Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

It’s no secret that Americans are trying to figure out how to spend less in our current economic crunch.  Good! It’s about time.  We’re in our current debaucle because of our own greed (but more on that later), so things that make us wake up and take inventory of our spending are welcomed in my opinion.  Since money’s on the mind, it’s no wonder that two different major magazines ran articles this month featuring experiments on spending no money for a certain length of time.  The first artcle (click to read) was featured in October’s Reader’s Digest . (The large print edition was in the doctor’s office lobby while I waited for an appointment with a friend.  It was that or the Smithsonian.  Large print RD won out.)  In it the Hochman family goes an entire month without spending any dispensable income. They pay their bills, etc. But no food (other than milk and fresh fruit), no gas, no parking meters, nothing.  Apparently they had been a family that was out of control in spending.  It was staggering to see how much they could go without, and their experience surfaced the moral that they became richer living on less.  They went for walks instead of movies, cruised Costco for free samples and left without purchasing a thing, and went to the libarary instead of hitting the local Blockbuster.  A few lifesavers, like neighbors whose wireless wasn’t password protected, carried them through a few times, and they were blessed by what they learned. 

The second story surprised me.  This one, featured in Real Simple (click here to read), told of a man who went one week without spending a cent.  The difference was that this man was already a cheapskate.  And he took the challenge alone–his wife and daughter were exempt, so already there are some big differences.  The moral of his story was surprising, he realized how miserable he was being able to do nothing, buy nothing, give nothing to the people he loved.  He realized it felt horrible to always have to ask your buddy to pick up the check, to drive by the homeless person and have nothing to give, to tell your wife happy birthday but give her nothing (yes, ahem, he could have had a little more foresight and planned his no-spending week around his wife’s birthday!  This man apparently has other shortcomings…).  But he soon realized that his motivation for his thriftiness had been selfish, and that restricting himself in such a way that made it impossible to give and bless others, was miserable.

Interestingly different outcomes from two similar experiments.  The neat thing is that both experiments surfaced the issue that really needed to change: overspending and selfish stinginess, respectively.  And what’s the key?  Spending money was fulfilling when it was spent more on others, less on oneself.  Living within our means is the overarching key, but within our means, we have a choice whether we’ll use what he have building our kingdom or GOd’s kingdom.  Blessing ourselves (which is one of the most depressing things to do) or blessing others.  I have been so richly blessed by others’ generosity.  My surprise maternity wardrobe, lunch yesterday from a friend, hand-me-down clothes from my neice, an entertainment book from my aunt…little things that have blessed me so much. 

So rather than just make the goal, “spend less”–let’s evaluate how we spend less.  By cutting back on generosity?  Not so much.  By cutting back on self? Sure.  When our goal is building God’s kingdom and blessing each other, I bet we’d be surprised by how the resources we have go farther than we ever imagined…funny how that works.

Click here to read When God Lets Us Choose, my recent thoughts and reflections on our gracious sweet Father and some decisions in life…

For my last teaching assignment this term at Multnomah (I love to teach, but I’m glad this is the last one–it wears me out!), my mentor asked me to share some on what I taught at the last women’s retreat–the God of Disappointment–specifically as it relates to ministry.  As I’ve been thinking and praying through what “Expectancy without Expectation” means in the ministry realm, the thing that comes back to me over and over is that we are constantly in danger of engaging in Results-Driven Ministry. 

Results-Driven Ministry, very obviously, occurs what we do is determined by the results that are achieved … a subtle form of pragmatism.  We do “what works”, and we determine success based on a set of goals or checklist that we formulate in our minds.  If we see something that “God is blessing” in another church or ministry, we adopt a similar method. 

And this relates to the idea of living in Expectancy without Expectation in relation to our ministry involvement.  Expectancy is believing God for great things.  Expectation is telling God what those things are.  So as I think back through the study on understanding Disappointment, I think of how often my disappointments are nothing more than faulty expectations, doing ministry for the sake of results, rather than for sake of obedience, leaving the results to God. 

Lastly, Jeff got me thinking about faithfulness and fruitfulness.  We know that we are rewarded according to our faithfulness not according to our fruitfulness because fruitfulness is determined by God alone.  However, he brought up a good point, that our fruitfulness will ALWAYS exceed what it “should” in relation to our faithfulness.  Meaning, we will never be faithful enough to deserve how fruitful God makes us.  Oh boy this is true!  I think of some amazingly fruitful ministry experiences–the women’s retreat, teaching, discipleship.  How little I was faithful! Really, if only you know how little I pray, how little I am disciplined and consistent, how little I am faithful…and yet how gracious God is to make us fruitful.  We have our perspective WAY skewed if we actually think that our teeny acts of faithfulness actually are proportionate to how fruitful God allows us to be.  We are “adoring spectators” in God’s work rather than instruments.  It’s all His work 

So, just preliminary thoughts.  I want do dive into this a little more. Just starting to connect the dots. Food for thought.

