Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

As I’ve mentioned before, my brother and sister-in-law are visiting from Utah.  They’re visiting for a little over 3 weeks, which I love. I love long visits like this because it enables you, even if for a limited time, to live life together.  Day or weekend visits (though wonderful and we’ll take them whenever we can get them!) are a little more superficial.  You have to hurry, catch up, do a bunch of fun things, eat good meals, then run off again.  A long visit like this enables us to just relax. They come and go. We eat breakfast, sit in silence, share bathrooms, watch each other’s baby, grocery shop, live life.  This living life together enables spontaneous conversations to arise that can’t be planned.  That’s why father’s can’t plan “quality time” with their kids. They can plan quanities of time, but true quality time just isn’t very predictable. 

Anyway, this morning Nikki (my sister-in-law) and I had a great impromtu conversation about the last LiveDifferent Challenge, and about consumerism and materialism in general.  As girls, we are all too aware of our tendency to want stuff–expensive clothes, furniture, vacations, on and on and on.  This is the “natural” way in which we live.  Therefore, it takes supernatural power to live counter-culturally and resist those pressures.

But how can we do this?  Lately I’ve been thinking about the ways that our spending and consuming habits affect others.  It’s not a secret that everything we do affects others.  If everytime I go to someone’s house it is immaculately clean, I will feel as though when they come to my house it “should” be immaculately clean.  When I go and they have a basket of laundry peeking out from behind the couch, I feel as if I’m allowed to not have everything perfect when they come over.  In a sense, that person has give me permission to not be perfect. When others admit their weaknesses to us, it gives us permission to not be perfect.  This is fairly common sense. But how does this relate to spending?  I’ve always been really careful to try to not make people feel that I’m trying to tell them what they should buy or not buy.  And I still want to maintain that caution! I really do feel that it is an individual matter between you and God–it is not up to me to decide that for you.  However, having said that, consider this verse about godliness and humility:  “Let each one not only look out for his own interests but also the interests of others” (Phil 2:4).  Or what about Romans 14, which explains that if our actions, which we are free to do, do not benefit others, then they are not godly–in fact, they are sin.  I am beginning to think, then, that even our individual spending habits should be evaluated in light of how they directly and indirectly affect others.

Let me explain.  In the last post, when talking about fashion, Swenson had said this: “Someone has to give permission for people not to follow fashion.  The opinion levied over and over again by culture says that if you wear plain clothes and drive a rusty car, you should feel embarrassed.  But God never said such a thing…Go to the cross, take the embarrassment yourself, and start allowing others to follow your example of simplicity in fashion.”  I remember once feeling very fine about an outfit, which was certainly not new, that I was wearing to a girl’s get together. But once I got there, I instantly began comparing.  Everyone had cuter clothes, shoes, most of them had houses, good jobs, nice cars…I left the shower thinking, “Man, I was really content before I went to that shower!”  Now please hear me, I am not blaming them!  The discontent was due to my own weakness.  But let me ask you this:  When people are around you, are they stirred toward contentment or discontentment because of your posessions/furnishings/clothes, etc.  Again, I am not saying that you cannot have any nice things for fear that someone else will envy you.  But, if we are “consider one another, how you can stir each other toward love and good deeds” then should we not even consider one another when we are shopping, buying a house, a car, belongings?  Should we consider, “How will my purchase affect my brother? Will it sow a seed of discontent or is it a modest purchase that well-represents one whose hope and eyes are fixed on things eternal?”  

Everything we do is an example to others.  And everything we buy is a representation of our values.  Personally, I would love it if other people “gave me permission” to drive an old car, wear plain clothes, be content with a simple house or apartment.  I’m not demanding that of them, but it sure would be refreshing.  Of course we can say that, but if we say that and then go and strive for the nicest things money can buy–aren’t we practicing something different than we preach? 

Again, I am not making a list and saying some things are godly and some are evil, such as: Boat=evil, rusty car=good.  Wasting money on ill-working items doesn’t glorify God.  But can we focus on functionality instead of image?  Usefulness instead of status?  Can we create beauty out of humble things in such a way that others are inspired to do the same?  More is caught than taught, and by living this way, we give others permission to live the same.

Will you give me permission to go against the grain?  I give you permission to wear clothes from goodwill.  I give you permission to drive an “uncool” car.  I give you permission to beautify your home with the decor of love, the flowers of nature, the fine furnishings or peace, joy, tranquility.  I give you permission to take yourself out of the competition to have the most and the best.  Let’s give each other permission to live in such a way, as individuals, that God can be most glorified in our actions, thoughts, hearts…and purchases.  I have a long way to go in this area, and I admit that I’ll probably prove to be a hypocrite on this at some point.  But let’s consider each other, even before we swipe the card.  I give you permission.

With all the fun festivities yesterday I totally forgot about our LiveDifferent Challenge!  So, here we are, the final Challenge from the Get Marginalized Series: Margin in Finances.

