F is for False Teachers. {Who's creeping into your house?}
“[The false teachers] make much of you, but for no good purpose. They want to shut you out, that you may make much of them.” Galatians 4:17 (emphasis mine)
Whether we know it or not, we’re preached at all day long. This week in Bible study, we studied this verse, and talked about how to be discerning women, who stand fast in the truth of God’s Word. The world preaches at us every single day. How so?
In Galatia the false teachers “made much of them.” The phrase translated “make much of” has idea of a man seeking a woman. They were pursuing them, almost lustfully. They fawned on them and fussed over them. That is, they flattered them. Why would the false teachers “make much of” the Galatians? So that the Galatians would “make much of” the false teachers.
Flattery is always a form of manipulation in order to draw people after yourself. To win their approval, popularity. To make them your fans. And this is huge:
One of the primary marks of a false teacher is that they try to draw converts to themselves away from others, and not to Christ or God’s Word. A true servant of Jesus Christ does not “use people” to build himself up or his work. He ministers in love to help people know Christ better.
Proverbs 27:6: “Profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”
False teachers always use kisses, flattery, smooth talk. Paul said in Romans 16:17-20,
“I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery deceive the hearts of the naive.”
False teachers serve their own appetites, their own desires, their own egos. And they use smooth talk and flattery to deceive the hearts of the naïve. And Paul makes it clear that he writes these words because he wants us to be WISE. (“I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil.”) That is, he wants us to be women who are discerning.
Consider: A “teacher” who names her show after herself, who names her magazine after herself, who builds an entire business empire based on exalting her own name and her own self: Those are the marks of a false teacher.
Some questions to consider:
Does this teacher draw people to him or herself? Do they promote their own name or Christ’s name? Do they insist that they alone have the secret knowledge or only path to God? Do they somehow elevate their status in such a way that people depend on them as their source of spiritual sustenance?
Sisters, it is hugely important that we are discerning women. And this is not meant as a knock on our gender, but women are, in general, more susceptible to false teachers than men. Paul warns in 2 Timothy 3:1-7.
1But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good,4treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 6For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.
Women, hear my heart. I love women, but we are susceptible to deception. We tend to be more emotional, more subjective, we’re far more compassionate so we tend to be more warm and open. We aren’t as confrontational, and we’re WAY more easily swayed by relational temptation and flattery.
¾ of new converts to mormonism are stay-at-home moms.The front door isn’t the only place where people creep into your house. We have many portals! Every time we turn on a TV or “open” our home things are creeping into our household. We “let false teachers creep into our household” every time we “entertain” people who teach things that are contrary to the word of God. And, it’s worth noting, that not all “false teaching” is in the form of religious “-isms.” There are world systems of materialism, humanism, consumerism – everything preaches something and it flatters us in order to draw us after it.
Are we to live in fear and never open our homes to anything or anyone? No. Are we to be discerning women who are cautious about what we let creep into our households?
Absolutely.
{Thanks for reading.}
Making a home that shall continue in love and peace.
Thank you for your patience as Kari pauses from writing for a few days during our move. Until she gets back on-line, here’s a quick glimpse into our shared life. She has no idea I’ve written this 😉 And I promise she will be back on-line soon! —Jeff
We have no idea who the couple is in the picture above. The photo arrived as a random bookmark in a used book, one we read together in the months before getting married (Strike the Original Match, admittedly a hokey title for a great book on marriage dynamics).
Every time Kari and I look at that photo we chuckle, and notice some new feature of it. The faux wood paneling on the wall, the black leather couch, the off-center painting, lamplight shining from the side, the water stain, or the knit something-rather near the husband’s elbow. The only thing missing is patches on that sweet suit jacket of his.
The morning of our wedding I sent Kari a card and included the photo. Every since then it has appeared in our gifts to one another, trading it back and forth when the moment seemed right. It’s always perfect every time. As I cleaned my office in recent weeks I found the photo again.
This time I noticed something new: the husband is gleefully smiling, while the wife is almost wincing. Seems about right.