Today we celebrate six months of LiveDifferent Challenges. Six months!  This excites me, partly because, to be honest, it means that in six months I can actually buy clothes again. 🙂  (I know, I’m not completely redeemed).  But I thought today I’d just reflect on what God’s been showing me the past six months and then see if anyone’s interested in joining along…just until April 1.

For those of you just joining along, six months I started  a clothes fast, meaning that I’m not buying clothes for one year.  Committing terrified me, but I really felt like this was something God wanted for me.  On an encouraging note, I’ve realized I’m really not a clothes hog–and I don’t even really like to shop.  And as I added up how much I actually spent on clothes in one year, I don’t think I was anywhere near the $500 that I’d estimated and agreed to give to Gospel for Asia in leiu of shopping for a year.  These are encouraging things to discover.  But, what I did discover is how much I rely on a a new shirt or new pair of jeans or something to make me feel better about myself.  As I was reading through Love & Respect, Eggerich makes the point that when men say “I have nothing to wear,” it means “I have nothing clean“.  When women say “I have nothing to wear” it means “I have nothing new.”  And that’s really it.  There are times when I’m down in the dumps or when I’m going somewhere special, and in order to compensate for feeling not-so-great about myself, I rely on a new something-something to give me the boost. 

So, I’ve said this before, there is nothing wrong with beauty. We’re drawn to beauty, God loves beauty, but we’re told in Scipture to let our beauty be of the hidden person of the heart, the gentle and quiet spirit of woman (note ladies that is not describing your personality, it’s describing your spirit.)  So when I rely on a new something to boost my confidence and make me feel better, I’m relying on a crutch, a false confidence that fades.  This doesn’t mean that I will never buy new clothes again, but I’m so thankful for the fact that for this short season (a year isn’t really that long), I don’t have that option.  I don’t have the option of going to a crutch.  If I feel insecure or fat or generally blah–guess where I can lean?  On Jesus Christ, the only one who support the true weight of my need.

Let me tell you this has truly challenged me at times.  I feel plenty spicy and cute at home…I have the most doting husband in the world who sees me in gym shorts and starts drooling.  But there are times, and sometimes the least expected times, when I find myself longing for a little something to make myself feel better.  Visiting Applegate church of all places (can ya please tell me why ALL the girls there look like supermodels???) or hanging out with my cute sassy friends.  There are those moments of weakness, of insecurity, when a little extra work on the outside would convince me that I’m ok.  But what a false crutch!  And without the crutch being taken away, how could I learn to lean ever more readily on the Arm of the One who loves me so dearly, who gave His life for me, and who is the only reason I am valued, prized, cherished beyond measure. 

I know it is no coincidence that only 1 1/2 months after starting this fast I (surprise!) got pregnant.  This has been the true challenge. Now yes, I made a provision in the fast that IF I were to get pregnant, I was allowed things from goodwill in the event that I truly needed things to cover my growing belly. To date I have gotten two jackets and a long tanktop in order to facilitate Heidi’s growing little self, but I also don’t want to use that provision as a means of doing the same thing–relying on a crutch, even if the crutch is just a smelly shirt from goodwill.  So I’m purposing to really keep that at a minimum. 

Pregnancy, coupled with the clothes fast, has kicked both crutches out from under me in one fell swoop: A thin trim body and nice clothes…both gone.  These were my crutches.  I recently received an email from a girl I knew almost 10 years ago.  Years ago she struggled with an eating disorder, and has since recovered. But now she’s pregnant, and she wrote to me, desperately wanting to know how to stay sane and confident when her body is out of control and chubby beyond belief!  I wish I was the authority on this, I’m not, but I at least knew the answer, even if I can’t say I always live it.  The answer is this: It’s easy to say we’re “over” something, when the thing is under control (i.e. we are fit and trim), but it’s quite another thing to demonstrate our freedom from crutches when that thing is not under control (we’re pregnant and chubby and emotional and feeling all-around gross).  That’s the true test of our freedom–will we lean on Christ, or will we try to find another crutch? Lord, help us lean on you!

We all have different crutches.  And just because we live in a world where crutches are the norm doesn’t mean that they are God’s best.  God has something so much greater for us–a life freed from crutches! A life where we don’t have to rely on vanity or money or success or affirmation in order to make ourselves ok.  The clothes fast is just a tiny way to illustrate my desire to live freed from crutches, little by little, kicking them out from under me. 

