Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

Today Jeff and I had the joy of having breakfast with a couple we had never really gotten to know before today.  Circumstances worked out that we had a leisurely breakfast date and just enjoyed hearing about each other’s life.  They’ve been married 25 years and are the epitome of the solid marriage. What was amazing was to hear that 25 years ago they eloped just days after she graduated from high school, leaving a note for parents and running off to California with nothing but $800 to their name.  In order to do this she gave up a full-ride scholarship to a prestigious university, choosing instead to live in a cockroach infested studio apartment and work a full-time job to help make ends meet.  All I could say in response to the story was to tell the husband, “Wow, she must have really loved you!”

But what I noticed was that as they told the story, they recounted it with joy. The wife certainly wasn’t sitting there stoicly saying, “oh yes. Quite the sacrifice i made.”  She didn’t do it out of duty, out of obligation. She did it because she was head over heels in love with this guy and didn’t care about cockroaches as long as she had her man by her side. She happily CHOSE cockroaches over college. Why?  Because of her desire for him.

Desire is so powerful!  Desire, love, compels us to give up incredible luxury, inspires us to risk everything for that which we love.  And only true love can make us want to do it. No duty, no sacrifice, only love.

Any of you who have spent much time around me know that I love love love John Piper.  If you stumble upon a book he’s written, BUY it and READ it. If you stumble upon a sermon of his, LISTEN to it.

Piper’s big thing is overcoming sin by superior pleasure in God, enjoying God.  Like CS Lewis, Piper insists that our desires aren’t too strong, they are too weak.  CS Lewis said, “Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

Piper’s point is that when we’re in love with something, giving our life for that thing is no duty, no sacrifice, it’s what we want to do! Only love.

All of these thoughts are swirling around in my mind this weekend.  I long, I ache so much for my heart to be more enraptured by God.  For my affections to be overwhelmed by Him and His glory.  Too often I am that child making mud pies.  I know this because I’m so easily swayed by circumstances.  Happiness ebbs and flows.  I fear what will happen if our house doesn’t sell.  I get upset over criticisms.  I feel insecure far too often. My desires are things like comfort, security, respect.

But I think deep down my heart just longs for heaven.  Worshipping God in song is the closest I can feel to what it will be like, when the things of the world grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.  When, like the woman I talked to, everything in the world pales in comparison to just getting to be with my Man, my Heavenly Father.  When giving up everything–comforts, luxury, financial gain–is no sacrifice, no duty, not a thing to be dreaded and feared, but just love, just joyful, exuberant, whole-hearted love.  Like the giddy bride eloping with her man.

I know it’s not about feelings. Giddy feelings are not what I’m talking about. But perhaps we’re all not affected enough, that is our affections have not been awakened to the glory of our beautiful God.  Tonight at church Joel preached two words. Just two words, from John 3:16.  “For God.”  The entire sermon was on God, His existance and how the world proclaims the glory of God.  As a video was played showing the splendor of creation, tears streamed down my cheeks.  He IS glorious. He IS beautiful. He IS so magnificent and awesome and worthy of our lives. How I long for my life, for your life, to be more affected by adoration for Him.

And when our hearts are captivated by Him, we may find ourselves choosing cockroaches over college, so to speak.  And not out of duty, nor sacrifice, but only reckless love.

I love looking through the “This Week Last Year” feature to the right.  It’s always fascinating for me to see what God was doing in my heart and life last year at this time.  He’s so good!  I read through “Do you love the Savior” and my heart was pricked again with that touch of longing and I asked myself, Do I?

Last night Jeff and I went to a fun dress-up murder mystery party with friends from church.  Jeff was Southside Sal, a mob boss, and I was Flora Nemitz, a woman of disrepute unfortunately. But the fun part was the my character was supposed to be secretly sweet on Southside Sal…which meant to fulfill my role I was supposed to fawn all over him that night.  Needless to say, Jeff loved it.  He jokingly said, “My wife’s flirting with me for the first time in months!”

It’s pretty rare that we get dressed up and go out. With two little ones and a crazy busy schedule, we usually opt for sipping tea and playing Scrabble when the kids go to bed.  But I was reminded last night that sometimes what you do, and action steps you take can actually re-spark that love that dulls at times.

This morning we had breakfast with a fun couple who we didn’t know very well.  Married 25 years, they are the epitome of a happy, healthy marriage.  They told us their crazy story of how days after she graduated from high school they wrote a note and on a crazy whim eloped and ran away to California.  As they recounted the crazy obstacles they had to face, all I could say to the husband was, “Man, she must really love you!!”