When a faithful wife endeavors to follow her man, he cannot help but smile. She sometimes winces, because the truth must be told: we husbands have no idea what we’re doing. We fake it a lot, and often run up against challenges we haven’t been adequately prepared for, either by our dads or in our culture. Guys pretend quite a bit.
There are at least two things one cannot fake, at least for very long: love and peace.
I almost called this post “The Good Wife” (and here there is a new show on TV these days that belies its title). It just didn’t fit. Kari doesn’t just appear to be a good wife, or go through the motions. She’s not pretending in any way. She’s good, but won’t promote herself as such. But I shall. Kari is the most godly, intelligent, wise, and faithful woman I know. And because of that I cannot help but smile.
Love and peace make us all smile. In our wedding vows, Pastor Paul Hunter led us through a statement of intent and ‘I Do’ vows, before getting to the official wedding vows and ring exchange. As a pastor now I include it in every ceremony I officiate:
Jeff, do you come here freely to take Kari as your wife, according to the commandments of God in holy marriage?
(I do.)
Jeff, do you promise to honor and uphold her, and to join with her in making a home that shall continue in love and peace? Do you affirm your purpose of a deeper union with her, whereby you both shall know joy and fulfillment of love? Do you pledge to her your complete faithfulness through all the changing experiences of life? And, do you now give yourself to her completely, body, soul and spirit, that from this day forth you shall be hers alone, so long as you both live?
(I do.)
Lots of great questions in there, but this line always sticks out to me: “making a home that shall continue in love and peace.” Amen. Right relationships, being generous and gracious with one another. That’s what we are committing to doing and becoming.
Four years ago Kari began writing daily in the public eye, on this blog. It’s been an incredible journey, about which she reflects often with gratitude and humility. She notes how there are times when she truly does not know what she thinks on a subject until she writes about it. Not everything goes “live” and get’s published for all to read. Yet writing gives her permission to think deeply, feel deeply, and reflect on the truth as it is in Jesus. It helps the mundane activities of life take their sacred shape.
We talk beforehand about each family dynamic she shares with her readers. Kari’s good about checking with her man before clicking ‘Publish.’ So, when we chose to sell our home, downsize our lives, and hopefully reorient our real lives around our already stated core values, we knew there would be parts she would share in this space. I simply want to use this brief opportunity to write that the woman you read about here is only a glimpse. Yet real life Kari and online Kari are the same woman. No pretending here.
With each new challenge, and daily snapshot of life, we are carving out life under the good and gracious God who gave Himself to rescue us. We are at peace with Him, at home in His love. And we can live that way as a family. Dallas Willard writes about what it means to carve out a life under God in his great book, The Spirit of the Disciplines:
“It’s the responsibility of every Christ-follower to carve out a satisfying life under the loving rule of God, or else sin will start to look good.” (p. 80)
As we daily endeavor to do that, we might wince every once in a while, as in the random photo above. But with each day we grow together in making a home that shall continue in love and peace.
Many of you have said to me you greatly appreciate the influence Kari’s words have in your life. That’s humbling to hear, and only confirms what I’ve sensed since we began life together. Part of my role as husband and leader is to steward her gifts and cultivate her so she can give herself away. We know it is not great talents that God blesses as much as great likeness to Jesus. She no doubt has a gift for writing, but that’s energized by obedience to what He tells her. She’s captivated by His love and compelled to follow in His steps. (To the ancient mind, to worship is to obey.) Because He gave His life away, we can do likewise. Kari does that in part through her words.
I pray daily that I do not take her for granted. Your reading and learning with (and from) her is helping me steward her gifts and life calling. In the margins of our lives she has faithfully carved out a satisfying life, and the time investing in sharing with you seems to be worth it.
Thanks for reading. Thanks for responding to our great God. We’re with you on the journey.
Because of Jesus,
Jeff
"I do" moments
‘Til death do us part …
I do.
It sounds very romantic. I suppose that’s the point, right? It’s a wedding. They’re vows of love. And I said them. I said them gazing starry-eyed up into the face of my man.
I won’t lie to you — my steady man and I have a wonderful marriage. I love that man and can’t imagine spending forever with anyone else. I’m spoiled rotten by being married to the most laid-back, easy-to-please, adoring husband in the world. I always joke that I could hand him a pile of dirt for dinner and he’d gobble it with thanks and praise me up and down and ask for more.
