Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

I guess this doesn’t technically have to do with cash, coupons and envelopes, but in a way it does because I am already seeing how my little cash-in-envelopes makes me really not want to spend our money!

So, I love seasonal decorating.  I’m too slow to do much Christmas decorating (meaning that by the time I get it up there it’s almost time to take it down!), but I like doing wintery things that I figure can stay up until early March.  So some of you may know that my favorite store on the planet is Anthropologie.  Basically think eccentric, hand-made, rich textures, vintage…and very very expensive.  I’ve actually never bought anything there for myself, but I like to look for inspiration.  The sad part is that I’m never quite as talented as my imagination hopes that I am.  Meaning, my projects end up looking like something an kindergartner brings home.  But I figure I’ll never get any better if I don’t try, right?  So, last time I was there they had these big art-pieces made out of pieces of sweaters sewn together.   I loved it.

So I wanted to decorate for Christmas/winter, but didn’t want to spend any money. Not a dime.  I had all these coupons to Michael’s, but if you’ll remember I swore I would never set foot in that place again (probably a bit rash), so anyway, my budget? $0. Now I had a headstart because I had this square wood 2″ frame that was 3′ x 3′. No back or anything, just a wood square.  I also had a bag of old sweaters that I was taking to goodwill.  Hmm…  Though they didn’t fit very well, I loved the colors and textures–winter white and icy winter turquoise, cable-knit, chunky sweaters.

So, out came the scissors! I cut off the sleeves, necks, zippers.  Sewed one white cable-knit into a pillow, and another turquoise chunky sweater into another pillow. Then, I cut up the rest of them into chunks, pieced them together like a funky quilt, sewed it all, stretched it over the square like a canvas, staple-gunned it into place, and stuck it all up on the mantel.  Then I found two big hurricane candleholder/vases and at mom and dad’s house I found an old paper bag filled with crocheted white Christmas ball ornaments my grandma had made eons ago. I filled one hurricane vase with those balls, up to the brim, then I took a long strand of tiny white Christmas lights we had (with the white cord) and shoved them into a big ball in the other lamp, hid the cord behind the sweater collage, and viola! the mantel was aglow with winter light.

Now, I don’t claim that it’s fit to be called artwork, and some of you may walk in and go, “Wow. You cut up sweaters and did a very poor job of sewing them together.”  But, I love my winter mantel, the frosty colors and the warm glow of my funky Christmas light hurricane lamp.  And I love that it didn’t cost me a cent!  My next project is to use antique-looking wrapping paper to Mod Podge the top of an old antique desk we have, then sand it down to look worn.   And finally, I’m having a crazy urge to highlight my own hair. Is this stupid?  I’d love your thoughts. What are some of your best creative zero-budget projects? I’d love some inspiration. And if you have advice for hair-coloring, send it along…

I’m happy to report that my first big shopping trip doing the CCE experiment (Cash, Coupons & Envelopes) is successfully behind me.  Again, mixed bag–but it comes with a fun story.

I had been clipping all week, so Friday morning I bravely zipped up my puffer jacket, armed with my envelopes, my cash, and my list of what to get at each place.  Albertson’s, Rite-Aid, Winco, and Target.  It all actually went fine.  I’m amazed to report that I got our groceries for the month (including toiletries) for $140.  However, I’ll still have to buy fruit, milk, and fresh stuff thorughout the month at Safeway, but it’s safe to say I think I saved a little.

That part that was tricky was at Target, because I needed Christmas gifts for Dutch, a few things for Heidi, some toiletries, some stuff for women’s ministry, you get the picture. So I had them ring it up in 4 different totals, and I felt like it took an hour using my silly cash stash from my different envelopes.  Then, the register I happened upon didn’t have any change.  So she had to add up all my “cash backs” then get assistance to get her change and give me all my change.  Are you laughing yet?  Yes, I was sweating by the time I got out of there.  Then I forgot to use one of my coupons. Shoot!

But one really cool things was this: I had prayed on my drive there, asking God to just make me a good steward for my family, etc. and had also prayed (ok this sounds silly) for something to wear to this Christmas dessert thing I’m emcee-ing with Joy tomorrow.  You know my silly justifications: pregnant last year, clothing fast, blah blah…the bottom line? I just wanted something fun!  Well after using my coupons, I thought I’d stop by a consignment shop right by Winco.  I had a little bit of Christmas money my parents had given in advance, so I headed in.  In the parking lot I ran into a girl I knew who was new to Willamette, who I’d chatted with a bit. She’s a former pageant queen (read: she’s beautiful and has really nice clothes!). Anyway, she was dropping off some of her clothes at the consignment shop. We chatted, then I headed in. A few minutes later she came timidly up to me and said, “I feel sort of silly doing this, but I have all these clothes and they’re not going to buy them…would you like them?”  My jaw dropped.  Would I like them? Um, yeah!  I happily took her clothes, including one Bebe dress in brand-new condition.

So had to laugh because I think the lesson for me was this, an old lesson made new again:

The right way to budget/shop/steward our finances is whatever is by faith.

