Essential Chords {PODCAST}
Maybe a few had an inkling, but for the most part, no one knew 2020 would be like this. What a great reminder that only God knows the future, and therefore only God knows how to prepare you for the future. In this episode Kari shares a few experiences that gave her a heightened sense of urgency about The Second Mile, and why we need to be prepared.Read More
The Path to Life {special guest PODCAST}
Six times in the gospels we read of Jesus telling his followers that the only way to find life is to lose it. This repeated theme demands an honest self-evaluation: Am I willing to die in order to live? In this episode, Kari and special guest Christine Hanna share a refreshingly honest conversation, sharing from their lives, on what this has looked like in real time. Read More
Call-down-fire Christianity {PODCAST}
It’s possible to know Jesus, even walk beside Jesus, and still react to offenses the exact same way as the world. A few of Jesus’ disciples did exactly this. Today we talk about call-down-fire Christianity, what eventually transformed Jesus’ followers, and what will transform us.Read More
I got 2020’d: What to do with everything you didn’t ask for {PODCAST}
What a year and it’s barely half over. Right?! In this very first podcast episode, Kari introduces the Second Mile — Jesus’ surprising strategy for responding to unkindness and unfairness of all kinds. Learn about our hard-wired justice-meter, and how to tune it to what is TRUE.
On the Kari Patterson podcast: We need wisdom, y’all. Like, yesterday. Right?! We need God’s perspective. We need His heart. We need joy, resilience, clarity, and conviction. Feeling this need, author Kari Patterson opens Scripture and shares candidly how God’s Word informs her daily life. Appropriate for all ages, relatable and refreshing, join Kari for conversations on responding to unkindness, emotional freedom, parenting dilemmas, self-pity, forgiveness, and more.Read More
5 Benefits of multi-ages learning together
Teaching multiple ages at once is hard.
This is one of the most common homeschool complaints I hear (usually from myself!). The struggle is real: We’ll have a 14-year age span between the oldest and youngest of our children when our next son is born this fall.
Currently, one son is learning to shave while the other is learning to keep his hands out of his poopy diaper. We also share our home with another homeschooling family, so the total age-range of kids educated on these premises will be 18 years.
I also have (wonderful!) aging parents, including a disabled mom, with whom we spend much of our time (there will be an almost 79-year-old age difference between my dad and my youngest son). Our 11-year-old daughter regularly feeds my mom, cleans her hands and fingernails, brushes her hair, and reads aloud to her.
I mention these dynamics simply because they have shaped my perspective on age segregation, and convinced me that although learning (and living!) with a wide age-range has its challenges, it offers priceless benefits that simply aren’t available in a sea of same-aged students.
While I won’t hit on the how during this article, I want to convince you the work is worth it! A few of the great benefits include: {Read the rest over at Simple Homeschool
40 days off social media: 5 things I noticed
For my 40th birthday I gave myself a gift: 40 days off social media. In not one, not two, but three books I recently read (Deep Work, Them, and The Common Rule) the authors recommended social media breaks of various lengths, all for different reasons–mostly spiritual, emotional, and mental health.
But the one that stood out to me the most was from a non-religious book called Deep Work, which asserts that distraction has a crippling effect on important, creative, deep, thoughtful work (and, I’d say, relationships). The author believes we must work to increase our ability to give focused attention, at-length, to projects and people. (It’s interesting to me that Charlotte Mason lists this as the most important trait to teach young children.)
He writes, “Don’t formally deactivate these services, and (this is important) don’t mention online that you’ll be signing off: Just stop using them… After 30 days, ask yourself the following two questions about each service you temporarily quit:
- Would the last 30 days have been notably better if I had been able to use this service?
- Did people care that I wasn’t using this service?
If your answer is “no” to both questions, quit the service permanently.”
So I did this, but stretched it to 40 days. Here’s what stood out to me:
- I was much more emotionally stable for my family. I realized that often I can be short or taxed or moody with my family not because of anything they’ve done, but because of some post or comment or news opinion item (not the news event itself but the commentary on the new event) has frustrated or saddened or irked me.