This topic, I believe, is the most critical and timely of all the Margin issues for several reasons.  First, our nation is driven by money.  Second, we are in an economic crisis in the US.  Third, Jesus talks more about money than heaven and hell combined.  Where our treasure is, there our heart will be too.  I believe it was J. Oswald Sanders who once said, “To see how godly a man is, I do not look at his Bible, but at his checkbook.”  How we handle our finances reveals a lot about our hearts.

And we live in a country of progress, where material wealth abounds.  Swenson explains that Americans spend more on eating out than the individual gross national product of 207 countries in the world.  Gulp.  We are rich rich rich.  And yet, if we have all this wealth, why are these figures also alarmingly true:

• Personal and national debt levels are skyrocketing.
• Unemployment is skyrocketing.
• College tuition costs have outpaced inflation to the point where staggering amounts of student loans are now the norm.
• Health care spending is spiraling out of control.  Federal agencies estimate that total health care spending will rise to $3.1 trillion by 2012.

Most of us know debt is bad.  We all know credit cards, not paid off responsibly each month, are bad.  We know that in order to be financially successful we need to buy a house, start a retirement fund, invest wisely…so forth and so on.  But what I’d like to focus on here is our widespread belief that money is life’s report card. Last night, at our poor man’s party, we had an absolute blast eating dirt cheap food off of old mismatched paper plates and fast food napkins.  This year has been so awesome learning to go without.  And now that we’re having another baby, I’m surprised at how much I’m realizing we don’t need.  Babies really need breastmilk, snuggly arms, and a warm bed.  Diapers are nice too :-), but is the baby who has the matching crib set and designer diaper bag really any happier?  Anyone who has half a brain can attest to the fact that money cannot buy happiness–but it can buy status.  It can make us feel successful.  But nothing could be clearer in Scripture: wealth is not the primary objective of the spiritual life.

So what does Scripture say about money?  “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?”  Swenson concludes then that we “should keep our needs low, generosity high, and our expectations heavenward.”  He then goes on to explain how creating financial margin increases joy:  First, by lowering expenses you live with far less stress and pressure. If the refrigerator breaks down, you don’t.  If you need new tires, you just go get them.  Second, margin enables you to give more to others, and that brings profound joy. My parents are the ultimate example of this.  They were simply school teachers, not a lucrative vocation, but they always lived well below their means.  Now, they are enjoying the fruit of their frugality, and are able to help others (us!), more than they would ever have imagined.  They are an example to me of people who truly know the joy of not being enslaved to what they own.

A few of you may remember my New Year’s Resolutions, one of which was to not worry about money, ever. This does not come naturally.  But somehow, by the grace of God, and without even realizing it, this has happened this year.  And most of it came through a few simple decisions to let go.  First, I let go of the gnawing demand to have a house.  I was constantly keeping an eye on our savings because I wanted to buy a house when we moved out of there. Well, our old house never sold, so we rented it out, which meant that that dream, and consequently a heap-load of anxiety, went out the window.  Even though I still dream of having a little home to bring my new baby back to, I’ve resigned to the fact that it may just not happen, and no amount of stressing is going to suddenly quadruple our savings account. 🙂  Second, we resigned to staying here at mom and dad’s for the summer. Since Jeff was only hired 1/2 time at the church, we could have pinched every penny to move out into a tiny apartment in town, or we could stay here through the summer, reduce the stress, and have some financial margin.  This meant that this week when we discovered that two of our tires were down to the rims, we could replace them without a second thought. I can’t believe how easy it was!  Before that would have totally stressed me out because I was obsessing so much about saving every penny for a house.

So, how can we establish more financial margin in our lives?

1. Have the right aim. If the ultimate goal of your financial margin is anything to do with storing up more treausure here on earth, I do not believe that honors God. The goal of financial margin is not to get more, it is to give more, to lose more, to live free from the bondage of things and stuff and status.  The goal is God.  Let’s have the right aim before we do anything else.

2. Break Mammon’s Back.  The one way to break the powerful spell that money has over us is to give.  This one act goes totally against what our culture says to do. And not giving just for the tax-benefit.  Give to give. Give to break Mammon’s back, to neutralize money’s power over us.  Give for the kingdom of God.

3. Discipline Desires and Redefine Needs.  Redefining what “need” means is one of the best ways to curtail unnecessary spending.  A great resource called NUDEL helps separate things into categories of Need, Useful, Desirable, Extra Luxury.  This can help you determine whether things are truly needs.  Disciplining desires is a daily battle.  We are bombarded by advertisement telling us we need a newer car, cooler clothes, a slicker phone, a new iPod, a better laptop…ugh.  It’s so ridiculous.  Learn to listen and view with a critical eye, asking “What discontent are they seeking to create in me so that I will want to buy their product?”

4. Share, Lend, Borrow.  I love this one.  Things are to be used, people are to be served. Not the other way around.  God feels our neighbors are so valuable that He sent His son to die for them.  We don’t even value them enough to let them borrow our lawn mower.  But, if we are willing to share and loan items, the others will not need to purchase similar items.  My sister-in-law and I used to hold a quarterly Style Swap, where a group of girls would bring in clothes, purses, accessories, and we’d swap styles, picking out what we wanted, then giving the rest to goodwill.  We’d come away with “new” clothes for free.  I think this would be an awesome way to share lots of items.

