When Mama gets the flu … {the kids are blessed}
Along with smallness and not-enough-ness, last week also included the flu.
Ugh. I can’t remember the last time I had the flu. But I won’t forget this time for quite awhile, that’s for sure. This was like nothing I’ve ever had before.
As long as I kept up the Advil I could get out of bed for little bits, make lunch, do a bit of school with the kids. But as soon as it began to wear I was flat on my back. Couldn’t move. This mama wasn’t going nowhere.
The first day, I did the obvious, and stupid: I told the kids to go play while I laid in my bed and … studied. Yes. Guilty as charged. I have a big conference coming up and was down to the wire on getting my note-taking sheets in, and this would be perfect.
Except it wasn’t perfect. The kids bickered. Little tiff here and little tiff there until finally I told them to come get on the bed with me. They weren’t allowed to leave my room. We would play and do our whole day right there. Right there. Together.
Wouldn’t you know it … it worked.
Like a charm.
We sat on my bed and read books. And books and books and books. They wanted every single word of every single giant DK Discovery book, every dinosaur description and every last detail about the Tropical Emperor Moth Caterpillar. And we read it all. More than once.
We pulled Candyland up on the bed. Weighted the board with shoes on the corners. Hopped along the sweet lane to King Kandy’s castle. They cheered and laughed and clapped. I even had fun.
On day two they dressed up. Pulled the dress-up chest into my room. After adorning themselves as a cowboy and princess they adorned me (yes!) as I lay on the bed. When Jeff came home I was wearing a sequined 20s Flapper hat, sparkly pink beads, elbow-length gloves and a gun-holster. I think I even fell asleep like that.
By the third day they were itchin’ to get outside. The sun came out, and Dutch’s latest love is baseball so he begged me to pitch him a few rounds. I dragged myself outside but quickly realized standing up wasn’t going to work. So I put a pillow down on the grass, wrapped myself in a fleece blanket, and laid right there in the front yard while they played.
And played and played and played.
2 1/2 hours later they were still going strong. We played frisbee (I throw it from lying down and they retrieve, like puppies, and bring it back). We played a version of Duck-Duck-Goose which involved then standing nearby and me saying duck-duck-duck-duck-duck-GOOSE! then they ran like wild animals to a nearby tree and back. They both “won” everytime. Beautiful. Then of course we played hide and seek. I hid in my blanket (surprise!) and Heidi thought it was the greatest delight to search all over the yard and “find” me once again.
Then they grew tired of me and were content to play on their own. I pulled the blankets over my head and ignored the neighbors driving by, they must have thought I was crazy.
When Jeff came home from work we were playing Red-Light-Green-Light, Me flat on my back giving red and green commands while they raced toward me, all ridiculous giggles. (Yes, he snapped a pic.)
A little sheepishly, I must admit: I think my kids like the flu. Although they were sad to see me in pain (Heidi kept saying, “In five minutes you feel better?”) they sure got a whole lot of my attention. No scurrying around, cleaning, playdates, meetings, errands.
A friend texted me earlier: “What’s God teaching you through this?” I had no idea.
Now I know.
{Thanks for reading.}
Week's end with thanks
- A Saturday completely unplugged, playing long and hard with these two Littles.
- Getting over the FLU… The one wonderful thing about being so sick is that you appreciate health when it returns!
- Chalk on the driveway.
- Heidi on her princess bike.
- Morning down by the river. They never tire of throwing rocks in the beautiful, rushing icy water. I never tire of watching.
- Perched on a boulder next to a friend.
- Four little boys and my little princess warrior in their midst.
- Running through wet grass.
- Playing Heidi’s pretend games, her making up each step as we go.
- Little bugs crawling in bed with me each morning.
- Anticipating my man coming home!
- Cloudless blue sky!
- Celebrating Melea. So much to celebrate!
- A dozen kids playing outside together, aged 3 to 16, without any props, toys, or electronics. So refreshing!
- Fresh air!
- (in)courage ladies so encouraging!
- Continued miracles for dear Elijah!
- Seeing His beauty, glory, splendor.
- Giving Him praise by just being me.
- New friends.
- Old ones.
- Understanding each other.
- A little cherub who wants me now … 🙂 So grateful to be wanted.
Have a blessed weekend. Thanks for reading.
When you feel like you live on a treadmill…
Exhausted, I stare down into the sink. It’s clogged. Has been for several weeks. When it does slowly drain it leaves a dark grimy film, and no matter how many times I scour it, the grime returns each time it’s clogged.
(Which is daily.)
I stare at the water; it isn’t going anywhere. I look up into the mirror, my face red from exertion, hair soaked with sweat. I just got off the treadmill.
