• Spring Beach Retreats: Saturday afternoon spent sitting in a toasty warm room, overlooking the ocean, writing to my heart’s content.
• Coming home.
• Greeted at the door by the love of my life.
• Long kisses.
• Sneaking into Dutch’s room, him not noticing with back turned playing. Door close behind me, he turns, face lit up.  “Mommy!!” Wrap that little boy up in my arms and breathe him in. Yes!
• Sunny afternoon spent planting vinca on the hillside.
• Couch fort still up in the living room.
• Hearing Heidi, creeping into room to get her from her nap. “Mommy!!!” She can’t stop smiling, just keeps staring at my face and saying, “Mommy!” So good to have gotten away, but oh so good to be home.
• Returning to mundane tasks and finding them so satisfying.
• My own bed.
• Heavy quilt.
• Putting on shorts for the first time this spring. No joke: Heidi pointed at my legs and said, “Uh oh!”  Pretty much destroyed my confidence.
• Telling Dutch, “Did you know that you can talk to Jesus all day long?”  Response: “No Mommy, if you talked all day long you’d get tired!”
• Friends who buy me green beans from Costco.
• Trader Joe’s.
• A glimpse of miraculous and abnormal maturity in Dutch as he maneuvered the grocery store cart and helped me grocery shop while I held a sleeping Heidi in my arms. Now I know what he’s capable of; I’m raising the bar.
• Spring arriving all at once!!  Everything waking up one day in the glorious light of Tuesday’s sun.
• Long afternoon down by the creek. Sitting in the sun. Throwing rocks, smoothing my hands over that same magnificent moss, this time all aglow in the sunshine.
• Kids “fishing” in the creek with stick poles.
• Watching Dutch make friends at the park.
• Watching Heidi bravely go down the big-kid slide. It spit her out so fast she about landed on her head, but she popped up, dusted herself off and smiled! That’s my girl.
• Bob double jogger.
• Tuesday morning Bible study.  An amazing small group of ladies.
• Jaw-dropping stories of pain, beauty, and grace.
• Childcare workers.
• Unexpected dinner with friends.
• The happy shouts of children, “Daddy’s home!!”
• Strength to be consistent.
• An encouraging email from female hero in the faith.  Amazed at the power of encouragement.
• Taking risks.
• Learning to be brave.
• Pressing send.
• Community Group. So blessed by them!
• My tulips all in bloom!
• Being on the same page.
• Wednesday morning prayer group. Love those ladies!
• Partnering with missionaries.
• Organized Simplicity.
• Finally giving attention to cleaning my home after far too long of letting it slide.
• Doing a small thing for a friend, and realizing it meant a lot. Every act is so sacred.
• A painful discipline moment with Dutch turning into a great gospel moment. Had I an inkling of what prayer is before I had this child?
• The Little Black Book of London.
• Honest authors.
• An afternoon spent at the river’s edge, Willamette Park, basking in warm sun, cradling my little girl not feeling well, watching Dutch throw rocks and sticks, chase ducks, dig.
• Everything abloom!
• Holding Heidi in my lap during Good Friday service. Contented, she melts into my arms, I inhale her hair and kiss her cheeks, holding her to my chest as I sing to my Savior. This is so good.
• The incredible privilege of sitting under my beloved man’s teaching at Good Friday.  I don’t deserve Him or him. So blessed by my Jesus and thankful for my husband.
• Jesus cried, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” so that we would never have to.
• Knowing that Sunday is coming.
• Old friends visiting, new friends here.
• My momma-in-law.
• New gold shoes for Heidi.
• It is finished.
• Rest.

We’ve been talking the last couple days about fear.  If you’re just jumping in, would you check out the first and second posts, then join us as we close? Thanks for reading.

