All posts by Jeff

Needless to say, us Portlanders have all had a few change of plans recently.  Our church was cancelled last week due to crazy amounts of snow.  All week we adjusted, cancelled, switched things around.  Saturday instead of a lazy day relaxing at home we were in the ER all morning with our poor burn-victim son, then changing guaze pads and wrapping Dutch’s little blistered arm.  Sunday we miraculously made it to church, after Jeff spent an entire HOUR de-icing the car.  It literally had an inch thick of solid ice encasing the entire thing–I’ve never seen anything like it.  Realizing that that wasn’t going to be fun every morning, and since our garage is too short for our car, Jeff got creative and moved everything around and managed to park diagonally in our garage! He has to crawl in through the passenger door in order to get to the driver’s seat, but at least there’s no more de-icing! 

Needless to say the huge 2nd birthday party for Dutch was widdled down to just my parents and Jeff’s dad and step-mom and step-grandma who flew up last week from California.  And the snow was coming down so hard and they were so afraid of getting stuck that we moved up the time, skipped Dutch’s nap, then raced through dinner, cake, and presents in record speed. 

Today Jeff braved the 20 inches of snow and went to work, only to work a few hours and then take other staff members home who had no other way!  Tonight we had to go buy new guaze and wrapping materials for Dutch’s arm, which took 1.5 hours since most pharmacies were closed.  Jeff’s dad and step-mom and step-grandma were supposed to fly back to California this morning, but are now stuck, as PDX is closed, and can’t fly out until the 27th!  They’re pretty bummed, stuck in their hotel room for an extra five days, missing their own holiday plans with their own family.  My brother and his wife and daughter, scheduled to arrive today from Utah, now are told their flight won’t be rescheduled until the 27th as well…and I was counting down the hours until I’d get to see them.   Jeff’s mom and step-dad, who had wanted to be here as well, are stuck in Bend until the weather clears.  Basically, we have family desperately trying to come see us and family desperately trying to leave us! 🙂  Our holidays plans are all on hold; church services are TBA.  We’re still planning to meet Christmas Eve…but we use the word “plan” pretty loosely these days. 

This morning I read through the book of James.   Chapter 4:13-14 stood out to me.

“Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit” — yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.”

Now I dare say it’s not sin to make holiday plans…and this is by far the worst snow storm we’ve had in my lifetime; so it’s no wonder we’re all caught unawares.  But it just reminded me that I need to continue to hold every “tomorrow” with an open hand.  I was actually doing great all weekend, rolling with the punches of the ER, the weather, the birthday changes. I always think it’s kind of fun when crazy weather hits–it feels like a huge adventure.  Besides, we have power, warm water, and plenty of food–no complaints!  But today I started to get bummed as I thought about our holidays plans evaporating the way I wish our snow would!  My heart was set on our whole family coming to WCC’s special Christmas Eve service.  I wanted so badly for them to see “our world”.  For the first time, Jeff and I were getting to host Christmas Eve, and I had everything planned and ready. Our tree is beautiful. The house is decorated.  I’m stocked up on cider and a freezer full of Christmas cookies. I’ve been aching to see my brother and his family so bad.  So I admit, today I finally felt deflated.  Deflated because plans change.

Pastor Joel talked about this very thing yesterday at church. I actually didn’t get to hear the sermon because there were so few people there at church that there was no childcare, and Dutch was the only nursery-age kid there, so Jeff and I took turns sitting out with him and reading books. He held him during worship so I could play the djembe (he kept calling “mama” and wanting to run on stage), and I took him during the sermon.  But just hearing Jeff’s summary of the message ministered to my heart. 

Pastor Joel talked about how Joseph and Mary, a  young couple engaged to be married, probably just wanted a normal life. They were probably excited for their wedding, making plans, looking forward to their life together, perhaps children, establishing their life.  And Gabriel changed everything.  A simple change of plans.  Plans changed because God wanted to do more than give them a simple happy life. He wanted to save the world through them.  God ruined their plans to save the world.  O how grateful we are that God changed their plans!!!   O how grateful I am that Mary and Joseph didn’t just get to get married and lead a normal life.  O how eternally grateful. 

And so it reminds me today that “tomorrow” is never certain, and that God might want to change our plans to save the world.  Ok perhaps Messiah might not be coming in this snowstorm, but God might be doing something far greater than my fun holiday plans.  And I’m reminded to pay attention, because God might just be at work when plans change. 

On my “Last Year This Week” section, I see the post entitled “My Son Turns One”.  I remember that huge sense of relief I felt when Dutch turned one.  It was like Jeff and I turned to each other and went, “Whew. We made it.  He’s still alive.”  That first year is so full of emotions and innumerable firsts.  It’s like you arrive at the first year finish line exhausted and weary and so thankful the crazy little munchkin is somehow still alive despite your own stupidity and ignorance.  Somehow they survive that inevitable falling off the bed (three times in Dutch’s case), peeing in their own face (ok at least Dutch did that), and eating something you later find out is strictly off limits until one year of age (strawberries in Dutch’s case). 

Two feels a little different.  It feels less like a relief and more like a preparation for a coming train. Instead of looking at eachother and saying, “Whew. We made it. He’s still alive.”  We look at each other and say, “Oh no. He’s two. Will we survive?”  The funny thing about two is that now Dutch is his own person.  Of course I’m stil his mommy who determines what he eats and wears, but now Dutch is in the gradual process of becoming his own little person.  Changing diapers and breastfeeding is really pretty easy when you think about it…disciplining, shaping character, and shepherding a child’s heart is another story.  The stakes get higher and higher.  I’ve never felt so inadequate in my life.  I’ve never felt so desperate for God’s grace and wisdom to somehow lead us every day.  My prayers over Dutch at night have transitioned from routine and well-formed to a desperate exhaling, a plea and cry for help from the One who is faithful to answer. 

