All posts by Jeff

I recently wrote a post for goingtoseminary.com about discovering the um-mined treasure that is the seminary faculty, and it got me thinking about how much we probably all miss out on simply because we do not ask.

I remember when Jeff and I were engaged, we’d made a point of spending time with couples whose marriages we admired. Young and old alike, we’d ask questions:  How do you do it?  What are three things you wish you knew when you got married?  What is something that surprised you about marriage? Just asking questions of these folks, those who had gone before us, unearthed a wealth of wisdom we tucked away for our early marriage days.  I am so glad we did.

When I was pregnant, my mind swam with the questions.  Of course I read books (Whoever wrote What to Expect When You’re Expecting is a gazillionaire), but the best advice was from people.  People I knew, young and old, moms who’d walked the path before, who could give real life answers and advice for the days to come.  And again, I’m so glad I did.

I”m not sure why, perhaps because we are so stubbornly individualistic these days, but there is definitely a air about our society that insists “I can do it myself.”  But how much we miss out on!  And how many opportunities to honor those ahead of us that we’ve missed because we just don’t take the time to ask.  I can say from experience that not many things are more honoring than being asked for advice. Maybe it’s just me, but it makes me feel so special!  I remember when my dear friend Candi first had her baby, and she’d often just call and say, “Uh…green poop. What’s the deal?”  or “Incessant spit-up.  Any ideas?”  It blessed and honored me that she would even think to call me, and it was a treat to be able to offer whatever I could (which probably wasn’t much).  Jeff and I often ask my parents for their advice on everything–and they in turn respect us by only offering when we ask. 🙂

I recently took an extensive personality/temperament evaluation and somehow the test thing determined that I was above-average in “image management”, meaning that I am concerned with what other people think of me. Gulp. Guilty as charged.  I realized that perhaps that’s why I tend not to ask questions in class or offer answers unless I’m really sure they are right or well thought out or intelligent.  I don’t like asking sometimes because I’m afraid I’ll look like an idiot.  But the truth is–we’re all a bundle of questions about everything, and how much we’d grow if we humbled ourselves and asked.  And what I’m learning?  It doesn’t take a crisis or a huge life-change like babies or marriage to necessitate the asking of questions.  Just this week my sister-in-law showed me this amazing park that is walking distance from our (her) house.  I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I know about this before?!”  and then I realized…because I never asked her. A simple question–hey can you tell me where the good parks are?  would have meant discovering the park gold mine a month earlier.

So try it out.  Ask a question.  Sit down with a grandparent and ask what are the biggest lessons they’ve learned in life.  Sit down with a teacher.  Ask your parents about marriage.  Ask a friend to go further into explaining what really makes her tick.  Ask the waitress what his or her favorite meal is.  Ask your kids what makes them happy and what makes them sad.  Ask your spouse to share three things that make him or her feel loved.  Ask in order to gain wisdom, and ask in order to grow in your love and understanding of people.  Ask to draw people out.  Ask to grow.  There’s so much more I think we can learn…if we just ask.

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Ok, silly little application of this post, but today we had our ultrasound and discovered that it is Heidi Elizabeth Patterson who will be joining our family in February! Yay! 🙂  Afterwards, we decided to celebrate by going to Burgerville because Heidi likes fries. 🙂  Since Dutch also likes fries we each ordered a large to share with him. WHen our order arrived the fries were teeny, looked like smalls to me.  I am not one to ask about order problems at restaurants, so I tried to get Jeff to do it for me, but he was keeping Dutch from climbing over the top of the booth.  Forget it, I thought–it’s no big deal. But then, another thought: Just ask. Hm. Ok, took it up and in my timid little sweet voice, said “Um, are these larges?”  and the lady was the manager and she said “No!  In fact, you take those and I’ll get you two new orders!”  Anyway, to make a long story short, she blessed us with tons of fries (which I was happy to eat since Dutch and I had walked the three miles to my ultrasound appointment), and then even came back and visited, celebrated our baby with us, talked about her own kids, and then went and got Dutch a special blue balloon.  As I left, with my happy full tummy, I thought how simple that was–just to ask (and ask nicely!).  She was happy to oblige, we were happy to receive, and I think she was even blessed by joining in our special celebration.  Ask and you shall receive. 🙂