I can clip coupons out of obligation, obsession, greed, fear, wanting to get ahead–you name it.  Or I can do it by faith, joyfully, freely, whenever time allows, without fearing or fretting when it doesn’t work out, without stressing if I have to pay a bit more every once in a while.

I can also not clip coupons out of laziness, stubbornness, selfishness, not wanting to do what everyone else is doing (pride).  Or I can do that by faith as well–letting go of control and asking God to do what only He can do–take the material things He’s given us and multiply them for His glory and for furthering His kingdom.  Bottom line? My heart.

Of course we all knew this, right? But I just love how God reminds me over and over–it’s so much less about what I do and so much more about why I do it.

Conclusion:  I think coupons are great. I got another great diaper deal today–200 diapers for $22. That’s $16 cheaper than Costco. I also had a stressful coupon encounter at another unnamed store today–where the fine print made me want to punch the cashier in the face (would not have been good).  But I also want to make sure an obsession with saving doesn’t take me away from things far more valuable–like my kids (Speaking of, Heidi is chewing on the CHristmas lights right now–I better go!)

Thanks for adventuring with me!  More to come…

Here’s that link to the video from church that I’d promised. (one on left)  Next post in progress!

What COULD We Give? (Willamette Christian Church) from Willamette Christian Church on Vimeo.

Ok, so I promise to not turn this into a coupon clipping website, but I’m really curious (and still skeptical) about this whole Cash, Coupon, Envelope thing (CCE), so I’ll post some updates now and again.  Here’s #1: (read the last post first if you have no idea what I’m talking about).

So last night I spent 1 hour surfing for coupons, from 9:15-10:15pm.  Mixed bag.  Down side:  I was a little frustrated because again, most of the coupons were for things I would never buy.  We try to stay away from a lot of pre-packaged food, and you just can’t find online coupons for most of the things we eat.  Secondly, I was a little frustrated because I felt like a lot of the sites were speaking a different language: use insert from PR, use RR, IE, EE, AGH!!  Plus I couldn’t get the “coupon printer” application to work on my computer, so I spent most of the time frustrated that even if I did find a coupon I couldn’t print it.  But I’ll get Jeff to fix that and I will persevere!

I also had to chuckle because apparently I’m not the only one who feels like that. One woman commented, “I have to figure out a better way to do this coupon thing because I’m dying a slow death of stress…”  Yikes! I also was surprised to realize sometimes to use all your coupons you have to do a bunch of transactions at a single store, or hit 5 stores in order to get all the deals.  I wish I could say I can do that but I cannot imagine doing that while toting around my kids.  Dutch would have the store burnt down by the time we got out of there.  Yes, I know that’s another issue: Parenting and Discipline are the next topics of discussion.

Positive Side:  I found a good diaper deal at www.diapers.com. If you spend $49 (easy), use the coupon code FRUGALLIVI (www.frugallivingnw.com), you get $10 off (if you’re a new customer), then you can fill out a rebate form once you get your diapers and The Early Years parenting magazine will send you a check for $15.  Now, I usually buy Costco diapers, $39 for 200. WIth this deal I got 300 diapers for $30 (after the rebate arrives, 6-8 weeks).  Now I did get a cheaper brand (Luvs), but still, 300 diapers would cost $57 at Costco–so that’s $27 savings.  The downside is that that’s only a one-time deal for new customers, but hey, not bad.

1 hour spent

$27 savings.

I can’t say it was fun, and I would have loved that extra hour of sleep, but $27/hour isn’t bad for sitting in bed next to my sweet sleeping husband.

Enjoy the day!
K

So most of you know that I am already a penny pincher.  Winco and Goodwill are my best friends.  I budget out our money to the dollar.  In fact, some of you are about to receive a pretty gold Christmas card in the mail.  I will have you know that I took 6 trips to Michael’s over the past few weeks, using a 40% coupon each time (they won’t let you use more than one at a time), in order to get that screamin’ deal on those cards. Aren’t they beautiful?  And for less than buying printer paper!   However I will admit that during those 6 trips to Michael’s I developed a hatred of that store.  I won’t rant and rave, but I swore to Jeff that I would never set foot inside Michael’s again.

See I have this love/hate relationship with coupons and deals and discounts. I love the idea of saving money, but I always feel like it’s so frustrating that I end up hating the process so much it’s not worth it.  Hence my post recently about Discount Distraction.  However… I am humbling myself and saying perhaps I will give it another try.  Here’s why:

At church we’ve been doing this AMAZING series on generosity. I almost typed that it’s been my favorite series ever, but I think I write that about every series we do, so I won’t say it, but I feel that way!  It’s been awesome, and SO challenging to think of more and more ways that we can quit living like fat American consumers and start giving more for the Kingdom of God.  So get this:  A few weeks ago, we did this fun experiment at church, and just for fun we had every family just jot down on a little piece of paper what 10% of their household income was. Just to see what it would look like if everyone in our church tithed.  We actually didn’t do it for our Saturday night service, so I think they figured we got about 70% percent of our total church.  Still a good amount, enough to get an estimate, right? Just for fun.