5. Fast.  And not just from food.  Fast from shopping for a period of time. Fast from buying food for a week and eat up everything in your freezer: “Use it up. Wear it out.  Make it do.  Do without.”  Periods of time where we fast from consumerism will yield lifelong benefits of freedom from the pull of materialism.

6. Emphasize Usefulness over Fashion. This is tough one for me (hence my clothes fast for this year).  Swenson writes, “Someone has to give permission for people not to follow fashion.  The opinion levied over and over again by culture says that if you wear plain clothes and drive a rusty car, you should feel embarrassed.  But God never said such a thing…Go to the cross, take the embarrassment yourself, and start allowing others to follow your example of simplicity in fashion.”  This is so true and so freeing. Who says I have to wear the latest thing everyone else is wearing?  That’s one of the things I loved about our Poor Man’s party last night. We could wear whatever we wanted.  I had on an old white undershirt and cut off shorts.  To LiveDifferent means that our status and value is not determined based on the brand of jeans we wear.

7. Question Cultures.  I love questioning culture. Why do we consider tan skin desirable but pale skin not?  I’m not advocating some legalistic system here that insists we dress in rags and never do our hair. But let’s think a little bit before we just sail down the culture stream, thinking we need to look like the world, have a car like the world, a house like the world.  How are we preaching hope in something eternal when we practice putting our hope in things temporal all the time?  Only you as ain individual can hear from God about these things in a personal way. It’s NOT for me to say who shouldn’t have something or other.  But I do pray that we take these things to God and choose to LiveDifferent, to challenge our culture’s messages.

So, I hope I’ve maybe whetted your appetite just a little bit for this great book, Margin.  I would definitely recommend it. Next week we’ll tackle a new LiveDifferent Challenge, but for this week, let’s establish some financial margin, evaluate our “needs” and challenge the assumptions of the world about the way we should live, look, dress, and go about our lives.  Let’s make God’s Word our standard, as best as we can.  I’m just embarking on this journey, and have far to go, but I think I can see a teeny bit more margin than I could before. It’s a start, at least.

Perhaps a few of you read my last post and actually joined with my last line and prayed for a reprieve from migraines and vomiting for me.  If you did, thank you.  I do know that last night I had a horrible migraine, this morning I still had it, and around 10am I was throwing up my breakfast.  But my mom’s prayer group included me in their prayer time from 10-11am, and I swear by noon I was feeling worlds better. For the first time in weeks I was able to do the laundry, clean the kitchen, pack a picnic dinner for our boating trip, keep food down, and my headache went away.  My mom got home from her prayer meeting, took one look at me and said, “Wow, you look way better.”  And it wasn’t because I’d showered or dolled up (I hadn’t!).  Anyway, all that to say that by the grace of God I had a welcomed reprieve today from the headaches and vomiting, and for that I am so thankful.  I even had the joy of joining my family for a boating trip this afternoon, where I basked in the sun (shielded by sunglasses and a hat!), and watched in wonder as my little boy, bundled in his life-jacket, ran around the boat absolutely giddy, driving with Papa, pointing at boats, watching Daddy wakeboard.  It was such a sweet afternoon, and an absolute kiss from God to be well enough to actually enjoy it.  Thanks to you if you happened to pray for me.  And thanks to God for a welcomed reprieve. 

I am hands down the least qualified person on the planet to write about physical suffering.  I have 20/20 vision, perfect hearing, and a healthy, fit body.  I have unusually low blood pressure, have never broken a bone, and even had a very smooth, uneventful labor and delivery of our son.  I’m thankful for the health that I enjoy.

On Sunday Pastor Dale was talking about heaven and our new bodies.  He was explaining that for those of us who are relatively healthy, the idea of a new body, a heavenly perfect body, isn’t all that amazing. But the little paraplegic girl, the blind man, the deaf toddler, the aging elderly who are racked with aches and pains, for these the hope of a new body is real.  For some reason this stuck with me this week…

The only little glimpse I get of true physical suffering (it is a tiny glimpse), is what I experience during the first trimester of pregnancy–nausea, vomiting, and migraines.  I’m plagued with migraines on and off normally, but they are more frequent and more intense during early pregnancy.  Of course this is exacerbated by the nausea, and vomiting makes the headaches worse, etc. etc.  This is such a short period of time, but I’m realizing that these past few weeks, I’ve avoided my blog as much as possible, because I have nothing to say. I have no insights, I have nothing clever, interesting, and thought-provoking to contribute. I feel like all I can think about is my headache and not throwing up.  I know, I’m a wimp, but this little teeny dose of physical suffering has made me realize that I have no inkling how much physical suffering taxes and drains those who suffer. It’s not just an annoying pain–it’s energy sucking.  I feel frustrated because my brother and sister-in-law are here, and usually I would be Sally Hostess, and make all the meals (and love doing it!) and be bustling about doing things.  Now all I want to do is hide in my room and eat pizza and even glancing at dirty dishes makes me sick.  It’s so frustrating to be at my worst, especially when I so long to be at my best, to serve, help, be energetic, fun, and happy. 