I’m also more aware than ever that I have no guarantees how long I have my precious son. This weekend has seemed to be full of tragedy from every angle.  Tremendous loss has touched so many dear people in my life.  And I’m also aware that I will blink and Dutch will be grown.  I’m sure he will make obligatory calls to his mother, visiting at holidays and perhaps even kissing the top of my head from his own lofty height.  But someday I’ll no longer hear the cry “Mama mama!” as he runs through the hall. I won’t get to smell his amazing little kitten breath when I wake him up and kiss his face a dozen times.  My back won’t ache from picking him up 100 times a day.  I will no longer have Richard Scarry memorized.  I’m thankful for days like this, which help me remember that this incredibly short season is precious beyond words.  I pray for the grace to cherish it. 

So happy birthday, son.  I treasure you beyond words.  I could never imagine a son who would make me more proud.  I am honored to be your Mommy.  I love you little monkey.

How Prayer Works…I have no idea.  I don’t have any clue how God’s Sovereignty works with our responsibility to pray; how we can move the hand of God and yet He be totally sovereign over our every breath.  No idea.  Not a clue. And yet, somehow I know that prayer works, because God works.

Some of you know that today Dutch pulled boiling hot water off the counter all over himself.   In the split second it took me to pick him up I could see blisters already formed and broken open all over his forearm.  Then that silent moment that feels like an eternity right before he started screaming.  After getting him calmed down we checked him over and were amazed that the blistering was only on his forearm. We calmed him down, ran cold water all over his arm, making it into a game by doing the same with our arms, cut off his onesie, wrapped him in a blanket, then drove to the ER. 

I just have to say that it was amazing.  I texted several people for prayer and got my mom praying (which means all her little prayer warriors were praying too), and amazingly Dutch sat happily reading books at the hospital, only going crazy when they had to dress the burns.  We also had to praise God that we had our new car, with 4 wheel drive, because we were in the middle of a crazy snow storm, and there was no way we could have made it in our accord.   And, amazingly, once we got home Dutch never complained once. Then, on top of it all, we changed his dressing tonight and the burns are miraculously better. He still has bad blistering but the redness is drastically reduced, no swelling–it looked night and day better than before.  And he never even fussed as we changed his dressing.  Is that not a miracle?

All I know is that today God chose to work mightily through prayer on behalf of us and our little monkey. I don’t know how it works. I also heard of a horrible tragedy today in the life of a friend of mine. Why didn’t God answer those prayers in the way they hoped?  I don’t know.  I don’t understand how prayer works.  But today it did. Today God did.  And I’m so thankful for His graciousness to us today.  And thankful to those who prayed.

Jeff and I spent the morning in our slippers digging through boxes in the garage, looking for our Christmas tree stand while Dutch ran around in his jammies playing with a broken truck I’d tried to hide in the trash.  There are some disadvantages to moving every 6 mos. to a year as we have been in the habit of doing for the last 5.5 years.  In fact, there are more disadvantages than I will name.  (Can you tell I’m looking forward to moving somewhere and STAYING for a long time?)  One of the tricky things is that you begin to realize that unpacking everything you own is an enormous waste of time and energy.  So, you begin to simply store more and only unpack the absolute necessities.  And when you store stuff, you forget where it is.  I never thought we’d still be living here during the holidays, so our Christmas stuff is somewhere in the garage.  We decided to just skip getting a Christmas tree, but then my parents gave us one for free, even dropping it off at our house. How can you pass up putting up a tree that’s already in your garage?  Plus, it’s beautiful, and we’re hosting Dutch’s 2nd birthday party and Christmas Eve at our house.  So Jeff and I forged through the garage, in search of the Christmas tree stand.  It’s long gone.  Fortunately, everyone else is done buying Christmas supplies, so everything is 50% off everywhere. So $7 got us a CHristmas tree stand and now we have 2…somewhere. 

Storing also poses difficulties because of space constraints.  I miss my garage freezer, which is still at our home in McMinnville.  I’m a cook-ahead girl, because I don’t like last minute stress and I like to always have enough food for company. So I always cook ahead meals, bread, muffins, soup, cookies, so that when busy holiday times come, I’m prepared for whatever and whoever come our way.  But this year our space is super limited, so I can’t store up much in preparation for the holidays.  Storing up definitely has its challenges.

But this week I read about a different storing up.  And with this you never ever lose anything and there is no limit to the amount you can store up for later.  First Timothy 6:17-19 speaks to every person in America, the wealthiest nation in the world: 

As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.  They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life. 

I love that! Did you get that “take hold of that which is truly life.”  Isn’t that beautiful?  What is life?  Life is investing in eternity. That is living.  And our job, as wealthy Americans (and we all are), is to enjoy the things God gives us (not feel guilty about them), set our hope on God (not the economy), and to be generous and ready to share (open-hand and open-door).  This is how we store up treasure, which we will never lose.  This, friends, is truly life.  This is living.  This is taking hold of that which is truly life. 

In celebration of being done with school Jeff and I signed up for a free 2-week trial from NetFlix.  We will probably only get through 3 movies, though, since it takes us 2-3 nights to finish one whole movie.  By the time Dutch is in bed and we’re ready to watch it’s 8:30 and I’m lucky if I can make it to 9:30 without falling asleep. So, last night we finished watching The Bucket List.   Reflections on it deserve another entire post, but related to this topic, I was laying in bed last night thinking about what those two men thought was “truly life.”  Skydiving, experiencing the grandeur of the world, enjoying family, racing cars, eating caviar. All of those things are great. But truly living involves enjoying the goodness of God and storing up treasures for the life to come.  This is truly living, according to God’s Word.

And this is certainly applicable for this week, Christmas Week. How can you truly live this week? By freely enjoying everything God has given you.  This includes everything from corporate worship to hot cider by the fire.  This includes choosing to love instead of getting frustrated by family. This includes forgiving.  This includes stopping to savor that small slice of pumpkin pie (and perhaps choosing to stop at one slice!).  I pray that as we give, share, and enjoy God’s goodness, that everything we say and do this week would rise as worship to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who was and is and is to come.  Merry Christmas, friends.  Store up, and enjoy.