So over the past few weeks we’ve been curious to hear what the tally was, what it would look like if our church tithed.  Well tonight during Joel’s message he showed a video to give the results… (if I can get it I’ll post it on here).  Let’s just say I was weeping.  The lights went off and the music began, and the total was over SIX MILLION dollars. They had it counted out to the dollar, and showed the number on the screen, THEN went through silently listing the things that could be done with that extra money, paying off our mortgage, quadruple our missions fund, aid millions in foreign countries.  It was staggering.  People this is a LOT of money, and that is only 10% of our church family’s income.  By the time the video was done Joel was weeping, I was weeping, and I’m sure a lot of others were as well. It was just amazing to see the potential, and so exciting to think of what God could do with Christians, if we only were willing to give.

So while yes we tithe, yes we give to missionaries, yes we support an awesome kid in Rwanda, we still live like kings.  Did you know that if your household income is $45,000 or more you are in the top 1% richest people on the planet?  Yes, 1%.  We are filthy rich.  So, I’m challenged by all of this to ask God to stretch me, show me how I can spend less to give more. Show me ways that I’m not stewarding your finances well.

And I kept hearing mentioned the three little words I hate to hear:  Cash, coupons, envelopes.  Now don’t get me wrong, I think that whole envelope thing is awesome if you’re really having trouble with spending habits, but we are by and large really budgeted people.  Plus, coupons seem infuriating because it takes so much work to hunt them down and they’re never for what I want, blah blah blah complain complain complain. Well tonight Joel shared that studies show (now you’re speaking my language) that people who use cash instead of a card spend 12-18% less.   Now, that could just be that generally people who use cash are those trying to cut costs, so they are already those who will spend less anyway. But still, 12-18% is pretty good!  Now I’ve always had a million objections such as: Do I have to carry around all that cash in my purse all the time??  What about when I’m at Costco and I get 1)diapers 2) groceries 3) a Christmas gift and 4) stamps.  That could conceivably come out of 4 different envelopes and that sounds totally frustrating to me.

But enough being stubborn.  I’m willing to give it a try. So tonight I sat down, with our 2010 budget, and mapped out a way I could try this crazy cash thing.  Plus, I’m even going to give coupons another chance. Joel shared a statistic about their family grocery bill savings and it was enough to get my attention. Let’s just say I’m a skeptic, out to try to prove myself wrong.

So hear I go.  I have my scissors in hand, a stack of envelopes.  And whatever we “save”, we’ll give away.  Deal?  Will you help me in this experiment by sending me links to good coupon places, advice on this crazy envelope thing, tips on carrying cash, etc. I need all the help I can get!

I’m discovering the truth about Discount Distress.

Now, to set the stage, understand that I’m coming off of a 1-year clothing fast, plus not having a home for over 2 years, plus not having an income for more than a year of that time.  And while there were plenty of stresses associated with those three things, I will say it simplified life.  I had no money, but that was ok because I couldn’t buy clothes and I couldn’t buy house stuff.  No looking for sales, no perusing stores, no searching for the best deals.

So it is only recently I’ve realized the danger and distraction of Discounts and Deals.  Check out this scenario and tell me if you can relate.

Because I love deals and discounts, I like Goodwill.  So, while at Goodwill this summer, I found a dark brown Banana Republic sweater dress, for $7.  STEAL.  It fit perfect.  Done.  So I get the dress home and stand in bright light and realize even though it’s a sweater, it’s a bit sheer.  But it’s beautiful. And it was such a good deal!  Now I didn’t own a slip or camisole because, mind you, I don’t buy much=don’t have much.  But the dress was such a good deal. So next time I’m out I go to Target and get a slip and camisole top.  $12 each.  Ok, now that’s $31 I’ve spent.  So now I have the dress and I wear it and I really do like it, but before long it is Fall and now I realize that if I want to keep wearing it I need what?  Tights. I don’t have any tights.  (I also was given another brown dress from a friend, so I figure one pair of tights, two dresses, good deal!)  So while at Winco (because I’m cheap) I toss in a pair of tights because they are only $3. But somehow they don’t make it from the checkout stand into my bag (you bag your own groceries there so I can’t blame anyone but myself), so when I get home, no tights.  So next time I’m at Target I go to buy tights. And, because I’m cheap, I buy the cheapest pair, for $5, even though I have a sinking suspicion they aren’t quite the right color.  I get home, try them on–totally not the right color.  So the next time I go I have to go ahead and get the good tights that are the right color, for $9.  Total now?  $48. It is then I realize that the only brown-tone shoes that I own (that aren’t summer sandals) are lighter camel-colored. They are comfortable and wonderful, but if you have ever tried to wear dark tights with light shoes you know you have a nightmare on your hands.