How do you fall in love so crazy-hard that you’ll abandon everything, family, home, a full-ride college scholarship (in her case) to follow the man you love into a cockroach-infested studio apartment with only $800 to your name?  Love is weird, but there’s one thing that proves it’s real–a willingness to leave it all, not out of stoic duty, but out of wild crazy love.

Not all of us are wild crazy love kind of people. I mean some people just aren’t that demonstrative or emotional.  But we all experience love, and we all joyfully make sacrifices for that

We saw last time that despite God’s warning through the prophet Samuel, the people of Israel insisting that God give them a King, and the handsome Saul was the perfect man for the job.

In Greek Tragedy, the main character always possesses some tragic flaw, called hamartia.  Hamartia refers to a hero’s one error whether in character or judgment, which brings about the tragic spiraling events which lead to his demise.  Interestingly, this Greek word is translated in the New Testament as “sin.”

I always think of this when I read about Saul because his story is so much like a Greek tragedy. A quick read of the account would lead us to believe that Saul’s hamartia was a lack of attention to detail. When the did the King-of-Israel Job Interview he should have listed that as his greatest weakness. Check it out.

First,

Do you ever find yourself surprised by joy?  Find that you set out simply enduring and end up truly enjoying?  I think sometimes I have this weird view that there’s a list of “hard things” that someone must endure. Each person’s list is different, but I envision God sitting up in heaven with his checklist of “Kari’s list of hard things.”  I envision him sitting there with glasses resting down low on his nose, with his pen checking off items.  “Ok, let’s see here.  Nightmare church situation–check.  Living in a windowless pit with rotten bathroom floor–check.  Unemployed and living with parents–check.  Seminary with two children–check.”  And because of this, when the house we lived in sold and we had to move in with another family–I saw it as another item to check off.  They’re wonderful and I wasn’t dreading it, but I admit I treated it kind of like another item on that divine checklist.   Like God was saying, “Ok, hmm.  They already lived with their parents. But they haven’t lived with their pastor yet. Let’s try that one! That oughtta be a new twist.”  I thought of it as some test that I had to pass before I’d “earn” a house of my own.

And yes, the first week was tough for all of us.  The church moving, us moving, them moving, getting adjusted to each other, being WAY overtired, and me being totally stressed out over my crazy two-year-old and my non-sleeping newborn. Yes, I cried every single day.

But I would be lying if I said that this was a trial.  Tonight after my internship meeting at seminary, I got in my car and started driving and I found myself so excited to get home and see my “family”–my whole family.  All 8 of us!  And that’s so not like me.  I usually feel like the only way to really relax and wind down is to be alone, but I find myself loving the times when we’re all together.  Joy and I meet every Tuesday to go over schedules, coordinate meals, and pray together, and these incredibly sweet times have knit our hearts together like nothing I could have imagined.  After our long and crazy Easter weekend, with 4 services and over 2,000 people (including kids) coming through the church doors, we were all ready for bed by 8pm Sunday night. After tucking in our 4 little ones, we stood downstairs, joined hands, and prayed thanking God for His amazing work that weekend. WHat an incredible blessing!  The four of us, partnering together for the gospel, and experiencing profound community, vulnerability, and relationship so far beyond what we could even have manufactured any other way.  What I thought was a trial has been a blessing.

I’m learning so much too. I’m taking notes as Joy trains her children. I’m being discipled in life.  And I only have to cook 2 nights a week!  The shared cooking responsibilities has turned out to be a huge blessing for both of us! 

So of course it’s a dance we’re still learning. Coordinating laundry, keeping Dutch from getting too riled up while playing with the kids, taking turns holding Heidi when she cries during dinner. We’ve all made adjustments. But on the whole I have to say that I feel like I’m getting a glimpse of what community really means.

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!”   Psalm 133:1

Perhaps God doesn’t have a checklist…perhaps He jus wants to bless us.  I pray He’s glorified through this house situation, and that perhaps even others would be inspired to experience community and “get into” each other’s lives in ways that go beyond the norm.  We might just be pleasently surprised. 