We have six months left.  I’m curious if you have any crutches that come to mind?  Is there anything that God might ask you to give up, just for six months, in order to illustrate your need for Him, your utter dependence on Him?  He doesn’t need our fasts…but we sure do.  If there is something, I’d encourage you to pray about joining me, just for the last six months.  If it’s something that you buy, we can give the money that you normally spend to an organization like Gospel for Asia, where you can buy chickens, goats, rabbits, and other farm livestock to support hungry families in Asia. 

Our world is full of people: poor and wealthy, beautiful and plain, successful and mediocre–who are all gimping around on crutches.  Outward appearance won’t reveal them–but they’re there. Let’s pray and ask God to show us how we can LiveDifferent by refusing a life lived on crutches.  Let’s kick them out, as best as we know how. Amen?

—–

The Rest of the Story:

I actually wrote this post yesterday afternoon, since I knew Friday would be a busy day.  However, something happened last night, and I knew I needed to include the rest of the story…  The truth of the matter is also that God is the most amazing, gracious, creative God who loves to bless us more than we deserve (who deserves anything?).  About a month ago, when I was lamenting the fact that none of my jeans fit anymore, my friend Caila out of the blue announced that she was shipping me (from Hawaii!), a pair of her jeans!  A few days later I was blessed with jeans that actually fit!  That’s God’s sweet provision.

Then tonight.  I look at my own little teeny tiny obediences and they are just that–so incredibly teeny tiny. And God who clothes the birds of the air and lillies of the field knows how to take care of us! Tonight I opened the front door to welcome Jeff and there was a huge box sitting on my front porch, with Old Navy logos all over the outside.  What?? I certainly knew I didn’t order anything, and though my husband is amazing and wonderful, I was fairly certain it wasn’t him either.  My mom doesn’t buy me clothes (unless I pick them out), so I was completely perplexed.  I open the box and to my amazement there was basically an entire maternity wardrobe!  A SUPER cute pair of dark rinse maternity jeans, a black pair of pants, three super cute maternity shirts in perfect neutral colors, and a maternity zip-up hoodie.  All my size, all fitting perfectly.  Who on earth would splurge to buy me an entire wardrobe? 

I read the card and almost start crying.  A dear friend, a high school acquaintance, who I’ve only recently become dear friends with through letters.  In fact, I haven’t even seen her since we graduated high school, and when I called and left her a voice mail thanking her, I was shocked to realize I didn’t really even know her voice–because we only communicate through writing.  She, out of sweet selfless generosity, chose to splurge and bless me.  This little angel who is a constant source of quiet encouragment, support, and prayer…it was her.  And I was completely undone.  Undone by her, undone by God. 

You see God is in all this.  Something so simple as maternity clothes for my growing belly.  God clothes the birds and the flowers…who are we to be afraid that if we kick out the crutches we won’t be able to stand?  God not only makes us stand, He spoils us, splurges on us, gives us little kisses of delight that we so don’t deserve.

So I end this post wanting you to know the rest of the story.  The rest of the story is GOD.  A gaze fixed on GOD will never be disappointed.  I’m amazed and blessed by not only my friend, but also the amazing God behind the scene. 

Jesus Jesus how I trust Him, how I’ve proved Him o’er and o’ver.  Jesus Jesus precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust Him more.

(Thank you, friend…you know who you are. I love you so much.)

The final five insights are presented as Pitfalls to Avoid.  We know what to do, let’s consider briefly what not to do.

11. Avoid Making “Mini-Me’s”. Yes, we want our disciples to imitate us, but only as a means of imitating Christ.  My goal is to make Christians not Karians.  If in any way you sense that you are leading your disciples after yourself instead of after Christ, stop, reevaluate, and redirect your ministry.  As Professor Clemen prayed for me once after speaking at a retreat: “I pray that Kari would fade away and Your Truth would remain.”  Fade away.

12. Avoid Wanting Them to Do Well, But Not Too Well. Sadly, it is possible for us to feel threatened when a disciple of ours flourishes spiritually or has talent in such a way that they exceed us.  I’ve had to accept this often!  Caila quickly proved to be an incredibly gifted writer, speaker, actor, and Bible teacher. Even now, I read her blog, and think, “Man, she’s so much cooler than me!”  🙂  But this is the goal! Our goal is that our disciples would be humbler, stronger, and more effective followers of CHrist than we are.  We decrease.  They increase.  Jesus said we would do even greater things that He did.  We must desire that our disciples do even greater things than we do.  This can be hard when your disciples become super spiritual leaders and forget about you! I remember once feeling hurt because someone I spent years pouring into seemed to become so lofty and forget that I’d been anything to her. But I soon realized that was nothing but my pride rearing its ugly head.  We give not so we can be appreciated or celebrated.  We give so others may gain.