So do you know what I actually did this week?  I went and bought dark brown boots. Yes, it sounds completely asinine now, but I went to Payless (because I’m cheap) and bought $45 dark brown boots, to wear with my stupid $7 dress, which now would add up to$93 stupid dollars in order to wear it.  And not just the money, but the distress!  How much precious time have I spent on this? Minutes I can never have back.  It makes the hate the dress. 🙂

If we’re not careful, an obsession with discounts can lead to distress.  What gets me is that I feel like having constant sale-notices and email updates and so forth makes me feel like I need to go and somehow take advantage of the deal.  How many times have I gone to Michael’s just because I have that stupid 40% off coupon?  Wanting to sniff out the discount and get the steal-of-a-deal can actually steal my joy.  It’s a distraction.  So this morning in my quiet time, I open up to where I am in my daily Bible reading and happened to be in 1 Corinthians 7.  Paul is addressing being married and unmarried, but the topic is the same. Listen to these tidbits:

This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those…who buy [live] as though they had no goods, ³¹and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

³²I want you to be free from anxieties…I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

It is so true!  The more I chase after discounts and deals and chase the silly accessories for a silly outfit, the more divided my devotion becomes.  The reason Paul, writing under the influence of the Holy Spirit, urges people to refrain from being unnecessarily caught up in the world is “not to lay any restraint” on us, but for our own benefit, that we would be free from anxiety.  Because even our drive to find discounts can be distressing, distracting us from undivided devotion to God and to people.  How much more time I’d have with my kids, with my husband, with giving back to my world, if I spent less time and energy finding a deal, and just only bought the necessities.  And, I have a sneaking suspicion we’d probably save money!

So, this is certainly not meant to be a coupon-bashing post! I still love coupons and still love deals.   But you better believe I marched back to Payless today and returned those stupid boots!  I’ve survived this long without dark brown boots and I think I will continue. I’ll save my silly $7 dress for summer and have one less thing to worry about wearing this winter.  For me, getting too dialed in on discounts can only cause distress.  A dose of perspective, and a little contentment, go a long way.

Because I said I would… (these are teaching notes from today–pretty geeky, written out word for word, but just in case they’re helpful for someone, here they are)

———

Pray.  Go ahead and turn to Philippians 2 (which should probably be very familiar to most of you by now).

Do you ever feel like God asks you to do something that is so completely OPPOSITE of what you feel like doing that it’s almost humorous?  Even with this book we’re studying, Philippians—

Paul has been planting churches, preaching the gospel, making disciples. 2 Cor. 6 tell us a little bit of what that’s looked like “in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger…treated as imposters, dying, punished, sorrowful, having nothing.” And now after all that, Paul is in prison.  I don’t know about you but that kind of helps me put my life in perspective.  I have been known to say, “having young kids is SO hard because I feel like I can’t go anywhere. I don’t even know why I bother being in involved in ministry because I feel so tied down I can’t really do anything.”  Um…tied down?  Try chained down, in prison.

And while he’s here in this jail cell, he writes this letter to the church at Philippi. Now Philippi was a really special church to him. It’s obvious when you read the letter, isn’t it: 1:3-5 “I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, … It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart…” You can hear it. He loves them!  They have generously given to him, supplied his ministry. They truly are partners.

And just imagine, after all the hardship he’s been through, planting that church, giving his life for them, suffering for them, and now sitting in prison for them: he hears this: they’re bickering.  You discovered that in your homework didn’t you?  Chapter 4:2 says “I plead with Euodia and Syntyche, agree with each other in the Lord.”  They were bickering.  After all he’d done, can you imagine how his heart must just be like, “really?  After all this, really?”  It’s like taking your kid to Disney land and then having him throw a fit because he doesn’t get want to ride in the pink car, he wants to ride in the blue car.

Paul must have felt like that—because see he even describes himself in 1 Thess 2:7-8 But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become dear to us.” He loved the people he ministered to, loved them like children, and had fought to bring them together, while he’s suffering in a cold, dark prison cell, they are bickering like petty children.

And yet he still writes them a letter filled with JOY, doesn’t he? Isn’t that amazing? And the secret is found in chapter 4 verse 13 which is always quoted but hardly ever in context:  “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” The context is suffering, highs and lows, contentment.  Paul says even when you’re bickering and I’m facing possible death in a prison cell, even then I can be joyful, peaceful, content, because I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And because of that verse, I can share with you on humility.

See just as writing a letter about JOY was probably the LAST thing that Paul felt like doing in his natural flesh, so standing up here and talking about the character trait that is my LEAST strength is the last thing I want to do.  And yet, strangely enough—Paul chose to write this letter. No one forced him. And strangely enough, I actually requested to teach this topic.  Perhaps Paul knew that writing a letter about joy and peace would help lift him out of his circumstances and God would teach him in the process.  I can’t speak for him, but I can speak for myself that’s been my prayer. I am not a humble person—I am the chief insecure, self-focused, self-promoting person.  So while I knew that I could not, in any way, stand up here and pretend to be an example in this area, I can say, just as Paul said in this very letter 3:12-14: “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

Do you hear it? Isn’t that awesome?  He says I’m not there yet, but let’s go that direction together!  So will you allow me that same grace and liberty today as we study together? I am not there yet, but by grace let’s go there together, ok?  Deal?

Ok, our text!  We’ve pretty much already covered the background. Paul is in prison, the church at Philippi is very dear to him. They’ve faithfully supported him financially even when others did not. They’ve been generous even when they were suffering financially.  They were really a generous, thriving church, which—interestingly enough—began with the convert of one woman.  Acts 16 gives you the background of all of this, how the church was started.  So they are healthy, thriving, generous church (sound familiar?).