Last night Jeff showed me a clip from a sermon by Matt Chandler.  I’ll never forget these four words now, which summarize the gospel, “Jesus wants the rose.” Watch it here:

So, back to 1 Samuel and our discussion of Saul and David.  The question of we’re headed toward is, “What was such a big deal abot Saul’s sin?”  (the “u” on my keyboard isn’t working so well and I’m pretty stubborn about not going back and revising these posts, so if there are some u’s missing, fill in the blank.  We might be talking abot “Sal” a lot, hahaaa).  Anyway, for those of you not familiar with the gist of the story, here we go.  Before we get to the question of Saul’s sin, we first want to see how Saul got to the throne in the first place.

Saul was Israel’s first king, a head taller than anyone else, and good-looking. According to studies the two key characteristics for successful leaders in the world are 1) height and 2) physical attractiveness. (Sad but true)  Sal (did you mentally stick the “u” in?)  had both going on. 1 Samuel 9:2 says, “There was not a man among the people of Israel more handsome than he. From his shoulders upward he was taller than any of the people.”  Did you catch that?  Not just handsome. The most handsome man in Israel.   He was a supermodel material.   And the nation of Israel was thrilled to have Mr. Calvin Klein himself leading them onward. I think we miss this little point when we read quickly through this account. Why does it matter?  Because they and subsequently you and I are really influenced by status, looks, charm.  In essence, we’re a whole lot like the world.  And it’s good to remember that while we no longer wear sandals and offer animals on rock altars, things haven’t changed a whole lot since the days of Saul.  The beautiful people still rule the world.  Saul was a celebrity.

The whole reason for wanting a King was so that they could be like the nations around them (1 Samuel 8:5). In fact, they decide Samuel’s no longer a good man for leading them because he’s too old.  Translated into Today’s Version:  “Samuel, you are old news and nobody is ruled by judges anymore and your sons did a garbage job of it anyway (which they did).  The new thing is to have a KING, that’s the thing to do.  We want someone new, attractive, successful, so that not only will we be like the nations around us, we’ll be cooler!”  Sound frightningly similar to how a lot of our churches choose their pastors and staff?  Or perhaps at least we can admit that that’s our default mode.  The coolness factor, the status symbols, the keeping up with the Joneses of the world.  We do it.  Celebrity status still rules, even occasionally in the church. 

So even though God warns them that having a king is not all it’s cracked up to be (1 Sam 8:10-22), they insist that’s what they want: “Tthe people refused to obey the voice of Samuel. And they said, “No! But there shall be a king over us, that we may also be like all the nations” (vv19-20).  OH Lord protect us from insisting on our own way!  When You warn us, by giving us checks in our heart or by showing us a different path, or by sending us signs, when you do this, please by Your grace keep us from insisting.   I sometimes wonder how often God simply gives me what I am insisting upon in my heart.  God is such a gentleman, never forcing Himself upon us.  And I wonder how often He’s simply saying, as He did in verse 22 when He commanded Samuel, “Obey their voice and make them a king.”  Oh Lord, please do not obey my voice!  It is a sad day indeed when God obeys the voice of a people who demand their own way. 

What do we insist upon?  Perhaps we don’t vocalize it, but the commentary is telling.  The people wanted a tall, attractive King because that would give them status in the eyes of the surrounding nations.  They were deceived into thinking that those qualities would ensure a happy Kingdom…that beauty somehow created peace. How sadly mistaken they were. 

What do I insist upon?  Am I deceived into thinking that a beautiful home will ensure peace?  A beautiful family?  A well-put-together life?  How am I influenced by the philosphy of the world? My prayer is that God would not obey my voice when I stomp my foot and demand my way, but that He’s soften my heart and graciously allow my lips to utter, “Thy will be done.” 

Do you ever have those moments when you sit back a bit soberly and think, “I really never thought I’d be this way” or “I never thought life would be this way.”  For those of you with kids, do you ever stop and think, “I never thought I would feel like such a failure.” 

My kids aren’t even out of diapers so I can hardly claim failure, but lately I’ve wondered if I’m on the only mom who consistently feels like she has no idea what she’s doing.  And, whatever it is that I’m doing, I’m not doing it very well!  I’m sure a lot of it is the combined stress of a lot of things in our life, cramming a hundred things into the last 4 weeks before seminary graduation just being one of them.  But no matter what our life were like, raising small children is hands-down the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I’ve only begun. 

Sometimes I feel like our life is so full that I’ve only a small scrap of energy left for training our children. So much of the day feels like it’s just reacting to miniature crises, correcting a wrong-course rather than actually steering the ship in any direction. 