Again, my mentor professor is an excellent example of this.  She’s given me incredible opportunities because she explains that she is not in the position she’s in (as a female seminary professor, a rare privilege), to revel in her own glory. She is there to open doors for students like me. That is why I’m even getting to teach this class!  Because she’s not afraid to kick open the door and let those below her dream and flourish.

13. Avoid Loving the Love. The truth is that your disciple(s) will probably fall in love with you.  And chances are they will probably tell you how great you are.  Thank them, praise God, and then forget about it.  Constantly guard your heart against living for the praise of people. As Paul said to his disciples, “Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others” (1 Thess 2:6).  Know your identity in Christ, your worth as a daughter of God, and receive your praise from Him.  It’s certainly not wrong to receive and thank girls for encouraging you, in fact I’m SO THANKFUL for people who encourage!  But the minute you start being fueled by praise is the minute you’re on the wrong track.

14. Avoid Making People into Projects.  Jeff once had an older man tell him, (after he criticized Jeff openly in front of the rest of the team) “We [the ministry team he was on] are just here to help build your character and grow you up.”  Awesome. I feel the love.  No one likes to be a project.  If you are trying to “fix” people, don’t disciple.  If you love people, you’re on the right track. Of course we’re hoping for our disciples to grow and change, but talking to them like they are a project won’t open their hearts to you one bit.

On a similar note, if you ever find thinking about your disciples as if they are projects, stop and pray and ask God to change your heart. They are people.  Think about the way you’d like to be treated.  Love is the greatest motivator. Love them into change.

15. Avoid Only Discipling People Just Like You. I learned this lesson in Loving Rebecca (under Featured–I’d encourage you to read it!).  Rebecca opened my eyes to seeing that I tended to only disciple girls who were just like me.  She enabled me to see things about myself and stretched me in ways I’d never experienced.  While we naturally tend to be drawn to those who are similar to ourselves, don’t hesitate to disciple someone who you know will stretch your limits a little.

Thank you for reading.  As parting words I give you the Apostle Paul, whose life embodied these principles, who was possibly the most effective non-Deity discipler of all time. 🙂

4 But as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, even so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who tests our hearts. 5 For neither at any time did we use flattering words, as you know, nor a cloak for covetousness—God is witness. 6 Nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, when we might have made demands as apostles of Christ. 7 But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. 8 So, affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. 9 For you remember, brethren, our labor and toil; for laboring night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you, we preached to you the gospel of God.
10 You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; 11 as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged^[b] every one of you, as a father does his own children, 12 that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.  1 Thess. 2:4-12

More insights on Discipleship…

6. God’s Word Changes Lives.  While girls don’t “just” need a Bible Study, they need life and love and an example to follow, your passion and committment to God’s Word will be contagious if it is real.  One thing we always committed to do was open up God’s Word, no matter how briefly, and allow it to shine its supernatural light on our hearts.  Isaiah 55:11 tells us that the Word of the Lord (spoken in the OT, written down for us now), “shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”  Do you really believe that God’s Word supernaturally changes lives and accomplishes far more than we could ever do?  If you really believe that, not just in an intellectual assent but in a passionate conviction, then we can trust that consistantly teaching the God’s Word will change their lives.  If what we teach is not firmly based in the Word of God, then don’t teach it! And, even if you feel like the Bible study portion of your discipleship is dry or boring, teach it anyway.  Preach the Word!  Even if you never stand in a pulpit on a Sunday morning, you are called to Preach the Word (2 Tim. 4:2), and you do so in word and deed.  We’ve already discussed the deed part, make sure you do the word part as well.

This opens up an entire topic, but for the sake of space, suffice it to say that the more you get them to dig into the Scriptures with you, the less they will depend on you and more they will depend on God.  Make them bring their Bibles, read with them, ask them questions, have them look up verses. Even the most shy and beginning follower of Christ can read verses.  Get them to open up the Word themselves and find out the gems.  The same way that lessons are more powerful to them when you’ve learned them yourself, lessons are even more powerful when they learn them themselves.  Teach them to learn and teach them to love God’s Word!

7. Pray, pray, and pray some more. The same way that we model the study of God’s Word, we model prayer.  Praying to open, praying to close, and praying throughout builds a habit that the girls will not likely forget.  I love how my mentor professor always closes in prayer: She takes my hands and says, “You want to pray first, last, or not at all?”  You’d think in seminary we have a more “spiritual” way of being led in prayer, right?  Wrong. I love how she takes all weirdness away in one quick question.  By using this method with girls, if they are not in the mood to pray or don’t feel comfortable praying, they can say “not at all” with no questions asked. By saying “first” or “last”, you can eliminate the awkwardness of sitting there wondering whether you should go or not.  This is especially helpful when you’re first getting to know girls and want to make them feel at ease in prayer.