Let’s read Philippians 2:1-4 to start:

So.  Also translated “therefore”. What do we do?  What is the therefore there for?  So we go back and look at the context. The immediate context is in chapter 1:29-30 “For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, having the same conflict which you saw in me and now hear is in me.” So the context is what?  Suffering.   Hardship.

But here in this room, you are all desiring to live godly lives, otherwise you wouldn’t be here, right?  I mean you made choices, sacrifices, arrangements so that you could be here to seek God, study His Word. You desire to live godly lives. And so we have this guarantee:   2 Timothy 3:12 tells us:  All who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.  Suffering.  Not one of those promises we find in our God’s Promises little book, huh? Not one we love to memorize and stick on our mirror. But it’s there.  Now, we don’t suffer religious persecution per se.  We don’t have to hide or meet in secret.  But just because we live in America doesn’t mean we don’t suffer.  And as I look around this room I know there is suffering taking place.  Wayward kids, sickness, parents with cancer, marriages hanging on by a thread.  I don’t want to be Debbie Downer, but I know that behind every smiling face there is some amount of pain. And here’s how this context connects to our current chapter. The temptation is to let that pain and hardship turn us in on ourselves.  To start looking out for #1.  But what Paul’s saying is to do exactly the opposite. Let’s keep reading.

V. 1 read: Now this word is translated “if” but because of the context, it could better be read “since” or “in light of the fact” or “because”.  Since there is encouragement in Christ, since there is comfort from His love, since there is participation in God’s Spirit, since there is affection and sympathy in Christ (i.e. we have all these things!)  Over and over through this study we’ve seen this “since—then” pattern.  Because God loves us, we love others. Because God forgives us, we forgive others.  Your homework touched on this as well.  Col 3 (from last week) showed us because we are holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves in compassion, etc.  1 John 4 showed us we love because he first loved us. So this is the PREMISE for all of our love and unity.  God’s love for us.  The only real basis of humility is security.  We must be secure in God’s love.  If we feel insecure, it is because we have an incomplete understanding of God’s love for us.  Remember lesson 1? I don’t feel loved. Abide.  Meditate on God’s love for you. Memorize his word. Abide in his love.  Study it, think about t, believe it, abide in it until you are secure in it.

V. 2 read So because of all those things, because we’re secure in God’s love: this is what’s expected:  same mind, same love, in full accord, of one mind.  What is this summed up in one word?  Unity. What is God’s heart for us, his church? Unity. V. 2 is a PICTURE of unity.

Ladies, God desires and expects us to be unified. Remember how we talked about Paul’s heart being broken when he heard there was bickering in the church?  Can you imagine how it just break God’s heart to see that the church, the people who He died for, are bickering over petty issues?  He longs for us to have unity.

Unity is not uniformity. Unity is not seeing eye to eye on every issue.  We don’t even all have to be republicans! (GASP!)  Lehman Strauss says this:  “It’s not the difference of viewpoint that makes for disunity among us, but rather a wrong attitude toward others whose viewpoint differs from our own.” We’ll get to what that wrong attitude is in a moment.   As my husband says there are seven (or whatever number) things he’ll die for, everything else—not a big deal.  Or as Augustine’s famous quote: In essentials, unity, in non-essentials, liberty, in all things, charity. I’m learning that in every life-stage there is “the issue”.  Oh you don’t use cloth diapers, huh? Is there a reason why you like to destroy the earth?  Then it’s oh you spank? Then it’s public, private, montessorri or homeschool. Oh you homeschool? Oooh you public school?  Oooh.  And I’m fairly certain it continues throughout life…  Again it’s not the difference of viewpoint, but the wrong attitude.

This stems from a lack of that security, do you see? Because when we’re not secure in God’s love, we’re afraid of people having a different view point from us—but remember what 1 John had said? There’s no fear in love.  When we’re secure in God’s love, we don’t have to fear when others have a different opinion—we can still be unified in love.  Scripture says whatever you decide that God wants you to do, be fully convinced in your own mind.  (and this is getting back to judging from last week) Again, disunity isn’t a difference in viewpoint it’s a wrong attitude:  So what is the right attitude?

V. 3 read So here is the introduction to our main topic, namely humility. This is the PATH. This is the how—how do we have love and unity?  The Path is humility.   Chris touched on humility last week, and mentioned how we’ve all heard that saying that humility isn’t thinking less of yourself it’s thinking of yourself less.  Interestingly—I think this passage and all of scripture teaches that it’s not one or the other but both.  Humility is forgetting about yourself, AND having a modest opinion of yourself. “Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit.”  Also translated “selfish ambition”—we learned from the book that ambition is not bad.  Selfish ambition is bad. Self-seeking is a way to sum it up. Let’s look at each of these clauses:

Rivalry or conceit: Rivalry is competition. How many in here are competitive by nature?  Listen to what CS Lewis says about this:  “Pride is essentially competitive – is competitive by its very nature – Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person.  We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not.  They are proud of being richer; or cleverer; or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.”

This is a serious warning for women.  Men tend to be outwardly competitive—in sports and games and such. But women can be inwardly competitive, which I believe is twice as deadly.  Love and competition are mutually exclusive, they cannot exist together: “Love seeks not its own.”

