5 things that are finally working
How’s school going?”
This seems to be a common question among homeschool circles this time of year. We’re about a month or so in, time enough to have a rough idea what’s working and what’s not. Our plans look so perfect on paper, but it takes a few weeks to get a feel for how it really works.
Only now do I feel like we’ve finally found our homeschool groove. Yes, it’s taken us five years! I’m fairly certain most of you work out the kinks a lot quicker than that!
I recently revisited this Power of the Beginner article and it took me back to those early days, trying so many options, reading every homeschool book I could find, researching different philosophies and always feeling completely in over my head.
Sure, there are days I still feel like that, but at five years in I can confidently say I know what’s finally working for us. Of course, these won’t work for everyone, but just in case you’re also in the “trying-on” stage or exploring different ideas and options, perhaps one of these will be just the ticket for you. {Read the rest over at Simple Homeschool–thanks!}
With. {A simple parenting approach}
We started back to school last week so my days are full of homeschooling and lots of time WITH my kids. I’ll keep blogging as I’m able, but if you ever wonder where I am, now you know. 🙂 I was reminded of this so I thought I’d share again. Enjoy…
~
…and lo, I am with you always…
Matthew 28:18
“Mommy, will you be with me?”
Next to, “Can I have something to eat?” this is the most common request I hear, on a daily basis. Besides food, really all my children want is me.
They don’t care what we do, they just want me.
There are so many parenting philosophies and educational models, and my heart and hope is always to share simple guiding principles without offering a certain prescribed method to follow. In fact, what most powerfully influences my schooling and parenting decisions is one simple word:
With.
Looking back at my own childhood, I see this powerful force at work as well. Sure, my parents weren’t perfect, but what marks my childhood and makes me recall it with pure joy and fondness, what makes it continue to be a source of strength and confidence for my adult-self, is that my parents had an unwavering dedication to be with us.
We did everything together. Yes, my mom homeschooled us, we spent every day together, we cooked together and cleaned together, we played and read and learned and ran errands — with her. But we weren’t isolated from the world. We took trips and did science fairs and field trips, we served people and explored.
With her.
My dad was an NCAA referee for 20 years. We all loaded in the car and traveled to countless college basketball games, sometimes up late and sometimes eating *ahem* fast food for dinner. My mom didn’t stress about bedtimes or burgers — we were together.
Wherever he went, we went with.
As we grew older Dad stepped away from college games so he could ref and coach us instead. My brother and I played 7 sports between us through our high school years and my parents never missed a game.
They were with us.
My aim here is not to guilt y’all who can’t be with your kids every second. I get it. The last thing we need, as mamas, is a guilt trip about not being everywhere at all times.
But sometimes what we need isn’t to do more, it’s to do less, but with them. This can apply to every educational method and model, to every country and culture. 
I see it this way: I get these kids for about 5 minutes, in the grand scheme of things. I’m going to blink and be 50 and they’ll be gone, flying on their own around this world. My time with them is so short. There are a thousand other things I could be doing, but this is one thing no one else can do.
No one else can Mama my kids.
No one else has the fierce love for them like me. No one else can know their hearts like me, can see that look in their eyes and know exactly what it means. No one else can show them the heart of God, can identify their love language, their motives and fears.
A couple years ago, I asked God to give me wisdom to help guide my Sacred Mundane with my kids. The word with came to my heart. Because I’m nerdy and like mnemonic devices, I turned it into an acrostic, to remind me every single day of how to be WITH my kids in intentional ways:
W: Work. How can I work with my kids, giving them skills and training them as we go?
I: Inspire. How can I inspire faith in my children today, teaching them to trust God more?
T: Teach. How can I teach my children the knowledge and wisdom they need to thrive in life?
H: Help. Where are my kids struggling? How can I help them to overcome an area of weakness today?