And of course, pray for them.  Pray pray pray.  The trick that always helps me, when someone says, “Can you pray for this?”  Is to say, “Sure! Let’s pray right now.” and then pray with them right there. That way, even if I totally space and forget later, it’s been covered at least that one time.  When I was leading small groups, I always wrote the girls names on index cards, praying for different ones on different days of the week.  That way I knew that during the week these precious little lambs were getting some prayer coverage!

Related to this was a great point that Caila brought up:  “Don’t let them dwell excessively on themselves or others. Women have a tendency to feel sorry for themselves, or gossip about others. When this happens, never give in to the train of conversation. Always guide them back to Christ and surrender.”  Use prayer to do this.  When listening, you can discern when the talk is no longer necessary or edifying.  Never never never entertain gossip.  Absolutely refuse to hear it.  If you sense a conversation is headed downhill, turn to pray.  It’s hard for girls to gossip to God.

8. Don’t Forget that Fellowship is Spiritual Too. One of the things I used to struggle with was feeling like having a party night or fellowship night was “less important” than our nights of Bible study and prayer.  While we don’t want to abandon or neglect the study of God’s Word and of prayer, don’t forget that fellowship is spiritual.  Caila pointed out that “fellowship is extremely important in women’s discipleship. Men are more task-oriented; they enjoy it when church leaders give them something to DO.  Women learn more from relationships.”  This means that purposeful fun events, doing edifying and wholesome things, can teach just as much as Bible studies can.  Again, this goes back to the idea that discipleship is living life together.  Have a game night.  Make homemade pizzas together.  Take young moms to the zoo with their kids.  Watch a movie like Joan of Arc, Les Miserables, Babette’s Feast, or Bella.  Give the ladies an opportunity to just relax and enjoy each other.  Jesus’ first miracle was at a wedding–I think they probably had a great time with all that wine. 🙂  (in moderation, yes 🙂

9. Leave the Results to God. For those of you who followed the retreat notes or my studies on Expectancy without Expectation–insert that here.  The moment you try to control the ladies you disciple, the moment growth stops.  You cannot control them.  Part of discipling is learning the process of surrender, again and again and again.  We must surrender our disciples, entrusting them to God’s care, even when they make bad decisions or seem off track.  I remember my dear sweet Elisa sitting on the couch listening to me talk about a boy.  Deep down I knew this boy was not the one, but I was having so much fun and enjoying myself and really liked having him around.  She listened, smiled, was patient, and prayed for me.  And I believed she prayed him right out of my life! She never tried to control me or tell me what to do, even when she saw red flags, but she prayed and asked probing questions, questions that made me see for myself and perhaps I was not in the very center of God’s will.

In this way discipleship again is very akin to parenting.  My mom was the ultimate example of the uncontrolling mom.  Despite innumerable stupid decisions, she faithfully loved me and prayed for me, choosing rather to pray and only give advice when asked.  Because of her open-handed surrender, I believe God was able to faithfully steer me away from my own stupidity and back into His will.

This also means that we accept both successes and failures.  Not every discipleship relationship will be a success.  Not all mine were!  Sometimes I think back to certain girls and think, “What did I do wrong?”  ANd perhaps there was something I did wrong and need to learn, but I also have to accept that God is God and is in control.  Jesus was the most successful discipler in history, and even one of His went bad.  Trust the will of God.

10. Know When to Let Go. No discipleship relationship lasts forever.  Just as you parent a child in the hopes that they will one day grow to be a self-sufficient adult who can drive, work, and have a family of his or her own, so we disciple women so they can grow up in Christ and disciple others.  We recognize they are not ours, but God’s. He blesses us with lending them to us for a season, but it is only a season.  It wasn’t long before I knew Caila was all grown up on her own.  The same thing happened with Elisa and I when I got married.  She discerned and knew that I was all grown up in a sense. Of course we remain friends, but the disciple-discipler relationship has changed, just as a parent-child relationship becomes one of being peers.

One of the greatest joys is seeing someone you have invested in, poured into, loved, prayed for, discipled, spread her wings and fly.  Seeing Caila flourish in so many ways, Krista become the chaplain for House of Charis, Kristen lead Bible studies of her own, Jane teach women’s small groups, and Tana excel in the school of ministry and as a teacher.  Everytime I think of them I beam in my heart.  I’ve let them all go, but they bless me with their lives every day.