The absurdity of it strikes me: I’m exhausted from running nowhere.
In so many ways.
… {Read the rest here with the dear sisters at (in)courage; thank you.}
Small.
I wanted Thomas Nelson so badly.
I know: I’m sure I’m breaking all the rules of professionalism to actually write about the process of seeking publication. Oh well. I have never excelled at professionalism, but perhaps a bit of my journey can connect with a bit of yours.
Like I said: I wanted them. Why? Well … honest answer?
Because I’m small and they are big.
Yup. They’re big. Real big. The biggest. And I’m small. Real small. The smallest. So what better way to feel big than to climb up into the biggest that there is?
One small problem: my smallness.
In so many words that’s what they said: That they love my idea and project, but my “following” is not what they’d like it to be yet.
In other words: I’m small.
(I could have told them that!)
So naturally I was bummed, not so much because of them, but just realizing that this book may end up with some no-name publisher with really terrible cover art drawn by hand and all of 13 people will buy it, all of whom are family members, and I will have spent all this time and energy on … What?
*Sigh*
Just. So. Small.
See, please hear my heart. I don’t want to be famous. Probably none of us reading this blog want to be, I just want to do something worthwhile, I want to invest in something that’s worth the time, the effort. You do too, right?
And so sometimes it’s just discouraging how small we really are. When you try to make a difference, when you join a cause or pursue a dream, sometimes your own smallness can just be … overwhelming.
But minutes after I heard back from Thomas Nelson, a good friend emailed these words:
“Saul kept on trying to put his armor on me but it did not work. Like David I cast it off and am just fine with the small in me too. and….mmmmm…Look who slew the giant…..”
Absolutely.
Of course, why hadn’t I seen it? Ironically, I was studying 1 Samuel 17 at that exact moment for an upcoming conference. Hadn’t even thought about how small David was.
Now please, I’m not trying to make myself out to be some heroic giant-slayer, but aren’t we all called to slay giants in this life? Aren’t we all called to something that looms so large in our vision? And so we try to put on Big Girl clothes, we buy a pair of giant shoes because we think that’s what we need to fill.
But we don’t have to fill any shoes other than our own. Even if they’re small.
See we might think we need something “big” to make up for our smallness.
And we’re right. We do.
We just haven’t thought big enough. We need something WAY bigger.
Saul’s armor was too big for David so he cast it off and went after the giant with nothing but himself…. and God.
That’s big. Sometimes, perhaps, He loves to use small people so He gets lots of glory?
John Piper said this,
“There are saving works that God will only do through small churches and ordinary people, not through large churches and more sophisticated people.
The Lord said to Gideon, “The people with you are too many for me to give the Midianites into their hand, lest Israel boast over me, saying, ‘My own hand has saved me.’” (Judges 7:2)
Beware of missing your appointed fruit by envying bigger trees.”
Today I’m going to settle down into my smallness and savor His bigness. I don’t know what will happen, but we have no choice but to take ourselves and our God and keep moving forward to face whatever giant He’s put in our path.
Even if my fruit is a blueberry–and not a watermelon–I’ll choose to bear it well … and rest in being small.
{Thank you for letting me grow alongside you…and thanks for reading.}
#36 Start a Garden {52 bites}
May is here! That means … time to plant! We’re doing our 52-bites today so you can prepare to garden this weekend. Plus, we’re joining the girls over at Frugal Living NW… Enjoy!
We’re currently on our 5th garden. No, not our 5th year having a garden, our 5th different garden. Which makes us not experts, but fools, because we keep starting over at each new place we live. I would not recommend this. But I would recommend starting some sort of garden, depending upon the space and time you have available.
Where to start? First, learn from our mistakes: ... {Read the rest here; thanks!}
Because what does it matter if the inside isn't pretty?
So glad to have Caila with us again today. Her words are a treasure! Enjoy…
~
I don’t know why, but Sunday mornings are always difficult for our family. Getting the five of us up, fed, clean, dressed and out the door requires creativity and management skills beyond anything I was ever taught in college. Throw in all the paraphernalia that comes along with babies—diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, baby sling, blankets, etc.—and we look like a three ring circus.
Most Sundays we are a little late to church. Every Sunday I’m a lot frustrated.
—
Around seven, the alarm goes off (he’s a six-month-old roly-poly blonde) and I roll out of bed. Another Sunday and today it’s going to be different. Today I’ll shower first so I can get all the kids ready after they eat. We’ll get to church early because it’s the Spring Picnic and there will be a lot of guests to meet. And I can’t forget sunscreen…and hats…and chairs…and…
I’m tired already. Jump in the shower and pull on the new clothes I recently stitched by hand. They feel good on because they actually fit, but I look closer and frown at my stomach. After three babies things just aren’t the same. I throw on a tight under-tank to hide the lines and call it good.