This morning I just woke up sour.  I had bizarre dreams all night (pregnancy is infuriating like that), and woke up unsure of what was real and what was dreamt.  The house was hot, I felt unrested, and then I did the stupidest thing in the world–went in the bathroom and weighed myself (I know, I was asking for trouble).  What?!  How on earth can I be gaining weight at this rate?  I never thought it was possible to gain 2 pounds every single week.  Getting dressed made things worse–nothing fits, and since I’m doing this blessed clothing fast 🙂 I don’t have the option to even go get new clothes.  My hair is ratty and gross, a zit stands out on my left cheek.  So by the time I get downstairs a cheery “Good morning sweetie!” is not about to cross my lips.  I opt for silence, which is usually the best choice, and after making breakfast, Jeff comes in for a kiss and good morning.  I lean into his chest and mope.  I can feel crumbs under my feet (how does one little boy filthy an entire house?) and as I glance out the sliding glass door (which I cleaned yesterday in order to show the house), I see muddy handprints smeared around the 3-foot-high mark.  *Sigh*

It’s mornings like these, totally void of real tragedy but full of little downers, that can just be discouraging.  But what sticks out to me about this morning was the tenacious grace of my husband.  Instead of leaving early as he usually does, he lingered around longer than normal.  He got Dutch up, made his oatmeal, and sat with him so I could make myself somewhat more presentable.  He read Dutch’s BIble to him, then even got on the floor and played cowboys and indians.  Innumerable hugs, encouragment, and insistance that he still thinks I’m hot filled the morning, until he finally left at 9am.  He never grew impatient, never lectured me, never preached and told me to shape up.  He just loved me.  And love is the greatest motivator on earth.  Paul said that the love of Christ compelled him.  It was the love of Christ that inspired Paul’s service. It was not guilt nor lecturing.  Love.  ANd it is the love of Jeff this morning that slowly pulled me from my little wallowing pit of self-pity. It is love that lures us out of ourselves.  It wasn’t a lecture, or an exhortation to get over myself. It was just quiet attention, extra care, a dose of affection, and unconditional love.  I’m thankful for that today. Thanks, hon.  You teach me a lot every day.

I want to see God do great things.  But most of all I just want to see God.

Just a Mommy post:

Today I’ve done something I’ve never done before, said goodbye to my hubby as he left at 7am to be at church for sound and set-up…then rolled over and went back to sleep.  🙂  After a packed weekend of travel for a friend’s wedding, we arrived home late last night and Dutch was exhausted, I felt a sore throat coming on, and since we only have one car (I know, I know, we need to just quit being stubborn and buy another car!), it meant getting Dutch up early and keeping him up through his nap yet another day.  So…basically I prayed last night and felt like maybe the best option was for Dutch and me to have a quiet church service at home.  I vascillated, Jeff insisted, and the rest is history…we stayed home.

I never could have expected what a sweet morning it would be with my boy.  I slept in, stayed in my pjs, then got Dutch up who was still in his wedding clothes from the night before.  After we ate a leisurely oatmeal breakfast and took a bath, I explained that today was the day that we normally go and worship God with all the other people, because it is the Lord’s special day, but that today we were going to have a special church service at home, just Dutch and Mommy, and we were going to read our Bibles and pray together.  When I said this he ran into the living room and grabbed his little children’s Bible and brought it to me and pointed to our little spot on the floor next to the couch.  My heart melted.  Really?!  Was this actually going to work!  We read through about 1/3 of his whole Bible (not many preachers get through a 1/3 of the Bible in one Sunday morning! :-), and then we played a little more.  Then I thought I’d really give a challenge and told him now we were going to each sit and read our own Bibles, Dutch with his and Mommy with hers and we were going to sit on the couch and read quietly.  To my amazement he crawled up and snuggled next to me on the couch and opened his Bible and we sat there and read our Bibles for almost 15 minutes together…ok is this the most precious moment a mommy could ask for?  Then we prayed together (ok, he closed his eyes for one second, then watched me pray), and then he went back to playing while I finished my Bible reading.  Then he got to have a trip to the park to play because he was so good.  After a mommy-low-point yesterday (at the wedding a perfect stranger walked up and informed me that Dutch had BITTEN her son…oh dear), I was thankful for a treat like this.