Isn’t this what Jesus does for us? His name is Immanuel: God with us. Jesus comes and lives among us, rubs shoulders with us, then promises that even after He leaves, He will be with us as we carry out His great commission (Matt. 28:18). He’ll never leave us or forsake us, He’ll be with us forever, even to the end of the age.
WITH is at the heart of the gospel, and I believe it’s at the heart of parenting too. This can look so different for every family–that’s the beauty of it! No one-size-fits-all. No template! No cookie-cutters!
You with your children and God with you.
{Bless you, faithful mamas and daddies, as you do life with your kids today. Thanks for reading.}
*Originally from last fall.
Test Results: What matters most
{Finally getting a chance to share this with you. Hope it encourages you on your own journey!}
I didn’t need to wait for any test results: The findings were clear.
I wrote here about the day I thrust a practice test at my son with no preparation, and a hummingbird saved the day and reminded me that education is more than standardized tests.
I was reminded that nature and care for living things will teach us more than a million worksheet pages.
But even with that gained perspective, I was still surprised by the results of the “real” test day. Thankfully, this time there were no tears. We had prepared. We worked hard finishing all my son’s curriculum for the year.
We had completed several practice tests. We reviewed the concepts from the year. Since we’d never done testing, I really had no idea how he’d do.
Mostly, I just wanted this test-experience to identify where we needed to focus our efforts for the next year.
It definitely did that.
{Read the rest over at Simple Homeschool… thanks!}
Conquer Day
Your difficult is different from mine. Of course, there are things we’d probably all agree on–extreme stuff–but the day-to-day challenges we face are usually uniquely challenging for us.
This is especially true with a certain special son of mine. If I were to make a quick list of someone our recent, or common, difficult things it would look something like this:
- State testing
- Leaving the house (for any reason)
- Leaving the house early in the morning (thus feeling rushed)
- Playdates with large groups of children he doesn’t know
- Costco
Well, wouldn’t you know it, four of these items all happened to fall on one day. We’d already gotten through #1 and Dutch did great, although we hadn’t heard yet what his test results were. But this particular day, were not only leaving the house, we were leaving fairly early in the morning, to be gone the entire day (ai yai yai!), going to not 1, not 2, but 3 different people’s houses, playing with some children he didn’t know, then topping off the day with a trip to Costco.
Usually, when I begin a post like this you know it’s going to be a “Why am I so stupid?!” sort of thing. But, for once, that is not the story.
We had been focusing, the previous 5-6 days, on some areas that needed work. We started by memorizing, together, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” We returned to this, again and again, when we met new challenges or felt overwhelmed. And it’s true. We can! It always surprises me how things that seem so discouraging, behavior-wise, can often be turned around so quickly when we really put in the time and effort (effort!) to pray over and work hard, together, by Christ’s strength, on that area. Anyway, we did that, and so instead of cringing or expecting this day to be a nightmare, we firmly explained the plan, the expectations of the day, the benefits (sprinklers!) and built-in bonuses for good attitudes (ice cream at Costco!).
To my everlasting amazement, the day was great. Not just good. Great. He hit it off with new kids. Didn’t have a single melt-down. Never even complained. In fact, (get this!) after Costco, when we’d already been out and about for 8 hours, when I needed to make one last stop for a few extra groceries, he said, “Sure!” with a smile.
Say what?! Who is this kid?!
Later that night, just before bed, I finally got around to opening the mail, and we received his state testing results. It will take all my efforts to not just shamelessly brag on my boy right now, but suffice it to say, he was very happy. In fact, in math, which is the area we always say he “struggles with” — he didn’t miss a single problem! HUH?! So yeah, I guess I need to stop saying he struggles with math. 🙂
ANYWAY, I wish you could have see the BEAMING SMILE on my boy’s face as he looked over the test results, and we reflected on the day’s activities. I encouraged him, “You conquered! We conquered together! All the things we thought were so hard, we conquered!” He thought for a second, asked me the day’s date, then said with a smile.