I pull a bag out from under the sink, thinking my new makeup will help. Ten minutes later I realize it’s too much and try to wipe some off. Try again. I turn the drier on my hair but my roots are showing, and dang it, why does it take so much work to be beautiful?
Now I’m in a bad mood. And why aren’t the kids eating breakfast? I start firing off commands. Why aren’t your clothes on? Didn’t I tell you three times to find your shoes? No, you can’t take your blankie to church.
Brian’s shooting me looks and I can feel the frown on my face, the creases on my forehead. Try to tell myself,stop. Be kind. You’re being ridiculous.
Later in the car, with the air conditioning pointed full-blast on my flushed face, I close my eyes. Hear my words again in my head. So much work to be beautiful, and yet what does it matter if the inside is ugly?
There it is: the heart of the matter. All that time sewing, all the money spent on new makeup, all the hours spent exercising, what does it matter if the inside isn’t pretty?
So I turn and apologize, squeeze Brian’s hand. Smile. Tell them all they are the most wonderful people in the world.
My family’s nice enough to compliment my new skirt or my hair, but what they really need from me is my patience and my love. I don’t need new makeup to be a good mom, or nice hair to be a good wife. I don’t even need to lose weight to have a wonderful life! Obviously I don’t want to be hideous, but truly, I can be a better wife just being confident in who God made me to be.
I think it’s time to exchange my “body-image” for a godly image of myself. Who does God want me to be? How can I bless those he’s given me to care for and love?
The great thing is that this exchange can happen as I kneel in the morning to thank God for the day, or from my shower in the morning, or while I push the kids in the stroller. It doesn’t cost a lot of money, doesn’t require surgery and won’t run out or go bad in five to ten years.
Now that’s a realistic option for this busy momma.
I want the kind of beauty that will last a lifetime, an eternity. The kind of beauty that will shade my children as they grow and give my husband the courage to face what this world might bring.
It has nothing to do with my face, and everything to do with my heart.
Thank you for coming along on this journey with me. You are all, truly, beautiful women. I hope you find the confidence to embrace it and show it today!
—
Caila Murphy is a mother to three, married to the love of her life, who loves to sew and write. She blends these two passions together at Caila-Made, where she shares tutorials and chronicles the ins and outs of this beautiful, crazy life.
Week's end with thanks
Full week, sick, feeling better now, enjoying our day of rest together and looking forward to a real date, out with my man tonight. He’s my gift, here’s why:
- He makes us breakfast every morning.
- He stares at me and says I’m beautiful even when I first wake up and am NOT.
- He takes the kids for adventures outside so I can have quiet to write.
- He’s happy to eat soggy zucchini fritters (experiment: never again.) and popcorn and raspberries for dinner.
- He’s willing to change.
- He’s really weird…just like me.
- He’s willing to live a different sort of life.
- He doesn’t care about clothes and style and fashions and fads. He just is who he is.
- My steady man.
Q4U this weekend: Wives, how can you show your man respect this weekend? Husbands, how can you show your wives love this weekend?
That’s all for now … thanks for reading.
#22 & #35 De-clutter your closet & kids' toys {52 bites}
We’re doubling up this week since we took Good Friday off. These two go together, and since we’re talking de-clutter over at FrugalLiving, will you head over there with me and join the conversation?
When my husband and I were finishing seminary, we moved in with my parents to save money. Also to save money, we packed up all our belongings and stored them in their barn, instead of renting a storage unit. We weren’t sure how long our stay would be, but it turned out that most of our items were stored there for 27 months while we house-hopped, moving four times with our two kids before we settled into a home of our own.
Sure, there were times it was frustrating to know we owned an item and weren’t able to use it, (Merry Christmas! Oops, the tree stand is packed.) but for the most part it was eye-opening to realize by moving our stuff out of proximity we really didn’t miss it. ... (Find the rest over at FrugalLivingNW. Thanks for reading…}
What about good works?
They asked us to remember the poor, the very thing we were eager to do.
Galatians 2:10
“You mean I don’t have to do anything?”
This is the big question that arises when we start talking about the gospel being FREE and carrying no obligation, that we don’t have to DO anything to deserve Christ’s love. You mean we just believe Christ and that’s it? What about doing good stuff? What about giving to the poor and doing good works?
Here’s the deal: The true gospel motivates us to good works.