So this has made me sit and realize that so many people, because of physical suffering, never get to feel at their best.  They have the desire to be energetic, hospitable, happy, joyful, helpful.  But because of their suffering they are restricted, held back, handicapped if you will.  I recently took a meal to a woman battling breast cancer.  She lives in huge beautiful home. How hard it must be to be too weak to clean your beautiful home. To be the one receiving all the meals when you’re the one used to fixing them for others.  How hard it must be to live in this state permanently.  To battle an illness, perhaps knowing that you can never be your best self again. I’m beginning to understand how important that grieving process would be.

Perhaps you think this is a bit heavy for me to be contemplating when it is only morning sickness that I’m dealing with. I know, you are right. My little teeny tiny suffering is small and short-lived.  But I guess it’s given me a little more understanding for the physical suffering that is so much more than physical.  The emotional, psychological struggles that eclipse our perspective, our insights, our inspirations. 

I’m such a newbe in this arena, I’m just asking God to help me to better understand those who truly suffer physically.  I pray that no matter how we suffer, it would not eclipse our perspective of who God is.  And for those alongside those who suffer, may we not offer pat answers, but truly love, truly care, and truly come alongside as a source of strength and hope.  And, while I’m praying, may my nausea and migraines end soon! Let it be. Amen.

I decided to take my own advice and I “unplugged” for 3 days (well, this is the end of the third day).  I wrote Friday’s LiveDifferent Challenge on Thursday and post-dated it, then shut the laptop and traveled to Camp Riversong…in our backyard.  We had the awesome privilege of having Aaron and Candi (the famous San Jose friends) come to visit us for the weekend, wanting to camp in our backyard.  Yeah, in the backyard.  When you live in a place like Riversong, with the river rushing just feet from your backdoor, and a swimming pool and croquet and a hot tub and badminton, people do crazy things like come camp in your backyard.  So, we found a tent at Fred Meyer for $20 and decided to camp with them.  Dutch slept inside in his crib, which worked fabulously since sharing a tent with a wild animal is not a recipe for sound sleep, and Jeff toted out the futon pad and our memory foam into the tent, so between that and our down comforter, we were comfy to say the least.  Camping was the perfect opportunity to be Unplugged because I didn’t even think about my computer all weekend.  We only checked the time to gage naps and feedings (they brought their 7-month-old daughter), and bedtime was determined by when it was too dark and cold to keep playing the Settlers of Catan in the yard by the campfire (yes, there’s a firepit too) eatint S’mores.  Wake up time was determined not by an alarm but by the rising sun or, as the case was this morning, the rain seeping into the tent and soaking my pillow (not everything about camping is fun).  We BBQd our meals, drank soda from the cooler, and ate Pringles, and spit BBQ sunflower seeds.  It was fabulous.

The only downside was the nagging nausea that is still accompanying the precious little grape-sized baby in my tummy.  It is terrifying how much food I can consume just in order to keep from being sick, and it’s a little scary that I’m only 8 weeks along and already showing.  But, what do you do?  It’s 8:30, and I just finished a mammoth bowl of Cheerios…maybe I’ll go get another one.

This weekend made me think about friends, and what makes great friends.  We not only were able to spend time with Aaron and Candi, but my brother and his wife, my precious Megan, Melea, and many other friends and family who came to celebrate the 4th of July.  So, tonight, I’m home from Camp Riversong (back inside in my own bed, although the down comforter is still really damp and my pillow’s still wet), and I’m reflecting on friends.  What makes, in my opinion, a great friend?

1. They let you be your true self, but they challenge you to be your best self.

2. You can eat junk food together.

3. You don’t compete with each other.

4. They truly want the very greatest blessings for you.

5. They rejoice when you rejoice and weep when you weep.

6. They don’t require any entertainment–they’re happy to just be.

7. They don’t get mad when you beat them at badminton.

8. They love and respect my parents and my family.

9. They’re real and honest.

10. They make me love God more. 

That’s a friend. And I’m so thankful to have friends like that.  Thanks Aaron & Candi, for coming and camping at Camp Riversong. Thanks, Megs, for taking your only day off studying to chill in Molalla and play Catan.  What a great Unplugged weekend. 

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PS For those of you who have read The Love Nest (top right under Featured Stories), be sure to read the comment from Lynn (on the left under comments).  It appears we weren’t the only ones who were a little grossed out by this supposed nest of love! 🙂

It seems a bit odd for me to be writing about margin in time during a season of relative timelessness–holiday.  The 4th of July, and I’m venturing to guess that no one is reading this blog today :-), because you are either sleeping in, camping in the great outdoors, sitting watching the Independence Day fireworks, or consuming hamburgers, baked beans, and potato salad.  I am, in fact, doing all of those things as well.  But all that to say that it seems an odd time to be discussing our overloaded lives.  But I can remember a time, in years past, where I only wish someone had hit me on the head with this book and told me to quit killing myself. 