“August 2nd is CONQUER DAY! Every year on August 2nd we need to go to Costco and do hard things and celebrate that fact that we can CONQUER. It’s CONQUER DAY!”
YES! We all agreed. Then Dutch called us to put our hands in altogether, like they do at the end of a sports’ game.
“Ok. ‘Conquer Day’ on 3. Ready? One, two, three…”
“CONQUER DAY!”
I’ve said before, I’m all about celebrating little victories. I know some kids are already professional actors, elite athletes, or performing musicians. This mama’s heart is overflowing full because we conquered our difficult, and every day can be a chance to overcome my selfishness, my fear, my doubt, my unbelief.
Everyday can be CONQUER DAY through Christ who gives me strength.
{Thanks for reading.}
On baking bread and slow days
*We are camping this week, out enjoying some slow days. No bread baking, but lots of time for slow rising of hearts and souls, letting them get filled back up by God’s peace and joy as we spend time, unhurried, with Him and with each other. It reminded me of this. Praying you are able to take some time out for slow things, for savoring summer, for relishing His goodness and glory, for listening to each other and just enjoying this life He has given us. Have a great week!
—
On slow days I bake bread.
Sometimes as many as six loaves, if I know the pace is about to pick up or the afternoons are about to get hot. I only use my oven on cool, slow days.
Last Thursday was my slow day. The last cool day on the forecast, the kids were happy to be home, and when I returned from exercise they were nowhere to be seen–lost in imagination, hidden in large cardboard boxes turned to transmogifiers and time-machines and secret hide-outs and space ships. There are 12 of these giant boxes currently on my back porch: I long ago gave up on strict tidiness. My kids’ creative inventions aren’t always cute, in fact, most often they’re eye-sores.
But I figure I have decades ahead for a tidy, cute house.
No doubt then I’ll ache with missing these cardboard-box days.
So I let them make believe, and I make bread.
My mom was a bread baker. A legendary one. A paleo-dieter would not have lasted long in her kitchen. Her crescent rolls–buttery, perfectly-puffed-up, slightly golden brown on top–were a staple at every holiday. She taught me how to feel the dough, the right warmth and elasticity. She taught me how to knead with quarter turns, sweeping flour slightly underneath, pushing the heels of my hands down and pulling up gently with my fingers to pull the dough over on itself–rhythmic. She showed me perfect bread isn’t as much science as art, and her recipes included lines like, “Add flour until the dough feels right.”
At lunch time, I call the littles and slice a loaf into sandwiches, heavily-loaded with chicken-salad. Their eyes light up: It’s their favorite lunch. We sit on the steps of the back-porch, surrounded by boxes, and silently savor our simple feast.
Later, while I’m wiping up crumbs, Dutch calls: “Mommy, will you come sit with me?” He’s on the front porch, perched on the wooden railing, feet dangling over the edge, above the flowers far below. I join him, carefully perched on the railing, my legs dangling beside his.
He is my nature-boy. He once remarked that the ocean was his best friend. Today he points out colors–the purple japanese maple, the light-green new-growth, the dark cedar branches, the “sunset orange” (his words) zinnias and white-magenta striped pansies. He thinks the pansies look like purple tigers.
“I’m so happy, mommy. This is my favorite thing. If only people could just be happy with what they have, the trees and flowers and bugs. Then we wouldn’t have so many problems.”
I smile at his philosophizing.
We stay there, on the porch, dangling legs, and I think of kneading dough: Think of how often parenting baffles me, until I slow down and put my hands on it and feel–then I know when it’s right. I think of gently forming loaves and lives and letting them rise slowly, on their own. I think of watching and waiting to see these rounds turn golden, almost ready.
So often I think I need a trip to the store and a parenting book.
More often I need a slow day to bake bread and dangle legs.