:: I was reminded of my third fear this morning in my Bible reading. In 1 Kings 13 we read of a man of God, a prophet, who prophesied one of the greatest, clearest prophecies in all of scripture. He prophesies about the boy Josiah (calls him by name) would be raised up many many years later, and who would draw Israel back to God (for a time).  He is used by God to speak this great prophecy and then is tempted by king Jeroboam to go to Jeroboam’s house but the prophet remains steadfast by insisting,

“I will not … for it was commanded me by the word of the LORD saying, “You shall neither eat bread nor drink water nor return by the way that you came.” So he went another way and did not return by the way that he came to Bethel.

But then just a little way later, along his journey, another man of God, another prophet is sent to this first man, and he goes and invites him into his house. The prophet is resolute in his obedience to God’s word and doesn’t go, but the second prophet presses him and insists and even goes so far as to lie and say that God told him to bring the prophet back to his house.

If this isn’t a test I don’t know what is.  And the result? The first prophet gives in and goes with him to his house, abandoning his conviction he had held.  Then after he leaves, having disobeyed, he is attacked by a lion and killed.

Done. Just like that. Eaten by a lion. From the heights of a powerful prophet, fore-telling the great King Josiah to come, to being torn to shreds by a lion and left on the roadside to die.

Tragic. Sin is always tragic.

Such a quick downfall. Such a stupid sin.  Could it be that perhaps we are most susceptible to absolute demise when we’ve just been thrust to the pinnacle of our Christian experience?

“So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” 1 Corinthians 10:12

I recently had coffee with a woman who comes from a church across the country who experienced the devastation of a pastor running off with a secretary. Of course the result was the absolute ruin of two families and most of a church body.  Sin always ruins lives. And oh wouldn’t the enemy love to take down the most prominent, the shepherds, the leaders, the prophets, the ones who represent our Almighty God to the masses.  It was his tactic in 1 Kings, it is his tactic now.

Last night Jeff and I had our date night out. We sat over prawns and talked of  life and the Lord and our kids and our lives.  And we talked of this.  That we could just be faithful! That’s all we’re called to do. The gist even of all of these three good fears is that we learn to be obedient and faithful and teach our children to be obedient and faithful.  In short–long obedience is where it’s at.

Lifelong discipleship is lifelong obedience.

So that’s why this is new breath-prayer,

Lord help me to be faithful.

Faithful to my husband, my kids, to the Lord and His calling, to my friends, with our finances. Just faithful.  That’s all I want to be.

That’s all we’re called to be.

And a healthy dose of fear, knowing our flesh and its weakness, can help us to walk soberly, circumspectly, redeeming the time. But most of all we must know our God, because “when we are faithless He is faithful because He cannot deny Himself.”

Our God is faithfulness, we learn by looking to Him.