Anyway, I know it’s a small thing, but I was just so blessed to have a special morning at home with my boy.  Later we picnicked on the back deck and ate popscicles in the sunshine.  Yes, later he filled his dump truck full of dirt and then dumped it on the floor inside…but hey, he is still a little boy!

So I’m thankful today for my special little church service with my boy. I LOVE attending Sunday worship celebrations with God’s people, and I take seriously the exhortation to “not forsake the assembling of ourselves together”, but for just this day I am so thankful for the freedom we have in Christ, that WE are the church, and that He meets with us even in the little things of life, little things like a morning at home with my son.

Jeff had the privilege this week of attending a seminary by Kent Hughes, author of many books including Disciplines of a Godly Man.  He actually also was blessed enough to sit by him at lunch!  He feverishly scribbled down as many notes as he could, then shared with me when he got home.  There were countless little nuggets, but one in particular stood out to me:  Are we minstering to our congregations felt needs or real needs?  This is not a new debate.  Are we seeker friendly or not?  I personally think that any church that preaches the pure true gospel is seeker friendly, but the debate has come to whether or not we should meet people at their point of felt need.

I’m no expert on this topic, but I will say that I think we are guilty, in general, as the church, by watering down our message to make it simply apply to felt needs.  It is good to find a meeting point between the average Joe and some spiritual truth, but too often we go to such extremes to be meet the need of the person, we fail to recognize what their real need really is.  Our felt needs include things like financial security, love, support, stability, peace.  These are legitimate needs.  But our real needs are things that are deeper–reconciliation with Christ, power over the bondage of sin, freedom from the lies of the enemy, courage and boldness to impact the world for Christ, humility to lose ourselves and live for the glory of God.  Most people would not list these are their top ten needs, but the truth is this is what they are dying for.

I wish I had the answer. I don’t think we’ll ever get it perfect, but perhaps we can just aim more and more to minister to people at their point of real need.  Perhaps we set our expectations too low, thinking people don’t want meat, and if we take away their milk they’ll run away.  I suspect that nine times out of ten they’ll rise to the challenge, grab their steak knives, and dive in to the feast.  Why? Because most people are hungrier than they even realize.  And no endless cups of milk will satisfy a true spiritual craving for truth–the kind that addresses one’s real need.

So, those are just thoughts for today.  Lord, help me know what I really need.

You know it’s been almost six months of doing these LiveDifferent Challenges, and I have refrained from mentioning TV.  Mostly because I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I’m a legalistic weirdo who thinks TVs are evil. They aren’t.  Just because we don’t have one doesn’t mean we think they are inherently bad.  They aren’t.  The second reason was that all the people who I know read this blog don’t have a problem with watching too much TV, so it didn’t seem relevant.  But this week I read a fun article about People Who Live Without TV, and I thought it was fascinating.  I would not call myself a “religious right ultraconservative” person, (as the author does) in fact I love “crunchy granola” and I recycle religiously, I just want to live a life as pleasing to Christ as possible, so call me what you will.

Growing up we always owned a TV, but didn’t really watch it.  I can remember Little House on the Prairie and renting The Wilderness Family from the library, and sometimes being allowed to watch The Dukes of Hazard with my dad, but other than that I don’t remember really watching TV.  It certainly wasn’t a daily occurrence.  So, I think maybe that is part of the reason that I have no interest in it.  It’s not a discipline for me to not have a TV, it’s a preference.  I’d have to agree with the woman in the article who simply said, “It’s just something I don’t want in the home – it’s a perpetual annoyance, like a gnat.”  Agreed.