This morning I read 2 Thessalonians 3:16: “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way.  The Lord be with you all.”  World peace is what everyone wants.  Every Miss America contestant bats her eyelashes and tries to explain how she would bring world peace.  Even on a daily basis, we strive and long for peace in our marriages, homes, workplaces, families.  We battle for peace between the sexes, the races, the political parties.  And yet, more than ever, peace is lacking.  Depression is at an all-time high.  Stress characterizes our world.  And this season of Christmas, supposedly characterized by Peace of Earth, is one of the least peaceful times of the year. 

Pastor Joel humorously pointed out that this is the way we celebrate the Prince of Peace at Christmas:  we decide to throw more parties than we do during the entire rest of the year combined, jam-packing our schedules with activities.  We write a letter, take a photo, and spend tons of time and resources to send them to a hundred of our closest friends.  We bake treats feverishly for everyone we know.  We shop during every waking hour, racking up stressful credit card bills and decreasing our financial margin for the rest of the year.  And to top it off, we let the kids out of school so they can be home all the time!  How’s that for peace? 

I must say, however, that I love all of those things (except the credit card bill–we don’t go there).  I love baking, I love the parties, I love sending out Christmas letters. Honestly, Christmas isn’t stressful for me.  I do feel God’s peace. In fact, I love this time of year because for once the world is forced to at least somewhat think about what Christ has done for us. Even if they celebrate Kwanzaa or Festivus for the Rest-of-us, there remains the lurking reminder that Jesus is behind it all, no matter how hard we try to take Him out of it. We can call it “Winter Break” for the kids, but guess what holiday still remains at the center of this break.  The birthday of Jesus Christ, Son of God, Light of the World, Risen and Coming King. 

The world has a million and one ways to try to bring peace into our lives.  Candles, soothing music, massage, video games, TV and movies to unwind, yoga, meditation, wine, food, smoking…none of those things are bad (ok I think video games and smoking are both pretty bad), they’re just a temporary fix.  True peace, as we know, is only found in Christ.  And Scripture tells us that there are two kinds of peace–Peace with God, and the Peace of God. 

Peace with God is the greatest need of this world.  More than lower taxes, better schools, relief for world hunger, economic turnaround…our world needs peace with God.  We know from Scripture (Romans 5:1) those who do not know God, who have not received the gift of His Son Jesus through faith, are at war with God.  Not only are they against God, God is against them.  Imagine having God against you!  No thanks!  True peace is impossible until we are at peace with the One True and Living God.  Peace with God has nothing to do with feelings. It is a reality that you either have or do not have. You are for Him or against Him.  Are you at peace with God?

The Peace of God is more subjective and difficult to nail down. For those of us who are at peace with God, there is the possibility to have the Peace of God.  Philippians 4:6-7,9 tells us:

“Rejoice in the Lord always: again I say, Rejoice…do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus…What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me00practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” 

The peace of God is found through surrendering our lives to Him, obeying His commands, and laying up every need and request to Him, entrusting everything to His sovereign control.  This is the abundant life.  Have you ever met believers in Christ who still are anxious, worrying constantly, and trying always to control others?  These do not have the peace of God.  When we surrender up our lives to Him, we in essence say that God is in control and whatever He is doing is best.  Whatever He is doing is best.  That means that no matter what our economic state, no matter who is president, no matter what our home life is like, this peace if available to us.  This peace surpasses understanding. And this peace is real.  Do you have it?

We’re almost there.  As many of you know, the first six weeks of Jeff’s new job have overlapped with the last six weeks of Fall Semester, where he is taking a full load of classes including Greek II.  I was also finishing my class and internship.  We knew it’d be full, but also knew that you can do anything for six weeks, right?

I know I brag about my husband a lot on here, can I just do it one more time?  The last week and a half have been rough for me–I think our whole family is wearing thin in every area–sleep, patience, time.  Dutch has been missing his daddy, and kids seem to pick up on craziness. Last week Jeff had commitments almost every evening and Dutch would say cry “Dada” a hundred times at night.  He’s also definitely hit “the 2’s”, and while I love my son with all my heart, coupling his newfound personality (picture hitting and saying “No!” a thousand times a day), with being seven months pregnant, with a missing husband who’s up til all hours studying, with just an overflowing calendar (full of wonderful things!), by last night I was at the end of my rope.  When Jeff got home from work, he could see it, wonderful husband that he is. And even though he had at least five hours of work to do on a project due tomorrow, he insisted I take a 1/2 hour and go off somewhere, by myself, and regroup.  I hemmed and hawed, insisting I was fine, then finally gave in.  Oh the glory of 30 minutes by myself at Fred Meyer!  A $2 bottle of red nail polish and some ice cream…sometimes that’s all it takes. 🙂

So tonight I’m sure Jeff will pull an all-nighter after our staff Christmas Party, but tomorrow he will turn in his final project and be DONE!! DONE! DONE!  He won’t graduate, but he’s taking a year off to focus on his job and his family (that’s me!), and then only take one class each term after that, which is definitely doable.

I’m so proud of him, and of Dutch, for persevering through these last six weeks… We’re almost there, Hon.  You can do it!

As I’ve mentioned before, Dutch loves books.  He would be happy sitting next to me on the couch, all day long, reading and re-reading his favorite books.  One of his favorites is called Welcome is a Wonderful Word.  It’s about a little girl named Jenny and her friends Nicholas and Sam and dog Shags, who love to dress up and play pretend.  When a new family moves into their neighborhood, they want to make friends with the little girl Mei Sue.  But Mei Sue is too shy to open the door, so they put together a grand “welcome wagon” full of all sorts of dress-up treasures–hats and shoes, a baseball glove and fishing pole…their very best and favorite things.  Mei Sue is so overjoyed they all become friends and have a cookie and lemonade party.  The last page (which I have memorized because we’ve read it so many times) reads:

Mei Sue said, “I was sad when I had to move away from my old home, but you have made me feel welcome!”

“Welcome,” Jenny said, “is a wonderful word, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Nicholas agreed.

“The best,” Sam said.  And Shags let out a loud and happy bark. 