Good words are not a requirement of the gospel they are the fruit of the gospel. The are the fruit of grace, the fruit of a free gift.
Have you ever received a free gift and you couldn’t help but want to pay it forward?
Right before Christmas I had the idea of buying the Jesus Storybook Bible for a few friends. We have been so blessed by that Bible and I thought it’d be fun to bless some young families. But when I added the Bibles to my cart the cost really added up. Hmm, I thought. Maybe not. I left the Bibles in the cart but never completed the transaction. Christmas came. We had a great day and that night tucked the kids into bed. Then Jeff reminded met hat someone had given us a family Christmas card we hadn’t opened yet. I had tucked it in my purse and forgotten about it. So I pulled out the card and tore the envelope to see a Christmas picture of our friends. But instead I found a hand-colored picture of a beach and words that about gave me a heart-attack: “One free week in Hawaii.”
After jumping around the house like a crazy woman, you better believe the first thing I did was hop back on the computer and order those Bibles! It didn’t matter that they arrived after Christmas, of course I could be a teeny tiny bit generous after how someone else had been SO generous to us!
Do you see the connection? I wasn’t ordering the Bibles out of guilt or trying to “pay back” the people who gave us the trip – they didn’t even know about it. Besides, our tiny gift of a few Bibles was truly nothing compared to the riches we had received. It wasn’t about comparing what we gave with what we got. It was just about recognizing how much we have received, and being genuinely thrilled at giving forward a teeny tiny bit.
ANY of our giving to the poor, serving, loving, sacrificing is nothing compared to the amazing riches we have received in Christ. But if we truly understand the greatness of the gospel we will be genuinely glad to give. That’s a hilarious giver.
But, consider this: We have to have some inkling of how great the gift is. If I had never heard of this strange place called “Hawaii” I might not be that excited. I might not be inspired to give at all. I might not even want to accept the gift and go because I didn’t know if the destination was good or not. But Oh! I knew the glory of the island! I even knew the beauty of this particular place. Oh I knew what an amazing gift this was.
So too we must, as much as is humanly possible, understand how great is the love of God demonstrated in Christ Jesus. We must ask God to show us the length and depth and width and height, the love of God that surpasses knowledge, so that we can continually be amazed at His riches and feel genuinely thrilled at giving to others.
That’s where the good works come from.
So too, when we “get” the gospel we will “get” a heart for the poor. HEART. Not “obligation” to the poor. Not “guilty feelings about the poor.” A HEART for the poor. A LOVE for the poor.
1 John 3:17 says, “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?
Throughout the entirety of Scripture we see that God has a special love and concern for the poor, the widow, the downtrodden, the broken (James 2:15-16. Ex. 23:10-11, Lev. 19:10, Deut. 15:7-11, Jer. 22:16, Amos 2:6-7, Luke 6:36, 38, 2 Cor. 8-9.)
When the true gospel truly changes us we will have a special love for those same people.
When we understand the gospel, what we’ve been freely given, we will freely give. God’s grace makes us just. Just as Peter urges Paul, remember the poor, God would urge us today, remember the poor. Do whatever it takes to remember them. Pictures on the fridge or prayer for them or going to where they are – remember them. We’ve been given so much.
When we’ve really seen and understood the gospel, that free grace is given to those who deserve it the least, we’ll want to help others by extending free gifts of grace. The true gospel motivates us to good works.
{Thanks for reading}
*Looking for ways to love the poor? Yesterday was World Malaria Day. My sister-in-law wrote this post with stats and suggestions for giving. Or visit World Vision, Compassion, or GFA and buy mosquito nets (only $10 at GFA— it’s a steal of a deal!)
Week's end with thanks
- Typing, “The End.”
- Trusting that it isn’t.
- Watching Tinkerbell with my two little fairies.
- Napping with Heidi.
- Early mornings sweet.
- Pouring rain making it easy to stick to task.
- Dutch’s imagination.
- SO excited for my man to come home after four days away.
- The weekend forecast.
- The Gospel Storybook Bible
- Kimmee.
- Debra’s answer to prayer.
- Being beautiful because of Him.
- Trying–and loving–Tsh’s no shampoo trick.
- Not totally understanding, but being ok.
- So many unknowns. So glad He knows.
- That He has immeasurable power.
- That He works miracles.
- That His creation shouts and speaks of His greatness.
- That somehow He will wipe every tear and make all things new. Halelujah!
- That His love never changes.
- That His faithfulness reaches to the heavens.
- That I mercy endures.
- That His grace is crazy!
- Looking at little things.
- Salty almonds.
- Clean clothes.
- Hot shower.
- Friendship.
- Peace.