But even more than that, what disturbs me about television is the trash that is on it.  I think perhaps because I’m not accustomed to it, it shocks me even more when I see the boobs, butts, sexual innuendos, and downright disgusting humor that has become the norm on today’s TV.  Christians certainly aren’t called to live in a bubble, but if I can choose to limit my family’s exposure to trash, I will!  For the same reason that I don’t feed them Cheetos and white Minute Rice–because I love them.

We actually used to own a TV, which was a Christmas present.  Where we’ve chosen to draw the line is at cable.  I have no problem with the physical box that is a TV, and if we can tweak some rabbit ears and get the news or some educational documentary on PBS that’s great, but choosing to pay a monthly fee so that trash can be streaming directly into our home is not for me.  We already pay a monthly fee to have our trash taken away from our house!  I don’t want it back! 🙂

Jeff and I do enjoy curling up together occasionally and watching a movie.  In the last six months we’ve been blessed to see Cinderella Man, Amazing Grace, and A Series of Unfortunate Events.  There is no black and white answer to how one’s household should deal with the TV, but if we don’t think and pray and act intentionally, with the aim of making our home as Christlike as possible, I’m afraid the trash sneaks in and pretty soon the entire house smells like the garbage of the world.

So this week, just think about it.  I’m not saying you have to toss your TV in the trash. Someday perhaps we’ll own another one.  But consider what is allowed to sneak into your home.  Think of yourself as a guard–protecting you and your family from the garbage that the world is trying to sell.  I have enough trouble keeping the mind of Christ as it is–I don’t need any more competition from the world! The pull is strong enough!

When in doubt, maybe just fast TV for a week.  Encourage your kids and husband to join you. Read the paper. Check the news online.  Read a book.  Go outside.  Go for a walk or lie in the grass.  Whatever you decide, guard your precious heart from any garbage you don’t need.  Take out the trash…and leave it there.

I recently had the privilege of watching the entire 5-hour dramatized story of the September 11th tragedy, called The Path to 9/11.  I am not proud of the fact that I am embarrassingly ignorant about politics, world news, and governmental goings on.  I’m getting better, but somehow that portion of our homeschool curriculum just didn’t stick.  But I was intrigued by this film, and thankful for investing the time to watch it, and left more thankful than ever for how God protected me on that tragic day seven years ago.

On September 10th, 2001 I was in Brasil on a mission trip with a group of students from OSU.  Our team leaders, Ryan and Darcy Sugai, were staying in Brasil, so another team member, Matt, and myself were the leaders for the trip back.  We were basically just a bunch of kids, and Matt and I did the best we could to corral the group in the right direction (all we thought we had to do was make one transfer at the Miami airport).  We flew into Miami early Tuesday morning, September 11th, ate Cinnabon rolls during our two-hour layover (isn’t it interesting how the particulars stick out to you looking back on tragic days?). After cinnamon rolls we brushed our teeth, and embarked on our plane, a United Airlines flight, with a full fuel tank, scheduled to take us cross-country to Portland after a quick stop in Atlanta.  The flight wasn’t full, so after flying all night long from Sao Vicente, Brasil, we were thrilled to stretch out and pray for some much-needed shut-eye.