But we’re human. We have down days. Sometimes I don’t smile. Sometimes he doesn’t listen. Sometimes, like last week, we both carry weights of ministry and when we lean hard into each other for help we’re apt to bark back, “Hey, carry your own load!”
*Sigh*
But remember, the gospel of grace. Grace changes everything. And when my phone beeps and the text comes through I lay down my pirate sword and read it and smile:
“I love you. Having a great day. Sorry you always get my down moments.”
I ignore the kids for just a moment, thumbing back my love and remembering my vows:
“When I said “I do” it included the down moments too.”
Who of us doesn’t have down moments? Who of us doesn’t have days where the fog doesn’t lift? And if each moment is a grace-gift, from God, given for us to bow, empty-handed, and receive, then won’t we have plenty of this grace-gift to give to those most near?
Our husbands. Our children. Whoever sees us brushing our teeth — isn’t there grace enough for them as well?
When we say ‘I do’ we say yes. Yes to this life, these moments, even the down ones.
Yes to humanness.
When we drink deep of God’s extravagant grace, each day, we can smile easy and say, “Here, have some — I’ve got plenty to share.”
Here’s some grace for humanness, some grace for when you’re weak. Some grace for the down moments, for ‘I do’ moments.
Because that’s when we need it, right?
In the moment.
We need the grace-well to be full, to the brim. So when down moments bump, it spills, happy grace to cover human frailty.
Sisters, we need grace!
Grace to say ‘I do’ in whatever moments we face this day.
{Get in His word, bow at His feet, drink deep of His grace. Get full, and say ‘I do.’ Thanks for reading.}
Broken People Becoming Whole (A Happy Anniversary)
Eight years.
Who would have ever dreamed we’d spend our eighth anniversary flying from Scotland to England, taking in the beauty of the UK, looking back on God’s faithfulness at the Single-Minded conference and looking forward to four days by ourselves to take in the beauty and history of London? Really?! Are we really doing this right now?
The last time I was in London–eleven years ago–I was a different person. Becoming Mrs. Jeffrey Patterson has only changed me for the better. We’ve had sweet spots and rough spots (and more spots to come!), but every spot has been good because God has been graciously making us look more and more like Jesus. You are His primary instrument in my life.
::You’ve given me confidence. Hands down this is the biggest way God has used you to change my life. Your unconditional love transformed me.
::You’ve given me grace. You’ve convinced me that it really is ok to just be me.
::You’ve steadied me. The roller coaster that was my life has smoothed out into a (fairly) level path.
::You’ve pushed me. You’ve stuck me to courage, made me do things that you know God has equipped me to do. You’ve believed in me, in God in me, when I have not.
::You’ve empowered me. Your belief has been contagious. I believe.
::You’ve seen the very worst of me and in me … and you’ve loved me through it all.
When I was here in London last, eleven years ago, I remember thinking, “It would be so amazing to return here someday with my husband.” At that point I certainly had NO idea that husband would be you! But I’m so very grateful that God Broke My Heart and then, in His wisdom, put us all back together.
Broken people becoming whole. That’s you and me.
That’s grace.
So grateful for it. Happy anniversary.
F is for a Faithful man, who can find?
Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love,
but a faithful man who can find?
Prov. 20:6
They are so rare we hardly recognize them. Or perhaps they’re not so rare, it’s just that they are quiet. Perhaps you sit across the table from one? Here’s a little glimpse of one, you might see something you recognize…
- He wakes early to spend time with God, fills his well so he can water his wife.
- He puts the water onto boil every morning for oatmeal.
- He gives the kids his oatmeal when they’ve eaten theirs and ask for more.
- He brings the pot of coffee over, gives me the last bit.
- He reminds me that I’m beautiful when I’m certain I am not.
- He builds the fort and even crawls inside.
- He eats the leftovers — again — without complaining.
- He takes the car for the tune-up and adds, ‘I’ll take the kids with me.”
- He (with other steady man) rototills the ground for hours, sweating and hunched over stubborn soil, so friend and I can enjoy a garden.