- I was more present for the people in front of me. I can easily live in my head. I’m always thinking, considering, debating, having conversations in my head. A quick hop on social media can easily send me into rabbit-trail of thoughts that are a world away from the actual people I’m facing and serving in that moment.
- I was on my phone WAY less. This is probably obvious, but with no social media apps there isn’t a whole lot to do on one’s phone. It also just happened that on my bday (when I began) my phone quit taking a charge from all cables except one, and the battery-life dwindled drastically. So basically my phone has to stay plugged in, and when I’m out and about I turn it off.
- I felt more clarity in how to thoughtfully respond to events rather than emotionally react out of guilt or anger. This was probably the biggest benefit for me. The challenge for me with social media isn’t that I compare my life with others, or waste time, or play games or get jealous. For me, the challenge on social media is that it feels like there is ALWAYS something to be outraged about. So. Many. Causes. So. Much. Anger. I recently heard someone describe themselves as a “bleeding heart conservative” and I had to laugh. I feel like that! I feel (deeply!) the need to respond to every injustice and and then my pride gets mixed in too and I don’t want to be seen as uncaring, so I want to somehow show my care or attention to some issue, but the problem is–on social media we tend to equate “action” with “posting something immediately.” Never mind that this issue (whatever it is) has probably been around for years or decades (or all of human history) if you don’t post exactly the right thing RIGHT NOW then you clearly aren’t a real Christian. What’s interesting, of course, is that research shows that posting about some cause on social media actually makes you LESS likely to do something about it. Probably because the post somehow satisfies our “need to do something” urge. We get the monkey off our back without having to lift a literal finger–thumbs and hashtags are all it takes! Of course I’m not saying that people who post on social media don’t actually do things–not at all! But for me, I found that without the social media “option” for action, I was much more inclined to pray, research, ask God for direction, and DO SOMETHING.
- I was able to love people in person more easily, without their recent posts flashing through mind. I was recently telling my sister-in-law that in person I’ve never really met someone I didn’t like. I mean, there are some not-favorites 😉 but for the most part, when I meet people in person, I like them. Even the ones who are different, who think different, vote different, look different. But when I read someone’s inflammatory or emotionally-charged rant on Facebook, that’s what stands out in my mind and it’s like an invisible barrier to being able to just love that person. Sure, sometimes people say things to my face that are hard or hurtful, but that’s real life. There’s grace aplenty to process that. But online, people say different things than they would in person, so when I also have to factor in all the sound-bytes and snippets and political posts and hashtags and article links and rants…it’s just a lot for my poor brain to overcome when I’m trying to just love and listen to and understand the person right in front of me.
Did I miss anything? I’ll be completely honest: What I missed was sharing funny things about my kids or cute photos of Justice. And that’s what their grandparents missed too. In fact, it was interesting to me that no one noticed I was off social media except my dad. Not a single person asked me where I’d been. So my absence was not a big loss for the world! (Also, I still read and responded to messages via Messenger and in three closed groups, as I need to be present there as well.)
Oh, one last thing: I narrowed down my news intake to one Daily Digest. I receive one daily email with 6-8 headlines (World, US, Politics, Church, Opinion, etc.). I can scan quickly and look more into stories I feel need more attention. The articles are thoughtful, from a Christian perspective (rather than a certain political party), and seem balanced and gracious. I feel informed not inflamed. 🙂
Going forward, I won’t be deleting my FB or IG accounts (I can’t deprive the world of Justice’s cuteness much longer!), but I’ll be continuing to enjoy them on a limited basis. (These posts automatically go to FB) AND, one fun outcome of all this: We’re starting a podcast! More details to come, but I’m super excited to be able to share more via voice and discussion, along with writing. If you want to be sure to catch the podcast and blog posts, please subscribe over in the orange box to the right (that way you don’t have to rely on social media to see stuff!)
More soon. Thanks so much for reading.
From His & Hers to Ours
Today marks 17 years since Jeff & I vowed to leave our separate lives and cleave to one another in marriage. The vows we spoke were fairly simple, I remember some “for better or for worse” business and “forsaking all others” stuff and something along the lines of “as long as we both shall live.”
