better address these issues?! (I suggest renting it, but know that the boxing is brutal, so be ready to close your eyes)

Set in the Great Depression, I was brought to tears before the boxing even began. Realizing what people suffered through, and do continue to suffer through, always puts things in perspective. Oh Father, please help our hearts not be calloused to the suffering around us. As a Thinker who hates to cry, it’s easy to insulate myself from such suffering…I don’t like to bleed, but I’m asking God to make my heart bleed for people.

But the part that applies to our ongoing discussion about competition is this: James Braddock first fights for fun and for fame. Then the Crash happens, and four years into the Great Depression, he breaks his hand, he’s lost the electricity, and his family is in danger. So, he goes to work, doing grueling back-breaking labor with a broken hand. Later, when he has a rare chance to be let back in the ring, Braddock is a new man. He fights like a new man–with a passion and zeal that is new. Where before he had no “left”, he now can now dominate with a left hook. His trainer asks him what the difference is, he simply says, “On the docks I had to use my left hand.” On the docks. In the lowest point, the deepest suffering, when he was forced to work this labor to get milk for the kids, he developed the strength that turned around his career. How’s that for life application?! Oh Lord, give us that perspective!

But the real deal is this: When Braddock gets back in shape and begins to fight again, he’s in a press conference and a reporter asks him, “So why are you so much better now? What are you fighting for?” Braddock looks him in the eye and says, “Milk. I fight for milk.” Braddock knew what it was like to watch his children go hungry, and during the points in the fighting when he almost blacks out, he sees visions of his children, huddled in their home with no electricity. He visits “Hooverville”, where thousands of homeless people congregated in Central Park, NYC. He sees death, violence, panic, poverty, hunger. He fights for them. He fights to give them hope.

So I bring this all in because here is an example of a man fighting for good. For the survival of his children. I would say that for us, 9 times out of 10 our competition is probably prideful. We want to be the best, get the prize, win the argument. That, I maintain, is fleshly. But I’m adding the Part 2 to the LiveDifferent Challenge because “Be a Loser”, though an important part of the LiveDifferent equation, is only one half. Don’t just be a loser, be a loser to self, then fight with every ounce of your being for what is right. FIght for your marriage–Braddock’s wife’s commitment to him is an entire blog entry in itself so I’ll save it. Fight for your kids. Fight for justice. Fight for the unborn. Fight for the gospel. Not in an unchanneled, meaningless, vengeful sort of way, but in a faith-filled response to God’s Grace. Ask God what your cause is, even if it’s just something small like overcoming a bad habit in your life. Whatever it is, fight for it. Compete for it. Compete for something bigger than yourself. Even if it’s only milk.

So, yes, I am still on my “Is Competition Godly” kick? The one thing I love is that it certainly sparks discussion! Wow! People have opinions about this one! In fact, I posted the question on Facebook and was amazed when an awesome pastor friend of ours told me that this was the very topic of his Master’s Thesis in seminary! I guess it really matters!

Also, thank you to those of you who commented…I love that! I love getting feedback and hearing your thoughts. My sister-in-law is “foruming” on her blog right now and I love it because it’s so good to hear things from other people’s perspectives. But…it’s very rare to be able to dialog about things without getting…you guessed it(!)…competitive. I think that’s why it’s hard to discuss ideas without getting fired up because we have this gnawing thing inside us that doesn’t want to be wrong. Ugh! In fact, I had written a comment on her blog and then someone else kind of pointed out that my reasoning wasn’t so good (and she was right!). In my little heart, guess what? I got defensive inside! 🙂 I realized, Whoa Kari, you have a competitive little heart! So I stepped away from it and prayed and was then able to think clearly and not be so petty and then could go back in and discuss more with the goal of understanding more than being understood or of being right. It’s tricky, but what it reminded me was that first and foremost, if we’re going to discuss whether competition is godly, we must first acknowledge that we are all competitive. We all have this gnawing desire to be right. And I can guarantee you that that is nothing more than our selfish flesh. Some of this competition stuff is a no-brainer: The gnawing desire to always be right is pride. Pride = sin.