{Here’s to slow days. Thanks for reading.}
The Chore & Cleaning System that’s working for us
Finally! I’ve heard from many of you, asking if I’d share the simple chore and cleaning system that’s been working for us. I’m sorry it’s taken me forever to get to this, here we go:
It’s also taken me forever, it seems, to find a good system that works. When the kids were little I used Chore Cards and a Picture Plan, but now that they’re older I needed something that I could change daily as needed, something where I could incorporate school and chores, along with a sort of schedule so they could see the plan for the day.
On top of that, I desperately needed a Cleaning Schedule that would work for me. I’ve tried the Once a Month cleaning (which is great!) but it was hard for me to carve out an entire day for cleaning, and we host a lot of people and gatherings around here, so once a month just was not enough. Plus, I’m not at all wired for frequent cleaning, unless I force myself to do it regularly, I just won’t. I’m naturally tidy, but I don’t love cleaning. So I needed a system in order to get disciplined in this area.
Plus, our living space is almost double what our old house was (although it’s actually fewer rooms, they are big rooms), plus we now have property to maintain, so I knew I needed a solid system or I would easily get overwhelmed and fall hopelessly behind.
So, I prayed. I prayed that God would lead me a system that worked. A simple something that I could actually keep up with. Normally with prayers I would pray and open my Bible, but this time:
I prayed … and opened Pinterest.
I prayed God would direct me to a editable cleaning schedule that would work for me. This was the one that struck me right away, and I loved how clean and simple the design was, and that I could edit it to make it tailor-made for me.
At the same time, the idea struck me that I needed a sort of focus of theme for each day of the week. As you may know, I love systems that simplify life and decrease decision fatigue (a killer for me, I feel like I’m often exhausted just from leading various spheres and having to make decisions). Basically, the more things I can have as a HABIT, the more things that are simplified into a system, the more I can turn my attention to other areas and devote my brain-space to leadership, parenting, writing, creativity, etc.
What this means for us:
::FOCUS::
For the week, I had the idea to create a sort of theme for each day, basically the overarching focus for the day.
MASTER THE CHOAS MONDAY: (Here I tackle all the messes from the weekend, sort through items, unload or unpack, clean up any particular messes if we’ve had company.)
TASTY TUESDAY: (Here I do my bulk cooking: 3 loaves of bread, granola, Oregon Trail bars, and any roasted veggies or soups that need to be made. I also prep veggies like peel carrots, etc. for the rest of the week.)
WE WORK TOGETHER WEDNESDAY: (This is Jeff’s day off so after I tackle the basic living room chores, we do house or property projects together.)
THOUGHTFUL THURSDAY: (This is my fasting day where we never have company or go anywhere, we stay home and I do laundry and we just enjoy a quiet, calm day of contemplation and regrouping.)
FUN w/ FRIENDS AND FAMILY FRIDAY: (This is the day we schedule play-dates, go see family, or get ready for weekend plans. We don’t do much school these days–or skip it altogether–so it makes for a fun flexible day.)
SABBATH SATURDAY: (Often this is our Sabbath rest day, since Sundays are so busy. But that’s flexible. Mostly we try to have rest and renewal on this day, which might also include outdoor projects since we enjoy those so much.)
SUNDAY SERVE: (Here we focus on serving God and others. Sundays are super busy for us, so they aren’t necessarily a time for rest, but we focus on giving ourselves to serve on this day, and also 
enjoy an occasional afternoon nap. 🙂
::CLEANING::
Here is the printable that I edited, downloaded, and love. It’s been several months now and I’m still loving it. I love that it’s so detailed it keeps me focused and helps keep me from cheating and getting lazy. I’m including a picture of my version so you can see how it works for me.
::FOOD::
I have a simple Weekly Menu Plan (yes, like, where we actually eat roughly the same thing each week. Sounds boring, it isn’t. It’s glorious.) Weekends are usually flexible because we have company, or go to people’s houses, or have our church Community Group. Or, we just eat pancakes or whatever random things are in the fridge. It’s not fancy, but it works!