As we’re obviously still talking about margin, it seems natural that margin in time would be scheduling your life in such a way that you have more “free time”, right?  But first, I think we have to challenge our attitudes about busyness.  Up until almost two years ago, I remember that whenever someone asked the obligatory greeting, “How are you?”  I would inevitably respond, “Busy but good.”  Always. I remember once stopping and thinking, “Why do I always say that I’m busy?”  Because I was.  I think that is the response of a lot of people. Busy but good.  And at the time, I think that I derived a sort of pride out of being busy.  After all, I was juggling full-time work with full-time seminary, commuting 1 1/2 hours each way, staying overnight at my brother’s house one night a week to make it all work.  Before that we were both in full-time ministry in Corvallis, burning that candle at both ends and in the middle, literally melting down.  In some ways, I thrived on that. I didn’t have kids, I love being organized, and the challenge of it all was exciting.  And I realize now that I gained a lot of value and identity in being busy.  Why do we, as Americans, place inherent value on being busy?

For example, Henry David Thoreau said, “Sometimes, in a summer morning, having taken my accustomed bath, I sat in my sunny doorway from sunrise to noon, rapt in revery.”  Because he is famous, and a genious, we think “Wow, that is beautiful. What a great thing.”  But what if our neighbors did that?  Or your spouse?  We’d criticize them as slothful.  Swenson says “our modern view of time is to compress it and milk it for every nanosecond of productivity we can get.”  I believe that is spot on. 

You’d think with all of our time-saving mechanisms that we’d have all sorts of margin.  In the early 1930s John Maynard Keynes observed, “When we reach the point when the world produces all teh goods that it needs in two days, as it inevitably will…we must turn our attention to the great problem of what to do with our leisure.”  Sorry, John, you missed the boat on that one.  In fact, Swenson observes that “the amount of genuine leisure available in a society is generally in inverse proportion to the amount of labor-saving machinery it employs.”  Ha!  Can you believe it?  We have bread machines and dishwashers and automatic sprinkler systems, and yet we have less time than those in Third World countries who spend evenings sittingon their front porches bouncing babies on their knees. 

In this category of margin would be the introduction of Sabbath rest.  The Sabbath is not an New Testament requirement, but I believe it is wisdom for man to spent 1/7 of his week in rest, true rest.  This doesn’t mean we set rules about not lifting certain weights and it doesn’t mean it has to be on a certain day (pastors can’t rest on Sundays!).  But it does mean that we choose to LiveDifferent. We choose to ignore the gnawing culture need to constantly get ahead, and we choose instead to take ourselves out of the ballgame, just long enough to breathe, refresh, turn our eyes to God, and listen to His still small voice.  I am NOT promoting greater time management here. I’m not saying let’s be more efficient so that we can get more done. I’m saying, to heck with it–let’s get less done and worship God more and recognize that our value is not based on what we do.  Yes, let’s labor for the gospel, let’s spend ourselves for Christ, but as one smart farmer said, “I cannot get done in seven days what I can get done in six.”  When we are truly aiming to work for God, His math works it all out.  Here are some ideas, for building better margin into our lives in the area of time.

1. Turn off the TV.  (I know, i’m always bashing TV). Turn off all electronic mediums, just for one day (I’m a coward here, I feel like I can’t live without my laptop.)  My sister-in-law wrote a neat blog about mental detox week…consider something like this. YOu’ll be surprised how much time you have.

2. Practice Simplicity and Contentment:  “With fewer possessions, we do not have as many things to take care of. With a simpler wardrobe, our choice of what to wear each morning becomes less time-consuming.  With a smaller estate, there will be less debt bondage to our work schedule.  Everything we own owns us.  We must maintain it, paint it, play with it, build space in our house to put it, and then work to pay it off. Perhaps if we had fewer things we might have more time…”

3. Be Unavailable.  We are now capable of being reached at all times.  I don’t care what the Blackberry ads tell you, they do not free you up to spend time with your family.  Being in bondange to your cell phone, home phone, email, Blackberry, whatever, can be incredibly draining. We must have margin and boundaries.  Create some.

4. Think Long-Term.  Consider the Tyrrany of the Urgent. It drains us of energy, time, and resources.  Think long term and plan your life thoughtfully, according to long term plans. Yes, chaos happens. Tonight Dutch pooped up his back and then rubbed his back against the couch. 🙂  Stuff happens, and we adjust. But think long-term rather than simply reacting to each moment. This helps us better control our time.

5. Get Less Done but do the Right Things.  “All activities need to be assessed as to their spiritual authenticity…we must have God-centered criteria with which to judge all activities.”  I always remind myself, God will allot me time for all the activities which He has ordained for me to do.  Consider and perhaps cut back.

6. Be Available.  Pastor Bruce Larson says, “It is possible that the most important things God has for me on any given day is not even on my agenda.”  Have I created enough of a margin, white space, in my life, that when Divine interruptions come I am able to embrace them as God’s scheduled work for me? 

