A Dose of Compassion

I’ve already carried on about the magical wonders of Riversong.  The car is packed, and we’re leaving in 45 minutes. I’m beside myself with excitement to see my sweet husband.  I’ve loved time away, of course, but home is where my man is, and no matter how soothing the sound of the rushing river is at night, I miss his warm self next to me.  Besides, sharing a room with Heidi is no picnic, since she wakes at the slightest sound of me rolling over and moving my leg.   And in my odd obsession with not overpacking, I’ve been wearing the same pair of pants all week and Heidi’s only had one sock since Wednesday.  We’re all looking forward to home.

This week has been enormously encouraging in the area of parenting.  Being around my parents all day, each day, provides excellent accountability.  When I’m alone, I find myself much quicker to lose my patience, get frustrated, or ignore a misbehavior.  And, because I”m usually going at it all alone, I just get so worn out sometimes I’m too tired to care.  But here, with two extra pairs of arms, I have the rest and energy to be ultra-consistent.–not in a breathing-down-his-neck sort of way, but just in an always-there sort of way, ready to encourage, correct, praise, admonish.  Also, while I’m here, I’m not distracted by dishes, laundry, email, and social and relational dramas.  I’m just all here.  I spend a lot of time just sitting and watching Dutch play. Yesterday we spent two hours just sitting down by the river throwing rocks.  Today we spent the afternoon at Aunt Linda’s house, exploring the creek and eating fresh strawberries.  And since my mom is a parenting and homeschooling guru, I find myself picking up books to read and then 2 hours later setting them down with a renewed passion to train my kids in the ways of the Lord.  I picked up The Christian Homeschool, and am floored by it.  Great stuff.

But the biggest thing I think I’m taking away from this week, from time with the kids, chats with the parents, and pages flipped in a number of books, is a dose of compassion for my little lambs God’s entrusted to my care.  I admit, there are times I feel like Dutch’s beahvior is a ruthless personal attack on my sanity.  I see him as something to conquer.  I see the problems as reflections of my own failures and inadequacies (which has a bit of truth to it).  But this week I just needed a big dose of this perspective:  My kids are lost little sheep, who are desperately trying to figure out how to navigate this crazy, scary, sinful world.  They are unregenerate, warped by sin even at their tender age.  They are bent on self, they are uneqipped for life.  They are frantically trying to understand boundaries, figure out behavior, and… let’s be honest, trying to figure out how to get their way at all cost.  This afternoon I was having a talk with Dutch, and it was like I was giving him “secret advice” on life.  And it was like, by some miracle, he really believed that if he just tried this secret advice, the situation would actually work out.  He tried it. And it did.

I know it won’t always work out that easily, but I had to repent today of my selfishness with regard to child-rearing.  I was looking for answers primarily so it wouldn’t be so hard for me.  My primary interest, I really think, was still myself rather than my kids.  This week I realized how selfish my motives have been.  Deep down, my ugly motive was to “have good kids” rather than a motive of selfless love for them, wanting them to succeed, flourish, achieve.  It was a subtley skewed perspective, but sinful nonetheless.

So thank you, Lord, for a dose of compassion for my kids.  Bless them, they don’t have a clue. Thank you that you are compassionate toward us, as we don’t have a clue. Thank you that You love our children worlds more than we can ever imagine. Give us selfless love for them, a love that engulfs and destroys the garbage of our own egos, agendas, selfish priorities, pride.  Help me help them, God.  Thank you for making me their mommy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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* I apologize to all of you who had to read my headline typo!  I could use “an dose” of editing!