Last five to come…

My beloved mentor Professor loves to assign what she calls the “15 Best Insights” assignment at the end of each class.  Students are to peruse their notes, hand-outs and assignments, and gather together what they consider their 15 most powerful insights they gleaned from the class.  They can be personal or universal, profound or simple (but isn’t it the simplest things that are profound?), and they don’t even have to be from her! They can be from fellow students, guest speakers, or jewels of truth derived from study during the class.  I’ve enjoyed this assignment, and applied it to the “Discipleship Class” that God has had me in for the last ten years.  Several of these are from Caila, since I figured she’d be a good resource to figure out what “worked”!

1. If you want to disciple women, your whole life must be an example. In 1 Corinthians 4:15-17 Paul says, “Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me. For this reason I am sending to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church.” (emphasis mine) As Paul consider himself a father in the faith, so we must consider ourselves mothers in the faith.  He urges them to imitate him.  Later in 1 Corinthians 11:1 he exhorts them, “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.” The point is that as Paul models his life after Christ they can model their life after him.

I remember my first semester of leading Bible study, I attended a “mugger” at Varsity House, a Christian boy’s house on campus at OSU. These “muggers” (instead of “keggers”) were dance parties with root beer floats.  I attended, and since I love love love to dance, I was dancing my heart out. But I was also dressed provocatively, perhaps not for a regular college girl but provocatively for a Bible study leader and one who was devoting her life to helping other girls follow Christ.  A remember a bunch of my Bible study girls showed up, and I had this sinking feeling in my stomach the whole night, realizing I wasn’t being a very good example.  I went home early and couldn’t sleep.  The next day I took the entire day and went out into an open field, with my Bible, and wept before the Lord and asked Him to change me.  I asked Him to help me to live in such a way that I was always an example, not in a proud or self-righteous way, but in a humble way, understanding that others may but I cannot.  Something changed in me that day.  I haven’t always lived as an example, but I have seen growth by the grace of God.  After that incident, when friends would go out together to dance clubs or bars, though I knew I had the freedom in Christ to go along, wisdom told me to avoid even the appearance of evil, and to never do something I wouldn’t wholeheartedly encourage my Bible study girls to do themselves.

When we consider that others are watching everything that we do, this should motivate us toward Christlikeness!  Related to this idea is…

2. You Cannot Teach Others What You Do Not Know Yourself. This is related to the above point, but as disciplers, we will find that God will strategically allow us to walk through certain things in life, so that we are prepared to share and help others later on as they go through similar things.  We can only take our girls as far as we ourselves have gone.  This is why I was stubborn in my Bible studies and only taught lessons that I wrote. Obviously the first year it was great to have a book of Bible studies to follow, and I did once take a group through Experiencing God, but I feel like that was the least impacting thing we did.  The most powerful lessons were the ones I owned because God had written them on my heart.  And, it never ceased to amaze me how God had them perfectly timed for the girls in the group. In fact, the joke was always that Caila could see exactly what was coming in her life in six months, because it was what I was going through at the time.  Without fail, I’d go through a trial or experience, share and teach about it, and then six months later she would find herself in the exact same trial or experience!  She even had gave birth to her son six months after I gave birth to mine!

They say that a teacher is primarily a learner.  This has become a theme in my life, as I identify myself primarily as a learner, one who goes through things, learns, gleans, and then hopefully is able to help others along the way.  More is caught than taught.  We disciple others by living in such a way that lessons are being developed with every breath we take.

3. The Most Effective Discipleship Takes Place Living Life Together. Jesus didn’t have little one-hour meetings scheduled with his disciples.  He lived life with them!  He ate with them, drank with them, ministered to others with them, and performed miracles in front of them.  They spent every waking hour together, except for the times when Jesus needed to be alone with the Father (more on this later, each of us requires a different amount of alone time).  His life was given to these men. This was his method.

This doesn’t mean that more formal methods of mentoring have no value.  My weekly meetings with Professor Clemen are invaluable to me–she is a mentor for a specific area: an academic internship.  But real life discipleship, as Jesus did, cannot take place in neat little one-hour slots.  Real discipleship takes place in the nitty gritty details of life.  This is where most things are learned.  This cool thing about this is that you can disciple someone this way without them even knowing it!  By simply living life as an example, you are discipling all who come in contact with you.

I remember early on in college I struggled with what would be called an eating disorder (I just like to call it sin).  Darcy never brought it up (at that point), but I remember she invited me over to stay the night at her house once when her husband was away.  We stayed up late talking, then in the morning got up and had our quiet time.  She silently modeled for me having a daily time in the Word and in prayer, and then I remember she showed me how she made healthy home-made lentil soup in her crockpot, and then made us big bowls of delicious home-made oatmeal for breakfast before I went home.  It sounds silly now, but I was astounded by this.  Darcy was trim and healthy, and modeled for me what it meant to eat in such a way that honored the Lord.  I remember going home and trying to think of healthy things to eat so that I could honor God better with my body.  That’s discipleship!