I must say I agree with Jenny.  Welcome is a wonderful word.  The last six weeks have been a series of beautiful examples to me of just how wonderful welcome can be.  For those of you who’ve read The Road to Santa Clara, you know about our welcome down in sunny California…or lack thereof.  It’s funny how I distinctly remember thinking, “Maybe they’ll bake us some cookies or something.”  How without saying it in so many words, I longed to be welcomed.  And I think that (among plenty of other things) was what stung the most when we arrived. Not only did the pastor not remember we were coming, no one else had a clue, the random bachelors still lived in our apartment, and not a single person in the church had any idea we were even arriving.  Then the whole firing-us-before-we-even-started thing wasn’t exactly welcoming either :-).  But that whole experience gave me a taste of how painful it is to feel distinctly unwelcome.  Since then I must say I’ve had a few other unwelcoming experiences. Not so blatant, but subtle messages that conveyed the very clear reality–watch out, you’re not welcome here. 

I could never have even fathomed the welcome we would receive here at WCC.  I hate to even write this, but some people have the impression that people in West Linn are snobby.  I have never met a less-snobby group of people in my life, hands down.  From the very first day Jeff and I set foot there, we have been nothing but welcomed, even before we were hired.  So it’s not just because Jeff is the associate pastor, we were welcomed while we were “nobodies”.  Does that make sense?

And since being hired, I cannot even convey how amazingly loved we have felt. From the incredibly personalized, generous compensation, to notes and welcome hugs from all the staff, to a Meet and Greet party with all the staff, to a “Get to Know the Pattersons” party for all the young couples to gather together so we could get to know people (thrown by an elder and his wife who have absolutely nothing to gain from it–just selflessly extending love and hospitality), to just the amazing respect and honor that has been shown to Jeff.  God has used this experience to heal deep wounds in my heart.  I could never have imagined feeling this welcomed and loved. And we think welcoming is such a small thing. We think that job of Greeter at church is not a big deal.  It is a huge deal. How we welcome each other conveys the love of Christ in profound ways.

And isn’t this what we’re exhorted to do in Scripture?   I’ve been amazed recently realizing how many times Paul exhorts his churches to receive so-and-so, or greet or welcome or honor someone bearing a letter or visiting the church.  Jesus tells us to greet not just those in high position, but everyone, for in doing so we minister to Christ Himself.  I have probably been accused of being too exuberant sometimes, or of using too many exclamation points in my writing (!!!!!!–there!), but I just have to say that our welcome here at WCC has been one with many exclamation points following it.  It was been a “Welcome!!!!!!”

So  now when I read Dutch his book, it touches me in a different way.  When I see Jenny and her friends preparing a welcome wagon for Mei Sue, I can’t help but reflect on the welcome wagon we have received, and how honoring it is to God when we give our very best toys to create a welcome wagon just for someone else.  Oh how we minister to one another in this way.  Welcome is a wonderful word indeed.   

We live in such a funny culture, where we can share extremely close spaces with people without even acknowledging their existence.  In fact, I’d say we are a culture that avoids–at all–cost unncessary interaction with strangers.  And I’m probably chief of sinners in this department.

For example, I am a devoted U-Scan user.  I love the U-Scan.  The line is always shorter, and I don’t have to make small talk. I can scan my own stuff and be out the door before Dutch grabs anything off the tabloid rack.  It’s fabulous.  My natural tendency is just to stay to myself.

This week a couple things stick out in my mind.  First, I tried the U-Scan at Haggan. It’s new, and I was in a hurry, with Jeff and Dutch waiting in the car. I only had milk and eggs. U-Scan here I come. Unfortunately the system still had some kinks in it, so it ended up taking a ridiculous amount of time, and help from the U-Scan clerk, scanning and rescanning.  In the end it wouldn’t take my Haggan card so we had to take my entire order over to her scanner and re-do the whole thing the old-fashioned way.  I had to laugh at myself.  Trying to be as efficient as possible, doing things on my own, without any unncessary human interaction–and I wound up slower than ever chatting it up with the 20-something girl cashier. And you know what? I left more cheerful than ever, because she was an absolutely delight, a doll, and somehow made me feel like helping me was her very favorite thing in the world to do. Hmm.

Wednesday I took Dutch to the playground. Again, love the time alone.  He plays happily and I can stare, think, pray, just be alone.  Well this week there was a group of moms there.  Seeing that they were already a group, I parked his stroller a ways away, let Dutch go play, then sat off to the corner and watched him crawling and climbing. Before I knew it, they had joined me–chatty and cheerful and friendly.  Before I knew it we had all exchanged names, the boys were sharing toys, and next thing I knew they were at the picnic tables for snack and Dutch was asking to join them…so we did.  Ends up one of the girls and I went to high school together, and before I left we had exchanged numbers and the kids had a blast. The next day at library story time they were there–and we sat together while the kids listened to books.  Also at story time I spotted one of my middle school teachers.  Instead of saying hi I pretended I didn’t see him. Why am I so ridiculous?  He spied me and came and gave me a big hug, met Dutch, and caught up on how my parents are doing.  It was great.  So why do I never make the first move?

Last night Jeff and I took Dutch for a walk and went by Fred Meyer’s to get Dutch some mittens.  On our way out, he was throwing a fit because he had to get out of the Car-Cart he was driving.  As he sobbed in his stroller and I tried to pretend I couldn’t hear him, an older lady walked along side him and started talking to him: “Why are you so sad?” She started.  Oh great, I thought, She thinks I’m a bad mom because he’s sobbing, little does she know he does this every time we leave the Car-Cart.  But then she started making faces at him and laughing and just being silly with him.  Before I knew it, Dutch was smiling and laughing and flirting and had totally forgotten about the Car.  She smiled and walked off to her car.  “Thank you,” I called after her. She just smiled.

But the incident that convicted both Jeff and me to the core happened yesterday at my prenatal visit. After my appointment, which was, as always, quick and easy–I have the most-noneventful wonderful pregnancies, I pretty much go in, weigh myself, have my belly measured and go home.  We take it for granted that I and Heidi are both so healthy up to this point.  Afterwards we got on the elevator, and a punk-looking kid with sagging jeans, filthy jacket, and stocking cap followed us on. He couldn’t have been more than 19 or 20.  He was dialing his cell phone. When the doors closed he began talking, “Yeah man, I’m here at the hospital…yeah she woke up having contractions and…” and I’ll spare you the details but went on to share that basically it sounds like she was hemmoraging horribly and it sounded grim.  My heart skipped and my whole body tensed up.  The door opened and we walked out, and he followed.  As we headed out the hospital door, he hung up the phone.  I glanced back at him and tried to give a sympathetic smile, but he was deep in thought and walked around the corner of the building. 