Easier said than done.
It’s a strange phrase, but the exhortation to “catch the little foxes that spoil the vine” (Song of Songs 2:15) is just about the best marriage-advice out there.
It’s the little stuff, over the long haul, that threatens to spoil the most important human relationship we will ever have.
We’ve had some little foxes come our way, too. Most recently, God did a deep work in my own heart, and while it was painful, I now see it bearing great fruit. Jeff and I shared bits of it here…
God took us from “His & Hers” to “Ours.”
When we were first married, Jeff & I visited distant relatives in Chicago, and while we were there we attended a funeral for one of their friends. We had never met this person, but it impacted us deeply.
It was said of this man (and his wife), “they were two parallel tracks running beside one another.” Each person had “their thing” — they were successful, accomplished, and each ran along their individual track. It was meant to be a praise, but Jeff and I both were alarmed and we knew–we don’t want to be two parallel tracks. We knew God called us to oneness, not separate tracks. We knew, from that point on, we were to pursue oneness and be on guard against going our own way.
There have been challenges along the way, but God really brought my own “separate track” to a head in early April, when Covid quarantine had us all a little on edge.
It was the perfect storm of pregnancy hormones, morning sickness, fatigue, anxiety regarding miscarriage, etc. Several situations surfaced, where I felt like I had to die to myself in drastic ways. I was deeply discouraged. I told God (bitterly) that He apparently made me wrong because it seemed like all the ways He fashioned me were all needing to be stripped away. It felt like every single thing about me needed to change.
God began putting his finger on all the ways I see things as “mine.” While I have relinquished my hold on money, there are plenty of other things I see as “my” this or “my” that.
A big one was, “Your time is not your own.” I realized I see each day as “my” time, so I’m frustrated when it feels wasted or squandered by others. He showed me that none of my time is “my” time.
Then, the day before Easter, Jeff used my SUV (which I loved, my favorite car I’ve ever had) to make a rather long trip (that I didn’t want him to take), and it died. As in, engine dead. $10,000 to fix, and that’s about exactly what it was worth.
My car, gone.
I’m not a big car-person, so I was completely caught off guard by how emotionally I responded. I soon realized that my car represented the only thing in my life that is “mine.” In our 17 years of marriage I had allowed resentment to build up–I felt like every area of my life had been “taken over” by someone else. Except my car. I kept it clean and tidy, washed it every week.
It was the one and only thing that was mine.
And then he took it and it was gone. It felt like the last straw of things taken from me. Inwardly, I was angry at Jeff even though I knew it wasn’t really him. It was really God. Confirming that, as we prayed about replacing it, God began showing me He had a new plan. Rather than having “Jeff’s” car and “my” car (His & Hers), we would instead get a small, fuel-efficient commuter car that whoever needed to drive would use.
I realized that I would no longer have a “my” anywhere in my life.
It seems silly now, but I shed tears over this whole situation. Clearly, this work needed to happen. When I said yes to Jeff 17 years ago, I committed to a life of “our.” When I said yes to Jesus many years ago, I renounced my claim on my own life. There isn’t enough space to quote all the verses that make this clear. The call to follow Christ means at least that I can let go of whatever is “my.” Thy kingdom. Our belongings. Whether the issue is time, or money, or belongings, or space, or whatever, letting go of “my” is painful, but so necessary. Until I let go of “my” I cannot truly be His. Until I let go of “His” and “Hers” we won’t enjoy the joy that could be OURS.
After hearing me talk about this, a dear 14-year-old girl from our church made me these towels for my 40th birthday. (Isn’t this the coolest gift ever?!) Everyday I see them hanging and it reminds me that “His & Hers” are no longer, and that God’s joy and freedom and LIFE is OURS if we will lay down our rights and possessions and privileges for the sake of someone else.
Friends, do you see that this is so much bigger than marriage? We tend to treat “marriage & family” like it’s a separate topic or ministry from the rest of the “pressing issues” of the day. But it’s not. The willingness to lay down our lives for someone else, the actual process of dying to your own preferences and becoming a person of forbearance, grace, kindness, courage, generosity, and love is the only thing that will actually cure our country and our world of the evils we are facing. Christ is the only resource sufficient. Without redemption, new birth, and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit we simply do not have what it takes to let go of the claim on our lives.