• Writing this while looking out over the breathtaking view of the Oregon Coast, enjoying my sweet WCC sisters at the Oregon Beach Retreat! Just got here and so excited to see what God will do.
• At-home date, watching movie with my man.
• Outside family work-day: Spreading barkdust, planting flowers, pulling weeds, vacuuming out the car.  Filthy dirty fun.
• Dutch unloading away the silverware.
• Organizing “the drawer” in the kitchen. We all have one, right?
• Organizing the homeschool/craft/kids’ project cabinet. Oh how I love order!
• Hand-written notes. Almost a lost art but not quite.
• Feeling full.
• Repentance.
• Forgiveness.
• Grace.
• A brand-new friend jumping in with both feet, coming over and helping clean house before a showing–seven days into friendship and she’s scrubbing my toilets. A saint.
• A house-showing that didn’t interfere with naptimes–hooray!
• Seashells in my bathroom.
• Quilt squares on the wall.
• Antique chair with ornate curves and teal velvet seat.
• Being part of the greatest movement the world has ever seen.
• Watching Dutch play with baby Hannah: “Look mommy she’s smiling! I made her smile. She likes me!  Oh mommy, I love her. She’s so cute. I love you, baby Hannah. Mommy, when she’s two-years-old will Hannah will still love me?”
• Explaining to Dutch about adoption. He replies, “Mommy, we should adopt ALL the boys and girls who don’t have mommies and daddies. And then we would have so many children!” Yes, Dutch, we would, that’s why we’re not going to do that. 🙂
• Dutch’s budding vocab: “Mommy, I have a brilliant idea!”
• Heidi’s budding will: “I do by self!”
• Tucking tiny feet into tiny shoes.
• Tucking myself into my man’s arms. Home.
• Baby Eve being so tired she crawled up into the dishwasher with her blanket and rested her head on the dish rack.  Sometimes I feel like that too, baby Eve.
• Jeff leaving for four days, saying goodbye and feeling really sad, lingering in his arms–this too is a gift, that we like each other enough that we hate to say goodbye!
• Awaking to a 6:30am text message from a dear long-time friend I never get to see (who has 5 young kids!): “On a walk alone,  call if you can chat!”  Sneaking into the laundry room for a hushed conversation before the kids awoke. A huge gift!
• Driving to Riversong.
• Dad’s birthday dinner, meatloaf and chocolate cake.
• Singing happy birthday to Dad while Dutch hid under the table. For some reason birthdays are enormously embarrassing for him, even when they’re not his.
• Eating a piece of chocolate cake.  All the more spectacular after not having sweets for a month!
• Two little monkeys in the hot tub. Forgot their bathing suits so undies work just fine!
• Skyping with Daddy, both kids leaning toward laptop, standing on my lap, squawking and laughing and poking the screen. A riot, those two.
• Dutch & Heidi sharing a room. Laughter delays the sleep but doubles the fun!
• Wondering.
• Dreaming.
• Resting.
• Submitting.
• Waking early, quiet house, rushing river still outside. Prayer and Bible study surrounded by the trees.
• Ideas for raising grateful kids.
• Finding my mom’s own gratitude journal open on the table. It is a gift.
• Seeing how she described each of her grandkids… “Dutch: Verbal whiz, Heidi: Joy-saturated …” and her gift that caught my eye, “I’m alive!” Yes!
• Finding the house strangely quiet and creeping upstairs to find Dutch & Heidi playing kitchen, together. Plates lined with neat stacks of food, pots simmering on plastic stove, spoons stirring, lost together in their shared imaginary world. Priceless.
• Pellet stove.
• Snuggled up with Dutch, just the two of us, for over an hour reading Sharp Ears. Even without pictures he is captivated by that book. I learn my face close to his while we read sneaking a kiss between each page.
• An amazing week of God’s faithfulness. Wow. Thank you, Lord.
• A shorter list this week because I am drowning in the blessings of God, too much to even write all the things down.
• Sisters in Christ.
• 3-hour car ride for awesome conversation.
• Breathtaking views.
• Oregon.
• Ocean.
• Smell of dinner wafting up to me as I type.
• Someone else cooking dinner.
• A wonderful husband who stays home with kids.
• Two amazing friends who are editors.
• Inspiration.
• Intercession.
• Awe.