- He climbs in the car, exhausted, and declares, “That was fun!”
- He changes diapers. Hundreds.
- He gets up in the middle of the night for newborn cries. After the feeding he walks, the “baby dance,” his voice soothing fussy baby to sleep.
- He washes windows, takes out trash.
- He speaks kindly of others, believes the best.
- He promotes me to no end, my primary cheerleader, encourager. My agent and web-designer. Only happy when he’s convinced my God-given gifts are used.
- He loves his mom.
- He never hurries people.
- He listens. Really listens.
- He rubs my feet.
- He thinks deep and loves even deeper.
- He grows.
- He works hard to be healthy, make himself handsome and fit for me.
- He’s willing to try whatever odd health-food concoction I’ve dreamt up now.
- He never makes fun.
- He never criticizes.
- He never tears down.
- He disciplines himself to be positive.
- He lets himself relax.
- He never compares me.
- He takes baby daughter on a date. She comes home with ice cream mustache and smile on her face.
- He evokes happy squeals when he walks in the door from work.
- He makes me smile.
- He tries to be tidy because he knows it makes me happy.
- He honors my parents.
- He parks outside so I can have the garage.
- He gives me his Gold Card Starbucks rewards … every single one.
- He sold his Jeep Wrangler for a family car.
- He plays Scrabble, because he loves to watch me win.
- He always thinks to wait.
- He’s wise.
- He’s an insanely generous tipper. Way more generous than I!
- He takes the middle and gives me the aisle.
- He’s the computer fix-it man for every person I know.
- He never complains.
- He believes in others and truly desires their best.
- He subscribes to (and reads) Ann Voskamp’s blog (!).
And…
He’s here. The mark of a faithful man is a man who’s here. Everywhere he is, he is there. Not absent, but present.
Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love,
but a faithful man who can find?
By God’s grace I found one. And today is his birthday, and it is my joy to celebrate his life. Perhaps you’d like to drop him a quick line here, and wish him happy birthday? And perhaps you know a faithful man … perhaps today you could tell him what you appreciate so much? Or, perhaps leave a comment and tell us what a faithful man does: He… the more we describe these blessed faithful men, the easier it is to recognize and appreciate them in our lives.
Thanks for reading, and have a happy Friday.
I'd trade my husband for a housekeeper
No I would not!
But that is the title of a book I just read, which actually has very positive things to say about husbands.
The book is not Christian, and I’m not recommending it as the next great marriage-builder, but sometimes it’s fascinating to read secular books and get a feel for what the world in general is thinking these days.
These days they’re thinking that this marriage thing just isn’t working right.
And for the most part, they’re right. Most marriages today aren’t working right, aren’t working as God intended them to. He created marriage as a glorious picture of Christ and the Church and yet we’ve scribbled all over that picture with our sin and our selfishness. (The crayon is in my hand too.)
And while these authors don’t have the power of God’s Word to shed true light on the situation, they did point out one thing in particular that really struck me about our society:
There is far more pressure to be a “good mom” than there is to be a “good wife.”
Isn’t that the truth? I have never lost sleep over whether or not I am a good wife. But you better believe I have cried my eyes out over whether I’m a good mom. Why is that?
Probably lots of reasons. For me, the marriage thing is just so much easier than parenting. I have the most amazing, godly, laid-back, low-maintenance husband. It is impossible to fight with him. It’s really hard to displease him. Kids? Um…kids can go from zero to meltdown in about 2 seconds. And they don’t seem to mind fighting at all.
Secondly, marriage just seems so much more intuitive. Just being a godly person with common sense makes a great spouse. But, at least in my opinion, that doesn’t necessarily make a great parent. Whoever said parenting comes naturally must know a different kind of natural than me. I’m learning, but it’s not second-nature to be sure.
Finally, when we get together with our girlfriends, we almost always talk about our kids. We blog about kids, read books about kids, encourage each other about our kids, but how cool would it be if we were that passionate about taking care of our husbands? He’s the one that’s going to still be around when the little munchkins are long gone.
He’s the one who completes your personal picture of Christ and His church, for all the world to see.