So, this is my best understanding of competition. Three Types of Competition: Selfish, Godly, and Neutral.

Selfish Competition is the opposite of Love: 1 Corinthians 13 tells us what love is. I LOVE the version in the Message (click to read it). Competition for the sake of self is the opposite of this. For example, Competition loves self more than others because it wants to win, Competition wants what it doesn’t have (lust for winning), Competition struts (watch the NBA), Competition has a swelled head (trash talking), Competition is “me first”, Competition keeps score, Competition revels when others grovel, Competition isn’t concerned for truth as much as concerned for self, Competition doesn’t put up with losing, Competition looks for faults in others, Competition nurses wounds over past losses. Competition is an unholy preoccupation with self.

Godly Competition is a wrestling against the forces of evil for the sake of Truth, Righteousness, Justice, Peace, etc.: So this morning as I was thinking and praying about this and this verse came to mind: Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Wrestling is warfare (and the context of this verse). Warfare is nothing more than competition! We are called to competition. We are called to compete, viciously, passionately, for the sake of truth, love, righteousness, justice. So when I see injustice, I am called to compete for justice. When I see sin, I am called to compete for righteousness. The goal is never self, the goal is to always be for the Kingdom of God to be furthered through the spread of the gospel, the proclamation of Truth, and the advocating of peace and justice. I compete for the gospel for the glory of God! WOOHOO! That’s awesome! Take your competitive drive and apply it to THIS! You got some spark? Get passionate for the glory of God!

Neutral Competition: This is the one that’s tricky, but someone said, perhaps there might be a neutral competition that is possible. I agree that just because competition produces a godly end does not mean that it is godly! We hopefully aren’t pragmatic if we’re Christians (although we all tend to be). So just because some abuse brings about events that lead to counseling that leads to a person coming to know Christ, that doesn’t mean that the abuse was godly. God takes all things and uses them for good (Hallelujah!), but what we’re trying to discover is that is competition in and of itself ever godly. We see above that yes it is. So, what about the stuff like sports and Scrabble? It sure is fun! I think that there is a neutral competition where two or more parties agree together that they will engage in a recreational game for a purpose such as building a relationship, getting exercise, or relieving stress (all good things!). This certainly isn’t always explicitly spoken, but using my example of Jeff and I playing cards in bed or my family playing pictionary at Thanksgiving, it is an unspoken agreement that we are playing for the sake of spending time together, and that the goal is relationship rather than selfish gain.

So, since this competition is nuetral, it therefore falls into the category of Romans 14: 14-23 (click to read). Basically, the rule would be the rule of love. Engage in competition as long as you do so out of faith, for the good of you and those around you, and not for selfish motivers. We’re free in that way, but our freedom is not a freedom to please ourselves but to please bless each other. And this is where individual personality/preference/position comes in. Some people are just more comfortable with competition than others. Some are able to easily engage in friendly games without it being selfish or uncomfortable. Others aren’t comfortable with it. Sometimes the difference has to do with our childhood or some experience that has made us more sensitive to it. That’s why we must just understand that it is neutral and that the point is the agreement that we are using competition as a neutral means of acheiving a positive end: relationship, exercise, stress relief (or other). Running a race as a fundraiser for cancer. Meeting up with a friend to run together in the mornings so you can challenge each other to get off the couch and get exercise. Playing Scrabble to engage in relationship (and better your brain!). Working hard in school for the sake of learning as much as you can or for earning scholarships (I’m all about secular scholarships paying for seminary!).