• Brilliant yellow daffodils growing straight out of the gravel along Parker Road. I want to celebrate every time I drive past.  Beauty perseveres!
• Blessed experience at the Faith & Culture Writer’s Conference at Western Seminary. Grace beyond words.
• Debra Kent.
• Arriving home to find hubby, Momma-in-law, and two darling children out spreading barkdust in our front yard. “Mommy mommy mommy!” Running to car. Armful of children. I inhale them. Yes.
• Changing plans.
• Tiny solid-color plastic cowboys and Indians toys, complete with tomahawks and feathers, knives and guns. From 30+ years ago, Dutch plays with them still. Most un-PC toys I’ve ever seen.
• Down comforter.
• How safe it feels when everything is God’s.
• Life broken open, time to share the fruit.
• Having no idea what God is doing but enjoying the journey.
• Farm fresh milk–yum!
• Worshipping God next to my momma-in-law and dear friend Pam. A gift to stand beside such saints in the presence of our God.
• Being too excited to sleep. Four nights in a row.
• Sunshine.
• Oregon Women’s Report dinner. Going with a friend and meeting more. Love love love what God’s doing through women, words, and grace.
• An email from my literary hero, speaking words of encouragement.
• A whole day without leaving the house.
• Beautiful, amazing response from readers on Day Without Shoes.
• $11,297+ raised for precious people in Africa!  And how beautiful are the feet of those who bring the Good News.
• Heidi & Elle giggling down the aisles of Fred Meyer.
• Huge bouquet of daffodils on kitchen table, splash of sunshine despite each day’s rain.
• Single daffodil in bud vase from my friend who gives me gifts.  Six luscious lemon petals outstretched toward me. Single stem strong. Some of us are petals some are stems, so glad we can work together to create beauty.
• Little boy in t-shirt and bare buns. I love those buns!
• Beth Moore teach on the power of song. She is a holy hoot, that woman.
• Needing a nap and taking one.
• “Oh mommy, I discovered…!” “Oh mommy, that’s extraordinary!” “The hail is hitting the glass like bullets!”  Can I just say that I love my little 4-year-old’s vocabulary? What a gift to be able to describe life with just the right words.
• Watching hail turn almost instantly to blue sky. How quickly things can change.
• Bananas with perfect hint of green.
• A  literary lettuce-in-my-teeth heads-up from a friend when I misspelled “peek” in the title of this post. Ha! A peak! Thank you Emily!
• Seeing a friend look so great.
• Heidi accidentally smashing Dutch’s prized Lego-possession, and being amazed:  He didn’t even bat an eyelash, just helped her pick up the pieces. There really is hope.
• Dutch reminiscing about last summer’s deck-building adventure. “Mommy, remember the time…” Sounding like a little old man.
• Vintage children’s books.
• Dutch touching my tummy: “Mommy, are we getting another baby soon?  We need a new baby!” No we aren’t and no we don’t.
• Letting Dutch eat the last of the peanut butter right out of the jar … again.
• More (plenty more) of the much-needed discipline of Dutch that I detest.  But it’s all worth it when he breaks, melts in my arms, between sobs, “Mommy, I love you so much.”  That’s when I break, melt, thank God for this privilege of shepherding His lamb.
• Breath prayers: Lord, help me to be faithful.
• Heidi playing outside in pouring hail, all by herself, wandering and stacking, digging and watering.  Content and lost in her world.  I sneak with camera. She catches me and smiles.
• Fingering Heidi’s favorite sparkly gold shoes, worn almost completely through the toe.   Jesus let me life be just like these shoes.
• Date night with my man.
• Friends who don’t just babysit, they shower my kids with love.
• Holding hands.
• Barnes & Noble. At home among the books.
• People-watching.
• Prawns.
• Peeking in on on sleeping child and gathering up one who’s awake into my arms.
• Powell’s City of Books.  How happy am I that my kids love this place too?!
• Literal lip-smacking from the backseat as we drive. Peanut butter sandwiches, simplicity’s fare.
• Walking in downtown Portland on a brilliant sunny day, one small hand tucked in each of mine, we toddle slowly, taking in the sights. Strangers smile.
• Brilliant blue sky, completely cloudless. Dozens of tulips about to burst, standing tall, dignified, in enormous concrete planters along Burnside.
• My first tulip still hiding its wintry eyes, about to show its face.
• Scribbling all these on back of Powell’s receipt. Must not forget these gifts!
• Fat bumble bee buzzing from flower to flower.
• Neighbor friend stopping by, parked in the middle of the street. All smiles. Warm sun. Hum of lawnmower behind. Telling tales of God’s finger, of God’s faithfulness. She smiles wide and is a gift.
• Sitting on my front porch watching my Pastor walking his sweet daughter home from school.  WCC family, we are blessed.
• Comments from you that bring me to tears. (the good kind)
• My new problem, these lists are getting too long! But that too is a gift…
• Trust.

Happy weekend; thanks for reading.

By grace, with joy,

Kari