Your kids and you don’t show the world Christ. Yes, you reflect God our Father and Parent by godly parenting, but only our marriage is held up in Scripture as the picture of Christ and the church. It’s interesting that a secular book would, of course, discover the same truths that God spoke thousands of years ago. Marriage first. Kids second.
So does your marriage need some attention? Take this fun quiz (from the book) and find out for yourself:
Circle all that apply:
- You spend more time with Mr. Potato Head than your husband.
- You’ve fantasized about spraining your ankle just so you can spend some quiet time in the emergency room.
- Your last “date night” was … when you were dating.
- You rationalize not washing your hair for another day because it will save you twenty minutes.
- You refer to your husband as “Daddy.”
- You’re be more concerned with making sure your kid is wearing the right soccer uniform than whether there’s any food in the fridge for your husband.
- You have an uncontrollable fondness for sweatpants, yoga pants, or any pants with an elastic waistband.
- You celebrate your anniversary with a family trip to the zoo.
- His email address comes to mind faster than his first name.
What are three things you can for your husband, today, to show him he’s the top priority in your life? Thanks for reading, and happy Monday!
Weakened Men & Damaged Women
[A conversation this week brought this to the forefront of my mind, thoughts from Feb 2008.]
Today I was struck by an excerpt from Larry Crabb’s book Inside Out (an excellent read). He hits on a key component of what it means to be affected by the fall as men and women. We were created male and female, the only human distinction verbalized by God as part of His original plan. Race, personality, hair, eye, height, intellect, and emotional distinctions would arise with time but in the very beginning this distinction stood. And it was good. Very good.
But how has this been corrupted through the fall? While men were destined to enter into the world strongly, providing for their families with servant leadership, they’ve been tainted by weakness, a deep sense of inadequacy and impotence. The man will now battle forever the unspoken fear that he does not measure up.
While women were destined to enter the world courageously giving of themselves vulnerably through talents, wisdom, kindness, warmth, and support, she now has a deep sense of disappointment—for her man has failed her. As a result, she no longer has the confidence to be vulnerable. She is threatened and now feels, as Crabb says, “compelled to defensively control her relationships.” The woman will now battle forever the unspoken fear that to be vulnerable is to be hurt.
Who has not experienced this? Who has not witnessed it in our marred world? Women want men to step up and be strong, but men don’t know how to do that because they’re so afraid of admitting that they don’t know how, so instead they respond by overcompensating—through harshness or lording over or gruff, hard exterior. On the contrary, others just give up and give in to passivity, to steer clear of the danger of failure.
Men want women who will praise, love, and support them. But we’ve swallowed the lie that to be vulnerable is to be hurt, so we protect ourselves. When we’re not led, we’ll do it ourselves. We’ll do our best to attract men because that makes us feel secure, but we won’t truly let our guard down because then our worst fear may be realized—that we’re not truly beautiful and will therefore be rejected.
How can we right this? Crabb would say, I believe, that we do this by repenting of our fear of self-protection. Men, it’s ok to admit that you don’t have a clue! That’s ok! Women, it’s ok to admit that we’re scared to death to let all our defenses down because people might see that we’re not that pretty after all. Women, let men fail and praise them still. Men, let women be imperfect and praise them still.
This is why pornography is such a sick, twisted temptation from the pit of hell. Men are able to engage sexually without any fear of failure—there is no one there to criticize them! They can satisfy themselves with no vulnerability. In the process, women are demoralized and objectified and can no longer function as vulnerable beings because they are so afraid of not being as beautiful or skilled as the covergirl. This is obviously only one repercussion of the fall, but it is a telling one. Our male-female relationships have suffered. Can we restore them? Can we try?
We can, by God’s grace, and we must.
—
How do you see this dynamic at work around our world and in your sphere? Men, do you feel a need to overcompensate? Women, do you feel a need to control? Jeff and I can both relate to these feelings — Praise Jesus He is continually redeeming ALL that was lost in the Fall.
Thanks for reading.
F is for Freedom
Will Ferrell shoves a piece of cake in this mouth then stops mid-chew. “What am I doing?! I don’t even want this cake!” He throws his plate in the garbage. Then he stands there staring at the rest of the large sheet cake sitting on the table. He reaches down with his hand this time and grabs a handful, stuffs it in his mouth. Stops again, horrified. “What am I doing?!” By now he has frosting all over his hands, on his face, the sheet cake is a mess, and everyone is laughing.