And the way to quit competing is to quit comparing.  Ladies this is a VICE if there ever was one.  We do it!  We compare our children, our bodies, our husbands, our clothes.  We size everything and everyone up by how they compare to US.  That is comparing which is competing.  She has better skin, their kids are better behaved, am I skinnier, they have a bigger house. YUCK. I very vividly remember a moment in college when I was sitting in class next to this girl who was GORGEOUS (Miss Oregon) and also happened to be my friend and roommate. And I remember sitting there in Shakespeare class and thinking about how her thighs were so much skinnier than mine.  And of course we laugh at that because it’s ridiculous but we do the same thing in more sophisticated ways now (and not so sophisticated ways!).  When we do this we are proving that our confidence is based on pride: I love this quote about leaders: “Few leaders operate out of confidence built on anything but the crumbling foundation of arrogance.”  On the contrary, later in chapter 3 Paul says “We… worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh.”

Instead:  “Count others more significant than yourself.”  Isn’t it funny that Paul uses the word “count”. It’s like he knows we’re playing the competition game.  He knows we’re inwardly counting up the score.  And he says, no matter what the evidence says, COUNT others as better than yourself.  Quit evaluating, quit keeping score, just decide once and for all that you will quit the race, quit the competition, and just esteem others as better than yourself.  You can’t lose a race you aren’t running!  And you cannot humiliate the person who humbles himself.

Tozer says this:  P 112 “Think for yourself whether much of your sorrow has not arisen from someone speaking slightingly of you.  As long as you set yourself up as a little god to which you must be loyal there will be those who will delight to offer an affront to your idol. How then can you hope to have inward peace?  The heart’s fierce effort to protect itself from every slight, to shield its touchy honor from the bad opinion of friend and enemy, will never let the mind have rest. Continue this fight through the years and the burden will become intolerable. Yet we are carrying this burden continually, challenging every word spoken against us, cringing under every criticism, smarting under each fancied slight, tossing sleepless if another is preferred before us…”

Humility frees us from the race.  Murray says “true humility comes when, in light of God, we have seen ourselves to be nothing, have consented to part with and cast away self—to let God be all.  The soul that has done this and can say, “So have I lost myself in finding You,” no longer compares itself with others. It has forever given up every thought of self in God’s presence…The humble person feels no jealousy or envy.  He can praise God when others are preferred and blessed before him. He can bear to hear others praised and himself forgotten.”  He is freed from himself.

This is why I’d say that humility is the most freeing quality of life.  In fact it isn’t just one virtue along with others, but is the root of all other virtues. It is the root of all godliness.  Just like the quote that Chris read last week, pride is the complete anti-God state of mind. Therefore humility is the path, the only path to godliness, Christ-likeness. It is the PATH to unity, to love. It is the path to Christ, the path to maturity.  It is the only way to save a marriage, the only way to be a good friend. It is the only way to truly love.  Humility is the root of all other virtues.

v. 4 read So here’s where I struggle. How do I get humble?  I feel like I can sit around all day and think “she’s better than me she’s better than me she’s better than me.” And that doesn’t help anything.  So even when we think that everyone else is more significant or better than us, yes I might get a modest opinion of myself, which is a start, but that’s only half the battle because now maybe I’m not conceited but I’m totally self-focused.  I’m not conceited but I’m depressed! And just to level with you I think I have lived much of my Christian life in this place.  Remember we said humility is BOTH thinking less of yourself and thinking of yourself less?   Sometimes perhaps we’ve done the “think less of yourself part” but we haven’t done the “think of yourself less” part.  I was only HALFWAY understanding humility. It’s like I’ve read verse 3 over and over and over and decided that if I just crawl a little lower than everyone else I’ll be free and I don’t feel free I just feel worthless.  But verse 4 gives us the how-to.  This is the PURSUIT. This is where I get excited because it gives me something to do. I’m a doer!   Pursue the interests of others.

Isn’t this even what Paul is modeling for us? If I were sitting in a prison cell my letter would probably sound like this:  “I am cold, alone, forgotten, hungry, and miserable, AND now I hear that you sill petty people are bickering. Grow up you sissies!  I’m miserable here can’t you see. Can you please get busyand petition or something to get me free?” No, he chooses to take his eyes off himself and his circumstances and turns to the good and interests of others.  That is freedom.  This is how we think about ourselves less. Then, little by little, we begin to lose ourselves, we begin to taste freedom.

To continue with this analogy, freedom comes when we lay down this burden of self.  And while we’ve sort of identified that burden as pride, Tozer says that there are 3 forms of this that we are freed from when we pursue humility.

First, we are freed from pride:  We’ve already talked a lot about pride, but here are two more thoughts:

CS Lewis said this:  The pleasure of pride is like the pleasure of scratching.  If there is an itch one does want to scratch; but it is much nicer to have neither the itch nor the scratch.  As long as we have the itch of self-regard we shall want the pleasure of self-approval; but the happiest moments are those when we forget our precious selves and have neither but have everything else (God, our fellow humans, animals, the garden and sky) instead.

Humility, then is getting so engrossed in serving God and others, looking out for their interests, that we lose our precious selves.  And we find that we gain everything else in return.