Anybody else?

And even though I know it is gigantic no-no #1 to compare our children (or ourselves) to others, anybody ever look around and think, “Am I the only one who’s havin’ a parental MELT DOWN?”  I mean so-an-so’s two-year-old is reciting Scripture for crying out loud and mine is throwing himself on the floor because he wants to take the toy from the nursery home!  Good grief.

Maybe it’s just the season I’m in.  Joy was just saying the other day that when her son was small she didn’t notice the naughty things he did until they moved in with her parents. Then, in someone else’s house, SO many things seemed to surface. Oh boy! Yes!  In the course of a few weeks transitioning from one child to two, then to living in someone else’s house, I feel like I went from smooth-sailing suntanning on the cruise-ship deck to large-scale melt-down in no time flat. 

So tonight all I wanted to do was say, hey this is where I’m at.  I pray tonight for myself and for any of you out there who ever feel like this… Father, our Perfect Parent who perfectly models parenthood for us, please help us. Please give us grace, strength, and resolve. Please help us not to feel overwhelmed or discouraged, but challenged and bold. Help us to be consistent, help us to be calm, patient, loving, and firm. Help us know what to major on, what to let go.  Help us see our children’s hearts and help us to know Yours.  Please encourage all of us moms tonight who need Your touch.  And give our children obedient hearts. May their lives glorify You.  We love you and need You God. Please help us. Amen.

Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of days I read God’s Word and my mind is wandering, my heart is elsewhere, and sadly, I leave my time largely unaffected.  But so many more mornings I have to say I love God’s Word so much I feel like my heart will explode.  There are days and weeks I feel like I’ll burst if I don’t share the gems of His Word.  There are times I want to preach to the walls.  Jeff actually does this, he preaches to himself in the car. But then again he’s kind of an odd duck.

Right now I’m reading 1 Samuel and I’m intrigued all over again by the life of Saul.  Saul intrigues me this time around not by how disobedient he was or how crazy or how tragic his life turned out.  I’m intrigued by how much of myself I see in this first king of Israel.  I’m saddened by how I hold up his life and see my face popping up here and there. 

In our Esther study, Beth Moore was sharing about how the one thing that surfaced in her study that truly surprised her was how much she found herself actually relating to Haman, the ridiculously pompous proud villian whose life ends on the very gallows he built for his nemesis.  That’s stuck with me, and I too am finding myself looking at Saul like never before…someone with whom I can sadly relate. 

Here’s why.  What always intrigues me about Saul and David is how one’s sin caused him to be rejected by God (Saul) and how the other’s sin–a much “worse” sin–brought no disqualification in any way (David).  I mean, at a glance, it seems unfair.  Saul offered a peace offering unlawfully when he grew impatient waiting for Samuel to arrive.  So?  He was a little impatient right? Oh, and he spared the life of Agag king of the Amelekites and kept the choicest livestock instead of destroying it…but isn’t that a small detail?   David committed adultary and had a man murdered! I mean isn’t killing a worse sin than not killing?

There’s lots here and I hope to write more later because there is a lot in there regarding obedience.  But one thing that’s stood out to me today is their response.  After Saul is called out for his sin, he simply responds to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. (anybody smell an excuse and passing of blame there???)  Now therefore please pardon my sin and return with me that I may worship the Lord (Sounds to me like, “Can we please just pass over this and get on with things and how about if I use a nice spiritual sounding reason?”)  Saul never repented to God.  In fact, he never repented.  He said the words, wanting Samuel to hurry up and get on with the spiritual slap on the hand so he could go free and get on with this business. He had no intention whatsoever of actually changing his ways.

What about David? Though David too wants to ignore his sin with Bathsheba, when confronted (as Saul was) by the prophet Nathan, David says a lot more than “Ok then, fine, can you please pardon my sin so I can get on with life?”  Psalm 51 and Psalm 32 give us an in-depth look at the tremendous grieving David does.  His heart is broken. His spirit is contrite.  If you didn’t just now, take 30 seconds and read Psalm 51 and 32 and think about David’s response. Here is a man who is truly grieved by his sin.

Are we?

Way too often I’m Saul.  WAY too often.  When I’m short with my husband or thinking critically of someone or focused vainly on myself, when I’m walking in ways that are not pleasing to God, I’m so quick to think, “We’ll I’m human! Sorry God!”  In essence I’m saying, like Saul, “Ok can we just get on with it?”  I’m not saying that everytime we have a sinful thought we need to pull over the car and start weeping…but what if we did?  What if we DID take sin seriously? What if we DID confess to one another? What if we DID grieve, actually grieve over our sin?  Would our hearts change? Would our life be more impacting? Would the world look on and be amazed?  Would we sense the presence of God more than ever before?