I’m so grateful for these 17 years that have challenged and changed and shaped and molded Jeff and me more and more into the image of Christ. We have so much more to learn, so I hope we get a few dozen more years together for Jesus to work in us. 😉
Thanks for reading.
Invitation to Edit
Just now I glanced at my email inbox and saw seven GoogleDoc invitations from my children over the last few weeks, and marveled at how opportunities to influence look so different in different seasons, and they’re still so easy to miss…
More than six years ago, I reflected on how we win our children’s hearts through entering in to their imaginative play. That simple truth has come to mind dozens of times since then, and I’m so grateful I sailed toy ships, sat in playhouses, and sipped imaginary tea.
Life is very different now–there is still play, of course, but there’s no more imaginary tea or battleships in the bathtub. Now, that entering in comes in different forms:
Invitation to view. Invitation to comment. Invitation to edit.
These days, my kids spend quite a bit of time on computers, and I’m okay with that. They sit perched at our kitchen counter, and work on their various creative projects. Heidi is writing her second book, Dutch works on his blog, creates battle scenarios, researches various topics, and they both enjoy creating quizzes using Googleforms. Each one reflects their interests and passions, each one reveals a little of his or her heart.
All creative work is ultimately the sharing of oneself.
And it is a gift and privilege, I now see, that they want to share these works with me.
Just as they wanted to share imaginary tea six years ago.
And, just as six years ago, if I’m not mindful it’s easy for me to completely miss this opportunity. Honestly, I have so much to do (hello, toddler!) and I’m so tired (hello, pregnancy!) that it’s a gift that they spend so much time on their various (quiet) creative endeavors. It’s easy to just be glad they’re occupied and tiptoe off for a moment alone.
But then I check my email and I see:
Invitation to view. Invitation to comment. Invitation to edit.
I’ve always wanted to work to win my children’s hearts. I’ve always wanted to work so that when teens years come, they invite me in. The years of controlling are quickly coming to an end. The years of influence are here.
(Parental-control isn’t bad, by the way, during the little years, but always for the purpose of teaching and equipping them to exhibit self-control as they grow. I’m most certainly still in the control stage with Justice!)
And in these years of influence, the invitations are subtle, but still there.
They are inviting us to view: Let’s seize the chance to look into their hearts.
They are inviting us to comment: Let’s wisely comment and critique, without sarcasm or insincerity, but honesty and kindness.
And occasionally, the highest honor, they are inviting us to edit: Let’s sparingly and humbly enforce those habits and attitudes in our homes that will call them to godliness, respect, servanthood, initiative, agency, courage.
Of course not all viewing and commenting and editing comes from their invitation. As long as they are under my roof I still have executive authority to view or comment or edit as necessary. But if ignore those invitations and settle only for crowbarring my input into their lives, I’m doing us all a disservice.
Further, there are many around us (not just our children) who we have the privilege of influencing, yet we are tempted to try to control them by forcefully shoving our viewpoint into their lives. Jesus never did this.
Invitations for influence are all around us, if we will patiently pay attention.
The truth is, I fall hopelessly behind on reading all their documents. They can write way more than I can read in a day during naptime! But I’m still wading in, when I can, saying yes to those invitations to view, comment, and edit, working to keep winning their hearts.
{Thanks for reading.}
Considering homeschooling? 5 things I wish I knew before I began.
If you’re considering homeschooling and have a heap of questions, please know: You’re not alone.
We’re in strange times, and never before have I heard from so many parents who are considering homeschooling their children next year.
If that’s you, let me just say: This site is a virtual treasure-trove. From the “Start Here” links above (fabulous stuff!) to Jamie’s simple 3-hour homeschool game-plan, to the annual “Day in the Life” series, to posts on nearly every topic you can imagine, this site has always been my go-to for advice, links, and encouragement.