“Oh my gosh.”  Jeff looked down at me.  We got in the car and started to pray for the baby, for the mom, for that poor kid who was probably scared out of his wits.  We drove home and I thought of her often that day and prayed when it came to mind.  Last night Jeff crawled into bed.  He lay there on his back, silently, as I curled up next to him on my side.

“We should have talked to that kid, hon.” I knew exactly what he meant.  “It was wrong that we just walked off.  How can I be a pastor if I don’t pastor the people God brings across my path?” 

“I know, hon. I didn’t know what to say. Let’s pray for him now.”  And so we did. But I knew Jeff was right. What prevented us from just saying, “Hey man, are you ok?  Can we pray for you? Can we do anything for you?”  Even if he got mad or shrugged us off, it would still have been the right thing to do. 

What did these things teach me?  That we need to butt in a little more.  The truth is, that woman at Fred Meyer blessed me so much, just by being willing to step into my stressful sphere and make Dutch smile, rather than keeping her distance and saying, “Oh my that mom sure needs to control her son.”  The girls at the park blessed me beyond words by their friendliness.  And oh that we would have stepped in to that poor kid’s life and offered to encourage and support him.  I pray that next time we have the chance we will make a different choice…and choose to butt in a little.

So while I’m the queen of keeping to myself, I’m praying for grace to learn the art of gracefully butting in.  “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Phil. 2:4).  Lord let us learn to butt in for Your glory. Amen.

So there may be very few of you actually interested in reading this: My development of a Biblical Theology of Family.  But for the two of you who are fascinated by this sort of thing :-), here it is. Enjoy!

—-

            Understanding a biblical theology of the family has its challenges indeed.  On the one hand, the explicit biblical directives on family life are limited and sparse. On the other hand, we are given serious warnings about neglecting the state of one’s family, in fact disqualified even from certain ministerial service if the state of affairs in one’s home life are not up to snuff (1 Tim. 3:4).  Tradition derived its own norms of what family was and was not, but in our ever-changing post-modern (perhaps post-post-modern!) world, those traditional norms are being challenged and overturned left and right.  What has been commonly known as the “traditional family” is less and less common, as is the general acceptance of traditional roles as necessarily being biblical. Today, everything is questioned.  Hence, the importance of deriving a truly biblical theology of the family is of utmost importance. 

            Approach.  We will approach this investigation by first exploring the dynamics of the First Family, crafted and created by God and placed in Paradise.  We will then springboard from the First Family to examine the family as seen through the various stages of the life family cycle.  For the purpose of the paper, we will define the family as beginning at marriage, progressing through parenthood, moving into launching and the empty nest, and finishing in retirement and old age.  We will also be examining the complexities of singleness as it relates to single parenthood and sexuality.  As the majority of adults today fall into this camp, this is an integral part of the biblical theology of marriage. 

            The First Family.  In the beginning there were no family feuds, no marital arguments, no sibling rivalry, no ancestral secrets.  Then God created man and woman.  Though we’d be tempted to think that it all went downhill as soon as the marriage was created, it is important to note that all was not good even before Adam and Eve were united.  As God created each new aspect of creation-light, land, sea, plants, stars, sun-He approved of His work as being good.  But Genesis 2:18 reveals God’s first negative commentary:  “It is not good.” And what exactly was not good?  That man was alone.  In a perfect world, with man having perfect communion with the Father, with no death, decay, corruption, or lack, with limitless beauty, food, and creativity, it was still not good for man to be alone.  The amazing thing about this statement is that God is in essence asserting that there is something besides even fellowship with Himself that is necessary for man’s well being: It is relationship with other human beings.  It is, in essence, family.   It is belonging to one another.  The necessity for relationship is not an effect of the fall.  Relationship was part of a perfect world, family was part of a perfect world, marriage was part of a perfect world.  And after its creation, God placed his most emphatically positive commentary:  “It is very good” (Gen. 1:31, emphasis mine). 

            The Curse.  Perfect marital bliss and unashamed knowingness was short-lived, however, as the first marital conflict brings sin into the world.  Through one fatal act of disobedience, death entered the family forever in four distinct ways.  Psychological death (Gen. 3:7) brought shame where before there was full naked self-disclosure without fear, shame, or embarrassment.  Spiritual death (Gen. 3:8) brought a tendency to hide from God where before there was perfect union and conversation between God and man.  Social and Relational death (3:12-13) brought blame between the sexes, blame of Satan, blame of God even!  From then on there would forever be a battle of the sexes, placing blame and jockeying for status and position.  Finally, Physical death (Gen. 3:19) came where before there was eternal life.  Man was sentenced to return to dust, just as he came from dust. 

            The curse brought with it profound obstacles to marital bliss and family harmony.  What had once been declared “very good” would now take work, struggle, blood, sweat, and tears.  For the woman, there is now great pain in childbirth (3:16, personally experienced!).  It could also be argued that the pain of not only bearing, but also rearing those children has increased pain.  Though still wired and ingrained with a mother’s instincts, the sorrow and anguish and emotional toil of raising children has made motherhood the greatest joy and greatest sorrow of life. 

            Also for the woman came the challenge of overcoming the desire to rule one’s husband.  Though interpretations abound, it is the author’s understanding that this refers to a woman’s natural bent to take charge over her husband.  In turn, the curse is given that “he shall rule over you” (3:16).  Whether the man’s authoritative headship is present before the curse is unclear, but what we do know is that from this point on, the battle of the sexes is on.  The man was given rule, the woman was given a bent to overthrow that rule:  The recipe for marital strife.

            For the man, the curse brought pain in the battle for bread (3:17-19).  The ground would now be cursed, causing futility and frustration in the man’s ingrained desire to work, provide, feed.  Though today in our culture few men actually farm and derive their sustenance from working the land, the quest for significance and advancement through one’s vocation remains a central part of a man’s identity and one that can be a cause of much frustration and pain.  As motherhood brings both joy and sorrow, so does work for the man. 