And I want to cry. Why? I know what that feels like.
I’ve been there.
I’ve never shared about this here because who on earth wants to share with the world their past struggle with an embarrassing addiction? No one wants to sit in a group laughing hysterically at Will Ferrell and then admit, “Yeah, I used to do that too.”
But I did.
For about five years I struggled with food. For the first two years it would have been labeled an “eating disorder” though I had no disorder, I had just slowly given the enemy a foothold in my life by choosing to believe his lies about my self-worth rather than the truth of God’s Word. For the next three years I was “free” to eat, which was wonderful, but then the enemy just tried a new tactic–getting me to overeat and feel miserable about myself because I knew in my heart that over-indulgence was just as sinful as starvation. Neither glorifies God or surrenders control to Him and I knew it. So I struggled.
But God is so faithful.
Now, by God’s precious grace, it has been 8 years that I’ve been walking in freedom, in the truth of who I am in Christ, experiencing health and wholeness not lust and bondage. I do not mean to say that I have “arrived” (“Let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall!” 1 Cor. 10:12), but I want to share that we do not have to walk in bondage in this area.
We can be free.
I’ll admit, a huge part of my freedom came when I got married. Through the revolutionary love of my husband I had a “born again” experience with regards to my body. He loved me in a way that transformed every ounce of my being. God’s love, through Jeff, changed me.
But all along that path there were daily choices too. Often radical transformation is simply the sum of a million little choices. And one of the most valuable resources for me was John Piper’s ANTHEM strategy for fighting lust. It’s made for guys, but works for us girls too. Lust has many faces — all of which are sin. Perhaps this can be helpful for you, as you make daily choices to choose Christ instead of a sinful indulgence.
If this is helpful perhaps I can write more on this topic and/or share more resources I’ve found helpful. I don’t want to assume this is a huge struggle, but want to allow God to “fully redeem” my past if it is helpful for you at all. I’d love feedback. Thanks, as always, for reading.
By grace, with joy,
Kari
A – AVOID as much as is possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. I say “possible and reasonable” because some exposure to temptation is inevitable. And I say “unfitting desire” because not all desires for sex, food, and family are bad. We know when they are unfitting and unhelpful and on their way to becoming enslaving. We know our weaknesses and what triggers them. “Avoiding” is a Biblical strategy. “Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness” (2 Timothy 2:22). “Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires” (Romans 13:14).
N – Say NO to every lustful thought within five seconds. And say it with the authority of Jesus Christ. “In the name of Jesus, NO!” You don’t have much more than five seconds. Give it more unopposed time than that, and it will lodge itself with such force as to be almost immovable. Say it out loud if you dare. Be tough and warlike. As John Owen said, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” Strike fast and strike hard. “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” ( James 4:7).
T – TURN the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction. Saying “no” will not suffice. You must move from defense to offense. Fight fire with fire. Attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ. The Bible calls lusts “deceitful desires” (Ephesians 4:22). They lie. They promise more than they can deliver. The Bible calls them “passions of your former ignorance” (1 Peter 1:14). Only fools yield. “All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter” (Proverbs 7:22). Deceit is defeated by truth. Ignorance is defeated by knowledge. It must be glorious truth and beautiful knowledge. This is why I wrote Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. Then we must turn to them immediately after saying, “NO!”
H – HOLD the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. “Fix your eyes on Jesus” (Hebrews 3:1). Here is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, “I tried to push it out, and it didn’t work.” I ask, “How long did you try?” How hard did you exert your mind? The mind is a muscle. You can flex it with vehemence. Take the kingdom violently (Matthew 11:12). Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it. Hold it! Don’t let it go! Keep holding it! How long? As long as it takes. Fight! For Christ’s sake, fight till you win! If an electric garage door were about to crush your child you would hold it up with all our might and holler for help, and hold it and hold it and hold it and hold it.
E – ENJOY a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ. Don’t say, “That’s just not me.” What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus? Have you fought for joy? Don’t be fatalistic. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart – more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don’t have: “Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days” (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the universe until you see him the way he is.