Elisa was the ultimate example of this kind of discipleship.  In fact, we never had a “meeting” in a traditional sense.  We always met up at one of our houses, and she always had her kids with her.  I remember when she took me with her on her monthly Winco/Costco shopping day, helping her push her enormous cart loaded with a month’s worth of groceries for a family of five.  After a long day, we lunched at Sweet Tomatoes and talked about life. She modeled so much for me–how to feed a family of five on a tight budget, how to make healthy food choices, and how to meal plan for an entire month!  I have to smile right now as I realize that I do the exact same thing–meal plan for a month, make a once a month trip to Winco and Costco, and stay on a tight budget.  That was discipleship!

Elisa even chose to disciple me in the most intimate of topics–childbirth.  As a youngest child, and one who wasn’t necessarily big on kids to begin with, I was clueless about babies, and terrified of childbirth.  When she became pregnant with her fourth child, she invited me to go with her to one of her check-ups. I got to learn about pregnancy, nutrition, infant development, and a host of other topics.  Then, when it came time to give birth, she invited me to join her husband in the room where she delivered!  Some of you are thinking, “No way would I do that!” I don’t think I would either. But we had a special relationship, and I cannot explain how much that experience helped me not be fearful about my own delivery.  I even got to hold their son just minutes after he was born. I was humbled, honored, and privileged that she would choose to let every life experience serve as a teaching tool for me.  There aren’t words to express how thankful I am to her.

4. Life Discipleship Requires Vulnerability and Humility. The experiences above required Elisa and Darcy to be incredibly vulnerable.  When we open up our lives to our disciples, we are opening up ourselves to the possibility of pain, criticism, and betrayal.  Jesus knew this better than anyone, and chose to be vulnerable anyway.  Just before Judas betrays Christ, we see the John 13 example of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.  And what does he say, “If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (vv. 14-17).  Jesus chooses the path of vulnerability and humility even though it would cost Him his life. Even though He was God (Phil. 2: 5-8).  He humbled himself for the men who he loved, and made himself open and vulnerable to them.

There will be times when in your attempt at living life together, in your attempt at vulnerability, that a disciple will hurt you.  This is guaranteed.  They will criticize you or perhaps talk about you behind your back.  Give grace.  Forgive.  Disciple them even by your response to their hurtful act.  In fact, your response to the hurtful situation will preach louder than any sermon you could share.

It’s also possible that as you open your life to your disciples that they will see things that you need to change!  Just as our children point out ways that we err (my brother used to make a deafening siren noise from the backseat whenever my dad would go over the speed limit), so our disciples can be tools of God’s purifying and sharpening us (Prov. 27:17).  I remember when one especially difficult girl (read Loving Rebecca under Featured) pointed out how I always greeted everyone else more enthusiastically than I greeted her.  I had unknowingly made her feel like she was an obligation, something I had to do, rather than a cherished and loved daughter of God.  When she confronted me, I agreed and asked forgiveness. She was right.  This is the not-so-fun part of discipleship…having dozens of little eyes on us to point out our flaws. 🙂 But it’s good for our character, and leads us to godliness.  We do well to be quick to acknowledge our weaknesses and move forward.

5. Sanctified Favoritism is Ok; Jesus did it. The hardest lesson I learned the first few years of discipling was that I couldn’t have this kind of relationship with everyone. I used to have 10-15 girls in my small groups, and would try to meet with every single one of them during the week (this was on top of being in college full time and working part-time!).  What I found was that I was able to give them all a little bit, but not able to give anyone a lot.  In my attempt not to play favorites, I wasn’t doing anyone any favors.  Jesus models a different sort of system.  He did play favorites, in a sanctified sense.  He had the multitudes, He had the seventy (Luke 10:1), then he had the twelve disciples (Luke 6:13), He had the three whom He singled to be with Him on special occasions: Peter, James, and John (Mark 9:2), and He apparently had the one: John (John 13:23).  If Jesus had this model, who are we to think that we should do something different?  Once I quit feeling guilty and began praying for supernatural wisdom with who to specially invest in, God began to single out girls, girls who were Faithful, Available, and Teachable (yes, this is the FAT acronym but girls don’t really like to be called FAT so I spell it out).  It was these girls who I spent special time investing in–these girls who I now have to marvel at when I see the great things they are doing for the Lord.