            It is also significant that the man’s portion of the curse brings the reminder that ultimately he will lose.  Perhaps this explains the gnawing desire for men to get ahead, compete, win.  The haunting reality is that in the end, the dust wins.  Man will return to dust, often through a slow process of age and decay.  This can eat away at the very core of a man’s significance-a curse indeed. 

            Together man and woman were banned from the garden, from the place of paradise.  Forever they would wander this earth, this earth that is no longer their home, battling against their sinful natures to reclaim some of what was lost that tragic day.  We’re still wandering, trying to find how this thing called family is all supposed to work.

            Children.  Insert children.  It is curious that occasionally struggling couples will have children together in order to “save their marriage.”  We see from the First Family that inserting children into the equation complicates matters to say the least.  We have no picture of what sibling relationships were like pre-fall, our first example is of bitter sibling rivalry at its worst.  Cain and Abel, two very different brothers, offering sacrifices to God.  In a fit of jealous rage, Cain murders Abel.  And so the family cycle begins …

            Seeking What Was Lost.  In essence, even since the fall we have been seeking to find what was lost in the garden-true familial love and belonging.  Battling the curse, there remains a nugget of paradise in our hearts, an ancestral memory of what once was.  There is a sense that though the whole thing is messed up, relationships are still worth it. Though family brings pain, it’s still worth the pain.  Though the curse is devastating, there hope for the redemption of the family in Christ Jesus.  The mess, we sense, is worth making.

            Marriage: Mate Selection and Courtship.  Though we aren’t given much biblical direction with regards to mate selection, we do know believers are not to be “unequally yoked” with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14).  The reasoning is that there is no partnership between righteousness and lawlessness, no fellowship of light and darkness. Marriage is held up as such an intimate, all-encompassing union of two into one flesh that to even think of combining a believer and unbeliever is totally contrary to God’s design. 

            We’re also not given much direction with regard to what biblical courtship should look like.  Given the great variance of biblical examples in Scripture, and the lack of any directives with regard to this area, we can surmise that how it will look is largely based on cultural and personal factors. As long as the courtship practice is one of purity, selfless love, and a desire to please God, the individual custom will vary. 

             Sexuality.  The one thing we know clearly from scripture is that God has ordained sexual activity to be reserved for one man and one woman in a marital covenant.  Sexual immortality, defined as anything outside the biblical norm of sex within heterosexual marriage, is clearly defined as sinful and damaging. Paul writes in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8:

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God, that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us to impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

Though all sexual immorality is condemned, the sentence seems especially harsh against those who call themselves Christians and yet engage in this type of behavior (1 Cor. 5:9-13).  Perhaps this is because “every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body … [the] temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 6:18-19). 

            Sexuality and Singleness.  The clear prohibition of sexual activity outside of marriage has significant implications for the single adult.  Though Paul makes a concession, concluding that though he prefers men and women to stay single, it is better to marry than to burn in passion and lust (1 Cor. 7:9).  Paul’s address of marriage and sexuality is significant because it exalts the single person and points out the benefits of remaining single.  Though God’s plan is that man and woman be joined together in matrimony, Paul makes it clear that that is not the only way to reflect God’s image and be “whole.”  Singles are therefore not second-class citizens, but co-heirs, sons and daughters of God, who have a special calling and should be supported, encouraged, and loved, the same way that those in a traditional family setting are. 

            Today the question arises, What exactly is considered sexual immorality?  For example, can a single person engage in masturbation or foreplay, without actually committing the sin of sexual immorality?  Jesus words on the sermon on the mount seem to address this question most clearly:  “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28).  Engaging in any activity that incites lust in the heart of a man or woman is considered sexual sin.  To answer the question, how much is ok?  Jesus answers, none, not even a thought. 

            The reason for this is that sexual activity inside of marriage is designed to be selfless or others-directed.  The purpose of sexual activity outside the marriage context is characterized by selfishness.  First Corinthians 7:3-5 explains that the husband’s body belongs to the wife and the wife’s body belongs to the husband.  Each does not have authority of his or her own body but has voluntarily given it over for the blessing and edification of one’s spouse.  The directive, therefore, is to “not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (v. 5).  Prior to and outside of marriage, one’s body does not belong to another, it belongs to God.  Just as Paul explains, “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Cor. 6:20).  Therefore when an unmarried couple engages in sexual activity they are acting in a selfish way, contrary to God’s design for sex. 

            Within the marriage covenant, sexuality is to be esteemed and celebrated.  The Song of Solomon is the clearest biblical example of the joy, pleasure, and intimacy that sexual intercourse affords the married couple.  The book of Proverbs also has explicit exhortations to “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight, and always be intoxicated with her love” (5:17-19).  God has created a mysterious, spiritual bond to take place through sexual relations, one that He never intended to be broken. 

            Marital Roles & Relationships.  As with courtship, there aren’t many clear directives in Scripture with regard to marital roles.  We aren’t told that the man is supposed to take the trash out and the woman is supposed to cook dinner.  What we do know, with certainty, is that God created humans male and female in the image of God (imago dei).  Therefore, it is clear that part of how we define or identify ourselves is as distinctly male or distinctly female. I do what I do as a woman.  I am not a husband, I am a wife.  And as such, there are a few distinctives given in scripture for how husbands and wives are to engage in the marriage relationship. 

            Wives are called to submit to and respect their own husbands (Eph. 5:22, 33; 1 Peter 3:1-6), as the husband is head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.  Just as the church submits to Christ in everything, so the wife is called to submit to her husband.  This relates back to the First Family we studied earlier. As part of the curse, the woman was given the urge to rule over her husband (Gen. 3:16). This new order, that of headship, may be the God-ordained prescription to help maintain love and unity in the midst of the curse.  Though the woman has the sinful tendency to want to dominate or rule her husband, she responds supernaturally by the grace of God in an attitude of respect and submission. 