M – MOVE into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors. Lust grows fast in the garden of leisure. Find a good work to do, and do it with all your might. “Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord” (Romans 12:11). “Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:58). Abound in work. Get up and do something. Sweep a room. Hammer a nail. Write a letter. Fix a faucet. And do it for Jesus’ sake. You were made to manage and create. Christ died to make you “zealous for good deeds” (Titus 2:14). Displace deceitful lusts with a passion for good deeds.
Plant a flower, shampoo carpets, pray that heaven's mercy falls.
ONE: An early morning walk, alone. Cool, crisp air so pure, fingers freezing I dig my hands into my jacket pockets, so glad I wore sweats, a sweatshirt and a coat. The sound of the creek below, clean cold water rushing. I looked up and saw three middle-school boys on the corner, waiting for the bus. One, who I recognized, busy with his phone, thumbs rapidly relating to the world.
As I crossed the street, she approached. A girl, probably thirteen, looking twenty-five. She wore a tank-top with plunging neckline and leggings: Like, the kind you wear under a skirt, but without the skirt. Just a tanktop and skin-tight leggings. Her face was made-up, long hair swinging as she walked, hips swaying. As we passed on the street the soft scent of her perfume swept over me as she made her way over to wait for the bus. Oh dear Lord help those boys. When I was back on the path and hidden safely behind a bush, I glanced back over to watch the scene play out. A common theme had woven throughout my week and this was my chance to see it in real time.
The boy I knew, bless his heart, glanced up and I could read his mind–then he quickly looked down and stared hard at his phone. Bless you, boy. The other boys had no defense. Two made a valiant effort to divert their eyes but one poor boy just sat and gawked, mouth open, in a trance.
I was close, this close, to going over, taking dear sweet pea by the hand and walking her back home so her mama could give her a coat … and a skirt. I didn’t. I should’ve. But I prayed for those boys and for her and for the world of middle schoolers and for my kids–all growing up in this sad sexed-up society.
TWO: Earlier this week Jeff forwarded me a disturbing article. I won’t link directly here, but if you are interested I’m happy to send it to you. I read through every word, and wept.
The article was Porn and Junior-High Culture, published as part of the Drowning in Porn feature of New York magazine. The gist of the article was that online porn is so widely available and accessed among junior high (and high school) boys that junior high girls are posing for similar pics, sexting and texting and trying to “keep up” with the distorted desire of their male classmates. The five junior-high girls interviewed admitted that it’s hard to “keep up” with the image that boys have in their mind, not to mention the assorted “activities” these boys demand that they do.
I read and cried, read and cried.
These are our boys, poisoned with filth from the pit of hell. Warped, addicted, ruined, dazed and overwhelmed by the onslaught of sexuality before they are even old enough to drive a girl to the movies.
These are our girls, with mutilated souls, believing that some digital fantasy pic is what they have to “measure up” to. Trying, aching, longing to be prettier and thinner and sexier and perkier.
Made old before they even have grown up.
THREE: Then at the end of the week I met with a 16-year-old friend. She is dear and I love her like a daughter.
And everything I suspected was true. It’s as bad as I thought.
I said goodbye, closed the door. Sat on the couch. Shook my head, cried. What’s the use, God? This world is gone. It’s so warped and messed up and hopeless. What’s the USE?
I walked to the sink. Two packets of seeds sat on the counter, waiting to be planted. What’s the point, God? I put my hands through the motions, spooned soil into egg cartons, tore open packets, and just as I began to finger tiny seeds into soil, the packet slipped and fell out of my hand. Most the seeds down the drain. I stood still, hands resting on the edge of the sink, looking down. The seeds and our world. What’s the point, God? Almost all of them are already gone down the drain. My heart quickened as I looked back down into the packet.
Just a few left.
That’s the point, Kari.
There’s a few left.
My eyes filled up as I poked my finger down by faith into the packet, pulled up the few last seeds, gently pushed them into soil. Covered tenderly. Watered. Covered with a plastic bag and slid up into the warmth on top of the fridge.
With care those few would grow. Would live.