Here’s one last interesting thought about pride, from John Piper: Because I think perhaps we can trick ourselves into thinking we’re not prideful, but check this out: Pride manifests itself in two ways: boasting, and self-pity. Check this out:

“[Boasting and Self-Pity] are manifestations of pride.  Boasting is the response of pride to success.  Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering.  Boasting says, “I deserve admiration because I have achieved so much.” Self-pity says, “I deserve admiration because I have sacrificed so much.”  Boasting is the voice of pride in the heart of the strong.  Self-pity is the voice of pride in the heart of the weak.  Boasting sounds self-sufficient.  Self-pity sounds self-sacrificing.  The reason self-pity does not look like pride is that it appears to be needy.  But the need arises from a wounded ego and the desire of the self-pitying is not really for others to see them as helpless, but heroes.  The need self-pity feels does not come from a sense of unworthiness, but from a sense of unrecognized worthiness.  It is the response of unapplauded pride.”

When we’re freed from pride, we’re freed from boasting and self-pity, we quit thinking of ourselves, and are freed from that itch of self-regard that we must constantly work to get scratched.  We’re freed to pursue others.

Second burden, we’re freed from is Pretense:  This is the idea of “putting your best foot forward.”  This is an obsession with what impression we are making.  I think this is a killer for women.  (wanting to stand on the left side in pictures so my scar doesn’t show!)  We constantly strive to look our best for others.  We tell stories in a certain light to make ourselves look good—here’s one I recently realized I was doing: (bargain bragging!).  We respond to “how are you doing” in a certain way, highlighting hardships or exaggerating how fatigued we are by our service for Christ.   I took a personality quiz once and scored high in “favorable image projection”.  Ouch. That’s a polite way of saying pretense.  And unfortunately this is so common to the way we live that we don’t even think of it as sin.

The third burden we’re freed from is Artificiality: This is similar to the hypocrisy that we studied last week.  Tozer says this:  Most people live in secret fear that some day they will be careless and by chance an enemy or friend will be allowed to peep into their poor, empty souls. So they are never relaxed.  Bright people are tense and alert in fear that they may be trapped into saying something common or stupid… Artificiality is one curse that will drop away the moment we kneel at Jesus’ feet and surrender ourselves to His meekness. Then we will not care what people think of us so long as God is pleased. Then what we are will be everything, what we appear will take its place far down the scale of interest for us. Apart from sin we have nothing of which to be ashamed.  Only an evil desire to shine makes us want to appear other than we are.”

Now here’s the tricky part. We refer to those things as burdens, right? But I would suggest that we actually use those burdens to hide.  How many of you have actually used your children to “hide”? (explain)  Because when we’re not secure in God’s love for us (v. 1) we’re insecure.  And when we’re insecure we turn inward and become focused on ourselves in pride and self-seeking, and we put up walls of pride, pretense, and artificiality because we somewhere deep down believe that same lie that was whispered to us in the garden—God doesn’t really love us.  But when we embrace God’s love, step out bravely and confidently in humility toward others, laying down these burdens, then we are vulnerable.  Humility and vulnerability go hand in hand.  And it is my opinion that vulnerability is one of the most beautiful qualities in life.  Women are by nature vulnerable beings, Scripture says (1 Peter 3).  And true vulnerability does not imply weakness, just as humility does not imply weakness. On the contrary, Christ displayed  the most humble, vulnerable life ever to walk the earth, and he was and is the God of the universe. And the secret to understanding what true humility looks like is to watch the greatest example.  Let’s look briefly at this example:  vv 5-8.

V 5-8:  Have this mind: The battle is in the mind, ladies. To grow in humility we must train our minds, to turn away from self and to have the mind of Christ.  This is totally contrary to our human nature, which always tends toward self.  Spiritual entropy.

Form of God.  This word “morphe” in the Greek means he was God in the very essence of His nature. Jesus Christ is God.  Confusing verse but basically though He was God, as he walked this earth as a man He didn’t grasp after divinity, he didn’t seek after displaying God-hood, but instead,

Made himself nothing, Remember “count” in verse 3—a conscious choice. Christ MADE himself nothing, the form of a servant.  And in human form –“ and this word is different than in v. 5 this is “schema” which means fashion or outward manifestation. God, Jesus Christ was in essence and nature God, but in outward manifestation man.

Humbled himself, to the point of death, even death on the cross.  The highest being lowered to the lowest low—death.  The God of the universe, hanging naked on a cross, with people spitting in his face.  He chose that.  You cannot humiliate the man who humbles himself.  God gives us the greatest example, so that no matter how talented, rich, successful, accomplished you are or become, and no matter how low God challenges you to stoop, He’s always made a greater jump. For the God of the universe to come to earth to die on a cross so that murderers, rapists, pedophiles, could be forgiven and set free, so I could be set free. That is humility.

And here’s what’s cool about this example:  This proves to us that it is not sin that humbles us.  We don’t get humble by sinning. The perfect example of humility was the sinless lamb of God. It is not sin that humbles us most, but grace.  It is a beautiful ongoing cycle—we humble ourselves and he gives grace (1 Peter 5), grace humbles us then as we’re humble God gives more grace.  That is freedom!  Freedom to quit performing, to quit measuring ourselves by each other, to quit fearing rejection and criticism, to quit centering our worlds around ourselves. Freedom to love, to risk, to step out in faith, to serve.  There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. I pray that we would we brave enough to humble ourselves before each other, to be united in love, to be vulnerable.

