Adventures in Prayer: The Prayer of Examen

In Chapter 3, (Click there to read), Foster talks about the “Prayer of Examen.”  David cried out this prayer in Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.  See if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”  Our little comfortable, Christian culture does not like this sort of prayer.  The ironic thing is that we are all into introspection, but not into God-introspection.  We like to dig into our hearts and see all the hurts and wounds but don’t want God to expose the sin and selfishness.  What Foster explains though is that this is not a dreadful thing but “something of immeasurable strength and empowerment.” 
The first part of this prayer, the examen of consciousness, is where we reflect on how God has moved and revealed Himself to us throughout our day.  This is so lacking!  Yesterday, I had a remarkable encounter with my mom and my aunt where God simply showed up.  It was so miraculously wonderful, it was as if God took a knife and cut through a veil of deception, despair, and confusion.  It blesses God when we meditate on these things!  The more we practice this, this calling to remembrance, the more our spiritual eyes will be open to see things throughout the entire day.  As I began writing this, I stopped after that last sentence and decided to wait a day before finishing this reflection, to see if that last sentence was true, to see if by being more conscious of God’s activity in life my life would be more sacredly lived.
It was true.  Yesterday I had one of the sweetest mommyhood experiences.  I rarely am home alone with Dutch, but yesterday I was. Jeff had meetings and Mom and Dad were running errands.  We played, but mostly I worked on “stuff”, typical mommy stuff like planning meals and balancing the checkbook.  But then, I realized that I was missing out on a rare and sweet opportunity with my boy.  I put away my busyness and took Dutch in my arms and put my favorite worship CD, Robbie Seay Band, into the little stereo.  And then we danced and danced and sang and worshipped God.  Worshipping God with my son seemed to open my heart like it hadn’t been for a while.  I cried and cried, partly just over things I’d been struggling and wrestling with, partly over longings and aches, partly in joy of how sweet it was to hold my precious son.  During a particular slow song as I cried, he rested is head against my chest and just rested in my arms (that in and of itself was a miracle for my busy little boy!).  It was truly a sacred moment and I was so overwhelmed and thankful to God that I’d gotten to experience it.  But it was this type of prayer, the prayer of examen, and specifically the examen of consciousness that triggered my thoughts to be more aware of God moving throughout my day.  It wasn’t some huge event, but it was special and sacred.
The second type of prayer of examen is the examen of conscience.  Here we ask God to search us and know us.  I’ve been praying this as well.  One cool thing is that I can see God doing this quickly.  Last night, I had a rotten attitude about several things.  As soon as I sat down to class last night, I was reminded of this and a wave of truth, and conviction flooded over me.  I knew, I repented, and it was over! God is so soft and tender and loving.  He is so gentle.  Since it wasn’t something I’d outwardly done to someone, I only confessed it to Jeff and purposed that today I would respond better.  And this morning, after going to God in prayer, He did give me the grace to be better, to have a better attitude, and to breathe grace better than I had done the day before.  It’s a small example, but I can see this working out in my own life.  My prayer is that I would have a short account with God, that my heart would be so soft and yielded and tender that He would be able to immediately bring things to mind, that they would swiftly be taken care of, rather than piles and piles of undealt-with junk cluttering my heart.  That is my prayer.