I awoke from my sleep to a voice over the intercom, “Please put your seat in the full and upright position, tray tables locked in place, please stow any carry-on bags you may have and discontinue use of electronic devices at this time.”  I stayed where I was, thinking I must be dreaming, knowing we’d only been in the air for maybe an hour tops.  Soon an attendant came and laid a hand on my shoulder, “Miss, up please. Now.”  She sounded urgent, and as I rubbed my eyes in confusion, sitting up and slipping on my shoes, a little chill ran down my spine. What was going on?  Soon the pilot came on explaining that Air Traffic Control was commanding all flights in US airspace to emergency land immediately.  All planes in the U.S.? He explained that he didn’t know the cause but we were emergency landing in Birmingham, Alabama immediately.  As we landed in the tiny airport, the landing strip in no way equipped for a plane of our size, we taxied out into the middle of a large field, where we were told to get off the plane, carrying nothing–no purses, no carry-ons, nothng.  So, with nothing but the clothes on our back, confused and a a little unnerved, we obediently disembarked, and joined the other blurry eyed passengers in the middle of the field.  I realized all of a sudden that Matt and I better be ready to lead a little more than we’d anticipated.  We circled hands with the team and began to pray, and it was then that a woman on her cell phone became hysterical, saying the Two Towers of the World Trade Center had been the target of terrorist attack–with hijacked flights flown directly into them.  We were stunned, beyond words, slowly realizing how incredibly blessed we were to even be alive.

After an hour in the field, they let us into the airport, but we couldn’t leave the terminal.  We had no purses, and no money for food, but no one was interested in eating.  When we walked into the airport, every TV in every restaurant carried the same news. Thousands were dead, another plan was hijacked.  The U.S. was under attack.  I realized then with horror that every single person had families at home, families wondering if our flight was hijacked.  Cell phones were useless–no service.  We took turns making collect calls back home.  I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath, in shock, until I heard my dad’s voice, full of anxiety.  “Hello??”  “Daddy, I’m safe!”  I could hear him break down crying, which of course made me do that same.  I heard him whisper, “She’s ok” to my mom.  Eventually I managed to explain we were in Birmingham and had no idea what would happen next.  But we were safe, and with that news they were content.

What we thought was perhaps an hour or two delay ended up being five days.  With hundreds of other stranded passengers, we curled up on the floor to nap, waiting for news.  Eventually night came, and we were told that there was no promise of when flights would resume.  With no local contacts and no money, Matt and I and the team began to pray–where would we stick 18 college students?  United AIrlines graciously arranged for lodging for us at a nearby hotel, and soon the shuttle came to take us to our new temporary home, in Birmingham, Alabama.

Our five days in Alabama actually were a miracle. A local church heard of our plight and volunteered to take us in.  They took us out to dinner, arranged for transportation to church for their midweek service where they prayed for us, and even took one guy and one girl from our team to Kmart to buy bulk packages of underwear (size Medium…we figured that was a safe call) and toothbrushes for the group.  As for clothes, we traded back and forth, pairing skirts with each others’ t-shirts and washing socks in the sink.  The hotel we were at actually had a beautiful indoor pool…but alas, no swimsuits. The girls shared chapstick and a tube of mascara, and we all bonded more in 5 days than we had on the entire trip thus far.  It was an adventure, but an emotional one, as each day drug on longer and longer, our clothes getting smellier, our hearts getting more and more homesick, the emotional up and down of each day hoping for a flight and each day learning there were no flights.  Each day was filled with news, the paper, and the realization that we were amongst the more fortunate of Americans, to have our lives and our loved ones.

So today, seven years later, I’m thankful but sobered.  I’m not a very patriotic person, just meaning that I identify myself as a Christian, not as an American.  However, I would say that my generation has lost something, in that we take for granted so much that our ancestors fought, sacrificed, and died for.  We criticize our country while we drive around our SUVs and sit in our nice homes, safe and secure and financially free.  While I don’t worship this country, I will never stop being thankful for the freedom, security, and peace that I enjoy here.  And this day reminds me never to take that for granted.

I guess I just wanted to reflect today, both on a personal level–how thankful I am for God’s protection seven years ago, and on a national level, how blessed we are to live in this country.  I pray for humble and thankful hearts for the American people, for a return to the ways of the Lord, and for knees to bow to the one true King who is Lord of every tribe, tongue, and nation.  And I pray we would never take for granted the freedom we enjoy in this country.  Thank You, Father.