It’s about our Hearts. But here’s the thing, and I just gotta be real honest here. How many of us engage in competition with very pure motives? And even if we do, how often does our flesh get in there and next thing we know we are smiling but inside we have claws and fangs. I don’t feel this way with games, but I get this way with ideas, thoughts, opinions. All of a sudden, when I think I’m having a calm, loving discussion about something, I find this little monster growling inside me and realize my selfish competition, that drive to be right has set in. And I’m a Christian! What is a little scary to me is looking around and realizing what we’ve done with this neutral competition. Take professional sports for example. Neutral competition. A competition taken on by two parties who agree to engage in a sport for the purpose of exercise, stress relief, fun. And now we are crazy. We spend billions of dollars making idols out of people who have a talent for throwing around an orange ball. We value people based not on their status as human beings, but on their ability to win, succeed, achieve. It’s survival of the fittest. I know I’m probably biting off too much here, but will you just think about it with me for a little bit? Think about this competition. Just a few days ago I got my grades from seminary. I never used to pay attention but a few weeks ago I heard someone talking about their classrank. I had forgotten about class rank, but I found myself checking my grades online to see where I ranked. Now why would I do that? Yup. Competition. I recently attended my awesome friend Megan’s graduation who graduated law school with honors. Guess what thought went through my mind? It’d be fun if I graduated with honors at my graduation. What was that? A pure heart that just wants to learn as much as she can in seminary so she can honor God and serve the Lord? Nope. A competitive heart. Yes, it might drive me to excellence, but God doesn’t care about “excellence”, He cares about the heart.

I don’t want to go into specifics but God is challenging Jeff and me in this right now. We’re very eager for a certain situation, and yet we sense God telling us that we should give up our competition for this thing so that another brother may have an opportunity. That is, we sense that in order to compete for justice, godliness, and righteousness, we are to not compete on a human level. Backwards? Yeah. Profitable? Not in the here and now, but I know that nothing feels better than being right with God. We compete for His fame, His glory, His name. (Disclaimer: this is an unsual circumstance. Of course if you are interviewing for a job you greatly desire, do all you can to demonstrate the excellence to qualify for that job. But your goal is excellence and trust in God, not competition against others.)

So, I’m realizing I could write for weeks on this topic. Let’s end here. I know there are some loose ends, but will you just commit with me to think about this? Let’s examine our lives and see the areas where we are selfishly competitive. It’s not that our passion and zeal for competition is wrong, it’s just misplaced. Pleaes don’t hear that if you are a naturally competitive person that that is wrong. Not at all! Praise God for motivated, competitive, passionate people. There the ones who change the world! But let’s ask God to open our eyes to ways that we might let neutral competition become selfish. AnNd let’s engage in Godly Competition for the glory of God, for justice, truth, righteousness, and mercy. Talk about living different! Our entire country is based on celebrating competition. I’d say that’s living different! So the challenge this week is to be a loser. Not that you do poor work or become lazy, but that you are willing to lose something–simply saying “you’re right, I was wrong” or choosing not to strive for vain glory or selfish success, or something as simple as NOT competing with the world but competing for God. Pick 3 areas where you can see subtle (or blatant!) selfish competition, and commit to God to not compete any longer. The things of this world are passing away. Lose your life, compete for something eternal. Fight, strive, train, wrestle, compete for the glory of God. This won’t win you any medals, but you’ll have a joy and satisfaction of knowing that there is nothing you could ever to do add to your worth. It’s only found in Christ.

7 minutes here until class starts again. Here is an article on this very topic (click here to read). Overlook the typos, and I certainly don’t agree with everything in this article, but at least it represents a different mindset (he’s Italian), and I would say some pretty good biblical evidence. Check it out and let me know what you think…I want to give it more study and thought before landing. Throw out some more thoughts to chew on–I’d like more input!

This’ll be short because I want to get your feedback/thoughts. Today in class Dr. Blom was talking about unity in marriage, and he was saying that competition within marriage is deadly. Whenever there is a vying for position, attention, power, the marriage is bound to suffer. His overarching thesis was basically that whatever is prescribed in scripture for relationships is really prescribed in Scripture for marriage, since marriage is the most intimate and important human relationship. Therefore, competition has no place in marriage, because competition is of the flesh. Anytime we are competing to be top, to not lose a fight, to get our own way, to be most important, we are acting out of the flesh.