Want a quick way to burn out and get frustrated?  Don’t do this.  🙂

We’ll stop there for today.  More to come…

When I came back from summer break, I met with Darcy to discuss the possibility of leading a Bible study.  Over the summer, as I’d thought and prayed about it more, I really became excited, though still scared.  As I thought through who I’d like to have a BIble study for, the only thing that was clear in my mind was that I did not want to have a Bible study for Greek girls (sorority girls), for the same reason that I was not interested in Jeff Patterson whatsoever (he was the president of Lambda Chi).  In my little mind sorority girls were shallow, vain, and prone to passed-out-drunkenness.  No thanks.  (I’ve since become a little less judgmental I promise!).  So, during my first meeting with Darcy, what does she say?  “So I’ve been thinking about it and would really like you to join with another girl and co-lead a Bible study for sorority girls.”  What?  Why me? I was not a sorority girl! What on earth would I have in common with them?  I had to shake my head at this, at God obviously pushing me past my judgments and prejudices…to minister to the very girls I’d been prejudiced against.

Meeting Caroline, my co-leader, put my mind at ease.  She was wonderful!!!  She had been in a sorority but was now living out during her senior year, and we hit it off immediately.  Within a few weeks, our Bible study was announced, and we began meeting in her little one-bedroom apartment off campus.

I was terrified. Fortunately Caroline was more experienced, so each week we would meet to pray and prepare our lesson, then go back and forth sharing parts, opening discussions with the girls, and praying with them.  We divied up the girls so that we’d each meet with several of them one-on-one during the week and generally “keep tabs” on them, so to speak.  Darcy would meet with us periodically to see how things were going, pray for us, and help disciple us in our own walks with the Lord.

At the end of Fall semester, Caroline graduated, leaving me on my own.  She’d gone out of her way to pay special attention to one girl in particular, a quiet, little blond girl from Hawaii who looked scared out of her wits.  Her name was Caila.  Caroline insisted that Caila had something special about her, and asked me to please keep meeting regularly with her now that she would be gone.  I didn’t have much of a connection with Caila, but promised her I would.  I don’t remember things necessarily taking off right away.  She was quiet and seemed shy, and didn’t seem too eager to open up her life.  I’d visit her at her sorority, try to talk to her about her personal life, and meet with her for coffee whenever possible. But weeks would go by when I wouldn’t hear from her, and I wasn’t sure that it was really worth the effort.

Something changed Caila’s sophomore year. You’ll have to ask her for the details, but Caila became transformed as she fell more and more in love with Jesus.  During her four years at OSU, and then her three years on staff with Real Life, she quickly became my prized disciple and friend.  It didn’t take long for her to surpass me in wisdom, maturity, and excellence in teaching the Bible and leading others.  She soon began her own small group, discipling shy little freshmen (she wasn’t shy any more!!) girls just like she had once been.  She joined me on a mission trip to Brasil, acted with me in the Real Life Spring Dramas, and after college, she became the House Manager for the House of Charis, a Christian girl’s home, where she oversaw, mothered, and shepherded more than 50 girls each year.  She now excels as writer, mother, wife, woman of God, and discipler of others.  I could never have dreamed how God would use Caila’s life for His glory.  To Him be the glory, who sees what we cannot.

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I share these stories because it illustrates for me, again and again, why a simple life poured out is worth it.  Countless times I have had girls come up to me and say, “Thank you for pouring into Caila. My life is changed because of her.”  Is that not the coolest thing?  And I have to just say, thank you for Elisa and Darcy (among many others!), who have poured into my life.  And they have others to thank, and we all ultimately thank our Lord Jesus, who so brilliantly uses imperfect men and women to raise up other men and women to walk with Him.   Because of Elisa and Darcy, God let me minister to (and learn from!) more than 50 girls in small group discipleship groups through college, then more while on staff through Real Life.  Of course, only a few were close discipleship relationships, but through Caila’s life alone at least another 100 lives have been touched and changed and transformed by God’s grace in her years of college ministry.  Do you see what happens?  Divine multiplication, transforming lives by His grace.  Is this because we are great? No!  It is because God in His grace chose to use simple women to help us along the way, and then we respond by letting Him use us, simple women, to help others along the way.  This is discipleship, and this should be our life.

Not all of us will be in a formal disciple situation.  But we’re all called to disciple (Matt. 28:18).  In the next few posts, we’ll look at just a few of the principles and pitfalls that have emerged from the years described above.  I learned a lot by failure, and I cringe when I look back at how often I did it wrong!  But God! But God is so good, so big, so able to use our feeble attempts for glorious results.  I pray we’d never let fear of “doing it wrong” keep us from helping others along the way.