So the reality of the matter is that we can sit and talk about loss and pain and trusting God even when it hurts, but the reality is that God GIVES US GOOD GIFTS.  Ask anyone who has walked with God for any length of time and ask them to share some stories of the miraculous ways that God has fulfilled His promises and done great work through their lives.  He doesn’t just give suckers, He does fulfill His promises, He does give us the desires of our hearts, He does come through in miraculous ways.  If we ended this retreat after the last session, I feel like though it would be good, we’d be surrendered and empty handed, we’d be unprepared for life, because the reality is that most of us at some point will be floored and blessed by seeing God’s words come to pass.  He blesses us like a father.

One of my favorite Psalms reads like this 66:12.

10 For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
11 You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
12 You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;
But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.

God brings rich fulfillment. He’s not obligated to, but you cannot read through the entirety of scripture and not realize that God is longing, waiting, eagerly, to bless us. So we must be ready for this.  We don’t hope in it, but we prepare ourselves for it.  Our hearts must be ready to Enjoy Fulfillment while Worshipping God.

So tonight we’ll briefly look at the rest of all the stories. We’ll look at the end of the disappointments that we examined in the first session, and see what happened when the fulfillment came at last.  And then I’d like to share a few things from my own life, and how I’m just now beginning to see the fulfillment.  This is what we will talk about tonight-the fufillment.  The things.  However, what we’re looking at tonight is the danger involved in Fulfillment, and how we can successfully receive God’s blessing.  The very blessings of God that because of sin can potentially bring the ruin of our souls.

Abraham. God finally fulfills the promise.  Isaac is born, the seed of Abraham through whom the nations of the world will be blessed, through whom the Messiah will come.  Glorious fulfillment! Abraham has waited 100 years to have a son, a son by his true wife, the son of promise, of course he will adore him. How easy it is to wait upon the Lord, broken, praying in humble desperation, until the promise is fulfilled. Then we take our goodie, say thank you very much and excuse me I’ll be off enjoying my new god so please leave me alone. That of course is an exaggeration, but we come close to that.  But God loves Abraham too much to let this happen.  And Abraham is called to kill the very beloved son, kill the very fulfillment that God has finally brought to pass.

What happened to Joseph-God’s word was fulfilled.  He used Joseph to preserve the nation of Israel, providing food for them from the plenty of Egypt. His brothers did indeed bow down to him, and Joseph shines as an example of one who responded in Christlike manner, assuring his brothers, what you meant for harm God meant for good.  There is a man who understands the disappointments of God, the severe mercy of God.

Moses: God did do what He promised, delivering the children of Israel into the promised land. But it was not easy going for Moses, and his act of disobedience cost him the chance to see the promised land.  This is a warning for us.  Just because God fulfills His promise, or gives great spiritual blessing, does not make us immune to failure.  Each act of faith and obedience still matters to God, and we are still capable, at any point on our journey, of missing out on the promises of God because of unbelief or disobedience.

The Children of Israel:  This is perhaps the saddest because we know that once they inherited the land, they became fat with the abundance of the land, and forsook the Lord their God. This is the prime example of what we hope and pray does not happen.  Protect us from the danger of the good land!  Protect us from taking our fill of the blessing and fulfillment and forgetting the One who gave it all to us.

David:  David did become King, and didn’t worship his status as King, though he faltered at times in his integrity.  Perhaps it was the 10-14 years of misery, of wandering in the desert, that so prepared David’s heart before God that nothing, no Kingdom, no power, no glory would rival that love God had knitted so deeply into his heart.  Tale of Three Kings.

The Disciples: As far as we know, all the disciples (except Judas), who were so forsaken when Jesus died, went on to establish the church and die martyr’s deaths for Christ (except John who tradition tells us died of natural causes).  Apparently after he rose they finally “got it”-they figured it out.  Everything Jesus said finally clicked.  And while they had their rough spells as well, God used the trials and disappointments of before to prepare them for the work and glory ahead.

Story of a place to live.  Story of my internship.  Story of possibility of Jeff’s job.

These are amazing examples of how God orchestrates every little detail, even the disappointments, in order to bring about the rich fulfillment.  So then what?  First, of course, we fall on our faces and worship Him in thanks!  But then what?