So, the way my mind works is to take things to the nth degree. If one thing is bad in one situation, I always want to know why it’s not bad in every situation. So, I timidly raised my hand and asked the question: Is competition ever godly, or is it always of the flesh? Dr. Blom smiled (I love him!), and asked me what I thought. I said that it’s obvious that our culture celebrates competition, and there are times when it seems harmless…but is it really? Then I reminded him that he was the seminary professor so I wanted to know what he thought. He was hesitant, but said that he supposed there was a sort of harmless competition, like playing basketball, but that there was certainly some competition seeping into the church that was absolutely deadly: competition over who has the best church, over who has the best worship teams, over proving success within ministry. He even brought up how we might challenge kids to compete in Sunday school about who can memorize the most verses…it has a good outcome, right? So does pragmatism allow fleshly competition to fuel our efforts for godliness?

Now I’m the first one to say that I loved sports growing up and I’m so glad that I played sports. I loved the thrill of competition. Although, strangely enough, I have discovered in the last few years of taking a ridiculous amount of counseling classes 🙂 where I was forced to self-introspection and evaluation, that my competitive drive is mainly focused toward myself. I compete with myself. That’s why I like to run alone. I like to set goals and beat them. I like to compete with myself (maybe because I don’t like to lose!) That’s why my goals in school weren’t to beat anyone, they were to meet some measure that I set for myself. I think it’s also important to note that just because 2 people play a game doesn’t mean they are truly competitive. Jeff and I play cards in bed. I could care less who wins, but it’s fun to play because it brings us together. We play games at holidays as a family. It brings us together. We laugh. We cheer each other on. We make memories. So, all this to say that competition has been the source of a lot of fun and “success” in my life. But is competition itself godly? To be more specific, how is the Kingdom of Heaven advanced and God glorified through competition?

Your turn. Tell me what you think.

I won’t always be linking to every article I write for goingtoseminary.com, but I think this one is applicable to wives whose husbands are undertaking any adventure, leap of faith, or even any wife who wants to support her husband more fully than before. Check it out here…

His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness. He is great! Just being able to articulate my discouragment yesterday, then getting up this morning and worshipping our great and glorious God at church was sweet mercy to my soul. He is so good, so faithful, so steadfast. Nothing much to share today, just that God is good and I am glad. I don’t know exactly what direction our life will take, but I’m confident that God will be with us in that direction.

I will be mostly missing this week, as Jeff and I are taking a summer class at Multnomah on marital and premarital counseling. It should be fun to take together! We’ll be in class 8am-5pm each day. I’ll post any tidbits that are worth passing on! Stay tuned for LiveDifferent Challenge (11) on Friday…

Last week I wrote that despite the rain there was sunshine in my heart. Today despite the sunshine, there’s a downpour in my heart. I thought I’d just write a quick, honest, real post so that you can see the good times and the bad…the authentic me. Today I was so discouraged about everything–still living here (we had decided that by June we’d have either moved out or have made a decision as to where to move…tomorrow is June 1st and we have no clue b/c we don’t know if we’ll have a job here in the fall or not…still waiting), not really having connected with anyone our age here yet, feeling a few disappointments this week over various things, not knowing what kind of job I can get in Molalla to supplement Jeff’s 1/2 time job with the church, realizing that the housing market is so bad we’re just going to take our house off the market and try to re-rent it…very minor things. Really minor and I know they’re minor, but you know it’s just one of those days where my perspective goes out the window and I feel like I want to strangle everyone in the house. In fact, I came upstairs and pulled a quilt over my head and started crying and I thought to myself of a dear girl who emailed me this week telling me how much she was ministered to through this blog and my life, etc. etc. and as I pulled the quilt over my head I thought, “Oh if only she could see me now! How encouraging is this?!” Yup. Today was that day.