We just finished our 8th year homeschooling, and there are a few overarching things I wish I would have grasped more fully before we began.
Perhaps they can be helpful as you consider your plan for the days and years ahead: … Read the rest over at Simple Homeschool. Thanks!
All the more, Encourage.
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Heb. 10:24-25
A few things are concerning me right now, and none of them are Covid-19. That’s not discounting or dismissing the danger of the virus (it’s real!) and it’s not a political statement. I’m not concerned about whether or not I have to wear a mask in the grocery store. I’m not even terribly concerned about when we’ll be able to gather in a large-group, in our church building (though I am SO looking forward to that!).
I’m concerned that we, and we includes me, are getting distracted from our calling, purpose, and mission.
In January, as I asked God whether He had a word for me for 2020, a sort of guiding direction for my life, I was not a little surprised when I clearly heard, “Encouragement.”
Encouragement?? What sort of word is that? It isn’t even a Verb! I’m a verb girl, God!
Encouragement. It felt a little flat, honestly. But I wrote it down, and purposed to figure out what on earth God wanted me to do with it.
In March, I attended a workshop titled, “How to Have Difficult Conversations.” I didn’t want to go, but I knew I needed to, as even the mention of difficult conversations makes me break out in hives. I hate them, I’m bad at them, ministry is full of them—I went.
At the bottom of the handout was a Recommended Reading list, and the #1 recommended read was a book called, ready for it?
Encouragement.
Written Larry Crab and Dan Allender (I love them both!), I had a hunch this was probably the direction God was going with me. I bought it.
It’s a short book, but I’ve been going through it slowly, because it’s so good and I’m wrecked by how short I fall of being an truly encouraging person.
In short, to be an encouraging person, my overarching goal, in every personal interaction, is to minister to that person. That is, my goal is to listen and seek understanding so that I can become aware of the person’s hidden fears (we all have them) and speak words from love and targeted toward diminishing, and destroying, that fear.
How often do I go onto Facebook with the goal of seeing who I can encourage today?
When I’m getting ready for church in the morning do I ask God how I can be an encouragement to others today?
When I interact with my children, my husband, my housemates, do I inwardly seek opportunities to speak encouragement and life into their lives?
Sadly, the truth is, most often my underlying goal is some form of self-protection. Looking out for self. Defending self. Ensuring I’m not hurt. Guaranteeing my viewpoint is heard. Championing my view.
Why is it so hard to set aside self for the sake of encouraging others?
I can’t speak for anyone else but me: For me, it’s because it is terrifying to completely let go of looking out for self. Who will look out for me?
To give ourselves to the encouragement, strengthening, building up, and blessing of others, means abandoning ourselves to the care of …
God.
I don’t say this flippantly. Letting go of looking out for self isn’t an abstract thing—it plays out in real life, flesh and blood ways that sometimes feel painful. But isn’t this what we’re called to? Isn’t our purpose, as followers of Jesus, to seek the good and welfare of others? Aren’t we called to consider how to stir each other up toward love and good deeds, encouraging each other all the more as we see the day approaching.
I do believe that there is crazy stuff going on in our world. It sure seems like we are seeing the day approaching! But I can get so caught up in it that I completely forget what God told me to do in these days that we’re in!
Encourage. Reach out. Listen. Try to understand what’s going on beneath the layers. People are afraid, and it’s not just the people wearing masks.
I have definitely been battling discouragement, for a variety of reasons. And I’m struck by the fact, again and again, that I don’t usually find courage, strength, energy, and resolve by someone posting another click-bait news article on Facebook, or someone “speaking out” on another issue.
I’m encouraged when someone listens to me. When someone checks on me and asks how I’m doing. When someone send me a funny meme or gif or message that says they identify with how I’m feeling. Even when someone who loves me cares enough to speak a hard word about why I’m discouraged, identifying an idol that’s robbing my joy. Hard words, spoken from people who love me, are welcomed!
So I’m writing this to myself first and foremost. Writing things is a form of accountability for me. I endeavor to be an encourager. I think it’s critical we keep this front and center, all the more as we see the day drawing near.
Thanks for reading.