MONDAY: Mexican (Burritos or taco salads, or just beans and rice)
TUESDAY: Italian (Homemade pizza, or pasta)
WEDNESDAY: American (Alaskan cod, or BBQ chicken in the crock pot)
THURSDAY: Indian (Chickpea curry with jasmine or Basmati rice)
FRIDAY: Leftovers
Nothing earth-shattering, but it simplifies cooking, shopping, budgeting, and makes me smile. The kids love it too.
::KIDS CHORES::
For the kids’ chores, school, and schedule, I decided to try Sarah Mackenzie’s Notebook System. I love it! My handwriting isn’t as pretty, and their notebooks aren’t cute, but the system definitely works. Here’s a sample from one of our days:
So that’s it. Not super impressive, but let me just tell you I am one happy mama to finally feel like we have some sense of order and organization to the details of our days. Plus, it’s their responsibility to complete these tasks, so it eliminates (mostly 😉 nagging and reminding.
For overall organization, I just ordered my dream-come-true paper Planner for next year, and it arrives on Friday, so I’ll share more of my process for planning ahead, after I do it. 😉
Hope this can be helpful! Thanks for reading.
On state testing and holding hummingbirds
Sometimes it’s like I sabotage myself. Have you ever been there? It’s like,
“Oh let’s see: I’m super tired and grumpy today, we’ve had a full week and we’re all a bit on edge this morning. Why don’t we go ahead and set the day on fire by doing our state achievement practice tests today?!
Even though I’ve never given you a bubble test before, I think I’ll just throw it at you with zero preparation and expect you to do well, even though you have Asperger’s and are incredibly intolerant to change or surprises or new situations. Sure, great idea!”
What in the name of all that is good made me think this was a reasonable idea?
With unfounded optimism I glanced over the test and smiled — it was all stuff he knew, so I figured he was more than prepared.
What he wasn’t prepared for is test-taking. (Read the rest of this crazy day over at Simple Homeschool… thanks!)
Polish the Silver {How to get it right}
I woke up early that morning (it was my birthday) and sneaked downstairs.
I was turning six and so excited for my tea party that day. Mom was still sleeping; she had been working hard to prepare for my party, and I wanted to do something special to help her. I looked up onto the high counter and saw the antique sterling silver tea set. That was it! I knew that one of the things she needed to do that morning was polish the silver–I could surprise her and do it for her! Yes, that was the perfect idea.
Now, Where’s the polish?
I vaguely remembered there being polish in the laundry room, so I dug around a little until I found it. It was thick and white, and oozed out of a special spongy tip on one end.
I set to work with all my heart. Rubbing carefully, I covered every surface of the sterling silver set. It was very white and very pasty. Hmm… It definitely looked different from what I’d imagined, but I was glad that I’d finished the job completely before mom woke up.
Just then she came in.
“Oh my!” she said. Her eyes were so big. (She was so surprised!) She smiled wide, really really wide, as she looked at the silver and at me.
“I polished the silver for you Mommy!” She looked at me with so much love in her eyes and this huge smile, I could tell she was so incredibly blessed by my hard work for her.
“Thank you,” she said, and meant it. “Thank you so much. Can I take a picture of you there with the silver?”
I beamed, and sat beside the white chalky silver for a photo.
Then she came next to me: “Now, shall we make it a little less white? We can work on it together.” Together we did a little more work, rinsing off all the white stuff, and wiping the silver clean. Then, still smiling, she pulled out another container from a tall shelf in the kitchen.
“This is the silver polish. Let’s use this one on the silver; ok? We can do it together.” I beamed, still so happy because she was so happy. I knew she was pleased.
It wasn’t until much later that I understood what all took place, when I looked back at the photo in an album and saw the caption:
“Kari loves to help. She polished the silver for me with shoe polish. :)”
Shoe polish.