So, small potatos. The regular garden variety discouragments. No cancer. No tragedy. Just a little discouragment. So I thought I’d write about it so you see the ups and downs, the faith and the faltering. Perhaps you have those days too…

I hate forwards. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I really do. However, yesterday I actually read one sent by my step-mother-in-law and was laughing out loud. It’s called the COPING DIET:

—-
Only girlfriends can understand this one. This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds during the day.

Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey’s kiss

Afternoon Snack
The rest of the Hershey kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars

Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
———

How many of you have seen this progression through the day? I know I have. I’ve gained 5 lbs. since moving in with my parents. (I know that I am still very skinny; don’t worry this post is not about weight!) That’s not their fault, but what it’s shown to me is that there is a very real link between intake and result. When there are cookies in the house, I will eat many of them. When I eat many cookies, my jeans get tight. Very basic stuff. No matter what the latest fad diet book tells us, whatever we intake will have a direct effect on our bodies whether good or bad.

So I’ve been contemplating this with regard to more important things than eating and drinking. I marvel sometimes that we as Christians are capable of seeing this rather obvious link with regards to our nutrition, but fail to see the greater implications for our spiritual life. As many of you know, I feel like this year has been a crash course in God challenging my assumptions and behaviors. Why do I think the way I do? How much of my actions and thinking and beliefs is influenced by the world, by culture, by being an American, and how much is influenced by God, by His Word, by the reality of the Kingdom of Heaven.

Why do I think that it’s a big deal to not buy clothes for a year? Why do I think that it’s unacceptable to live with one’s parents? Why do I assume that we need 2 cars? Why is watching a movie the default thing to do for a date night? Why does evangelism consist of tracts and awkwardly forced conversations? Why do I feel it’s important for Jeff to have some sort of title or position instead of just “guy who does stuff” at church? Why does it matter if my toddler’s tennis shoes have a nike swoosh on them or not? Why do I feel more acceptable now that I’m a size 4 and not a size 8?

So many of my unchallenged assumptions are nothing more than American material mindsets that are found nowhere in Scripture or in the Father heart of God. So, if this is the result, what is the cause of us having the same mindset as the world? Why do we have the mind of an American more than the mind of Christ? The same reason we gain 5 lbs. after following the Coping Diet above. We don’t watch our intake.

I am amazed and saddened by how many of us want to seek God, want the mind of Christ, and yet maintain a great appetite for the things of the world. I cannot even count how many times I have heard people who love Christ employing logic and wisdom gained from Oprah or other talk show hosts. This morning I read 1 Chronicles 29 and in verse 14 David is praising God for His faithfulness, and he says “Now therefore, our God, we thank You and praise Your glorious name. But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to ffer so willingly as this? For all things comes from You. And of Your own we have given to You.” How’s that for counter-cultural? This is the mind and heart of God. If you tune into secular TV, magazines, anything, you will never hear “You are God’s and the right response of worship is to offer everything in your life to Him.” So how will we get this? How will this truth be rooted in our hearts at such depth that its fruit will spring out in faithfulness, love, peace, and joy in our lives? We must eat it. We must intake. We must watch what we put into my hearts and minds to ensure that we are flooded with the truth.

Unfortunately, this takes work. Ask any person who has tried to lose weight and they will tell you it takes work. The default mode is to eat junk and intake worldliness. Strenuously swimming upstream is a lot harder than rolling over and floating on your back down the river of our culture. But is it worth it? I think so! I want the mind of Christ more than anything. I want a pure mind that seeks God, that knows His heart, that thinks His thoughts after Him. My spirit wants this! But as long as we live on this earth our bodies will be enticed by the pattern of the world. Just a few weeks ago Jeff and I had a free evening, and were considering what to do. He suggested watching a TV show, since neither of us ever watch TV and it might be fun to see what all the hype is about. He thought something popular like CSI would be fun. I dragged my heels because I just don’t like watching TV in general, but I figured it’d be a good chance to snuggle, so I said ok. No kidding, no more than TWO minutes into this show, there was a flashback video scene of a girl in the middle of having sex. ARE YA KIDDING ME?! Jeff clicked off the TV and shook his head. We decided instead for our date to snuggle on the couch and pray together. It was the sweetest time! And I mean that. No we were not being pious, no we were not acting our of duty, we were engaging in some of the sweetest fellowship possible. The two of us and God. Afterwards we sat in bed and played cards. It was a great date.