7. Kari’s extra:  I think that the best gift you can give your kids is time. I know many couples schedule their lives FULL of activities for the kids–classes, swim lessons, parties, trips, vacations, but what the kids really want is for parents to sit down, get out the Legos and just play. Or read. Or talk. Or have a tea-party. Kids just want our time, unhurried, with no agenda.  I really believe that kids in America are absolutely starving for unstructured time with their parents.  And yet it’s so hard, as parents, to lay aside the busyness and the “to dos” and sit with our kids in the grass and watch bugs.  Lord help me do more of that.

So this week let’s LiveDifferent by creating margin in our time.  Waste some time with God this week.  Stand in line and refuse to look at your watch. Let other people go ahead of you in traffic. Schedule a free hour and do nothing.  Sit with your kids and read stories.  Ask God to give you a peaceful, unhurried pace in your service for Him.  And have a fabulous holiday weekend.  Enjoy your time.

Tonight I sat around a campfire, on the beach, with the crashing Pacific Ocean waves just yards away.  No annoying wind, just a crackling fire nestled down into the sand, with sitting logs on three sides.  My brother, Kris, and Jeff built the fire, scurrying around like boys, eyes dancing, collecting sticks and engineering the perfect fire.  Once the fire really took off, we tore open the bag of marshmallows, procured the necessary sticks–not too short and not too thick–and began roasting.  I sipped my hot chocolate and pulled my blanket tight around my shoulders, although by now my shins were getting hot so I laid down next to the fire, in the sand, gazing up into the darkness, savoring the sweet moment of forgetting the job search, the morning sickness (almost forgetting it until I tried to eat a marshmallow and remembered that nothing tastes right), the need to find a place to live, the upcoming arrival of baby #2 complete with financial needs.  For a little while I was back in college, eating marshmallows with my brother.  I was again a newlywed, walking hand in hand with Jeff through the sand. 

We’ve been here, at the beach, for the past 4 days. We leave Wednesday, and I am just reminded again how sweet it is to get away.  And this is my idea of a vacation.  A beach house (paid for by my parents…this is key), a stone’s throw from the crashing waves, and walking distance from the Alsea Bay, where we can use the paddle boat and Dutch can play in the shallow water.  Walking distance from a little mart where we can get milk and cheerios if need be.  Walking distance from the point where hundreds of seals gather, where we can take Dutch and watch with delight as he “Whoa!”s and points in awe.  This is the place where we can cook our own food, eat like Kings (healthy ones), and savor delicious dessert every night. This is where I can curl up in the huge wicker chair with the cream cushions and put my feet on the windowsill and look out over the ocean, lost in thought, or read for four hours straight, like I did today.  This is where I can turn on the dryer to muffle out the noise while Dutch sleeps. 🙂  This is where the huge family dining table can seat all of us, my brother and his wife and daughter and my parents and us and Dutch.  This is where we can all curl up and watch a movie together.  This is where Jeff and Dutch can bike, where Kris and Nikki and Jennika can take off in the afternoon for a hike. WHere Kris can surf (he really did!) and the boys can fly their kites and Mom can have pneumonia but still somehow enjoy the whole trip from the solitude of her room, listening to the joy and watching from the huge bay windows in her room.  This is where we have that beautiful balance of together and alone time…the mix of freedom and belonging, which is one of the strengths of this family that I will always appreciate. 

ANd this, mixed with the forced change of pace that pregnancy brings, has been good.  With pregnancy, I have permission to nap (today I got up at 6:30, walked on the beach with Jeff and Dutch, then came back, ate a bowl of Cheerios the size of a mixing bowl, then went to bed and slept from 8:30-10:30.  How awesome is that?)  With pregnancy I have permission to break all the rules of eating at appropriate times. After my Cheerios, and a big lunch, I went back at 2pm for another 1/2 a chicken salad sandwich, then at 3pm I polished off the strawberry shortcake, then at dinner I didn’t touch anything except the chicken, but filled up on Tillamook Mudslide ice cream afterwards.  I actually really enjoy the freedom…you can always just play the “I’m pregnant” card and pretty much anything goes. 

The other thing I love about pregnancy is that it allows you to be weak and to accept help.  My sister-in-law has been an absolute dream on this trip.  The very day we got here my mom came down with pneumonia, and after a trip to the hospital, has spent the entire vacation in bed.  I was in charge of planning all the meals and bringing the food, which I did, but that was before morning sickness, so now that we’re here I want absolutely nothing to do with preparing raw chicken and sauteeing onions.  She has swept in and joyfully prepared meals that I planned (that’s never as fun as preparing your own planned meals), and doing dishes, cleaning. SHe’s been a dream. ANd it’s been so freeing to just say, “Here is the recipe. Can you help me? I can’t do it tonight.”  It’s been good to say, I”m sorry, I’m a disaster right now and I’m so tired I can’t think.  Please forgive me for being a bear.  As always, she understands.  After all, she was pregnant once too.