The Apostle Peter summed it up like this:  1 Peter 3:8 “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”

I loved the way Chris summed up last week with steps to take: so let’s recap what we’ve talked about.

1. Choose to turn outward not inward, in the midst of your trial.
2. Choose to abide in God’s love, remind yourself through His Word how He loves you.
3. Choose to seek unity, through a humble attitude.
4. Choose to quit competing and comparing.
5. Choose to seek each other’s good before your own.

Most of you probably know about our window scare.  Dutch fell halfway out of his second story window (above concrete) on Sunday, pushed the screen out and fell halfway (waist up) when we heard him scream and Jeff ran upstairs and grabbed him before he fell all the way out. It was awful, horrific–I was hysterical, he was hysterical. All in all it was a very good wake up call for us–to cherish every moment with our son, not take things for granted, realize–with a healthy fear of God–that everything can be gone in the blink of an eye.

Perhaps that’s why I’m trying to savor a little more the moments with Dutch. You see, I have been struggling in the area of mommyhood when it comes to Dutch.  He is a steel-willed child, and between our busy schedule, women’s ministry things, getting moved in, and just the stuff of life, I’ve had more than one moment where I’ve just felt like shaking his little self and saying, “Really?!  Really, do you have to contradict everything I say? Does everything have to be a battle?!”  And then of course the window-scare happened and though I still find myself having plenty wits-end moments (today at Bridgeport, where I had to carry both children in arms –Dutch throwing a fit over my shoulder and Heidi smashed in the front pack without making a peep– from the Container Store all the way to Bed Bath & Beyond), I can’t even imagine life without my boy.  He makes my life.  I kiss him a hundred times a day, on that soft part of his cheek right by his lips so I can smell his amazing little puppy breath. I still squeeze his buns everytime I pick him up (and think about how nice it will be when we’re down to only one in diapers!).  I love having conversations with him, listening to his amazing creativity as he plays make-believe around the house. Here are a few of my favorite Dutch thoughts of late:

(When I put on a dress for church).  “Mommy, what’s that you got on?”

“A dress, Dutch.”

“It’s pretty.”

(I smile) “Thank you, Dutch!”

“Mommy, you fancy!”  (heart melting!)

Ok, this one’s not so sweet, just odd:

(As I’m changing his diaper) “I like Papa!”  (I smile, so glad that my son loves my dad. Then he continues. “I like poop too!”

Unfortunately he continues to think that shouting “I eat poop for dinner!”  then laughing hysterically and saying, “That’s SO funny!” is the greatest thing in the world.  Oh dear.  Apparently he’s hit middle-school early.

Tonight his prayers, as silly and immature as they might seem, touched my heart.  As we lay in bed we started to pray and I asked him what he wanted to thank God for.  “Umm…” he thought. He had his toy van in his hand.  “Dada God, Kant Nu (thank you) for my van.”  Ok, that’s a start, what else Dutch?  He turns it over in his hand. “Dada God, kant nu for the front of my van.” Ok, what else Dutch?  “Dada God, kant nu for the side of my van.”  This continues… “kant nu for the back of my van…kant nu for the windshield…kant nu for the motor…kant nu for the bumper…” No joke.  He names every part of the ridiculous plastic van.

I’m lying there thinking of the amazing life this little boy has, of the friendships, the family, the new house, the wonderful fun things we do every day, and all he can thank God for is every little detail of his silly plastic van that we got at a garage sale for 25 cents last week.  In a way, though, it’s precious, because he’s choosing to thank God for what’s right in front of him.  Perhaps it’s narrow-minded, perhaps it’s not good perspective, but if the point of thanksgiving is to focus in on the blessings GOd has given us, if the point is to cultivate an attention to the richness of life, if the point is to become thankful people–then perhaps naming every single part of silly plastic van in our hands is really a pretty good idea.  It doesn’t mean I’m not thankful for the larger things, for the majestic mountains and vast oceans and the beauty of this valley and the glorious things God is doing in this world.  It just means that maybe it’s ok for me to sit here and thank him for the ice cream I had tonight, the way Heidi laughed out loud as she played with a sippy cup of water for the first time, for the built-in bookshelves that my dad made us, for the way that the pink knobs on Heidi’s dresser turned out after I painted them, for sitting on our porch swing in the cool fall air, for the sweet gathering of women I was part of last night, for the unexpected escrow refund check we received, for the beautiful pots of flowers delivered unexpectedly from a generous friend, for Mac eyeliner, for the MIRACLE that Dutch put all of his toys away and took a bath and went to bed without a fight tonight … I really could go on forever.

Really that’s the same as Dutch thanking for the bumper on his plastic van.  Very unremarkable, very temporal. And yet he’s thankful for it, and for that I’m thankful.  And I’m thankful he’s alive, and I’m thankful for what he teaches me each day … even if it’s that I’m never taking him to the Container Store again.  Goodnight, friends.  Let’s go to bed thankful tonight.