Category Archives: Sacred Mundane

You don’t!

I love this quote from Jared Wilson,

“We all know we could use more Bible, but we often forget we could use less of everything else.”

Isn’t it true that making time for what matters is often simply a matter of what we choose not to do. So, here are a few of the things I purposefully don’t do.  NOTE: None of these things are bad, they might be the very things you’re trying to make more time for! That’s great! But for me, these are the things I limit, in order to make time for writing and playing.

• I don’t spend much time on Facebook. (A couple minutes at the most, every few days.)
• I don’t surf the web. 
• I don’t watch TV.
• I don’t cook elaborate meals.
• I don’t have a spotless house. (love that muddy footprints pic above. That’s my house!)
• I hardly ever shop. (I do a monthly Winco trip/Trader Joe’s trip and use Amazon Prime (free shipping) for gifts, books, etc. Other than that we just don’t shop much.)
• I don’t read lots of blogs.  (I know, awful! I totally don’t blame you if you don’t have time to read mine. I consistently read a few, and periodically check others of people I love.)

The secret to doing it all is just NOT doing it all, right?

Living purposefully. Choose wisely. Laying out our days before the Father and asking Him what He would want for our minutes, our moments.  We’ll only learn how to “do” when we learn how to “don’t.”

Now, am I 100% satisfied with my daily routine? Of course not! Always in progress. There’s another list of things I DON’T do but this isn’t on purpose, it’s just the things that inevitably slip to the wayside. I really would love to make more time for these things … perhaps you can help by sharing YOUR ideas? I don’t …

• Exercise. That is, during the winter. I love running when the weather is nice. But how to schedule in winter-time exercise? It’s just not working right now. Would love to fit this in.
• Thoughtful gift-buying. I do love buying people gifts but often don’t take the time to really invest in something special. I’d also love to hand-make gifts … Would love to take more time for this.
• Service-volunteering. My “ministry” is heavy on teaching, leading, mothering, etc. but lower on the down-and-dirty service type things. Again, this is a season, but would love to make more time for serving in those ways.
• Decorating. I kinda gave up on house-decorating. In some ways it’s freeing, and I actually love our simple lifestyle, but in some ways it’d be fun to spend more time sprucing things up. It’s just not the season. Someday.

So… What are the things that you purposefully DON’T do and the things perhaps you don’t but really wish you did … Thoughts?

*For the record, no I don’t have a housekeeper or anything like that. BUT, if I became extra busy with a book or speaking engagements (or if I worked full-time like many of you!) this would be the first thing I’d do.  Paying a hardworking, honest housekeeper can be an excellent use of finances, if you have the ability, but that’s another topic. For now, I don’t have one.

And by all means I don’t have it all figured out! Would you share with me your own “do it all” and “don’t do it all” tips and thoughts? I would love to hear!

{Thank you for sharing, reading, and giving me moments of your precious time! I take your time seriously and pray not to waste it! By grace, Kari}

PS, Keepin’ it real: Last night before my mentor meeting I felt totally overwhelmed, like I hadn’t had enough time to prepare for the girls, we also had community group in our home while I was gone, and I felt bad for leaving them all because I had two commitments at the same time, I tucked my children into bed at 9:30PM (!), and this morning I woke up to dirty dishes in the icy cold water in the sink. Ha — see when we juggle many balls we inevitably drop them all on the floor and it’s ok! 🙂

Yesterday we talked about the oft-thought (though not oft-spoken) question, “How do you do it all?” We looked at the comparison trap, but also at how helpful it can be to really share the nitty-gritty how-we-git-er-done details of daily life. As promised, my thoughts: First, very simply — call it good, bad, hugely helpful or completely inapplicable, here’s the nitty gritty of what I do:

• Blogging/Writing/Speaking: I “work” from about 2-4 each day and then sometimes on Fridays. Heidi naps and Dutch has “quiet play time” during this time, so I curl up on the couch and write. It’s not a long enough chunk of time to really work on the book, but I can usually write a post, or at least get caught up on email, plan my study-times, etc.  Jeff is off on Fridays, so I try to work Fridays until 4pm. This gives me a longer stretch of time to study or work on the book. For the past few months, though, these Fridays have been hard to come by. Hence the previously-mentioned tears. 🙂 Come January they’ll be reinstated for good. {Note: This is the same habit I’ve had for 5 years, through seminary, etc. It’s morphed with infant sleeping-schedules but always the general afternoon was mommy/quiet time.}
• Quiet times: In the mornings I need Jesus! Again, this is harder now that the kids share a room and get up earlier, and since it’s too cold in their rooms for them to play. So we let them sit in front of the fire and read books or play quietly until 8am. From 6-8am is my own time. Bible, prayer, sometimes shower. Yes, sometimes they’re crawling on me, or asking for a snack, but as they become more independent (can get an apple from the fridge, for example) this is getting easier. {Note: No, there’s no rule that quiet time comes in the morning, but I just have to have to set my compass straight on Jesus first thing or the rest day will be off-course!}
• Reading: Reading is sacred! I save reading for evenings. I try not to blog or write at night since the screen-light isn’t good right before bed (although right now it’s 9pm so go figure), but reading is the perfect wind-down activity. Lately Jeff and I have been reading together at night, even better! {Note: Whether or not you like to read, make time to feed your soul with good input!}
• Meetings & playdates: I really try not to overdo these. Because I’m an introvert (who loves people!) I have to have plenty of alone/downtime or else I get cranky. 🙂  So I’ll have 1-2 meetings and/or playdates a week. Since my kids are in “church” twice a week and we have two community groups with kids each week, this gives them 5-6 interactions with other children (plenty!) and ensures I don’t lose my mind. If I need to meet in quiet, without kids, I’ll just do it during that 2-4 rest time in my home. My kids also cooperate and behave much better when we have plenty of time just us, at home.
• Hubby & Kids: Thursday is date-night with my man. We only go out once a month, but since we’re both homebodies we prefer staying in anyway. This is usually popcorn, scrabble, a movie, or a good book together. Usually just time to talk uninterrupted is the best part.  For my kids, because I’m a stickler on my “morning time” and “rest time” space, I really do try to give them my undivided attention the other times of the day. We play, do school, clean together, etc. during the mornings and late afternoons. I don’t check my email or facebook during those other times (unless they’re really engrossed in something or playing together and have forgotten about me. 🙂
• Housework/Cooking: I list this last because it is last! No, I do housework and cook but not elaborately. I clean a bit each day, mid-morning, and have the kids with me or helping. We do laundry together. We make beds together, straighten up together, clean out the fridge together. Today we sorted all the toys together, giving some away.  I cook 3-4 times a week, between 4-5:30 and then rely on leftovers the other nights. {Note: Perhaps it’s pathetic how simple our meals are but it’s a HUGE time-saver and my hubby & kids are happy so it works. Today I made potato vegetable soup at noon and ate it for lunch and dinner. Pathetic? Maybe. But it was yummy, filled our tummies, and gave me an afternoon free!}

“How do you do it all?”

Apparently I wasn’t the only one with this question in my mind.  The well-known speaker and author was live, taking questions from women in the audience on spiritual-life. But interestingly, by far the most common question had nothing to do with “spiritual” life at all. It was this, the echo of my own heart:

“How do you do it all? Raise kids, keep house, be a wife, write books, travel, speak?”

I leaned forward in my chair. What would she say?   I must admit I was weary myself.  While not even in the same realm as this popular speaker, I was in the midst of a full schedule, attempting to write a book, keep up a blog, move households, and be a wife-mom-friend-daughter-neighbor-disciple-ah! Yes, Mrs. Mom-Wife-Author-Blogger-Speaker, pray tell: How do you do it all?” 

Can I just be terribly honest?  I felt a little disappointed at the answer. She said something about finding that quiet space in her own heart so that she could be still amidst the chaos and hear from God, in order to write.

Not knocking this. I totally agree. Quieting our hearts to hear from God–yes.  But perhaps I wasn’t the only one who wanted to know really, no, really, how on earth do you find the minutes in the day to actually, physically do those things?

You know what I mean?

Another honest confession: I actually cried right after that.  I really wanted a fellow mom-writer to share how she really does it. Like, um, who is watching your kids while you’re on TV? You know, those kind of questions. Does she have a housekeeper? Does her mom help her? During what time of day does she write? Would you, just for a moment, open up the windows of your house and let me have a peek at the nitty-gritty?

Hence this post. Now please understand: For goodness sake I’m not saying that I’m some big author-speaker-lady. I have a teeny tiny blog and am struggling to string words together into a book. You who know me well are not impressed. But at least five times this past week I’ve heard, “I don’t know how you do it all…” And because whether we’re writers or volunteers or full-time career-women or full-time moms, we’re all attempting to “do it all” in some capacity. So let’s talk about this. Two things:

1. Beware the comparison-trap.  Oh, oh friends — aren’t we so tempted to compare? The truth is we’re all doing a lot. Some of us work more, some have special needs children (I think I qualify, Dutch is quite a character!), some of us homeschool, some of us spend hours quietly counseling others, some volunteer at their children’s schools, some knit shawls by the dozen for the sick and needy, some devote much time to housework because we know it blesses our husbands, some make meals to take to others — we’re all “doing it all” in some capacity, it’s just that some things are more visible than others. We’re each simply responsible for the “good works prepared advance that we should in walk in.” (Eph 2:10) Our own specially-prepared works. That’s all we need attempt.

That said, it can be helpful to share the ways we “do all” we’re supposed to in our own life. Practical things. I personally found it hugely helpful when Angela Davis wrote about her laundry routine on FrugalLivingNW (and shared that she pays someone $5/week to run her loads!). So, take it or leave it, tomorrow I’ll share my own personal “do it all” thoughts. Whether you’re trying to blog or volunteer or make time to read your Bible, perhaps this can help.

{And please, consider sharing with us your own helpful “do it all” tips. I’d love to glean wisdom from the nitty-gritty in your life! I’ll see you tomorrow … thanks for reading.}