I’m realizing now that this post is losing all sense of cohesiveness…it’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion. At any rate, my sister-in-law introduced me to www.adbusters.org a fun website that journals the mental environment of media and culture. Today’s fascinating post was on the terrifying culture of anorexic models and how they influence teen girls (and us grown up women!). This is a prime example though of how we are so shaped and influenced by whatever it is that we intake. Long ago I quit looking at fashion magazines and Victoria Secret catalogs because there all it does is feed my flesh’s desire for vanity. What is our intake? On what are we feeding?

Our culture would have us believe that evangelism is rude, awkward, and only for those crazies who stand on streetcorners with big signs and yell at people. I propose that evangelism is nothing more than a mind and heart filled with Christ that overflows. My mom gets her hair done often, and always shares pictures and stories with her hairdresser. This week her stylist specifically asked her about a Moms in Touch conference my mom had mentioned several months earlier. Not only had the girl remembered, she’d wanted to hear about it! My mom had an awesome opportunity to talk naturally and without apologies about her kids, Christ, and the great things she sees God doing. That is evangelism! My mom’s life is full of Christ, so when you bump into her, it simply spills over.

So, I wanted to this to be all over the road because I didn’t just want a LiveDifferent Challenge that was “quit watching Oprah” or “throw away your fashion magazines.” That’s too small. Watching our intake is so much bigger than that. Only you know what your intake is and how it’s affecting you. Only you know if you intake more of the world or more of God’s Word. Only you know the specific ways that you can say no to our American culture of feeding our flesh and say yes to the glorious and God-magnifying way of living that truly satisfies. I simply challenge you to watch your intake, and ask about everything “is this helping or hindering my walk with my Savior? Ask God, use this as an opportunity to draw near to Him and ask His opinion– “What do you think about ____, God?” Sit down and challenge your assumptions, evaluate which are from God and which are from the world. This is so big it could be the topic of an entire blog, not just one entry. But let’s start here. Let’s go on a Worldliness Diet. Let’s glut ourselves with God’s Word and starve the flesh of selfishness and materialism. Consider that your life is so incredibly short (See Life on Loan by Kris and Nikki), and while we’re here, let’s watch our intake.

Too vague? Here are three ways to enact this LiveDifferent Challenge this week:
1. Figure out how much time you spend watching TV/surfing web, etc. in one week. Spend that amount of time this week reading God’s Word instead.

2. Consider what magazines/visual stimuli you allow into your home/mind. Ask God about each one and cancel any you might have a conscience-check about.

3. Sit down and think through five general life assumptions that you life under. Write them out and evaluate whether they are true according to God. If not, cross them out and write the truth (according to scripture) down instead. Meditate this week on those truths instead.

Watch your intake! No more coping diet, ok?

What if someone told you they knew the source of all your frustration?  (You’d say, “I do too! I’m married to him/her!”) Really though, what if there were a key to unpacking and sorting through the frustration we feel in our lives?  I’m reading The Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb right now in preparation for a week-long intensive class on marital and premarital counseling.  Larry Crabb is awesome.  While other books seem to say, “Try these behavioral techniques and perhaps you may have more positive feelings toward your spouse,” Crabb says, “To heck with the behavioral techniques, the problem is sin!”  There’s more to it than that, but it’s refreshing to read a marriage counseling book by someone who recognizes that the root of the problem has much to do with the fact that I am a profoundly sinful person who will go to great lengths to protect myself from hurt, my pride from wound, and my world from discomfort.  There is hope in that because there is a remedy for sin–the grace, power, and sanctifying work of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ. Hallelujah!