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.  Psalm 51:17

Hooray!  It’s been decided.  The $1000 raised from the clothing fast will go to dig a Jesus Well for “untouchable” Dalits in Asia. Here’s more information on such wells:

Most of us take for granted the water which flows freely from our taps. But for many villages in South Asia, this basic life necessity is often in short supply. Village wells may dry up—especially during drought season—and it is not unusual for families to walk several miles just to find water for their household needs.

If you are a Dalit, one of Asia’s “Untouchables,” you will likely be barred from drawing water from the village well at all because of your inferior social status. And Christians suffer too, as persecution commonly comes in the form of banning them from the local water source.

But God is providing Jesus Wells for such communities. Bearing a plaque with the inscription of Jesus’ words in John 4:13-14 about offering eternally satisfying water, each well is a tangible expression of Jesus’ love. The well not only provides families with life-nourishing physical refreshment, but also points them to the true source of Living Water.

Imagine the joy of Christians in Asia—as well as “Untouchable” Dalits—when a Jesus Well is dug in their village! Not only are the believers encouraged in their faith, but by God’s gracious provision, hundreds of communities have been transformed—for now and eternity—through the Jesus Wells outreach.

So little, just $1000 buys such a Jesus Well. How awesome is that?!  Let’s pray that the Source of Living Water would be real to those who thirst, that God would meet those who don’t know Him, both in Asia and here in our communities.  Feel free to browse the Gospel for Asia website for more fun ways to give in the name of Jesus. 

Goodness dear ones!  Life is a blur right now and I’m missing you!  I feel like God has me in stinkin’ boot camp, stretching me and challenging me — no, those words are too light — demolishing me.  Last week we moved in with the Dombrows, our church moved, and I sat down and realized I have the most insane amount of stuff to get done before May 15th graduation.  One night this week, in an absolute heap of tears while Jeff was gone, I actually went downstairs to where Joy was sitting on the couch, walked up to her when she looked up I collapsed onto the couch and into her arms and sobbed, “Will you just hold me?”  Sweet girl hardly even knows me and here I was bawling into her arms.  Even though I’d be lying if I said that having a newborn and a toddler living in someone else’s house was a walk in the park, I’m seeing God’s hand on the situation as we are seeing each other in real life, praying for and rejoicing with and living life with each other.  And I must say if Dutch and Heidi turn out HALF as amazing as their two children I will be a happy mama!  (Dutch is in heaven with two playmates and a doggy!) My prayer is that this experience would make us better prepared and able to serve Christ together for the LONG haul.

And I now have dozens of hours of research to do, my end of the year comprehensive internship paper, one more seminary teaching time, speaking at our church’s women’s luncheon, papers to grade, diapers to change, middle-of-the-night feedings…yikes!  I think I cried every day this week.

But what God’s been minstering to me (along with a million other things, did I mention I feel like I’m in boot camp?!) is that ALL of this is HIS. This is HIS seminary education, His women at our church, HIS work.  And the beauty is that in my weakness His strength is made perfect.  When I walked downstairs and crumbled into Joy’s arms this week I sensed, however oddly, I sensed God’s good pleasure on my life. I sensed somehow He was pleased with my utter helplessness, exhaustion, and absolute utter dependence. I can’t say I’m enjoy this. One day this week I actually just sat in my car all by myself and cried. But I love that somehow God’s voice becomes clear when we are desperate. God’s presence becomes so tangible I can feel it.  And in the midst of this He’s teaching me some awesome things from the life of Hagar…more to come.

Anyway, no “big idea” here in this post. Just had to let you know I’m still alive and ask that if you would, will you pray for me this next month as I finish seminary and fulfill different responsibilities?  I graduate May 15th, so I would welcome prayer.  We’re also asking God to please sell our home in Corvallis so that we can find a place of our own, so would you join with me in that as well?  THANK YOU to you who have been helping so much the past six weeks.

Oh! And…yes, I finished the clothing fast! My brother (who matched my donation) is deciding where our $1000 donation will go. I’ll keep you posted! And yes, I went shopping on Friday and scored some killer deals.  Still need to buy socks…