            Husbands are called to love their wives (5:25, 33) As Christ loves the church and have Himself up for her.  This self-sacrificing love is not the natural tendency of a man.  Part of his curse is to focus on the toil and pain of breadwinning.  His response at the point of the Fall was to blame the woman for his own act of stupidity and disobedience.  Though his natural tendency is to be distant, engrossed in his work, and perhaps harsh or blaming of his wife, his command is to put her first, lay down his life for her, sacrifice his own desires, needs, and wants for the sake of hers.  Christ is the ultimate selfless example of this love. 

            Part of loving his wife involves living with her in an “understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel” since the woman is a co-heir of the grace of life (1 Pet. 3:7).  Part of loving sacrificially means honoring one’s wife, and making room for her to be vulnerable, treating her carefully and tenderly, not harshly or rudely. 

            Exemplary Models.  Qualifications for church leadership give us further insight into God’s design and desire for the marriage relationship.  Though qualifications for elders aren’t separate from the normal biblical mandates of all believers, church leaders are expected to live in an exemplary manner, acting as an example for all believers.  In 1 Tim. 3:2 and Titus 1:6 we are told that an elder is to be a “one woman man,” who manages his own household well. Likewise, women are told to manage their own households, so that there be no occasion for slander (1 Tim 5:14). Women are also exhorted to mentor those younger, teaching them to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, submissive, and diligent in working at home (Titus 2:4-5).  God’s design for husbands and wives, regardless of their role in church leadership, is that they would pay extra attention to matters of the home.  We know from experience that this is far too often not the case. It is easier to excel at work, ministry, or service than it is to excel at home.  We are warned to pay extra attention to care for those closest to us, a model similar to that given to the disciples for the spreading of the gospel (Acts 1:8). 

            Parenting.  The original biblical mandate given to the first couple was to “be fruitful and multiply” (Gen. 1:28).  The result?  Parenting.  This second phase in the family cycle can necessitate serious adjustments to the couple’s way of life.  It is truly remarkable how the addition of one tiny little eight-pound life can turn one’s world upside down. Where does one start with regard to finding a biblical blueprint of a godly parent?  Jesus never had children.  Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, though important patriarchal figures, are certainly not exemplary models of perfect parenting.  

            The ultimate example of the biblical parenting model is that of God Himself.  He is our Father (Deut. 2:31).  He possesses in Himself both masculine and feminine qualities.  He is likened to a loving Father, who disciples those he loves (Hebrews 12:7), and He is likened to a Mother, comforting those He loves (Isaiah 66:13).  While He gives us clear directives in Scripture, and perhaps occasionally employs force to protect us from harming ourselves, He largely allows us to make informed choices, experiencing the natural consequences of our choices.  He pleads with us to choose life (Deut. 30:19), but never forces Himself upon us. 

            In the same way, we are given a responsibility as parents to shepherd the children entrusted to us. We know that children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), and should therefore be cherished, nurtured, and trained in a way that recognizes God’s sovereign hand in entrusting them to our care.  In essence, we as parents are stewards of the children God gives us.  Therefore, the expectations of a faithful steward apply to us as parents as well (1 Cor. 4:2).  But how exactly are parents called to steward their children? 

            Fatherhood.  The role of father has a unique and critical place in the life of the family.  At first glance this might seem odd, as it is the woman whose main role seems to revolve around bearing and rearing children.  Titus 2 showed us that women are to take care of their children and tend their homes. In a sense, this “comes naturally” but perhaps the role of father doesn’t come as naturally, and yet is of utmost importance. 

            The fact that God portrays Himself as Father is significant.  This relationship-that of Father/Child is at the heart of the universe itself.  All creation is in a child/father relationship.  God has also chosen to allow the spiritual and moral responsibility of the family to be placed on the shoulders of the father (Genesis 2:15-17; 3:6; Rom. 5:12,15-17).  Because the father is the child’s earthly example of what the heavenly Father represents, this role is irreplaceable and should not be taken lightly.

            Fathers specifically are told, “Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).  It is a great responsibility indeed. 

            Parent’s Responsibility.  Obviously the responsibility does not solely belong to the father.  Just as marriage is a partnership, so parenting is a partnership.  It is a beautiful picture of unity and partnership to see a man and a woman band together in the raising of a child in the ways of the Lord.

            As children progress from infant to child to adolescent to adult, the role of the parent changes.  Just as new believers crave spiritual milk before they move onto meat, so children begin with milk, move onto solids, and eventually make their own decisions, ranging from what they will wear to school each day to whom they will marry and what career they will pursue.  Wise parents empower their children to live successfully as adults, fully pleasing God and doing all things for His purpose and glory. 

            Deuteronomy 6 shows us the spiritual responsibility of parents:

            And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be the frontlets between your eyes.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.  (vv.6-9)

How might one translate this into today’s language?  Make every moment a teachable moment, seizing every opportunity to teach one’s children the things of God.  We are to be so completely engrossed in drenching our lives with the truths of God’s Word, that they are what we think on, talk about, look at.  Every moment of the day with our children can be an opportunity to teach, model, and demonstrate the ways of God.  

            In this way, parenting is actually very similar to disciple-making.  In fact, Paul’s language pertaining to discipleship in 1 Thessalonians 2 is very familial:

We were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us … you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory. (vv. 7-8, 11-12; emphasis mine)

We learn from this passage that godly parenting is learning to make disciples of our children.  It involves imparting not only God’s truths but also our own lives, giving ourselves for our children. It involves empowering, encouraging, comforting, urging children to live lives worth of God.  This is biblical parenting and disciple-making from the mouth of the one who wrote the book (literally!).

            The book of Proverbs also is chock full of advice for biblical parenting (Proverbs 1:8,9; 22:6,15).  While not “sparing the rod” is pertains to raising young children, the teaching on wisdom, prudence, and purity is appropriate for older adolescent children.  In fact, the book of Proverbs is the go-to book for parents of adolescents.  The frequent use of “my son” and “your mother” gives much of the book a familial feel, and is a critical component of understanding biblical parenting.   While the classic parenting verse, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it,” is not an absolute promise, it is a general principle which proves true in most cases. 