But Crabb also has a keenly perceptive eye for understanding human behavior.  In his book he discusses the difference between Goals and Desires.  A goal is an objective that is under my control.  A desire is an objective that I may legitimately and fervently want, but cannot reach through my efforts alone.  Understanding the difference can be the key to understanding frustration. I suppose this is nothing more than an expansion on the Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.” What Crabb would say is that we should act on our goals and pray for our desires.  But unfortunately, we spend much of our time doing exactly the opposite.  We pray about the things we should be doing and striving for the things we should be trusting God for.  We’re all mixed up. 

So I think it is crucial that we work to establish this in our minds.  If we set goals, whether consciously or unconsciously, that are not entirely within our control, then we are setting ourselves up for frustration.  So, you might be saying, “Ok, but my frustration doesn’t stem from not meeting a goal, my frustration stems from my annoying roommate/spouse/child/co-worker/boss/friend.”  Understood.  Crabb explains that this frustration is a result of unmet objectives.  Objectives can either be goals or desires. Sometimes they are within our control, sometimes they aren’t, but we do well to be honest with ourselves and clearly identify our objectives and classify them as a Need or a Want.  Here’s where we’re caught red-handed.  We all are toddlers.  We all clench our fists and stomp our feet and demand a cookie.  And I’m not talking about material possessions (although we demand enough of that as well!)  I’m talking about relational comfort. 

All of our needs are met in Christ.  Period.  We are secure.  We are safe.  We have value.  We have dignity.  We have worth, love, comfort, and intimate friendship.  Though we may not feel these things, the truth is that all of our needs are met.  So when someone mistreats me, my objective is blocked.  I want relational bliss. I don’t want to be mistreated. This is a desire.  It’s not a goal because it’s outside my control.  It’s a desire.  A legitimate desire, but a desire at that. So when my objective is blocked, how I view that objective is the key to determining what my emotional response will be.  Once I recognize that it is a desire, my perspective will indicate whether I see this objective as a need or a want. If it’s a need, if I have an innate absolute need for people to affirm me and treat me well, then that objective blocked will be devestating.  It will lead to bitterness and frustration.  But, if I simply understand that that desire is a want, an extra, simply gravy on top of the deliciously rich meal Christ has already given me, then while I may be disappointed by someone’s mistreatment of me and might experience initial negative emotions, the result isn’t devestating and bitterness doesn’t follow.  My wants, held with an open hand, can be denied, my objectives blocked, but all my needs are met in Christ.  My identity in Him never changes.  Crabb takes this so far he applies it to affairs, betrayal, and intense marital strife.  He certainly doesn’t say it will be easy, but I agree that this is the key to being able to rise above mistreatments, responding with genuine emotions but not devestation and bitterness. 

Jeff knows this firsthand. He’s learning it.  And I’m more in love with my husband than ever by watching him walk in humility through some relational challenges in his life.  He’s kept this quote by Tim Keller at his side lately:

“Sin is the despairing refusal to find your deepest identity in your relationship and service to God. Sin is seeking to become oneself, to get an identity, apart from him…Sin is not just the doing of bad things, but the making of good things into ultimate things. It is seeking to establish a sense of self by making something else more central to your significance, purpose, and happiness than your relationship to God.”

When we understand that our identity is simply and profoundly wrapped up in the glory of Christ, other things can come and go.  My wants and desires are great, and often are placed in my heart by God, but they are not what I set my heart on reaching.  I set my heart on reaching Christ.  And God has promised that when we draw near to God He will draw near to us. That is a worthy goal.  A true goal–because no person can frustrate that goal, even when they frustrate me. God has Father-filtered everything in my life for my good.  God has promised that nothing can separate us from His love, so as we draw near to Him, there is nothing that can keep us from His love.  I don’t know if God will use me to do some really neat thing.  I don’t know if my children will grow to love Him as I pray and hope and plead with Him that they will. I don’t know if I will be healthy and wealthy and wise. But I know my Redeemer Lives.  And I think He’s what I need.