So, this long and rambling post is basically telling you that it’s so good when life is interrupted and we’re knocked on our back a little, knocked into a soft chair with a good book and a view of the ocean. I admit, I still fall into panic mode: “We need a JOB and a place to LIVE and we have a BABY on the way!” But most of the time God is gracious enough to allow me to remember that today is today, and it is all I have.  He holds my tomorrow.  So, tonight I sit here, in a dark room, listening to my toddler son breathe noisily through his stuffy nose, and my husband breathe quietly next to me, his chest rising and falling in soft rhythm.  Across the wall sleep my brother, his wife, their daughter. Across the hall sleep my mom and dad.  Outside the waves are still crashing.  Tragedy is happening somewhere.  Rejoicing and celebrating are happening somewhere. ANd the waves are still crashing.  And God is still God, and allowing me this sweet vacation, this rest for my soul and body.  Thanks, God.  Thanks.

How much things can change in a week!  Last week I had thought I’d be able to write pretty authoritatively on the topic of exercise and physical energy, embarking on my Hood to Coast adventure with high hopes and fresh legs.  Well, as you know I was relieved of my running duties, which was a relief indeed, but what you may not know is how sovereign God is in all of it, because the very next day I found out that–surprise!–I’m 6 1/2 weeks pregnant.  Yeah, there’s a curve ball for ya!  So, needless to say, in one day my world turned upside down.  Instead of running 15 miles a week, I’m sleeping every chance I can, living on toast and crackers (morning sickness always kicks in for me right at 6 weeks), and let’s just say that having defined muscles and improving my mile time is the last thing on my mind.  How things change in a week. 

However, the beautiful thing is that even though some things change, in a way nothing’s changed.  My husband always likes to remind me that life has rhythm.  We always think of things in terms of balance, but really it’s an ongoing, continuous rhythm of life.  There is a time for everything.  A time to race, and a time to sleep.  A time to run Hood-to-Coast and a time to eat toast every morning.  Neither season is more important than the other, the key is that we are in tune to God’s rhythm for our lives and that we respond by making the appropriate margin in our lives for the season we are currently in.  If we live in constant defeat thinking that we “should be” doing something that’s for a different season, we will never be content. So for me, my season is to get rest, get plenty of mild exercise like walking, and eat nutritiously and take my vitamins.  It might be your season to kick butt and take names by running a marathon or studying for the bar exam (although I pray I am never in those seasons).  That’s up to you and your God…

But Margin in our physical lives, enhancing Physical Energy, is essential no matter what the rhythm of our life is like right now.  You don’t have to look far to see that in our country lack of exercise, sleep deprivation, and obesity are absolutely rampant.  We are overfed, under-slept, and under-exercised.  So what can we do: Get Marginalized!

Numerous studies have shown that the less you sleep the more likely you are to be overweight.  Good sleep habits help breed good nutrition and exercise habits. When we’re tired, we’re more likely to eat and less likely to exercise.  When we’re rested, we’re more likely to exercise and eat nutritious foods because we’re not running on empty.  It can be a vicious cycle, but when it’s broken, there is a health and vitality that is so powerful! 

So how is this related to progress?  We’ve been discussing that progress leads to shrunken margins.  Well, progress has provided electricity and artificial lighting, which is wonderful, but now we don’t have to sleep when it gets dark.  We can stay up all night working.  We now have food in overabundance, without any regard for requirement and without any labor to gather it in.  We have transportation and convenience, without the thought of the need for physical exercise.  I was sickened on our last visit to Boston to see Drive-Through Dunkin’ Donut shops!  Drive-through donut shops!  Get out of your stinkin’ car and walk in to the place, or better yet, don’t!  Walk to the store and buy an apple!  Oh, sorry, got a little out of control there.

Evidence of this?  Americans today get 2 1/2 hours less sleep per night than they did 100 years ago!   Only 15% of teens get the minimum recommended 8.5 hours of sleep they need per night.  Sleep deficit, as mentioned before, has been linked to obesity, attention deficit disorders, and depression.  Then, 55% of American adults of overweight or obese! The majority!  That is astonishing.  The progress of our great nation has taken us out of the fields and out of our beds, and onto the couch where we sit up all night watching TV and eating Doritos.

So, how can we respond? How can we LiveDifferent by getting marginalized in this area?

1. Take Responsibility: No one can change your life for you.  Yes, there are seasons (new motherhood, studying for the bar exam, (that’s for you Megs), etc. )but think longterm and make changes that will benefit you over the long run.

2. Value Sleep:  God gives His beloved sleep.  Choose to get enough rest. Step out of the rat race and determine how much sleep you need to be at your best.

3. Develop Healthy Sleep Patterns: go to bed at the same time each night and get up at the same time each morning (by the way, evening sleep is more valuable than late morning sleep–so Benjamin Franklin was right. Personalize his quote for whatever it is you’re striving for (i.e. “godly” instead of “wealthy”): “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, ________, and wise.” Don’t eat within 2 hours of sleeping. Limit caffeine. Turn your clock to the wall. Give yourself time to unwind. 