With care seek out those few who will grow. Will live.
What else, Lord?
I looked down at the carpet in desperate need. Pulled out the steam-cleaner. While Jeff tucked kiddos into bed I steam-cleaned to save lives. Over and over down the hall, each time brought water black. Dump water. Do it again. So dirty. So much filth. So much work.
It was worth it.
I finished late. Was tired. The carpet looked like new. I fell into bed, exhausted, and told my man my heart.
And prayed that heaven’s mercy fall.
Our world is dark, no lie. The curse is alive and well as we exploit each other’s weaknesses.
But this morning I pulled the egg cartons down from the top of the fridge:
A dozen tiny shoots, two dozen tiny green leaves.
Shoots of hope.
Keep planting, shampooing, and praying. Thanks for reading.
6 Minutes To a Better Marriage
Sounds like a pretty lame gimmick, huh? I’m not into gimmicks but I am always into having a better marriage, and today I received a nugget of wisdom from two couples who between the two of them have enjoyed 84 years of marriage.
One couple was my parents–you already read about my dad’s simple words of wedding wisdom: “Pray together every day.” Today I also had the joy of sitting with Paul Hunter, who is just days from returning to Uganda, Africa for another 6 months. Sometime I’ll share a whole post on Paul and Pam Hunter and the amazing work they are doing. Paul was been my pastor my whole growing-up years, since I was 4 years old. He and Pam were my second parents, and their 3 kids my extended siblings. They loved me when I was unlovable, prayed for me all my days, and mentored me and discipled me when I was finally learning to spread my wings in ministry. And after decades of pastoral ministry here in the states, he and Pam have founded Next Generation Ministries in Uganda, Africa. For 9 years they have been living in two worlds, spending 6-9 months at a time there, then coming back here to visit, build teams, raise support. They are amazing.
All that to say I had the joy of seeing Paul and we were talking about marriage and prayer. He and Pam have been married 44 years and he confirmed that prayer–and a sense of humor–are the key to a happy and enduring love. He told me about a little prayer exercise he’d recently discovered, which was paying dividends already in their relationship.
Six-minute prayer.
Sounds cheesy, but it’s not. You just commit to praying together 6 minutes a day. We all have six minutes! And so often it seems like when couples pray together they don’t know where to start. This makes it easy. You pray in 1 minute increments, taking turns, each 3 times. It looks like this:
- For 2 minutes (1 each) you pray simply thanking God for the other person and all you appreciate about them.
- For 2 minutes you confess to God any sin you have committed (in word, thought, or action) against the other person, and ask for forgiveness and a fresh start.
- For 2 minutes you pray for the other person, their needs, blessing, growth, welfare.
That’s it. You’re done. Jeff was out of town all week last week, so we’ve only been able to do this together the past four days, but it’s been so awesome! What I love is that it is a way to pray specifically for and with each other. Not just vague ideas, but purposeful prayers specifically for and about your spouse. Paul said he’s been amazed, after 44 years of marriage, how this simple little 6-minute prayer time has blessed them beyond words. Plus, we’re finding that when we’re “done” with our six minutes we both have lots more things to pray together about, but the six minute thing makes sure that we cover the important stuff first–and if we’re short on time, you can get a lot done in six minutes!
You game? I’ll set the timer, you grab your spouse. But hold on a second. Just in case he’s not as excited about it as you. Remember, girls, you cannot make your husband want to pray. If he’s game for it, awesome. If he’s not, don’t nag him. Don’t roll your eyes or sigh or play the martyr or complain to your girlfriends that he’s not the spiritual leader. You know what you can do?
3 minute prayer.
YOU pray and thank God for your husband. Thank Him specifically for all the things you love and appreciate about him.
YOU confess your sin to God, sin that you have committed (in word, thought, or deed) against your husband. Ask Him for a fresh start.
YOU pray for your husband, for his blessing and welfare, for his spiritual growth, for his success and wisdom, humility and joy.
Now this I could do (and did) while Jeff was gone. This we can do not matter what.
Do you have 6 minutes? How about 3?
Yes, you do. So do I.
Let’s pray.
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What are some of your favorite helps for praying for or with your spouse? Please share!