Now I think that the hard part actually comes after the storm is over, when the terror is gone, you no longer cry yourself to sleep or are filled with anxiety.  God provides a job.  He provides a home. He pours out his spirit on some great event or ministry experience.  God brings your wayward child home.  He restores your marriage. He gives you a child.  He brings a man into your life.  Hey, I’m talking to a body of believers who have seen God bring them into rich fulfillment right before their very eyes.  The story of your building is miraculous.  We walked through the 10 years of pre-fulfillment, picking up the chairs and loading the Uhaul.  You all are seeing the fulfillment, so I dare say this is applicable.  God does fulfill his promises.  But the scary part is the we are SO prone to then worship the very gift instead of the Giver.

So how do we receive the good blessings, the promised land, the rich fulfillment that God gives, without turning on our backs on him and idolizing the gift that God so gracious gave. It seems to me that while God is always the initiator of things, there is a portion that is our part to play in this and a portion that is God’s.  For example, it seems to me that God divinely orchestrates the fiery seasons, the trials, the dark hour, the severe mercy, so that we will not become overly attached the good things, the blessings, and things of this world.  When are broken, we can become conduits for God’s blessings, letting them flow through us rather than hoarding them all up and calling them “my precious”.  God breaks us so that we are safe.  Unbroken people are unsafe recipients of His blessings. Just like horses and toddlers, we must be broken before we are safe.   That is God’s part.  Just as the Psalm said, he refines us like silver, but brings us into rich fulfillment.  As we mentioned before in Romans 5:1-5, “tribulation produces perseverance; 4 and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 Now hope does not disappoint”…this is what God accomplishes through trials (again, we could do an entire retreat on suffering).  Just last week I read

Proverbs  20:30 which says 30 Blows that hurt cleanse away evil,
As do stripes the inner depths of the heart.^“

God uses the disappointments to cleanse us from evil and bring perseverance and character, all of which helps ensure that we are able to handle blessing, to be safe with blessing.  That is what God does.

So then there is our part.  Our part then is to constantly be on guard for the subtle sin of letting things become internal.  Letting things creep into the single throne in our heart. As soon as something becomes absolutely necessary for our life and well-being, it is threatening to be an idol.  Then we, like Abraham, must lay it on the altar.

I think Hannah is an excellent example to us in this regard.  Here is a woman who truly longed for something-a child.  This is the kind of longing I’m talking about-the aching yearning deep inside that is torturous.  And, it might even be God-given, so it’s not like we can just forsake it, like a sin, and move on.  So she longs and aches for this thing, and then, as God so often does, He brings fulfillment to this desire.  Her son is born. Samuel the prophet.  Not just any son, a son of promise, set apart for God.  And what does she do? She kept the child with her until he was weaned (which could be anywhere from 2 years to 5 years), and then she takes him to Shiloh, and offers a sacrifice, and gives back her child to the Lord.  And her famous words in 1 Samuel for us to follow are this:  “‘For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of Him. Therefore I also have lent him to the LORD, as long as he lives he shall be lent to the Lord’.  So she worshiped the Lord there.”  What an amazing response.  I just weaned my son a couple weeks ago, at 20 months old.  I cannot even imagine now having to give him up. In fact, I recently read this trilogy by Liz Curtis Higgs, a rendition of the story of Jacob, Rachel and Leah, and in it Leah has to give up her only son.  I almost couldn’t even read the book, I cried so hard it devastated me, even comprehending the pain of giving over something I love so much. And that pain, that struggle is good, it’s real, but like Hannah, our response must always be that we commit all that God has given us back into His hands.  As AW Tozer has said so perfectly, everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.

So this is the secret, the part that is our part, the secret that we must take hold up and put into practice-the blessedness of possessing nothing.  All things remain external to our heart, there is a single throne there, where only the King of Kings may reign, and though rival loves may fight, tooth and nail, to earn their way to the center, we battle more, harder, stronger longer, to keep our Lord Jesus securely on the throne.  Consider AW Tozer’s reflection to the Abraham and Isaac story, the ultimate example of giving back to God the sweet fulfillment of His promise that He has given to us:  In what he calls the blessedness of possessing nothing.