4. Avoid overeating.  This is the easiest way to shed extra pounds without even thinking about nutrition.  Just cut your portions in 1/2. It’s actually easier than you might think.

5. Avoid processed food, instead buy fresh fruit, vegetables, and stuff without packaging. My goal when I’m grocery shopping is to get the least packaging possible.  It’s an easy way to keep things healthy.

6. Drink lots of water.  At first you might have to force yourself, but it does become a habit.

7. Exercise for health. I think that a huge pitfall we fall into in America (and I do it!) is that we exercise for vanity.  As long as we exercise for vanity we have the wrong motives, and I maintain, God is not pleased.  Our goal is health, to benefit our hearts and live well so we can serve God and bless His people. It is not to have the 6-pack that others will envy, the defined horseshoe triceps on the back of our arms, or the to-die-for-delts.  Yes, Jeff and I certainly do have the goal of keeping ourselves fit and attractive for each other, and there is definitely nothing wrong with that, but is the goal to please each other or for vanity?  The best way to benefit your health through exercise is through building cardiorespiratory endurance.  This includes simple exercises like walking, jogging, swimming, or bicycling 30-45 minutes 3-4 days/week.  No gym membership necessary.  Strength and flexibilty is helpful too, but if you only focus on one area, focus on your heart.  This is the key. 

So these are just some simple ways to build Margin in to your physical life.  Just like last time, I’d love to hear your ideas too on how you’re are currently or will in the future implement these or other ideas.  I passionately believe that we are whole beings, connected in body, spirit, soul, emotion, and mind. When we take care of our bodies, we are more likely to take care of our spirit and mind.  They’re connected.  This is just one piece, but it is crucial.  And it’s an area where we desperately need some work.  Let’s LiveDifferent this week…even if that just means going to bed a little earlier tonight and maybe, just maybe, skipping that second brownie.  Thanks for reading.

…but I promised that I’d let you know when I finally got an article “published” on the E-zine Suite101.  Here is my first article, nothing spectacular, but it’s there: Investing Time Makes Marriage Work. 

Also here are a few of the latest articles for goingtoseminary.com.  Again, please don’t feel obligated to read them, but I promised I’d give a heads up. 

Is Seminary Highly Competitive?

Resisting Sedentary Seminary

Happy reading!  Stay Tuned for LiveDifferent Challenge (14): Get Marginalized! (Physical Energy)

Well, three days into my vigorous 10k training (only one of which I actually ran) :-), I found out that they found someone else to fill the Hood-to-Coast spot.  So, I am now the relieved runner.  I’d still like to do the 10k training because I think it’d be a great way to motivate myself to get in shape, but it is definitely a relief to not have the race hanging over my head.  So, it’s bittersweet–I’m a little disappointed and a lot relieved. 

Today Dutch and I had an unexpected treat. Jeff asked to go to a church kids’ sports camp at a church in West Linn in order to get ideas for a similar camp at our church next summer.  My dad was supposed to go with him, but wasn’t feeling great, so this morning about 45 minutes before departure time I got a wild idea to pack Dutch up and go with Jeff, figuring Dutch and I could explore the West Linn parks while Jeff jotted down camp notes and helped kids with their form. 

What a great time!  We first went to a huge state park right along hwy 43, with trails that led all the way down to the river.  We went down to the river, which of course looks nothing like a river compared to the rushing rapids outside our back door, and more like a giant lake with water lapping up on the sandy beaches. But Dutch had a ball: “Whoa!”  was all he could say. After that park, we found a kid’s park compete with the works: slide, swings, climbing structure.  He could have stayed all day.  Gotta love parks. I sipped my Starbucks and thought about how I wanted to kiss whoever thought to create public play structures.  It had to have been a mom. 

Now we’re home.  Dutch is sound asleep in his new room, the sewing room.  We’re so excited to have my brother and his wife and their daughter coming tomorrow to stay here at Mom and Dad’s for the next three weeks.  So Dutch moved into the sewing room!  It’s really just a big closet, just big enough to hold a crib and room for a person sucking in their stomach to stand beside the crib.  It’s perfect for a toddler!  He’s loving the change of scenery and is sleeping great in there already.  Jeff and I have been just marveling at how good God is to let us spend the past year here.  I know I’ve complained a lot, and I do regret how often I’ve griped, because the truth is we have been so blessed here.  We’ve saved oodles of money, we’ve gotten to watch Dutch explore with awe and wonder the majestic outdoors complete with river, horses, dogs, tractors, pool, grass, trees, you name it.  And we’ve gotten to see Dutch develop an amazing relationship with his grandparents, Oma and Papa.  It’s definitely an unusual circumstance, but how sweet it’s been to see Dutch on the tractor with Papa or reading a special book cuddled on the couch with Oma.  Definitely memories we will treasure always.

So, how’s that for a post that all over the road? Relieved of running duty, enjoying parks, and thankful for our home.  Just a day in the life of Kari…thanks for reading.