Here’s what I love: When I think back on that memory, there is only joy. Sure, in a very real sense I did it wrong. I polished silver with shoe polish. But I don’t remember any shame. No anger, or irritation, or annoyance. I wasn’t belittled.
My mom saw my heart, and in my heart: I got it right.
Last week was a busy one for me, and one morning I came downstairs and discovered that Heidi had wanted to bless me. So she was unloading the dishwasher. She was doing the utensils, but since the counters are so high she was sorting out all the clean silverware … on the floor.
“Mommy! I’m helping you!” She beamed.
“Oh!” I smiled, a wide, wide smile. “Thank you. Thank you so much,” I said, and meant it. And while she wasn’t looking (she’s a photo-phobe), I snapped a pic because someday I want her to know that even when she got it wrong, her mama knew she got it right.
Oh friend, how often I have feared stepping out in faith to serve my God, because I was so afraid I wouldn’t get it right? How often I have feared the failure, or the looking foolish. But there is so much grace and freedom in the Kingdom. Our Father sees our hearts, when we earnestly and honestly work to love and serve Him from a heart of humble childlike faith.
Even when we get it wrong, He sees we got it right.
{May this freedom rule your hearts this week. No fear! Polish the silver! With love…thanks for reading.}
How to have the best Mother’s Day…
“The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother’s Day are the good ones.”
~
Ha! Isn’t that the truth? Jeff and I are so blessed to both have “good ones” in the mom department, but isn’t it true in all areas that there are those in your life who are “safe” to forget and those who are not? For those who are not, there is an understood expectation in that relationship that you better do xyz on such-and-such day or so-and-so will be sorely disappointed. And then how do you wind up feeling?
Exhausted.
Oh my. I always want to be a person who is “safe to forget”!
Last night I sat in the old cream rocking chair in the kids’ room. Both kids had asked to be rocked, and yes! was my answer to both. So they filled up my lap, spilling over, arms wrapped around each other and faces nuzzled into my neck. I rocked, kissing the tops of their heads, unable to speak, not wanting to move, knowing this moment would last only moments. I closed my eyes and knew:
These are my Mother’s Day gifts.
The term “mother’s day gift” is redundant. Who needs a gift when one is a mother?
The gifts are already given.
They have pulses and eyelashes and puppy-dog breath. They are exhilarating and exhausting and infuriating and intoxicating. They are gifts. It’s wonderful if one of them gives you a gift tomorrow, but the gift has already been given.
That’s what makes us “safe to forget.”
Some of us, myself at times, forget that a zillion beautiful gifts have already been given. When we forget, we expect everyone else to give them to us. We might not expect a gift wrapped in paper or bow, but we expect a creative day or a special surprise or just the right words or someone to read our minds and give us what we want and do not say. And then at the end of the day you know how we feel?
Exhausted. (And so does everyone else.)
What if, instead, we realized each day that the gifts are already given. On mother’s day we have the gifts we hold upon our laps (or used to!). On a birthday we have the gift of LIFE, of breath, of being born and still being alive. On an anniversary we have a marriage–aglorious picture of divine love–no matter how imperfect it is. On Christmas we have God with us!! Who needs anything else? On Valentine’s Day we have the Lover of our Souls. On Easter we have a risen Lord.
Every holiday celebrates a gift that is already given.
And if we spent our precious time celebrating these already-gifts, I wonder what the result might be …
We might become safe to forget.
We might even forget about ourselves.
Oh blessed state, there is no joy like that.
{Happy Mother’s Day. Thanks for reading.}
Carrying your kids through chaotic seasons
Well, I’m late sharing this post because … it’s a chaotic season. (ha!) Actually it’s not now, we’re slowly getting unpacked and just savoring time outside, celebrating the simplicity of bugs and nature and sunshine. We’ve just coming out of an insanely busy 6-week period, and I shared over here at Simple Homeschool a bit of what helped carry us through this season… Thanks for reading!