(READ PURSUIT OF GOD 27-30).

And by the grace of God, this is what I’m experiencing right now.  A job, a house, an exciting internship opportunity, these things are no longer necessary for my identity and contentment.  They are external. I am thankful yes, rejoicing yes, but none of it defines me.  My job, my house, my education, my status, the way I look, the clothes I wear.  None of these things define. I am a daughter of God, valued beyond measure, sealed by the Spirit. I have freely received, I can freely give.  This is freedom, this is relinquishment, this is surrendered expectation and living in the sweetness of expectancy. Lord I deserve nothing, but Oh you are so good, so I wait on you all the day.  My expectation is from you.

So we’ve covered a lot this weekend.  We’ve covered a lot of stories, a lot of scripture.  We’ve gone from embracing the fact that God deliberately disappoints us or thwarts our expectations, so that He can be glorified by doing greater and more glorious things in our lives. So our response is to process the pain of letting our expectations die, our dreams die.  We surrender, we acknowledge our fears, we name them, pray through them, and allow the grief to actually pierce our hearts.  We let the dream die, trusting that God will raise it from the dead if it is of Him.  And then we unearth expectancy.  We don’t let dreams die and then just wallow in despair.  We turn our eyes to Him, we meditate on His goodness, His omnipotence, His omniscience. We consider who He is, we study His attributes, we fix our eyes on His perfections, and we anticipate the great and glorious things that He will do because He is good and because He is God.  We wait in expectancy.

And then, when God does that glorious work, when He brings us into rich fulfillment, when He gives good gifts, as He loves to do, we respond by giving back.  We embrace what He’s given us and hold it with an open hand. If he calls us to give it back for good, we say Yes Lord, if he calls us to use it for ministry or give it away, we say Yes Lord.  We refuse to worship the gift, we enjoy it and receive it and offer it back up to God daily for His use.  This is the process of our weekend, the journey we’ve been on.  And what’s the common thread?  We hold onto nothing save Christ.  We trust with reckless abandon.  We believe Him period, rather than simply believing Him for something.  We don’t trust in people, we don’t wait on circumstances, we don’t live for suckers.  We hope in nothing except Christ.  We rely on nothing except Christ.  He is our life, breath, sustenance, glory.  He is what we look forward to each day, He is what we hope for at the end of our life.  His presence is our strength, His Word is our guide.  We refuse to settle for the trivial passing pleasures of this world when we can experience the greatest joy and adventure any mortal could imagine.  We let it all go, and we get God.  And we do this not in a sad resigned state of sorrow, but in joyful expectancy.

Expectancy, rooted and grounded in the goodness of God, is our joy.  I pray for this heavenly expectancy for every single one of us, a hope that is firmly based in God’s character, and surrendered to His wise and perfect will.

This journey we took this weekend, is really the journey you will take many times, a hundred little times, during the course of life.  We follow a path of disappointment, surrender, pain, hope, and fulfillment, then possibly back through again.  Some times it’s little, sometimes it’s great. We won’t always do it right!  You aren’t going to go home and live the rest of your life in perfect joyful expectancy.  But we press on! We can learn to go through this process with God, willing to be hurt, willing to feel pain, willing to learn and try and fail and learn again, we will see God move and shape our lives to be more like Christ, which is our goal.

My final question is Will you let God take you through this process?  Let yourself hurt, enter into your disappointments, identify the expectations that led you there, catch yourself hoping in outcomes, waiting on people, living for suckers, and then dig down deep into the character of God and fix your gaze on Him.  And when the glorious promises come, in those golden moments of life, turn your gaze back to him, offer the thing back to Him, and guard that throne of your heart so that He alone reigns in the center.

We’re waiting in Expectancy, Surrendered to Your Sovereignty, why? Because we’re hungry for True Intimacy Lord. For the things of your heart.