            Launching.  The process of parenting is a gradual letting-go.  From birthing an newborn out of the womb to weaning an infant to watching a toddler’s first steps away from Mommy, children gradually move away from their parents and toward independence.  Adolescence is characterized by the process of differentiation and individuation, and by age 18 most children have reached the launching stage, at least in part.  During launching, parents must trust that they’ve done all they can to prepare their young adult children to function maturely in the world.  I would define maturity as, The competence and confidence to function successfully, healthfully, and independently in life.  Launched children must not only have the capacity to make wise and healthy choices on their own, but must also believe and trust in that capacity.  Both competence and confidence are key. 

            Surviving the launching and empty nest stage depends largely on a few key factors.  One, the marriage must have remained the foundation of the family.  Marriage and marriage alone is the bedrock relationship in family life, the one used to model the very relationship Christ has with the church.  If a couple focuses all their energy on children, at the expense of their marriage, the launching process can quickly lead to a dissolved marriage.  Too often parents become completely absorbed in children, or perhaps even only “stay together for the kids” and then find themselves strangers-or enemies-once the children are gone.  Nurturing one’s marriage is the best way to survive launching and empty nesting.

            Secondly, understanding one’s identity in Christ enables Launchers to survive the transition to empty nest.  Interestingly, this one never ceases to be the foundational issue, whether speaking of adolescents, singles, teens, or empty nesters.  If a parent has formed their value and identity solely in being a parent, then when that role is gone there will be much suffering and identity crisis.  It is through thoroughly understanding our identity in Christ, and through firmly believing our value is found in Him alone, that we are freed to let our children launch into adulthood with security and confidence. 

            Singleness.  Any paper on the Theology of the Family would be incomplete without a discussion of singleness, as the majority of adults today fall into this category. There is no lack of biblical example of exemplar singles, including Paul the Apostle and Jesus Himself.  Obviously there is no shame in remaining single throughout one’s life, and yet it does create a unique challenge for ministering to families. How do singles fit into the biblical family model? 

            Single parents face unique challenges, as they are forced to play the role of both mother and father.  Second Timothy 1:5 displays how a godly biblical heritage is not limited to being passed down by a father. Lois and Eunice apparently were the primary spiritual influences in young Timothy’s life.  Though a father’s role is undeniably critical, single mothers are not without hope, just as single fathers aren’t doomed either. 

            With regard to sexuality, singles again face challenges.  While our sexuality is God-given, singles lack the sanctified outlet for their sexual desires.  One’s sexuality can be seen as material for sacrifice, a God-given gift that we one offers to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:7), trusting that He may or may not provide an outlet someday through marriage. Though admittedly difficult, the benefits of singleness are many-increased opportunity and time for ministering and devoting oneself to Christ with a single focus (1 Cor. 7:1, 7, 32, 34).

            We Belong to God’s Family.  Families will never cease to change.  The family today will look different from the family fifty years ago and fifty years from today.  We will adjust, evolve, and flex in order to meet the demands of each era.  But the key to understanding the dynamic of the biblical family is understanding that we belong to God, therefore we belong to each other.    Because we belong to God we are holy, beloved, set apart, free, valued, treasured (Col. 3:12; Eph.1).  And because we belong to God, we belong to His family, which includes both the biological family and the spiritual one as well.  This includes single and married, childless and child-full!  This includes young and old alike.  We belong to each other as the Family of God.  We seek to empower our children, and we seek to empower those in the body of Christ.  We love and forgive others because God has loved and forgiven us (Eph. 4:32).

            “By the family you are broken and by the family you will be healed.”  It is through family, through relationship, that we see Christ, see our own broken humanity, and are given the privilege of learning how to imperfectly love and be loved.  It is in the vulnerability that family brings that we truly learn to know and be known.  And though families, and relationships, are inarguably a mess, Scripture maintains, and we heartily agree, that they are indeed a mess worth making. 

(Rare guest post by Kari’s husband Jeff. Don’t let Kari know I’m writing this … )

Just want to celebrate my wife – for her perseverance and joy on this, her last day of classes. People ask me all the time if I’m graduating soon. Nope. That’s quite a ways off. But my wife is nearing the end of seminary. Let’s talk about her.

Kari graduates in the Spring with a masters of arts in pastoral studies, with an emphasis in women’s ministry (MAPS-WM for short). Her internship will span until May, but today is her last day in an actual class as a student.

Four years ago this month we arrived at the mutual decision that God was calling us to seminary. By late the following Spring we had moved to be in the proximity of Multnomah. And we both worked full-time during that season. We drove about 50 miles each way (90 min to 2 hrs each way) to go to classes together. (Sort of ironic that car fuel costs less now as it did then, something I won’t not have imagined only four months ago, let alone years ago).

We entered seminary as DINKs (double income, no kids). Both of us were full-time students, which I think made us unique among the student body. Kari of course ran laps around me – and the rest of the students – in quality of work, depth of insights and clarity of words when she spoke up in class (which is still rare). Female students sometimes mention to me (after realizing my connection to the wonderful blonde) that the best insights they learned all semester were in the classes when Kari taught.

At the end of our first year we learned Dutch was on the way, so I focused on working and she focused on school. Two years ago she was taking finals, then delivered our first child a week later. Yeah, she’s my hero.
After a year off, devoted to full-time mommyhood, she came back and has persevered through many dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and logged lots of miles in the reliable Honda. Right now she is 6+ months pregnant. While she won’t complain, I can see the signs of endurance in her eyes. She’s ready to finish as a student.

Kari plans to graduate in May with a degree that will likely not earn her a penny. With a 3.9+ GPA. Yet, she has never for one moment neglected her first ministry in life: her family. Dutch – who grasps more than we credit him – probably doesn’t realize mommy is working on her masters degree. Why not? Because she does all her homework during his naps, after cleaning and cooking. I have one great hero in life: her name is Kari Patterson.

The journey has been the best part, doing this all together. We joke that she should be allowed to carry our two kids up on the stage at graduation.  Even if that is not allowed, you know where I will be … in the back wrestling our wonderful kids cheering on their mommy. She’s earned it.

Happy last day of class, my love.